A Letter to the King


I love your proximity to me. I love how I can talk to you and how you listen. I love how you comfort me in your word. I love how you comfort me with your heavenly peace when I ask for it. Lord, I love how you gift us with imagination. I was imagining earlier today that I was in the mountains. I miss walking in the quiet trees and seeing the sunlight twinkle through the branches and hit different plants and flowers and leaves on the forest floor. I miss the smell of the earth with all of its’ mushrooms and twigs and beetles and birds and rocks. Lord I miss planting myself in your outdoor creation and reveling in the majesty of it. Will I go on a trip soon? I hope and pray so. 🙂 

Lord I thank you for all you’re doing in my life. The world would find that I’m strangely content in all areas of my life. I am at peace. I am overwhelmed by gratitude and love and a gentle sense of Your presence with me. I clutch onto this moment and hold it close to my heart. I ask you Lord, please keep me near to you. Help me draw nearer to you day by day and not be enticed by the world and its’ revelry. I thank thee for revealing to me where true life and freedom is. Thank you for freeing my mind to choose your ways… 

Lord, thank you for showing me where I have been actively rebelling against you. Where I choose to blatantly ignore the Holy Spirit as He kindly guides me and suggests the next steps to me. Steps that I have prayed for and asked for… but when I receive the instruction, I deny it outright. Foolish. I have been so foolish. I recognize this illumination as a gift. I just want to tell you, Lord, that I accept it. I want to be healthy. I want to prosper. I want to stand apart and lead others to your kingdom. I want to boast in your abilities and give you all of the glory for the work that you’ve done and the work that you’re doing in my life. 

These words are for you. Your word tells me that they are from you and by you and through you too. Your word tells me that you hold all things together. Thank you sovereign God…. for holding my little life together. I could write you a list a mile long of all the things that I’m thankful for in this moment, but instead I will praise you. 

Great Counselor. Almighty Savior. My Deliverer. Friend. The Christ. My Hope. My Peace. My King. My Father. Dad. The Truth. The Way. Life. Love. 

Oh, what love is like this? Your everlasting love that pursues and provides despite my rebellion. Despite my mistrust and mistakes, doubts and destruction. What love is this, that you wrote my name into your book of life. My name. You wrote my name. You knew me already. You knew what I would look like. You equipped me, before I was born. You aligned the stars and the seasons and the details of everything it took to bring me to the very chair that I’m sitting in today; knowing that I would write this very letter. You already knew that I would do this. You knew that my love for you would grow over time. That I would begin to piece together who you really are.

Yet that’s just it. My knowledge of you barely scrapes the surface. Not even barely. Hardly. The only thing I know how to do is surrender. Give you everything. Please Lord, please take everything. All I have. Take me, and every facet of my life and have your way!

“This is the covenant I will make with the people of Israel after that time,” declares the Lord.

“I will put my law in their minds
    and write it on their hearts.

I will be their God,
    and they will be my people.


No longer will they teach their neighbor,
    or say to one another, ‘Know the Lord,’

because they will all know me,
    from the least of them to the greatest,”
declares the Lord.

“For I will forgive their wickedness
    and will remember their sins no more.”

Jeremiah 31:33-34


You are Faithful, Sovereign King. You are putting your law in my mind and writing it on my heart day after day. I can’t help but turn to you. 

What love is this… that I should know the One who gives me sight and sound

What love is this… that He who sees my faults doesn’t cease to have me around 

What love is this… that reaches every corner of every frown and promises joy. 

I choose to rejoice, O Abba my KING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






dear future husband

you mean the world to me. Second to Jesus, of course

I can’t wait to meet you. Or maybe I already have and just don’t know it yet

I’ve been praying for you. That God would continue to make you into the man He created you to be.

A leader








after His own heart

after all, marriage was God’s idea. He thought it up. And what He brings together, no man can separate.

I look forward to learning the intricacies of your mind and how to make you laugh. A lot of my jokes are going to be really bad, just warning you. I wonder if you’ll be a great audience or if you’ll cringe more often than not.

I wonder how you’ll challenge me and how I’ll deal with it. Forgive me in advance for not realizing when I’m upset. For being quiet and withdrawn. Thank you for pursuing me anyway. Thank you for not pushing me and driving me to be someone I’m not ready to be. Thank you for loving me as I grow and am able to take on more.

It’s going to be hard, my future man. But with God’s grace, we’ll be able to conquer anything put before us. By waiting on Him. Calling on Him. Trusting in Him.

I don’t expect you to be flawless. Your flaws and my flaws will complement each other so I can support you when you’re feeling weak. and vice versa. We’ll learn to accept help from each other eventually. I know I can’t even see half the things that I need help in. It will be humbling.

Dear future husband… I look forward to the places we’ll go. The sights we’ll see. The cuisines we’ll try. The music we’ll enjoy. The comfort and security I’ll feel …. what joy will this be that I’ll have someone that loves me regardless of how I’m feeling that day or how well I’m performing.

It’s been a while since I’ve been in love. But none of those were forever loves. With you, it will be forever. I’m so excited for God to reveal who you are to me. What you look like and what ethnicity you are. What color eyes you have. I hope you sing. I hope you dance.

Lord knows what I need, and you are going to be perfect for me.

In the meantime, I keep my eyes on the Lord. I listen for His voice. I wait for His leading and always rejoice. Rejoice, again I  say rejoice! For this is the day that the Lord has made. I am glad to be alive today.

Dear future husband, I pray for you on this day. Wherever you are. That you are having a blessed morning and enjoying the sun. Maybe you’re thinking of me, too. Thinking of the day we’ll meet. The day we are married. And the days to follow.

