Tag: communication

“I refuse to check my fbook one more time”

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She says adamantly. While contemplating the hypothetical relationship she invented in her head.

She takes another bite of her perfectly-ripe pear and chews slowly with slightly widened eyes.

I wonder if he added me yet. Or if he saw my message. Oh dear, I hope he accepted me! Why wouldn’t he accept me? Is it because I gave him the cold shoulder last night? Why am I so weird to people when I have a crush on them?

She got up and walked over to the mirror, looking at her own reflection. She saw her freckles and long, brown hair and bright blue eyes and smiled at herself. One of those school-picture smiles with no real emotion in it that one would give the photographer when he says “cheese!”. Essentially bearing ones’ teeth. Awkward.

Or maybe he hasn’t seen it yet. Maybe he’s one of those people that checks their social media once a day. Or once a week. Hmm. Even if he doesn’t accept my request, which he will, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. But then there’s the message I sent… 

All of the sudden she realized what she was doing. Living in the hypotheticals was something she promised herself she would stop doing. Living in fear or possible rejection was something she had declared she was “done” with. She had decided to live her life.

And right at that moment…

When she let go of the need to hear from this person…

He messaged her.

AYyyyyyyyyy

Okay. This story was about me, I admit it.

😀 😀 😀

TO BE CONTINUED!

xxx

<3

V

Expectations

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Wow.

It really is all about expectations. Like ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

As Christians, our expectations shouldn’t change. We should be (based on scripture) ever-growing in joy, peace, love, faithfulness, gentleness, kindness, goodness, patience, and self control. We should be counting our sufferings as joy, turning the other cheek, living without fear or worry. These are the things the bible says.

If only it were that easy. To trust and believe these things and live them out. It takes discipline. It takes being in a constant posture of prayer and humility. A posture of receiving from the Lord. The knowledge that we can’t do anything apart from Him (John 15:5) but with him, all things are possible (Matt. 19:26).

If we lived this way, I dare to say that we wouldn’t be disappointed. Or at least we wouldn’t live in a state of disappointed. We wouldn’t be surprised at the world and at broken people. We wouldn’t take it personally or remain shocked that a person could be so vengeful. We wouldn’t gossip to our friends and family about how so-and-so offended us.

We would communicate clearly and directly what we want, what we expect from people. We wouldn’t fear people or their outcomes. We would say what we mean and mean what we say. We wouldn’t wait until we’re ready to explode to communicate our thoughts and desires.

We wouldn’t beat around the bush, get stuck inside our heads, constantly overthink everything, justify ourselves constantly when we wrong someone. We wouldn’t be quick to point out other’s mistakes and slow to admit our own… if we really believed what the bible says.

The only way to know what the bible says is to read it. To listen to it. To meditate on it day and night and not let it depart from our lips (Joshua 1:8).

The more we study the scriptures the better people we will become. Because the journey of being a christian is to become like Jesus more and more everyday. That happens slowly over time and only with the power of God living inside us. “Don’t you know you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst?” 1 Corinthians 3:16.

The bible helps us set expectations. The bible helps us meet other’s expectations.

The bible helps us communicate directly and not use empty words.

Words words words.

Wordy words.

But what about the Word?

The Word of God is not a book of nonsensical ramblings. It’s the way, the truth and the life. And it’s ours, for free.

Whatever you’re going through right now, whether it’s in your job or with your partner or with a friend or someone you serve with at church or at a volunteer organization, know this:

We are to speak the Truth in love. And we aren’t always going to get it right. We’re going to fall short a lot. We are going to wish we had set an expectation with someone that we did not, and now we’re suffering for it. We’re going to learn what we expect from people as they let us down and only then do we realize how much somethings bothers us. We’re going to try and fail to keep someone’s set expectations. We’re going to get disappointed sometimes, frustrated sometimes, and hindsight is quickly going to become 20/20.

And the good news is, we can move forward. We can move on. We can re-state our expectations, explain what needs to be done or not done or changed in order to meet them. We can confess and apologize and move forward when we let someone else down. We can learn to formulate our thoughts and feelings into words in order to communicate our desires to others.

Move forward.

Move on.

Communicate clearly.

Be patient with people. Think of how long-suffering God is with us as we learn so so slowly how to abide by his word.

Forgive people. Remember, we forgive because God first forgave us. What other reason do we have? We know it’s the right thing to do because he tells us so.

View others with lenses of compassion, not condemnation. Not without forgiveness. Not despicably. Everyone starts somewhere. And we can’t expect others to know what we know. We can’t.

Do you have a good story of expectations and disappointments?

xxx

<3

V

 

why is it hard to say i miss you

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It shouldn’t be so hard.

But I guess you don’t miss me.

Though your actions suggest that you do.

Your words (mostly) suggest that you do.

You notice that I was “miss”-ing.

