Tag: dating

the union of marriage

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I am grieving the loss of a relationship. One that I really wanted to work out. And now I’m sad.

Sad that he didn’t make me feel like the only one.

Disappointed that I hoped so much that that would change.

Sad that I won’t be hearing from him regularly anymore.

Disappointed that I didn’t stop it before it got to this point.

Sad that my own disobedience is what got me here.

Sad that I’ve dated so many people in the past that I have expectations of what I’m looking for in a man and how I want to be treated. Ignorance is bliss, but I’m not ignorant to this.

But on the same hand, he isn’t ready. He never was ready to commit to one person. One woman. One wife. He wasn’t ready to become one with another person.

That’s what marriage is all about. Becoming one. The union of marriage is two people coming together and choosing one another over everyone else. Marrying one person is saying I will love you and serve you and choose you everyday for the rest of my life.

It’s not being enticed by other people. It’s recognizing that every person is made in the image of God and has ups and downs, pros and cons, flaws. Every person has a beautiful soul and mind given to them by God.

Choosing to love just one person means wanting to know them from the inside out. It’s getting to know their heart. It’s focusing on only them. It’s not putting your eggs in several different baskets in case it doesn’t work out. It’s putting your heart on the line and trusting and believing that the person you’re giving your heart to will love you back.

Lord Jesus, I am so sorry and sad that I disobeyed you and tried to make my own way with this individual. You didn’t want me to go that day because you knew he wasn’t right for me. I injected myself into his life and tried to change him and save him and make him fit for me and it didn’t work. And now I am so, so sad. Your Holy Spirit is a rescuer. You rescued me and challenged me to obey you this weekend. And so last night I did. I broke it off with him. It was time. Oh Lord. Thank you for rescuing me. For caring for me. For showing me the way in which I should go.

Lord I pray for clarity. I ask you to give me clarity in Jesus’ name. To help me see you in this situation. Reveal anything to me that I need to work on, confess for, repent of, and work towards. I am your vessel and recognize that I am not my own. Help me to serve you better and seek Your kingdom and Your righteousness first and foremost. 

Amen.

xxx

<3

V

fresh emotions

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

too raw not to share. The real stuff is always worth reading.

I broke up with him y’all. I had to. I didn’t want to, but I had to.

The Holy Spirit led me to.

“But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.” John 16:13

 

And He told me what to do. And I had to obey. I couldn’t ignore it. I couldn’t snuff it. I couldn’t push it down. I knew what I had to do and what I had to say. And so I did it.

I sent the message. I said the four words that everyone hates hearing

“we need to talk”

and I know that he knew. We had a similar conversation last Sunday too. I was hoping the feelings would go away. The peace-less-ness. Lol not a word but aye.

They lingered. The lack of peace lingered.

Oh Lord Jesus. I hate break-ups. I hate hurting people. I hate brokenness. I hate heartbreak. Oh Lord it’s so sad when it doesn’t work out. I really wanted it to work. I tried to see past flaws. I tried to focus on positives. I tried to forgive him. I tried to see You in it all. But I didn’t have peace. I knew I had to break it off. I knew. And so I did. And now I’m sad.

Sad.

We talked for two hours. About our relationship and how fun it was. How he learned a lot. How we could’ve done things better. How it was going to be hard to be long-distance anyway. How God has been working. And I prayed for him. I held his hand while I prayed for him and I just about cried doing it. I had to pause for about 15 seconds before I could start the prayer because I was fighting back tears.

And we made jokes…. we wished each other well. He said “I hope you find what you’re looking for”. And I said “I don’t know what I’m looking for. I think I know what I need but God shows me what I actually need”.

I have to believe that God has something better out there for the both of us. A better relationship. A better fit. Two better people, a man and a woman, for me and for him. Two people that will better meet each of our needs.

Oh Lord it’s hard. Especially when he walked me to my car and said “so I guess this is it?” and we hugged. And I cried. I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. And he said “I’m going to miss you.” And I wanted to kiss him, but I knew that would’ve confused things. And I wanted to say “I should go before I kiss you” but I knew that we would’ve kissed if I said that. So I kept it to myself, and cried, and trusted you O Lord. 

He asked if he could stop in on Saturday morning at my house and say a final goodbye. I said yes. I’ll be working where I live that morning, and hopefully he comes at a proper time where I can have a few minutes with him.

See I really enjoy his company. We can just be together. He’s sweet and fun and funny. He’s kind and gentle. There are many qualities that he possesses that I love.

But the peace wasn’t there. I knew it wasn’t right. Our relationship seemed superficial.