Lord God, thank you for your sweet promises. Thank you for comfort and peace, and being able to trust you. Thank you God, that we can trust you. You are not manipulative, deceitful, vindictive, selfish, dark or evil. You want the best for us, and you alone know and have the best for us. Thank you that your plans are unstoppable. You alone are worthy of praise! Amen.




fresh emotions

too raw not to share. The real stuff is always worth reading.

I broke up with him y’all. I had to. I didn’t want to, but I had to.

The Holy Spirit led me to.

“But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.” John 16:13


And He told me what to do. And I had to obey. I couldn’t ignore it. I couldn’t snuff it. I couldn’t push it down. I knew what I had to do and what I had to say. And so I did it.

I sent the message. I said the four words that everyone hates hearing

we need to talk”

and I know that he knew. We had a similar conversation last Sunday too. I was hoping the feelings would go away. The peace-less-ness. Lol not a word but aye.

They lingered. The lack of peace lingered.

Oh Lord Jesus. I hate break-ups. I hate hurting people. I hate brokenness. I hate heartbreak. Oh Lord it’s so sad when it doesn’t work out. I really wanted it to work. I tried to see past flaws. I tried to focus on positives. I tried to forgive him. I tried to see You in it all. But I didn’t have peace. I knew I had to break it off. I knew. And so I did. And now I’m sad.


We talked for two hours. About our relationship and how fun it was. How he learned a lot. How we could’ve done things better. How it was going to be hard to be long-distance anyway. How God has been working. And I prayed for him. I held his hand while I prayed for him and I just about cried doing it. I had to pause for about 15 seconds before I could start the prayer because I was fighting back tears.

And we made jokes…. we wished each other well. He said “I hope you find what you’re looking for”. And I said “I don’t know what I’m looking for. I think I know what I need but God shows me what I actually need”.

I have to believe that God has something better out there for the both of us. A better relationship. A better fit. Two better people, a man and a woman, for me and for him. Two people that will better meet each of our needs.

Oh Lord it’s hard. Especially when he walked me to my car and said “so I guess this is it?” and we hugged. And I cried. I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. And he said “I’m going to miss you.” And I wanted to kiss him, but I knew that would’ve confused things. And I wanted to say “I should go before I kiss you” but I knew that we would’ve kissed if I said that. So I kept it to myself, and cried, and trusted you O Lord. 

He asked if he could stop in on Saturday morning at my house and say a final goodbye. I said yes. I’ll be working where I live that morning, and hopefully he comes at a proper time where I can have a few minutes with him.

See I really enjoy his company. We can just be together. He’s sweet and fun and funny. He’s kind and gentle. There are many qualities that he possesses that I love.

But the peace wasn’t there. I knew it wasn’t right. Our relationship seemed superficial.

Superficial. Surface deep. Looks pretty on the outside. But I didn’t feel that connection with him. That deep connection. I need that deepness. I need those deep talks.

Oh Lord, I must go to sleep now. I feel as though I may take ill if I don’t. Thank you for watching over me, my kind shepherd. I love thee with all my heart, soul and mind. 




remember when

you were fifteen and i was 14 and we talked late into the night every night

i watched and waited for you to start typing a response

on AOL instant messenger

“A-I-M” or AIM

we talked back and forth every day. every night. for hours. a relationship.

i liked you

you like me

but you were dating someone else

but you were dating me

you were

and we met every day during 2nd block. i had first lunch and you had second lunch. but i skipped part of class most days to spend 2nd lunch walking with you

and you walked close to me

and you put your arm around me

and it felt so nice

but i knew you were with someone else

so there was always that longing

that desire

and we walked around town. and we played basketball. and you bit my arm. ha ha

i thought you were going to kiss me

but i didn’t know what i would have done if you did

but we carried on in this way

we started talking on the phone

and i said i was going to drive to your house

it was 1:00 in the morning.

i was going to get into my dad’s car

and drive it to your house

i thought about it

contemplated it

almost did it

you dared me

we went back and forth

you tempted me

i wanted to prove you wrong

i wanted to see you

thank God i never went.

but i wanted you to do the same for me

i wanted you to drive to me

but you didn’t.

you still had a girlfriend

boy was i thick

talking to a guy like you

who would talk to a girl behind his girlfriend’s back

some of the things you said to me

are burned into my memory


i loved you

you were interested in me

you cared about me

you spent time with me

you complimented me

and i wanted to be with you

but thought it would never happen

until one day.

you wanted to hang out after school. so we walked around in the woods behind the school.

and sat down on a log

and you held my hand

and you said


should I break up with her?”






I couldn’t

say anything


“I can’t tell you what to do”

over and over

that’s all I could say

every time you asked me

I wanted you to know

I wanted you to be sure already

I didn’t want you to blame me in the future

if it didn’t work out

and you regretted leaving her


plus you wanted security

you wanted to know that I wanted you

you didn’t have faith

you didn’t trust that I would have you

you were trying to set up a relationship with me in advance

so you didn’t have to be alone


we stopped talking after that

the long conversations came to an end

the late nights were no more


i was so sad

but the chase was my pursuit

i didn’t trust you either

i say these things in retrospect but if you had asked me to be your girlfriend that day, I would have said yes

funny thing is

12 years later

you are still with her

the same girl

now woman

and i am glad.

i’m so glad.

and if you’re reading this

I hope y’all get married

what sweet love has grown

with two young souls

so young

but God

I pray

you aren’t doing to her now

what you did to her back then

by sowing seeds

in the wrong soil

attention will never satisfy

the pursuit

the chase

will never satisfy

the longing

the desire

the hope

the dream

the thought

the idea

of you and i

is always more glamorous

than the reality

when the game is called “winning someone”


the stories we remember

on days that the moon is full