Though you couldn’t say the words

I miss you

Haste makes waste. I’m always saying this stinkin’ phrase. But then I want everything to happen within a certain time frame.

I do it to myself. HURRY UP HURRY UP

Oh God, why is this way in me?

I guess I’m conditioned to think that if at first you don’t express yourself the way that makes me feel loved, I fear you never will. But love grows

love grows

and we learn to love people properly.

“I’m just not a loving person” someone says.

We learn to love.

Not everyone feels loved the same way, so we must learn to love them the way they need to be loved.

Just like I shouldn’t expect someone to tell me the words that I want to hear. I want to hear that I was missed. I want to hear that it was you that missed me. I want you to be bold enough to say it.

But maybe you aren’t ready. And I can’t force you to say it. I don’t WANT to force you to say it. I just can’t help comparing you to others in the past. The way they said exactly the right words. The way they loved and made me feel special. The way they knew how to love.

I am missing it. That’s why we aren’t supposed to awaken love until its’ proper time. But I thought those more recent times were the appropriate times to

 

I found this in my drafts. I read someone else’s blog post about a draft they found, so I thought I’d share this one. Cheers! <3 xoxo V

morning

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yawn

another morning has arrived. Praise the Lord! I’m glad He got me up today. He allowed me to, anyway. I love waking up naturally and not feeling tired. It’s wonderful. Having enough sleep is SUCH a blessing. I am thankful.

And to think I could’ve done something about this a long time ago. Hahah

But for my non-confrontational personality, “inconveniencing” somebody else is never my first choice. I will choose to bend to other’s wills before my own if I can help avoid hurting someone’s feelings. But then there are the times that I don’t put other’s feelings before my own.

Lemme pause, it’s good to be considerate of people’s feelings and not set out to make anyone else’s life harder, but choosing whether or not to have a conversation shouldn’t be so earth-shaking if it might involve stepping on a toe, or making someone annoyed or uncomfortable…. especially if the premise is to make life better.

For example: I had a hard conversation via texts the other day. NOTE next time I will respond to the first message by saying “I’d much prefer to talk about this in person. When are you free?”

Anywho, that is not what I did. We texted back and forth for a bit, and the person I was texting with was angry with me, so they were probably interpreting my responses as coming back as angry and bitter as they were feeling. Not cool and not true! I saw that person the next day and asked if they wanted to talk and they said no. I don’t feel that it’s been resolved. So we are going to talk today. :O

We’ll see how that goes! Naww, but I’ve been praying a lot and feel pretty good about this whole thing. I know where I stand, I know I wasn’t in the wrong, and I know that this person in hurting. The good news is, they aren’t saved yet. So I’ve been praying a lot for their salvation.

God says “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm-neither hot nor cold-I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” Revelation 3:15-16

God wishes we were either HOT for Him or COLD towards Him; not lukewarm.

I heard a great sermon the other day that referenced this verse. They said that God doesn’t want us to be on the fence, choosing God’s will and God’s ways today and our will and the world’s ways tomorrow. If we are all the way committed to being against Him, we will reach rock bottom more quickly! God WANTS us to be dependent on Him! He wants us to realize how badly we need a savior and then come to see that God sent us Jesus to do that very thing: save us from our sins. Teach us in the way we should go. Reconcile us to God. Give us the peace of Christ. Change us by the Holy Spirit to live a righteous life.

So I’m praying for this conversation to go well. Either way, I won’t react, I won’t get all up in anyone’s face. I won’t be surprised by any anger channeled towards me. I realize this person is taking out a whole slew of problems on me and I’m choosing to forgive them before they say they are sorry. I’m choosing to look at what they must be feeling in their heart during this hard time: frustration, loss of control, hopelessness.

Remember my people, the war is not against the flesh and blood; it’s in the spirit. Ephesians 6:12.

Hope you have a BLESSED Friday. I am working 9-6 and then hopefully going dancing later if my left knee permits me. It’s bein’ a leeeetle funkay today. Gotta be careful. If I do dance it will be brief since I’ve been seriously loving going to bed early and getting up early, feeling rested. I love enjoying my quiet time with the Lord in the morning.

Love you all! <3

xxx

V

early to bed…

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early to rise!

Definitely a good cycle to be in! I much prefer it. Wednesday-Saturday night I can pretty much get to bed by 10 if I want to. 😀 Hmm actually tonight may be more like 11. Still not bad.

But I’m up now. I actually woke up for the first time around 4:45am. And then again at 615ish. I got up at 6:30ish. Had a nice time of adoration and prayer in candlelight. Made coffee and some breaffffffast. And now am talking to y’all.

To collect my current thoughts regarding a situation I am in: 

Do not fear people. Do not live to please people.

Stick to your convictions and do not conform to other people’s morals just to get them to like you.

Do not run from confrontation. Stick it out through the fire and talk it out.

