She says adamantly. While contemplating the hypothetical relationship she invented in her head.
She takes another bite of her perfectly-ripe pear and chews slowly with slightly widened eyes.
I wonder if he added me yet. Or if he saw my message. Oh dear, I hope he accepted me! Why wouldn’t he accept me? Is it because I gave him the cold shoulder last night? Why am I so weird to people when I have a crush on them?
She got up and walked over to the mirror, looking at her own reflection. She saw her freckles and long, brown hair and bright blue eyes and smiled at herself. One of those school-picture smiles with no real emotion in it that one would give the photographer when he says “cheese!”. Essentially bearing ones’ teeth. Awkward.
Or maybe he hasn’t seen it yet. Maybe he’s one of those people that checks their social media once a day. Or once a week. Hmm. Even if he doesn’t accept my request, which he will, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. But then there’s the message I sent…
All of the sudden she realized what she was doing. Living in the hypotheticals was something she promised herself she would stop doing. Living in fear or possible rejection was something she had declared she was “done” with. She had decided to live her life.
And right at that moment…
When she let go of the need to hear from this person…
It really is all about expectations. Like ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
As Christians, our expectations shouldn’t change. We should be (based on scripture) ever-growing in joy, peace, love, faithfulness, gentleness, kindness, goodness, patience, and self control. We should be counting our sufferings as joy, turning the other cheek, living without fear or worry. These are the things the bible says.
If only it were that easy. To trust and believe these things and live them out. It takes discipline. It takes being in a constant posture of prayer and humility. A posture of receiving from the Lord. The knowledge that we can’t do anything apart from Him (John 15:5) but with him, all things are possible (Matt. 19:26).
If we lived this way, I dare to say that we wouldn’t be disappointed. Or at least we wouldn’t live in a state of disappointed. We wouldn’t be surprised at the world and at broken people. We wouldn’t take it personally or remain shocked that a person could be so vengeful. We wouldn’t gossip to our friends and family about how so-and-so offended us.
We would communicate clearly and directly what we want, what we expect from people. We wouldn’t fear people or their outcomes. We would say what we mean and mean what we say. We wouldn’t wait until we’re ready to explode to communicate our thoughts and desires.
We wouldn’t beat around the bush, get stuck inside our heads, constantly overthink everything, justify ourselves constantly when we wrong someone. We wouldn’t be quick to point out other’s mistakes and slow to admit our own… if we really believed what the bible says.
The only way to know what the bible says is to read it. To listen to it. To meditate on it day and night and not let it depart from our lips (Joshua 1:8).
The more we study the scriptures the better people we will become. Because the journey of being a christian is to become like Jesus more and more everyday. That happens slowly over time and only with the power of God living inside us. “Don’t you know you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst?” 1 Corinthians 3:16.
The bible helps us set expectations. The bible helps us meet other’s expectations.
The bible helps us communicate directly and not use empty words.
Words words words.
But what about the Word?
The Word of God is not a book of nonsensical ramblings. It’s the way, the truth and the life. And it’s ours, for free.
Whatever you’re going through right now, whether it’s in your job or with your partner or with a friend or someone you serve with at church or at a volunteer organization, know this:
We are to speak the Truth in love. And we aren’t always going to get it right. We’re going to fall short a lot. We are going to wish we had set an expectation with someone that we did not, and now we’re suffering for it. We’re going to learn what we expect from people as they let us down and only then do we realize how much somethings bothers us. We’re going to try and fail to keep someone’s set expectations. We’re going to get disappointed sometimes, frustrated sometimes, and hindsight is quickly going to become 20/20.
And the good news is, we can move forward. We can move on. We can re-state our expectations, explain what needs to be done or not done or changed in order to meet them. We can confess and apologize and move forward when we let someone else down. We can learn to formulate our thoughts and feelings into words in order to communicate our desires to others.
Be patient with people. Think of how long-suffering God is with us as we learn so so slowly how to abide by his word.
Forgive people. Remember, we forgive because God first forgave us. What other reason do we have? We know it’s the right thing to do because he tells us so.
View others with lenses of compassion, not condemnation. Not without forgiveness. Not despicably. Everyone starts somewhere. And we can’t expect others to know what we know. We can’t.
Do you have a good story of expectations and disappointments?
Just found this draft from 3 years ago. Good stuff. Enjoy!
I used to think about dating like something that everybody did for fun. Dating for a couple months here and there to hang out with somebody, kiss and hug them, share your life with them. I had my first “boyfriend” in eighth grade. His name was Zach and he was two inches shorter than me. We sat together on the bus on the way to field trips and he took me to the eighth grade semi-formal dance. We met up at an ice-cream social one time and played freeze-tag with some people. His parents picked me up on July 3rd, 2006 to take me to see some fireworks in the next town over. On the way home I kissed him on the lips. I was thirteen. It was not a kiss to write home about. I broke up with him two weeks later because he hadn’t called and didn’t have a cell phone to text me on.