Superficial. Surface deep. Looks pretty on the outside. But I didn’t feel that connection with him. That deep connection. I need that deepness. I need those deep talks.

Oh Lord, I must go to sleep now. I feel as though I may take ill if I don’t. Thank you for watching over me, my kind shepherd. I love thee with all my heart, soul and mind. 

xxx

<3

V

The Vagueness

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I refuse to believe I’m the only one suffering the effects of The Vagueness.

The Vagueness. It’s a serious dilemma. A disease that’s overtaken this culture. An epidemic that drives hundreds of thousands, if not millions of young men and women to confusion, doubt, uncertainty, unnecessary time spent making justifications, and overall heartache.

The Vagueness: coming to a theater near you.

Joking. It’s already everywhere. All around. Everywhere I look. Guys not willing to call a date a date. Girls leading guys on because they enjoy the flattery and the attention.

When did we lose the courage to be straight up with each other? When did people start settling so quickly and easily for the next person and relationship to come around that seemingly fulfills the hole of loneliness attention-seeking requirements we each have as a human being.

The Vagueness. Yup.

Now let me tell you about the origin of the Vagueness.

People are afraid of rejection. We’re acceptance junkies, and can’t stand when people don’t like us or want us. We all strive to be loved and wanted.

So when two people are interested in each other and start getting to know one another, it’s hugely tempting to keep things “casual” just in case it doesn’t go over well.

Because if you call it “hanging out” you were never actually “dating” right?

Right????????!!!!!!!!

And so you “hang out” once.

And then you “hang out” a second and third time.

And then one person starts to wonder “what this is” and a DTR talk needs to happen. (“Define the Relationship”).

And if both people are feelin’ it, maybe you decide you’re dating.

Or maybe one person says “do we have to call it dating?”

Or one person says “yeah I’m not really into you”

Or one person says “what do you mean, we’re just friends?!”

THE DTR TALK IS A BAD SIGN Y’ALL.

If you have to have a define-the-relationship talk, the relationship might not be a healthy one. Just sayin.

Let’s be intentional about dating.

Let’s call dates dates.

Let’s be intentional about how we spend our time with the opposite sex.

I dunno about you, but I’m not looking for more friends. If a guy wants to “hang out” with me, I’m gonna be straight up from the beginning and say “soo is this a date?” and if he says no, then I’ma tell him straight up: sorry _______ but I’m not looking for a friend; I have plenty of those already. I’m looking to be in a serious relationship. And if you aren’t willing to call pursuing me what it is, I’m not interested.”

BAM

No more of these half-hearted attempts at getting to know if you like someone enough to be vulnerable with them and show them your heart. Show them that you have a heart. Guess what people. It’s not a secret that you have a heart. So can we PLEASE stop being so superficial about feelings.

Can we PLEASE stop being so vague about intentions. If you aren’t ready to date with marriage as the end goal, stop dating.

If you aren’t even willing to call a date a date, stop asking people to “hang out” and work on yourself first.

Be bold.

Be honest.

Be transparent.

Be vulnerable.

Be willing to take emotional risks every once in a while.

If you’re currently in a vague situation, there’s hope. Call out the Vagueness.

Repeat: do NOT settle for the vagueness. You’re worth clarity.

You’re worth clarity. You’re worth someone pursuing you like crazy. There is someone out there who wants you wholeheartedly; not half-assedly. There is someone whose heart will beat for you. There is someone out there who won’t take “no” for an answer. Wait for that person.

Do NOT settle for the vagueness.

Time to challenge each other to live in the light. Intentionally. With boldness, honesty, and clarity. Let’s do each other a favor and stop wasting each other’s time if we aren’t meant to be with that person.

Don’t let fear and lies tell you that you will always be alone. If you’re with the wrong person. you are robbing them and yourselves of the right relationship!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

The one that God has for you. Don’t let fear drive or control you.

 

Let’s be intentional with the short amount of time we have in this life.