Get to the bottom of the issue, apologize if necessary, even if the reason for your apology is that the other person has to go through something and not necessarily because it’s your fault.

Ask how you can help or change or do better if necessary.

Look to God for His peace and ask Him for it. Ask and you shall receive O children of God! 🙂

Talk to God about what to do before talking to other people about what to do. Ask God for wisdom in what to say or not say.

After prayer and reading the bible, then talk to other people. I can always do better at this one.

*something happens.

*calls BFF #VENTSESHBEGINS

Not always the best idea.

Lastly, always look to God. Whatever situation you’re going through is a flicker in time. A blink. And it soon shall pass. And when the trial ends, you shall be more like gold. <3

Lord, I thank you for this hiccup. I thank you for this chance to forgive somebody who is acting unreasonable. Lord I pray that you would come them down. I pray that you would soften their heart. I pray that you would open their eyes to the heart of the issue: their feeling of not being in control, frustration for the way that cards have been dealt, and tendency to point the finger. Lord I pray that your Holy Spirit would infiltrate their heart in the name of Jesus. I pray that you would change them from the inside out, because you alone have the power to change hearts. Thank you for loving me abundantly and without condition. Thank you for always drawing me closer to Yourself and reminding me of your endless power. Amen.

xxx

<3

V

I obeyed

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and I feel a lot better. I obeyed because my Father told me to do something.

My Father knows what I need. He knows what I lack. He knows the areas that I have to grow in. He challenges me. He comforts me at the same time. He walks alongside me.

He was with me tonight when I had a hard conversation.

Confrontation is not my favorite thing. It’s actually really hard for me. It’s difficult to confront people about things that bother me. I’m not great at it because I don’t want to hurt the person I have to confront. I have been trained to walk on eggshells my whole life; never wanting to hurt anyone or experience the possibility of an adverse reaction. Anything to avoid conflict. But God is teaching me how to have hard conversations. He keeps impressing upon me — with His Holy Spirit– times and opportunities to talk about the hard things.

And it wasn’t so bad. Nobody bit my head off. Nobody yelled at me or threw anything at me. Nobody sneered at me, scoffed at me, or mocked me. What I said was received, and received well. Seemingly.

Though time will tell. Time will reveal the fruit of last night’s conversation. But I had to say the things I said. They were eating me from the inside out. And I feel better now. And I trust the Lord!

The fruit of the Spirit of goodness means telling someone the truth even when it hurts. It’s saying it out of a place of love, and in a loving manner. But often times it’s hard to do.

Watch my video on kindness/goodness! 🙂  https://youtu.be/Z2N2JKbtm_0 🙂

Lord! Thank you for this Monday morning. Thank you for a sufficient amount of sleep. Thank you for a comfortable bed and a place to wash my face and a way to hear Your Word. Father thank you for hearing my prayers telling me to pray. Thank you for being patient with me and teaching me to rely on You completamente por todos. I love you <3

xx

V

 

 

 

The Vagueness

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I refuse to believe I’m the only one suffering the effects of The Vagueness.

The Vagueness. It’s a serious dilemma. A disease that’s overtaken this culture. An epidemic that drives hundreds of thousands, if not millions of young men and women to confusion, doubt, uncertainty, unnecessary time spent making justifications, and overall heartache.

The Vagueness: coming to a theater near you.

Joking. It’s already everywhere. All around. Everywhere I look. Guys not willing to call a date a date. Girls leading guys on because they enjoy the flattery and the attention.

When did we lose the courage to be straight up with each other? When did people start settling so quickly and easily for the next person and relationship to come around that seemingly fulfills the hole of loneliness attention-seeking requirements we each have as a human being.

The Vagueness. Yup.

Now let me tell you about the origin of the Vagueness.

People are afraid of rejection. We’re acceptance junkies, and can’t stand when people don’t like us or want us. We all strive to be loved and wanted.

So when two people are interested in each other and start getting to know one another, it’s hugely tempting to keep things “casual” just in case it doesn’t go over well.

Because if you call it “hanging out” you were never actually “dating” right?

Right????????!!!!!!!!

And so you “hang out” once.

And then you “hang out” a second and third time.

And then one person starts to wonder “what this is” and a DTR talk needs to happen. (“Define the Relationship”).

And if both people are feelin’ it, maybe you decide you’re dating.

Or maybe one person says “do we have to call it dating?”

Or one person says “yeah I’m not really into you”

Or one person says “what do you mean, we’re just friends?!”

THE DTR TALK IS A BAD SIGN Y’ALL.

If you have to have a define-the-relationship talk, the relationship might not be a healthy one. Just sayin.

Let’s be intentional about dating.

Let’s call dates dates.

Let’s be intentional about how we spend our time with the opposite sex.

