Just found this draft from 3 years ago. Good stuff. Enjoy!
I used to think about dating like something that everybody did for fun. Dating for a couple months here and there to hang out with somebody, kiss and hug them, share your life with them. I had my first “boyfriend” in eighth grade. His name was Zach and he was two inches shorter than me. We sat together on the bus on the way to field trips and he took me to the eighth grade semi-formal dance. We met up at an ice-cream social one time and played freeze-tag with some people. His parents picked me up on July 3rd, 2006 to take me to see some fireworks in the next town over. On the way home I kissed him on the lips. I was thirteen. It was not a kiss to write home about. I broke up with him two weeks later because he hadn’t called and didn’t have a cell phone to text me on.
I dated my second boyfriend two years later. His name was Andrew and he played the guitar. I broke up with him after one month because I met someone else who I shook hands with and left me with an electric feeling.
It was my first “real” relationship, classified as such both by the length of time we were “together”, two and a half years, and the fact that we were in love <3 <3 <3
I broke up with him two weeks after we both started at the same college. I was seventeen turning eighteen several weeks later.
Y me pregunto, cual es el punto?! </3And I ask myself, what’s the point?
As a kingdom-builder, I can no longer justify dating to myself. Dating, without the intention of marriage, is like having a monthly payment for an apartment. It’s sending your money up in smoke without investing in a long-term home that you can profit off of and build upon.
Dating is pouring time and energy into a relationship that doesn’t promise long-lasting results. “We’ll see how things go” is the attitude that most people have. Play it by ear. Take things one day at a time.
Modern dating can be defined as having a relationship with someone that resembles marriage but doesn’t require commitment. Boyfriends and girlfriends often share their families, bodies, money, time, friendships and other aspects of their lives with each other. But they do such things on absolutely no time-line, with no purposeful direction, and with no promised intent of marriage.
As a kingdom-builder, I’ma have to call out dating as NON-PROFITABLE.
God created sex, love and marriage for us, as His children, to enjoy. But it’s allllllll about the timing. There’s a time-line for each of our lives with perfect places for these beautiful creations…. Sex, love and marriage will serve us the best, and allow us to thrive within these roles if we engage in them at the right time.
There’s nothing worse than bad timing.
Did I need to have a boyfriend at age 13?
This isn’t about making anyone feel bad who is dating without the intent of marriage. This is me, a 24 (almost 26 now!)(almost 27 now actually 😀 ) year old woman, sharing with y’all my life and the choices I would’ve made if I knew better.
If you are in a relationship, ask yourself and your s/o these questions:
Is our time and energy with each other going up in smoke or are we investing in building a life-long kingdom together
Are we ready to be in a relationship together or should we wait until a more appropriate time
Are we becoming better or worse versions of ourselves with this relationship
What about our relationship helps us grow emotionally and spiritually
What do we have to show for the kingdom of our relationship so far
What foundation are we building our kingdom on
Are we on the same page about where this relationship is going
Do we have a direction that the relationship is moving in
What determines how serious our relationship is; sex or commitment to be married
If you aren’t in a relationship, consider this:
When it comes to love and comes to dating
the true magic lies in the waiting
Why practice short term relationships?
when things in life that mean the most to us
are built o v e r t i m e
on solid foundations.
Set your standards high, beautiful people. You are worth the wait!
Haste makes waste. I’m always saying this stinkin’ phrase. But then I want everything to happen within a certain time frame.
I do it to myself. HURRY UP HURRY UP
Oh God, why is this way in me?
I guess I’m conditioned to think that if at first you don’t express yourself the way that makes me feel loved, I fear you never will. But love grows
and we learn to love people properly.
“I’m just not a loving person” someone says.
We learn to love.
Not everyone feels loved the same way, so we must learn to love them the way they need to be loved.
Just like I shouldn’t expect someone to tell me the words that I want to hear. I want to hear that I was missed. I want to hear that it was you that missed me. I want you to be bold enough to say it.
But maybe you aren’t ready. And I can’t force you to say it. I don’t WANT to force you to say it. I just can’t help comparing you to others in the past. The way they said exactly the right words. The way they loved and made me feel special. The way they knew how to love.
I am missing it. That’s why we aren’t supposed to awaken love until its’ proper time. But I thought those more recent times were the appropriate times to
I found this in my drafts. I read someone else’s blog post about a draft they found, so I thought I’d share this one. Cheers! <3 xoxo V
Definitely a good cycle to be in! I much prefer it. Wednesday-Saturday night I can pretty much get to bed by 10 if I want to. 😀 Hmm actually tonight may be more like 11. Still not bad.