I’m excited for us.

xxx

<3

V

 

dear somebody

Published on by Velvet2 Comments

my weakness

is physical touch

so i can’t be around you in certain settings

because I refuse to fall trap to

my weakness

is not as strong as it used to be

but my humanity

has yet to disappear completely

until Jesus returns

I still must guard myself against

my weakness

is to have the unobtainable

to chase the forbidden

is to obsess over the hypothetical

and it eats me

it devours me

when i let the

anxiety

fester and multiply

but i didn’t try to let it

i prayed and waited

i cried out and stated

my desire for peace

my desire to move on

i asked the Lord to give me a new song

a new song

a song of waiting

a song of praise and thanksgiving

a  song of trust and forgiving

a song of truly, fully living

not being shackled by chains of “what ifs”

not being halted by what could or couldn’t be

not dwelling on things I can’t control

but it’s my default mindset to want to know

it’s the in-between, the season of uncertainty

that blurs my vision and traps me in inefficiency

my gears stop turning and i’m fixed on some reality

that only operates in the realm of a hopeful fallacy

but hey

it might not be fallacy

that’s the hope for a control freak like me

there’s always the “could be” that I struggle with waiting for

as I’m constantly checking my phone even though i swore

i wouldn’t for 2 hours but it’s only been minutes

because i convince myself i missed it

shoot i know i must have

and then the other side of me says

naww i think i was wrong

it was never the way i thought it was all along

so i go back to singing a new song

and think if i had been different so would my circumstance

if only i’d _____________________

then you’d have given me a chance

lies i can’t begin to figure out even if i tried

but i do, and i fail

because God only knows

why you would or wouldn’t reach out

since it’s all in His timing

and He’s got somebody lined up for me

and i hope it’s you

everytime

i believe it is

is that a crime

?

i love taken the broken and making it beautiful

believing in things that don’t deserve a second glance

because while there is breath there is hope

and all things can be made new

and the effort is worth it

always, always

even if for a moment’s satisfaction

a flicker of beauty

a spark of joy

.

so the open door beckons

and i go to it and step out

and i think i see you up ahead

i think i hear you call my name

as i get closer it might be a game

as i get closer it might be for naught

but there’s hope

a chance

and if nothing else

we danced a dance

of communication

and feeling out

each person looking

each person wondering

each person hoping

each person waiting

<3

so Lord help me wait. Help me improve on the waiting. Help me not halt my life while I wait. Help me work while I wait. Help me worship while I wait. Help me worship and work. While I wait. Make me consistently faithful and dedicated. Not conditionally dedicated under certain circumstances of feeling loved or wanted. Thank you that You always love me and always want me. <3 

Mi maestro

Mi amigo mejor

Mi Padre eternal

xxx

V

the apple of your eye

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when did you become the apple of my eye

when did you become my heart’s desire

when did seeing you pay attention to other people bring fire

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

she doesn’t even like you, I say

she doesn’t care like I do, I spit

I’ve thought about you a little too much and I need to go to bed now

fruitless is this

fruitless

…

I can see

how so many

get caught up with

the romantics

it’s a lie

that it would satisfy

that cup was never meant to be touched

now you’re spending your life trying to fill it back up

…………………..

…………………

…………………..

meanwhile

you’re so cautious

standing back, anticipating the next move

moving slowly

doing nothing you might regret

saying nothing suggestive

strange

how comfortable it makes me feel

not having to worry about pressure

not having to perform

not having to wonder whether you like me or not

i know you do, or you wouldn’t show up

you wouldn’t invite me

you wouldn’t come

you wouldn’t reach out

you wouldn’t respond

but you do 

and when I haven’t heard from you in a while, I miss you

but then you appear again and I inhale a sigh of relief

 

my lymph nodes are starting to get sore, which is a sign that I am exhausted

I *did* get up at 4:30 in Orlando this morning to catch my flight. It is now midnight.

Lord help me sleep soundly and restore my body. And please restore my mind and heart and make me a living sacrifice for you; not getting distracted by so many and so much. I am Yours.

xxx

<3

V

remember when

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you were fifteen and i was 14 and we talked late into the night every night

i watched and waited for you to start typing a response

on AOL instant messenger

“A-I-M” or AIM

we talked back and forth every day. every night. for hours. a relationship.

i liked you

you like me

but you were dating someone else

but you were dating me

you were

and we met every day during 2nd block. i had first lunch and you had second lunch. but i skipped part of class most days to spend 2nd lunch walking with you

and you walked close to me

and you put your arm around me

and it felt so nice

but i knew you were with someone else

so there was always that longing

that desire

and we walked around town. and we played basketball. and you bit my arm. ha ha

i thought you were going to kiss me

but i didn’t know what i would have done if you did

but we carried on in this way

we started talking on the phone

and i said i was going to drive to your house

it was 1:00 in the morning.

i was going to get into my dad’s car

and drive it to your house

i thought about it

contemplated it

almost did it

you dared me

we went back and forth

you tempted me

i wanted to prove you wrong

i wanted to see you

thank God i never went.

but i wanted you to do the same for me

i wanted you to drive to me

but you didn’t.