I dunno about you, but I’m not looking for more friends. If a guy wants to “hang out” with me, I’m gonna be straight up from the beginning and say “soo is this a date?” and if he says no, then I’ma tell him straight up: sorry _______ but I’m not looking for a friend; I have plenty of those already. I’m looking to be in a serious relationship. And if you aren’t willing to call pursuing me what it is, I’m not interested.”

BAM

No more of these half-hearted attempts at getting to know if you like someone enough to be vulnerable with them and show them your heart. Show them that you have a heart. Guess what people. It’s not a secret that you have a heart. So can we PLEASE stop being so superficial about feelings.

Can we PLEASE stop being so vague about intentions. If you aren’t ready to date with marriage as the end goal, stop dating.

If you aren’t even willing to call a date a date, stop asking people to “hang out” and work on yourself first.

Be bold.

Be honest.

Be transparent.

Be vulnerable.

Be willing to take emotional risks every once in a while.

If you’re currently in a vague situation, there’s hope. Call out the Vagueness.

Repeat: do NOT settle for the vagueness. You’re worth clarity.

You’re worth clarity. You’re worth someone pursuing you like crazy. There is someone out there who wants you wholeheartedly; not half-assedly. There is someone whose heart will beat for you. There is someone out there who won’t take “no” for an answer. Wait for that person.

Do NOT settle for the vagueness.

Time to challenge each other to live in the light. Intentionally. With boldness, honesty, and clarity. Let’s do each other a favor and stop wasting each other’s time if we aren’t meant to be with that person.

Don’t let fear and lies tell you that you will always be alone. If you’re with the wrong person. you are robbing them and yourselves of the right relationship!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

The one that God has for you. Don’t let fear drive or control you.

 

Let’s be intentional with the short amount of time we have in this life.

I’m excited for us.

xxx

<3

V

 

dear past subject of interest

Published on by Velvet2 Comments

oh how I used to get so mad.

in this day in age of text messages. the do’s and don’ts.

the should-i-text-you-first-or-wait-for-you-to-text-me

the you-waited-fifteen-minutes-to-reply-so-i-must-also-wait-fifteen-minutes-so-as-not-to-appear-more-interested-than-you-or-desperate-or-too-available

by golly

I used to sit around and wait for your reply. And then when I would get it, I wouldn’t send one back. Not until enough time had passed. I wanted to seem apathetic about the whole thing. Like I didn’t really care whether I heard from you or not.

but oh how I cared.

apathetic? more like pathetic

ya.

texting. what a wonderful, terrible invention. a convenient, terribly inconvenient platform for the control freak who’s pursuing a relationship.

with text messaging, and phones in general, we have direct 24/7 access to whomever we want to talk to; be it on social media, texting or calling. (if that person has a (smart) phone or social media or whatever, smarty pants. 🙂

so this dilemma is created where we can talk to people when we feel like it. and if we don’t feel like it, we don’t have to respond. and then there’s the games. the i’m-going-to-throw-this-person-a-proverbial-bone-to-keep-their-interest-so-as-to-feed-my-ego-when-i-see-fit

until of course, the recipient figures out the underlying intentions of the sender’s messages and wisens up (AKA stops replying). or better yet, somehow turns it around on the sender so as to give him/her a taste of their own medicine. but truly narcissistic, egotistical sender’s won’t care if the recipient responds or not because they have more than likely sent out more than just one message to one recipient, but many messages to many poor, hungry-to-be-loved-and-striving-for-affection-and-attention sort of folks.

so. why do we do this? i would say options. we all like to have options. and convenience. it’s highly convenient to send out a text to someone. takes very little effort yet can mean a lot to one person and very little to another. plus, nobody wants to die alone. some people have a hard time being alone for an extremely short amount of time; and present technology contributes to this “issue”. y’all have probably heard of the concept of how our “connected” world is more disconnected than ever before because everybody’s “plugged in” online and on their phones, but interpersonal relationships are suffering and being pushed to the back burner. conversational skills are going down the tubes and it’s becoming easier and easier to isolate ourselves from other people.

this is not normal, btw

it’s not how we were designed to live and be

we were designed to thrive in community with others

but i digress

this post was supposed to be about my ex-fake-half-assed-suitors

sigh.

i have met a fair share of real men who are willing to put their hearts on the line and be vulnerable when it comes to pursuing a lady. men who are willing to risk calling a “date'” a date. and not “hanging out” or some other form of copping out of committing to vulnerability.

love is messy. can we just agree about that

but I love C.S. Lewis’s quote about it:

““To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

 

ahhhh. beautifully said. applause. applause. <3 <3 <3

I think I must end there.

Be vulnerable, people. Be willing to put yourself out there and LOVE. Love BIG! Each moment is a gift from our sweet Lord…. and there’s no telling when the end will come for any of us. Not to be dark, but it’s reality. So LOVE

Always love.

<3

xxx

V