I dated my second boyfriend two years later. His name was Andrew and he played the guitar. I broke up with him after one month because I met someone else who I shook hands with and left me with an electric feeling.
It was my first “real” relationship, classified as such both by the length of time we were “together”, two and a half years, and the fact that we were in love <3 <3 <3
I broke up with him two weeks after we both started at the same college. I was seventeen turning eighteen several weeks later.
Y me pregunto, cual es el punto?! </3And I ask myself, what’s the point?
As a kingdom-builder, I can no longer justify dating to myself. Dating, without the intention of marriage, is like having a monthly payment for an apartment. It’s sending your money up in smoke without investing in a long-term home that you can profit off of and build upon.
Dating is pouring time and energy into a relationship that doesn’t promise long-lasting results. “We’ll see how things go” is the attitude that most people have. Play it by ear. Take things one day at a time.
Modern dating can be defined as having a relationship with someone that resembles marriage but doesn’t require commitment. Boyfriends and girlfriends often share their families, bodies, money, time, friendships and other aspects of their lives with each other. But they do such things on absolutely no time-line, with no purposeful direction, and with no promised intent of marriage.
As a kingdom-builder, I’ma have to call out dating as NON-PROFITABLE.
God created sex, love and marriage for us, as His children, to enjoy. But it’s allllllll about the timing. There’s a time-line for each of our lives with perfect places for these beautiful creations…. Sex, love and marriage will serve us the best, and allow us to thrive within these roles if we engage in them at the right time.
There’s nothing worse than bad timing.
Did I need to have a boyfriend at age 13?
This isn’t about making anyone feel bad who is dating without the intent of marriage. This is me, a 24 (almost 26 now!)(almost 27 now actually 😀 ) year old woman, sharing with y’all my life and the choices I would’ve made if I knew better.
If you are in a relationship, ask yourself and your s/o these questions:
Is our time and energy with each other going up in smoke or are we investing in building a life-long kingdom together
Are we ready to be in a relationship together or should we wait until a more appropriate time
Are we becoming better or worse versions of ourselves with this relationship
What about our relationship helps us grow emotionally and spiritually
What do we have to show for the kingdom of our relationship so far
What foundation are we building our kingdom on
Are we on the same page about where this relationship is going
Do we have a direction that the relationship is moving in
What determines how serious our relationship is; sex or commitment to be married
If you aren’t in a relationship, consider this:
When it comes to love and comes to dating
the true magic lies in the waiting
Why practice short term relationships?
when things in life that mean the most to us
are built o v e r t i m e
on solid foundations.
Set your standards high, beautiful people. You are worth the wait!
another morning has arrived. Praise the Lord! I’m glad He got me up today. He allowed me to, anyway. I love waking up naturally and not feeling tired. It’s wonderful. Having enough sleep is SUCH a blessing. I am thankful.
And to think I could’ve done something about this a long time ago. Hahah
But for my non-confrontational personality, “inconveniencing” somebody else is never my first choice. I will choose to bend to other’s wills before my own if I can help avoid hurting someone’s feelings. But then there are the times that I don’t put other’s feelings before my own.
Lemme pause, it’s good to be considerate of people’s feelings and not set out to make anyone else’s life harder, but choosing whether or not to have a conversation shouldn’t be so earth-shaking if it might involve stepping on a toe, or making someone annoyed or uncomfortable…. especially if the premise is to make life better.
For example: I had a hard conversation via texts the other day. NOTE next time I will respond to the first message by saying “I’d much prefer to talk about this in person. When are you free?”
Anywho, that is not what I did. We texted back and forth for a bit, and the person I was texting with was angry with me, so they were probably interpreting my responses as coming back as angry and bitter as they were feeling. Not cool and not true! I saw that person the next day and asked if they wanted to talk and they said no. I don’t feel that it’s been resolved. So we are going to talk today. :O
We’ll see how that goes! Naww, but I’ve been praying a lot and feel pretty good about this whole thing. I know where I stand, I know I wasn’t in the wrong, and I know that this person in hurting. The good news is, they aren’t saved yet. So I’ve been praying a lot for their salvation.
God says “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm-neither hot nor cold-I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” Revelation 3:15-16
God wishes we were either HOT for Him or COLD towards Him; not lukewarm.
