dear future husband

you mean the world to me. Second to Jesus, of course

I can’t wait to meet you. Or maybe I already have and just don’t know it yet

I’ve been praying for you. That God would continue to make you into the man He created you to be.

A leader

Gentle

Compassionate

Considerate

Analytical

Wise

Successful

godly

after His own heart

after all, marriage was God’s idea. He thought it up. And what He brings together, no man can separate.

I look forward to learning the intricacies of your mind and how to make you laugh. A lot of my jokes are going to be really bad, just warning you. I wonder if you’ll be a great audience or if you’ll cringe more often than not.

I wonder how you’ll challenge me and how I’ll deal with it. Forgive me in advance for not realizing when I’m upset. For being quiet and withdrawn. Thank you for pursuing me anyway. Thank you for not pushing me and driving me to be someone I’m not ready to be. Thank you for loving me as I grow and am able to take on more.

It’s going to be hard, my future man. But with God’s grace, we’ll be able to conquer anything put before us. By waiting on Him. Calling on Him. Trusting in Him.

I don’t expect you to be flawless. Your flaws and my flaws will complement each other so I can support you when you’re feeling weak. and vice versa. We’ll learn to accept help from each other eventually. I know I can’t even see half the things that I need help in. It will be humbling.

Dear future husband… I look forward to the places we’ll go. The sights we’ll see. The cuisines we’ll try. The music we’ll enjoy. The comfort and security I’ll feel …. what joy will this be that I’ll have someone that loves me regardless of how I’m feeling that day or how well I’m performing.

It’s been a while since I’ve been in love. But none of those were forever loves. With you, it will be forever. I’m so excited for God to reveal who you are to me. What you look like and what ethnicity you are. What color eyes you have. I hope you sing. I hope you dance.

Lord knows what I need, and you are going to be perfect for me.

In the meantime, I keep my eyes on the Lord. I listen for His voice. I wait for His leading and always rejoice. Rejoice, again I  say rejoice! For this is the day that the Lord has made. I am glad to be alive today.

Dear future husband, I pray for you on this day. Wherever you are. That you are having a blessed morning and enjoying the sun. Maybe you’re thinking of me, too. Thinking of the day we’ll meet. The day we are married. And the days to follow.

Lord God, thank you for your sweet promises. Thank you for comfort and peace, and being able to trust you. Thank you God, that we can trust you. You are not manipulative, deceitful, vindictive, selfish, dark or evil. You want the best for us, and you alone know and have the best for us. Thank you that your plans are unstoppable. You alone are worthy of praise! Amen.

xxx

<3

V

the union of marriage

I am grieving the loss of a relationship. One that I really wanted to work out. And now I’m sad.

Sad that he didn’t make me feel like the only one.

Disappointed that I hoped so much that that would change.

Sad that I won’t be hearing from him regularly anymore.

Disappointed that I didn’t stop it before it got to this point.

Sad that my own disobedience is what got me here.

Sad that I’ve dated so many people in the past that I have expectations of what I’m looking for in a man and how I want to be treated. Ignorance is bliss, but I’m not ignorant to this.

But on the same hand, he isn’t ready. He never was ready to commit to one person. One woman. One wife. He wasn’t ready to become one with another person.

That’s what marriage is all about. Becoming one. The union of marriage is two people coming together and choosing one another over everyone else. Marrying one person is saying I will love you and serve you and choose you everyday for the rest of my life.

It’s not being enticed by other people. It’s recognizing that every person is made in the image of God and has ups and downs, pros and cons, flaws. Every person has a beautiful soul and mind given to them by God.

Choosing to love just one person means wanting to know them from the inside out. It’s getting to know their heart. It’s focusing on only them. It’s not putting your eggs in several different baskets in case it doesn’t work out. It’s putting your heart on the line and trusting and believing that the person you’re giving your heart to will love you back.

Lord Jesus, I am so sorry and sad that I disobeyed you and tried to make my own way with this individual. You didn’t want me to go that day because you knew he wasn’t right for me. I injected myself into his life and tried to change him and save him and make him fit for me and it didn’t work. And now I am so, so sad. Your Holy Spirit is a rescuer. You rescued me and challenged me to obey you this weekend. And so last night I did. I broke it off with him. It was time. Oh Lord. Thank you for rescuing me. For caring for me. For showing me the way in which I should go.

Lord I pray for clarity. I ask you to give me clarity in Jesus’ name. To help me see you in this situation. Reveal anything to me that I need to work on, confess for, repent of, and work towards. I am your vessel and recognize that I am not my own. Help me to serve you better and seek Your kingdom and Your righteousness first and foremost. 

Amen.

xxx

<3

V

Learning how to love

The word “love” is mentioned 38 times in this post.

Do you know how to love? Really think about it. How many healthy, positive, relationships do you have in your life? Are most, some or any of them thriving? Do you feel like you are receiving as much love as you are giving in your relationships? Maybe you are married or dating someone who you wish would do or say things differently. Maybe you feel like your friendship with somebody is one-sided and you’re tired of trying so hard.

It’s hard to love some people. Personally, it’s hard to love my family sometimes.

But since I value having quality relationships with them, I’m learning how to practice unconditional love. It’s been a few years of healing that are far from over.

helping-hand

I know I’m not the only one that struggles to ask “how can I make your life easier?” or “what can I do to help you?” to people that can be ungrateful, unpleasant or unappreciative.

I’m not the only one who is quick to give advice when maybe all the other person wanted was a listening ear, or a heartfelt hug.