you still had a girlfriend

boy was i thick

talking to a guy like you

who would talk to a girl behind his girlfriend’s back

some of the things you said to me

are burned into my memory

forever

i loved you

you were interested in me

you cared about me

you spent time with me

you complimented me

and i wanted to be with you

but thought it would never happen

until one day.

you wanted to hang out after school. so we walked around in the woods behind the school.

and sat down on a log

and you held my hand

and you said

“Velvet

…

should I break up with her?”

and

I

didn’t

say

“yes”

…

I couldn’t

say anything

except

“I can’t tell you what to do”

over and over

that’s all I could say

every time you asked me

I wanted you to know

I wanted you to be sure already

I didn’t want you to blame me in the future

if it didn’t work out

and you regretted leaving her

 

plus you wanted security

you wanted to know that I wanted you

you didn’t have faith

you didn’t trust that I would have you

you were trying to set up a relationship with me in advance

so you didn’t have to be alone

 

we stopped talking after that

the long conversations came to an end

the late nights were no more

sad

i was so sad

but the chase was my pursuit

i didn’t trust you either

i say these things in retrospect but if you had asked me to be your girlfriend that day, I would have said yes

funny thing is

12 years later

you are still with her

the same girl

now woman

and i am glad.

i’m so glad.

and if you’re reading this

I hope y’all get married

what sweet love has grown

with two young souls

so young

but God

I pray

you aren’t doing to her now

what you did to her back then

by sowing seeds

in the wrong soil

attention will never satisfy

the pursuit

the chase

will never satisfy

the longing

the desire

the hope

the dream

the thought

the idea

of you and i

is always more glamorous

than the reality

when the game is called “winning someone”

strange

the stories we remember

on days that the moon is full

xxx

<3

V

 

 

one more thing

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it’s almost 1 am but I just have to tell you

 

I’ve been watching for you out my window.

ever since you went by that one day.

and i waved.

and you waved back

but after i waved

i ducked down and hid underneath my windowsill

and your hair stuck out from beneath your hat

and your smile remained unfamiliar to me

but your wave stayed with me all these years and I hugged it like a children hugs his favorite blanket

you didn’t know who I was but probably had an idea

and that wave felt so brave but my ducking negated the bravery I think

 

and now many many moons later, I watch for you again

but you aren’t the same person

I’m in a new place, you see

and you don’t live in this place

but someone just like you does.

someone unfamiliar

someone interesting

someone with potential

someone unknown

someone new

someone bright

someone

someone.

so I watch for you and wait for you and recently you were around

though not for very long

and I didn’t do my best to ensure you stayed. but that’s not my job

and in this situation: what willl be willl be.

good night <3

I get it

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I didn’t know what to say or how to say it, so I didn’t say anything. And now I’m thinking that may have been worse than if I did say something.

I let actions speak for the words that I couldn’t formulate and I realize it’s soon. I wish it weren’t so that things get harder as we get older.

That alternate world you spoke about, I am wondering if it actually exists somewhere. And if it does, I’m sure lots of good is happening there.

I’m sorry that I didn’t have the courage or the boldness. The know-how. The truth is that I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I didn’t want you to overthink it. I didn’t want to ruin your night or prevent you from coming out. These are my own thoughts that I projected onto you of course. And it may have hurt even more to have handled it the way that I did.

If that’s the case, I hope you will forgive me. I didn’t aspire to be in this position. It’s all come on very fast and I’ve been taken by surprise. Life can happen so so fast and even if we think we are prepared for anything, things still take us by surprise.

I’m surprised. Nothing is certain, but I am surprised.

And sorry. I am sorry. And I understand. I hope you will too…

xxx

V

I don’t know what to say

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I have looked at the messages a dozen times and I simply don’t know what to say.

What’s the proper response I should illicit to the words “are you okay?”

I AM okay but no thanks to you; there are certain things you shouldn’t say or do

I don’t feel respected and maybe it’s me; I guess I’m not ready for who you want me to be

Alone is now where I want to be, or away from you to say the least

It’s funny because I’ve only known you for three weeks

Yet the amount of times you’ve pissed me off is a tell-tale sign I should call things off

I don’t want to be irritated every time I think of the person that I allegedly want to “be with”

Ha

Ha

Ha

I’ve been asking God and myself, am I the one with the problem here?

But the feelings I feel are the same feelings I felt when I went on the worst date of my life.

It was the first and only time I checked the clock and thought to myself “My God, it’s only been 40 minutes!!!”

Sooo yeah time to take a step back. Two or three actually would be good.

To be continued