I heard a great sermon the other day that referenced this verse. They said that God doesn’t want us to be on the fence, choosing God’s will and God’s ways today and our will and the world’s ways tomorrow. If we are all the way committed to being against Him, we will reach rock bottom more quickly! God WANTS us to be dependent on Him! He wants us to realize how badly we need a savior and then come to see that God sent us Jesus to do that very thing: save us from our sins. Teach us in the way we should go. Reconcile us to God. Give us the peace of Christ. Change us by the Holy Spirit to live a righteous life.
So I’m praying for this conversation to go well. Either way, I won’t react, I won’t get all up in anyone’s face. I won’t be surprised by any anger channeled towards me. I realize this person is taking out a whole slew of problems on me and I’m choosing to forgive them before they say they are sorry. I’m choosing to look at what they must be feeling in their heart during this hard time: frustration, loss of control, hopelessness.
Remember my people, the war is not against the flesh and blood; it’s in the spirit. Ephesians 6:12.
Hope you have a BLESSED Friday. I am working 9-6 and then hopefully going dancing later if my left knee permits me. It’s bein’ a leeeetle funkay today. Gotta be careful. If I do dance it will be brief since I’ve been seriously loving going to bed early and getting up early, feeling rested. I love enjoying my quiet time with the Lord in the morning.
Definitely a good cycle to be in! I much prefer it. Wednesday-Saturday night I can pretty much get to bed by 10 if I want to. 😀 Hmm actually tonight may be more like 11. Still not bad.
But I’m up now. I actually woke up for the first time around 4:45am. And then again at 615ish. I got up at 6:30ish. Had a nice time of adoration and prayer in candlelight. Made coffee and some breaffffffast. And now am talking to y’all.
To collect my current thoughts regarding a situation I am in:
Do not fear people. Do not live to please people.
Stick to your convictions and do not conform to other people’s morals just to get them to like you.
Do not run from confrontation. Stick it out through the fire and talk it out.
Get to the bottom of the issue, apologize if necessary, even if the reason for your apology is that the other person has to go through something and not necessarily because it’s your fault.
Ask how you can help or change or do better if necessary.
Look to God for His peace and ask Him for it. Ask and you shall receive O children of God! 🙂
Talk to God about what to do before talking to other people about what to do. Ask God for wisdom in what to say or not say.
After prayer and reading the bible, then talk to other people. I can always do better at this one.
*calls BFF #VENTSESHBEGINS
Not always the best idea.
Lastly, always look to God. Whatever situation you’re going through is a flicker in time. A blink. And it soon shall pass. And when the trial ends, you shall be more like gold. <3
Lord, I thank you for this hiccup. I thank you for this chance to forgive somebody who is acting unreasonable. Lord I pray that you would come them down. I pray that you would soften their heart. I pray that you would open their eyes to the heart of the issue: their feeling of not being in control, frustration for the way that cards have been dealt, and tendency to point the finger. Lord I pray that your Holy Spirit would infiltrate their heart in the name of Jesus. I pray that you would change them from the inside out, because you alone have the power to change hearts. Thank you for loving me abundantly and without condition. Thank you for always drawing me closer to Yourself and reminding me of your endless power. Amen.
Just spewing way too many words out at one time and not caring how discombobulated they may appear together. I am just letting my thoughts FLOW
It’s so refreshing.
SO here we go.
I am so happy to be in New Hampshire. I am happy to be with my family. It’s hard in many different ways to be here as some yucky stuff rises to the surface from the past, but esa es la vida I suppose. Though overall, it’s been FUN. I love the woods. I love the serenity. I love the peacefulness. I love the puns and the jokes and the laughs, smiles, pictures. I love seeing my bloods.
I’ve never said that before, but I think I’ll start. My bloods. My blood relatives. Brudders and seester. I only have one sees! I mean I have a step sees. And a step sees-in-law. It’s my step-bros wife. I think I said that right ayeeeeee?
So. Words. Yes. I am happy to be writing them! I am happy to have time to do so! I am happy to experience ample amounts of time to sit and BE and EXIST with people that I love. It’s refreshing.
I can calm down and not run at a million miles an hour. Which is hard for me, since I tend to do dis. Run run run. Run.
Busy busy busy. Busy.
I recently found out the actual definition of introverted vs. extroverted. Well, at least this person was confident in these definitions and I liked them, so we’re going to pretend that he was correct for the purpose of my expansion on this particular topic within these set grounds.
Introverted: processing information internally, alone
Extroverted: processing information around others
Soooo I’m definitely MORE extroverted. Which I have mostly embraced. Though certain individuals tell me I’m introverted. Probably because compared to them and their extreme-extrovertedness I seem intro. Or maybe it’s because we have the kind of relationship where when I’m around them all I do is listen. Which, by the way, is totally fine. Some people I just listen to when I visit. Or mostly listen to. Other people, I mostly talk when we visit. Both are fine. Though my favorite kind of relationship is when both parties are doing equal amounts of talking and listening.