I’m not the only one to withdraw my love when I’ve felt like somebody else has withdrawn theirs. Or to withdraw my self instead of communicating my feelings with whoever is causing me or someone else pain.

lovelanguage

This isn’t just a book review, I swear.

Gary Chapman originally wrote “The Five Love Languages for Married Couples” to help sustain marriages. He got such an incredible response that he decided to write a book with the same concepts for singles. This book focuses on a whole lot more than just romantic relationships. The methods outlined in the book can be applied to any relationship in your life.

Chapman theorizes that there are five different ways that humans show love to others, and five ways that humans crave to feel loved.

  1. Verbally: complimenting and praising others

  2. Spending time: one-on-one time, focusing on them

  3. Acts of service: doing the laundry, raking the leaves, running errands

  4. Gifts: giving thoughtful gifts at any time for no apparent reason

  5. Physical Touch: hugs, kisses, a press on the arm, a squeeze on the shoulder

 

serveothers

 

Often times we find ourselves frustrated with our relationship with another person.

We might be mad at a family member for habitually tracking sand up the stairwell after coming in from outside.

We might be upset with our SO or spouse because they never say “thank you” enough after cooking them a nice meal.

We could resent our aunt for forgetting to send a birthday card two years in a row.

The love that I crave is different than the love my sister craves. I need to spend quality time with people to fill my love tank. She needs to give and receive hugs and touch to fill her love tank.

The love I give and crave is different than the love my stepmom gives and craves. I give her a basket of yarn to show my love for her, when what she craved was for somebody to wash the kitchen floors for once. She prepares food and vacuums to show her love for me when I craved to be invited to watch a show with her in the living room.

gift-giving

If we don’t understand the kind of love a person is showing, we don’t feel loved. When we don’t give the kind of love a person is seeking, they don’t feel loved. It’s important to understand what kind of love people crave, and how we give it.

Gary Chapman gives lots of real-life examples of people overcoming tough times in their relationships with others after effectively learning to love them. Learning how to love enhances relationships.

One of my favorite quotes from the book The Five Love Languages for Singles, found on page 148 is:

“Our differences are numerous, but our basic needs are the same. If we are to serve people, which is life’s highest calling, then we must know them — male and female.”

This book has helped me tremendously and I’ve been raving about it to most everyone in my life. Cuz lets be honest, we ALLLLL got problems with other people in our lives. By reading this book, you can learn what kinds of love make you most fulfilled, which ways you tend to express love to others, and figure out which way other people in your life need to be loved and how you can practice loving them.

It’s worth it, I promise.

Love you all <3

Come again!
V

What if it’s not about WHO you marry, but WHY?

Love, relationships, dating, marriage. Why do we do these things?

Because we love Love. We all seek to be loved; to be understood. To be desired, chased. We need love and closeness. We need avenues for us to be vulnerable. To be romantic.

Some people seek love for support. For help in everyday life. To have an extra set of physical or emotional hands to get us through the days. Tit for tat.

Some people seek lust. We all desire beauty. It’s human nature to look at pretty things. For most people, love is defined by lust. Especially for men. Oxytocin is a hormone released in our bodies after experiencing moments of bonding; kissing, hugging, cuddling, etc. that produces the feeling of being “in love”. This is one reason why lust and love can be so confusing.

lovebook

Isn’t this adorable? Love and words and books. What else is there?! <3

For Christmas this year, my aunt and uncle gave me a copy of Gary Thomas’s The Sacred Search. I read it in all of three days. Three busy days, mind you.

It’s about love and commitment, desire and satisfaction. It explains most all of the different reasons why people marry; and discusses what happens as a result.

Is it because you’re “in love”? What does that really mean?

Is it because you’ve “invested  a lot of time” and feel it’s too late?

Is it because you “don’t want to hurt” your significant other (SO)?

Is it because you’ve “already told everyone” and feel you can’t back up?

Are you “comfortable” and unwilling to change?

Do you believe marriage is hopeless and that all marriages fail, so why bother?

womanchasingman manchasingwoman

Gary Thomas explains infatuation in typical relationships and what usually ends up happening. He explains the reality of the physical bond created between people as a result of physical intimacy and how blinding it is. Thomas explains the importance of making sure you’re marrying the right person and why it’s OK to postpone the wedding if you feel you’re in too deep.

pursueGodfirst

Gary lays down easy-to-read “how-to” steps in seeking marriage and a loving relationship. He advises the reader on what to look for in an individual, but also what to look for in one’s self.

In chapter 11, Thomas lists some key traits that every SO should have in order to be a sustainable partner for 50-60 years.

“This person:

is humble

is forgiving

resolves conflict in a healthy way

knows how to communicate

prays

is skilled in the art of friendship” (Thomas p. 143).

Thomas highlights the importance of not hastily jumping into marriage, but taking slow measures to cultivate a relationship that will flourish well beyond any human years on this planet. By setting ourselves up for an eternal relationship, with God at the center, we will find success.

sacredsearch

If you are in a relationship and are thinking about getting married this book is for you.

If you are single and thinking about getting married this book is for you.

If you are in an unsatisfactory marriage and seeking tips on how to strengthen your relationship this book is for you.

If you are in a satisfactory marriage and seeking tips on how to strengthen your relationship this book is for you.

Not all marriages fail. In life, we reap what we sow, and haste makes waste. Check out Gary Thomas’s The Sacred Search to learn how to cultivate a lasting relationship, with time and careful consideration.

Hope you enjoyed this post! “Like” to see more posts like this one!

Love you all! 🙂

<3 V