But I’m up now. I actually woke up for the first time around 4:45am. And then again at 615ish. I got up at 6:30ish. Had a nice time of adoration and prayer in candlelight. Made coffee and some breaffffffast. And now am talking to y’all.
To collect my current thoughts regarding a situation I am in:
Do not fear people. Do not live to please people.
Stick to your convictions and do not conform to other people’s morals just to get them to like you.
Do not run from confrontation. Stick it out through the fire and talk it out.
Get to the bottom of the issue, apologize if necessary, even if the reason for your apology is that the other person has to go through something and not necessarily because it’s your fault.
Ask how you can help or change or do better if necessary.
Look to God for His peace and ask Him for it. Ask and you shall receive O children of God! 🙂
Talk to God about what to do before talking to other people about what to do. Ask God for wisdom in what to say or not say.
After prayer and reading the bible, then talk to other people. I can always do better at this one.
*calls BFF #VENTSESHBEGINS
Not always the best idea.
Lastly, always look to God. Whatever situation you’re going through is a flicker in time. A blink. And it soon shall pass. And when the trial ends, you shall be more like gold. <3
Lord, I thank you for this hiccup. I thank you for this chance to forgive somebody who is acting unreasonable. Lord I pray that you would come them down. I pray that you would soften their heart. I pray that you would open their eyes to the heart of the issue: their feeling of not being in control, frustration for the way that cards have been dealt, and tendency to point the finger. Lord I pray that your Holy Spirit would infiltrate their heart in the name of Jesus. I pray that you would change them from the inside out, because you alone have the power to change hearts. Thank you for loving me abundantly and without condition. Thank you for always drawing me closer to Yourself and reminding me of your endless power. Amen.
I’m not sure what all I’m going to write about in this post.
Perhaps loneliness. It seems that as I dwell on the fact that I’m now single I get sad. But when then I remember the why part of my single state and then am quite humbled and the sadness quickly dissipates.
See, this guy and I were never meant to be more than buds. Buddies. Pals.
Ha ha yoooo
I used to watch South Park back in high school when I was a stoner and smoked lots of pot. Those days are far behind me, praise God. BUT this episode always cracked me up.
I was just about to type something along the lines of: “when you meet your future husband/wife, it’ll be like magnetism. You just won’t be able to get enough of that person”. But no, that’s definitely not always true. A friend of a friend didn’t like the man she ended up marrying a year and a half (or something like that) years later.
Love is unpredictable.
I was hopeful with this one. I am hopeful with all of them. It’s a blessing and a curse. People advised me against this one, but I didn’t listen. I hoped and believed it would work. Things would get better.
And some things did get better… but other things remained the same, and still others rose to the surface.
But that’s life. And I know I am about half to blame. I chose things that weren’t good for me. I acted in ways that were selfish. I didn’t keep proper boundaries around resting enough. As a result I was extra emotional because of how tired I was.
I didn’t feel like I could trust this dude fully. I know I wasn’t the only girl that he was talking to and that was a problem for me. Now guys, before you jump down my back and say “WOW DUH FOOL YA SHOULD DUMPED HIS BUTT FROM THE START *@&#$*&#” hear this: I had grace for him. He and I had different beliefs about guys and girls being able to be friends or not (I think not) and had never dated before. So it was a……………………. learning experience. For both of us. I learned that in my future relationship, I don’t want to date someone with no dating experience. But actually, that isn’t even a problem. The problem was really that he wasn’t ready to pursue a marriage. He wasn’t ready to commit to one woman for the rest of his life. He didn’t realize what that truly meant, and it was obvious.
One of my favorite quotes when it comes to godly dating is this:
“one day, when you’re chasing God with all your heart, you’re going to look over one day and see your future man running just as hard after God as you are”.
I can’t remember who said it for the life of me. And that also isn’t the exact quote. But the concept remains the same.
If you’re a christian, your future husband or wife has to seek and value God above you and your relationship.
God has to be number one.
The fellow whom I just got out of a relationship with was a believer, but wasn’t walking closely with the Lord. In other words, he wasn’t seeking the Lord with his whole heart or prioritizing his relationship with the Lord. And when a person is not right with God, other things in life don’t line up either.
