I have been to the hospital more in the last 4 months than ever before in my life. During the month of November I dealt with a serious infection in my right arm probably due to a bite from a poisonous spider. I was in and out of the doctor’s as she administered different tests and had my wound packed and unpacked. The hole in my arm was 1 inch across by almost 1 inch deep. I’m lucky it didn’t hit the bone. But I will never forget when I saw the slough in my arm and realized there was a hole behind it.
However, I was completely at peace.*
December was rather uneventful health-wise. It was the calm before the storm. Until Christmas. That’s when my knee started acting up. After multiple trips to different doctors and diagnostic centers, I got an MRI and discovered the cartilage under my kneecap is thinning out. It’s called “patellar chondromalacia” and can be due to lateral tracking of the kneecap. This tracking can be caused by overuse, poor form, being a woman, genetics or high impact sports. I have been attending physical therapy for almost a month now and have another month of it before I am re-evaluated.
However, I was completely at peace.*
And just three days ago, in February 2021, I injured my shoulder. Not exactly sure how, but a combination of overuse, tweaking it from getting jerked around, followed by aggravation during exercise. I got checked out and was told it was a rotator cuff tear. A second person said it was more likely a strain. Regardless of what the actual diagnosis is, I’m experiencing sharp, shooting pain and my mobility is much less than it was four days ago. I’m having trouble finding a comfortable position to sleep in and when I turn myself at night, the pain brings forth tears. I also can’t work all this week.
The point of relaying this reality to you is not for complaining purposes, but solely to highlight the fact that I am completely at peace. And this is why.
This is the reason why I am not tripping, why I am not bugging out. Why I am not worried at all about what is to come.
It’s because I am standing upon these promises.
The promises that God tells me.
The promises that declare the following things:
I will never be alone
I will never be in lack
I’ll have a place to weep
He hears my every prayer
He is everywhere
He cares about my desires
He cares about my soul
He’s won my every battle
He’s made me ever-victorious
He is always for me
He loves me
Sometimes, it’s God’s will for me to be s t i l l
So I wait in the quiet. And while my shoulder throbs and I can’t find a position quite right to avoid the pain, I simply call on His name and say the following words;
Thank you Father, thank you Friend.
Thank you Faithful, you’re with me until the end.
Thank you Jesus, God with us, Holy Spirit, you’ve revealed it to me, your peace.
The truth is, God could put a stop to this pain. Any moment. Any moment in time. Even now. Even right now, His almighty hand could touch me and put a halt on this pain in the name of Jesus.
But whether He heals me or not, I am still at peace. He is in control over every aspect of my life. It says in Psalm 139 verse 16-17:
“Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!…”
This day was ordained for me before I was even born. This pain that I am experiencing coupled with the peace that I am experiencing. I don’t know all of the reasons for the pain and I don’t know when it will all come to an end. But I do know this for sure; God is surely and truly and lovingly caring for me with the utmost quality and permitting this trial to carry on for as long as is necessary in order to complete God’s work within me and bring glory to Himself.
He has never shorted me from any blessings and in fact I am often told by others how blessed I truly am and I know it for myself too. And the reason for my blessing is this:
To be a blessing for other people. And I want to encourage you right now, dear brothers and sisters, that whatever trial you are in the midst of currently, God has not forgotten about you or lost sight of you. No, dear one, He is with you in the middle of the trial right now and He knows exactly what you are feeling and He will provide all that you need to endure the trial until it’s over.
That peace of mind encompasses everything from physical to financial. God holds all of those details in His hand. 😉
So Lord, I thank you for this trial. From the bottom of my heart. If only the purpose of this trial is to write this post to encourage other people that they are not alone in their trials and that you have the good of your children in mind through every bout of suffering and at every moment of every day. You are constantly working all things together for the good of those who love you and are called according to your purpose in Christ Jesus.
I love you Lord, and trust your purposes completely. Even and especially when I don’t see the outcome and I don’t understand the reason. You alone are good. You alone are wise. Your plans alone I trust in. In Jesus’ name, Amen.