Not saying even if he were right with the Lord we were right for each other. I can’t say that about before and I can’t say that now because only God knows. Part of me wants to sit around and mull it over in my mind a million different ways to comfort myself. Fact of the matter is, the cards played out the way that they did, and the Holy Spirit said “no”. The Holy Spirit said “it’s not right”. The Holy Spirit said “it’s time for y’all to end this thang.
And so I did. Reluctantly, but I still did.
And feel more at peace than I have in a long time.
I’m also thanking God because this fellow is seeking the Lord hard now. I praise God for this, and pray that he continues to seek the Lord hard for the rest of his days.
There is still a part of me that hopes it might work out. But God will be the judge of that. He is the one who brings people together, and it will be Him who brings my future husband and I together; whomever it may be.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow. <3
So now I go. And sip chardonnay. And read books that are good for my soul. And maybe eat the neglected piece of bread that I forgot to eat with my dinner of fried eggs and sauteed mushrooms and onions.
8:00pm. Too early for bed. This night owl has to hoot and holler for at least 3 more hours before I’ll be tired enough for bed. I’ve definitely gotten into the routine. Tomorrow’s gonna be a late one too.
So I bid thee farewell. And urge you, dear reader, to talk about your feelings with your partner as you’re feeling them. Communicate what’s wrong, communicate what’s right. Talk about what you could do better, talk about the direction you both are going in together.
Whether you’re dating or married, the goal is oneness. Unity. Two becoming one.
I may have just gulped that last bit of chard. Ahh, there’s always more. Or maybe a break would be beneficial to my emotional state of mind. P’haps a nice walk.
I just ate the bread. Plain. With no butter or honey or jam.
This post is just going to get more and more boring if I continue on. I MUST end it immediately!
Habit, I suppose. I’ve gotten used to hearing from you often. And now that I’m not hearing from you as much, I miss you.
I miss hearing your notification sound go off. I don’t think I ever told you, but you had your own sound. A special tone that told me who it was. It wasyou.
Though I don’t hear it often anymore. Yet I’ll admit, whenever I do, my heart does a little flip. I perk up a bit and get excited.
I read your messages and miss you more.
I’m holding onto hope, I realize. Could it work out between us in the future? Could there ever be a future for us? Romantically, of course. Dating-wise, of course. A high-functioning, partnering, Christ-like relationship.
I don’t know. All I know is that it isn’t now. Now was not right. The Holy Spirit was convicting me whenever we were apart, that that’s where we were to stay.
It was when we were together that I was confused. I liked what I saw and I liked what I felt, and I convinced myself that the Holy Spirit must have been lying. God must have been bending the truth.
I even believed that it wasn’t God at all who was speaking to me to end things. I convinced myself that it was hormones. It must’ve been my body that was all jacked up, and that is why I keep going back and forth about breaking up with you.
Lord Jesus… how come so much of your daily mercies go unnoticed, yet your mercy comes alive to me better when you allow me to go thru a trial such as this? I wish your sovereignty would have prevented me from ever dating this person. I wish your hand would’ve prevented me from getting close to him and starting to care about him. Though there’s no going back now. There’s only forward moving. Either forward moving, or staying in one place. I choose to go forward in faith.
I’ll tell you where I can’t live. That’s in a place of doubt. In a place where I keep wondering if I did the right thing
Can you believe that I just checked my messages in the middle of typing this post?
And even backed up and read old message exchanges too?
10:11. Believe it or NAWHT I’m going to bed right now.
Goodnight everyone. Turn off your phone and unplug for a while. It does the mind & body good <3
I am grieving the loss of a relationship. One that I really wanted to work out. And now I’m sad.
Sad that he didn’t make me feel like the only one.
Disappointed that I hoped so much that that would change.
Sad that I won’t be hearing from him regularly anymore.
Disappointed that I didn’t stop it before it got to this point.
Sad that my own disobedience is what got me here.
Sad that I’ve dated so many people in the past that I have expectations of what I’m looking for in a man and how I want to be treated. Ignorance is bliss, but I’m not ignorant to this.
But on the same hand, he isn’t ready. He never was ready to commit to one person. One woman. One wife. He wasn’t ready to become one with another person.
That’s what marriage is all about. Becoming one. The union of marriage is two people coming together and choosing one another over everyone else. Marrying one person is saying I will love you and serve you and choose youeveryday for the rest of my life.
It’s not being enticed by other people. It’s recognizing that every person is made in the image of God and has ups and downs, pros and cons, flaws. Every person has a beautiful soul and mind given to them by God.
Choosing to love just one person means wanting to know them from the inside out. It’s getting to know their heart. It’s focusing on only them. It’s not putting your eggs in several different baskets in case it doesn’t work out. It’s putting your heart on the line and trusting and believing that the person you’re giving your heart to will love you back.
Lord Jesus, I am so sorry and sad that I disobeyed you and tried to make my own way with this individual. You didn’t want me to go that day because you knew he wasn’t right for me. I injected myself into his life and tried to change him and save him and make him fit for me and it didn’t work. And now I am so, so sad. Your Holy Spirit is a rescuer. You rescued me and challenged me to obey you this weekend. And so last night I did. I broke it off with him. It was time. Oh Lord. Thank you for rescuing me. For caring for me. For showing me the way in which I should go.
Lord I pray for clarity. I ask you to give me clarity in Jesus’ name. To help me see you in this situation. Reveal anything to me that I need to work on, confess for, repent of, and work towards. I am your vessel and recognize that I am not my own. Help me to serve you better and seek Your kingdom and Your righteousness first and foremost.
I refuse to believe I’m the only one suffering the effects of The Vagueness.
The Vagueness. It’s a serious dilemma. A disease that’s overtaken this culture. An epidemic that drives hundreds of thousands, if not millions of young men and women to confusion, doubt, uncertainty, unnecessary time spent making justifications, and overall heartache.
The Vagueness: coming to a theater near you.
Joking. It’s already everywhere. All around. Everywhere I look. Guys not willing to call a date a date. Girls leading guys on because they enjoy the flattery and the attention.
When did we lose the courage to be straight up with each other? When did people start settling so quickly and easily for the next person and relationship to come around that seemingly fulfills the hole of loneliness attention-seeking requirements we each have as a human being.
The Vagueness. Yup.
Now let me tell you about the origin of the Vagueness.
People are afraid of rejection. We’re acceptance junkies, and can’t stand when people don’t like us or want us. We all strive to be loved and wanted.
So when two people are interested in each other and start getting to know one another, it’s hugely tempting to keep things “casual” just in case it doesn’t go over well.
Because if you call it “hanging out” you were never actually “dating” right?
And so you “hang out” once.
And then you “hang out” a second and third time.
And then one person starts to wonder “what this is” and a DTR talk needs to happen. (“Define the Relationship”).
And if both people are feelin’ it, maybe you decide you’re dating.
Or maybe one person says “do we have to call it dating?”
Or one person says “yeah I’m not really into you”
Or one person says “what do you mean, we’re just friends?!”
THE DTR TALK IS A BAD SIGN Y’ALL.
If you have to have a define-the-relationship talk, the relationship might not be a healthy one. Just sayin.
Let’s be intentional about dating.
Let’s call dates dates.
Let’s be intentional about how we spend our time with the opposite sex.
I dunno about you, but I’m not looking for more friends. If a guy wants to “hang out” with me, I’m gonna be straight up from the beginning and say “soo is this a date?” and if he says no, then I’ma tell him straight up: sorry _______ but I’m not looking for a friend; I have plenty of those already. I’m looking to be in a serious relationship. And if you aren’t willing to call pursuing me what it is, I’m not interested.”
No more of these half-hearted attempts at getting to know if you like someone enough to be vulnerable with them and show them your heart. Show them that you have a heart. Guess what people. It’s not a secret that you have a heart. So can we PLEASE stop being so superficial about feelings.
Can we PLEASE stop being so vague about intentions. If you aren’t ready to date with marriage as the end goal, stop dating.
If you aren’t even willing to call a date a date, stop asking people to “hang out” and work on yourself first.
Be willing to take emotional risks every once in a while.
If you’re currently in a vague situation, there’s hope. Call out the Vagueness.
Repeat: do NOT settle for the vagueness. You’re worth clarity.
You’re worth clarity. You’re worth someone pursuing you like crazy. There is someone out there who wants you wholeheartedly; not half-assedly. There is someone whose heart will beat for you. There is someone out there who won’t take “no” for an answer. Wait for that person.
Do NOT settle for the vagueness.
Time to challenge each other to live in the light. Intentionally. With boldness, honesty, and clarity. Let’s do each other a favor and stop wasting each other’s time if we aren’t meant to be with that person.
Don’t let fear and lies tell you that you will always be alone. If you’re with the wrong person. you are robbing them and yourselves of the right relationship!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The one that God has for you. Don’t let fear drive or control you.
Let’s be intentional with the short amount of time we have in this life.
in this day in age of text messages. the do’s and don’ts.
I used to sit around and wait for your reply. And then when I would get it, I wouldn’t send one back. Not until enough time had passed. I wanted to seem apathetic about the whole thing. Like I didn’t really care whether I heard from you or not.
but oh how I cared.
apathetic? more like pathetic
texting. what a wonderful, terrible invention. a convenient, terribly inconvenient platform for the control freak who’s pursuing a relationship.
with text messaging, and phones in general, we have direct 24/7 access to whomever we want to talk to; be it on social media, texting or calling. (if that person has a (smart) phone or social media or whatever, smarty pants. 🙂
so this dilemma is created where we can talk to people when we feel like it. and if we don’t feel like it, we don’t have to respond. and then there’s the games. the i’m-going-to-throw-this-person-a-proverbial-bone-to-keep-their-interest-so-as-to-feed-my-ego-when-i-see-fit
until of course, the recipient figures out the underlying intentions of the sender’s messages and wisens up (AKA stops replying). or better yet, somehow turns it around on the sender so as to give him/her a taste of their own medicine. but truly narcissistic, egotistical sender’s won’t care if the recipient responds or not because they have more than likely sent out more than just one message to one recipient, but many messages to many poor, hungry-to-be-loved-and-striving-for-affection-and-attention sort of folks.
so. why do we do this? i would say options. we all like to have options. and convenience. it’s highly convenient to send out a text to someone. takes very little effort yet can mean a lot to one person and very little to another. plus, nobody wants to die alone. some people have a hard time being alone for an extremely short amount of time; and present technology contributes to this “issue”. y’all have probably heard of the concept of how our “connected” world is more disconnected than ever before because everybody’s “plugged in” online and on their phones, but interpersonal relationships are suffering and being pushed to the back burner. conversational skills are going down the tubes and it’s becoming easier and easier to isolate ourselves from other people.
this is not normal, btw
it’s not how we were designed to live and be
we were designed to thrive in community with others
but i digress
this post was supposed to be about my ex-fake-half-assed-suitors
i have met a fair share of real men who are willing to put their hearts on the line and be vulnerable when it comes to pursuing a lady. men who are willing to risk calling a “date'” a date. and not “hanging out” or some other form of copping out of committing to vulnerability.
love is messy. can we just agree about that
but I love C.S. Lewis’s quote about it:
““To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
Be vulnerable, people. Be willing to put yourself out there and LOVE. Love BIG! Each moment is a gift from our sweet Lord…. and there’s no telling when the end will come for any of us. Not to be dark, but it’s reality. So LOVE
my gears stop turning and i’m fixed on some reality
that only operates in the realm of a hopeful fallacy
it might not be fallacy
that’s the hope for a control freak like me
there’s always the “could be” that I struggle with waiting for
as I’m constantly checking my phone even though i swore
i wouldn’t for 2 hours but it’s only been minutes
because i convince myself i missed it
shoot i know i must have
and then the other side of me says
naww i think i was wrong
it was never the way i thought it was all along
so i go back to singing a new song
and think if i had been different so would my circumstance
if only i’d _____________________
then you’d have given me a chance
lies i can’t begin to figure out even if i tried
but i do, and i fail
because God only knows
why you would or wouldn’t reach out
since it’s all in His timing
and He’s got somebody lined up for me
and i hope it’s you
i believe it is
is that a crime
i love taken the broken and making it beautiful
believing in things that don’t deserve a second glance
because while there is breath there is hope
and all things can be made new
and the effort is worth it
even if for a moment’s satisfaction
a flicker of beauty
a spark of joy
so the open door beckons
and i go to it and step out
and i think i see you up ahead
i think i hear you call my name
as i get closer it might be a game
as i get closer it might be for naught
but there’s hope
and if nothing else
we danced a dance
and feeling out
each person looking
each person wondering
each person hoping
each person waiting
so Lord help me wait. Help me improve on the waiting. Help me not halt my life while I wait. Help me work while I wait. Help me worship while I wait. Help me worship and work. While I wait. Make me consistently faithful and dedicated. Not conditionally dedicated under certain circumstances of feeling loved or wanted. Thank you that You always love me and always want me. <3