Which brings me to my next topic of conversation. Or writing, since y’all aren’t really conversing with me. But please comment or ask questions below!!! I love to hear from people!! 🙂 <3 🙂 <3 🙂 <3 🙂 <3
Sometimes I don’t want advice from people. I just want to talk about something difficult and have the other person say “I’m sorry to hear that.” Or something. Especially when the person hardly understands my situation.
(of a person or their behavior) failing to observe the limits of what is permitted or appropriate.
“I hope I won’t be considered presumptuous if I offer some advice”
Presumptuous. I recently dealt with a situation where someone was rather presumptuous. As in I said something was challenging and they ASSUMED I was doing or saying certain things and proceeded to advise me not to do or say those things which they THOUGHT I was doing and saying even though I wasn’t. >:(
Look maybe I’m overreacting. But it really made me PO’ed that this person assumed a bunch of stuff. 🙁 🙁 🙁
Let’s be quick to listen and slow to speak.
Quick to listen.
Slow to speak.
We don’t have to say everything that comes to mind 😉 In fact, most of the garbage that comes to mind right off the bat is literally garbage and shouldn’t ever be shared with another human. Learning to guard communication, filter stuff out, actually listen to people, and take time responding is sooooo important. It’s the loving thing to do.
Considerate. Thoughtful. Considering others before ourselves. This is what we ought to do. Be servants. Live to serve other people. Consider others better than ourselves.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves” Philippians 2:3
So that, my friends, is what I choose to do today. I choose to value others above myself. Myshelf. Myelf. On the shelf hehehheehheheheheheheheeh
My Dad, stepma, bro’s, sis, neighbor, friend. Even those who torment me. Today I choose to value all others above myself. To serve others in love. Because love changes things. Love that is not based on condition changes things. Real love lives on no matter what. Real love turns the other cheek. Real love forgives others for their shortcomings. Real love doesn’t say “because you didn’t do THIS, I’m not going to love you.” or “because you DID this, I’m not going to forgive you.”
Real love is always
I choose to love and serve others today. With the help of Jesus. He alone can grow the patience and love in me. I love others because He first loved me.
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
Christ died for me on the cross to save me from my sin so thatI could have peace with God. He wants to have peace with me because He loves me.
I want to have peace with others.
No matter how they treat me. Real peace is being right with God. And today, I will show God to others by choosing to serve others, regardless of how they treat me.
God created nature to have order, and order means timing and placement matter.
Timing is everything. This post is about the importance of timing when it comes to gardening and dating. Believe it or not, they have a lot in common.
Planting the Seed
It’s spring time in April, which means it’s time to plant. Seeds and dating relationships. Starting the process of germinating and planting can’t be done too early or too late, but has to coincide with the season at its’ proper time.
In order to germinate a seed, the proper amount of light, warmth, time and saturation is needed. With too much or too little of these things, it will not germinate.
Dating is one in the same.
When a seed is germinating it takes anywhere from 24 hours to several days for the seed to sprout. Once the sprouted seed is planted, some seeds may grow into plants, and some seeds will not grow at all. Some plants will bear fruit, and others will not.
fresh parsley from the garden 😀
Dating relationships and seeds have a lot in common. Without time and patience at the beginnings of a relationship, nothing will become of it. Just like you can’t force a seed to sprout, you can’t force a relationship to sprout.
Application: Wait patiently for the seed to sprout before planting. Timing is everything. If it doesn’t sprout, don’t plant it (in the ground or in your heart
ermegerd this leaf is kinda heart-shaped :-}
The Growing Season
Once the seed/relationship has sprouted into something alive,
the right soil (…where you spend time)
water (…what feeds your relationship)
and sunlight (…energy sources/motivations) become very important. Without the perfect balance of these things, nothing might become of the seed/relationship. Some things will take longer to grow, and some will not grow at all.
Some plants are like the asparagus; slow to start. Did you know that a baby asparagus takes three years to start producing edible stalks?!
If I was in a relationship with asparagus, it would be hard to patiently wait for that fruit. 😉 <3
We never know what kind of relationship we may enter into. Prepare your heart for any kind; even if it takes years to cultivate.
I have creative neighbors.
Some plants are quickly abundant & massively fruit-bearing. All ya gotta do is toss some seeds at the soil and BAM you’ve got fruit. So if you don’t want melons in your garden this year, think twice about where you compost your melon seeds 😉
Or take potatoes. Stick a piece of potato in the ground and leave it alone. Wait a couple of months and you’ve got tens of pounds of potatoes! (Unless you also happen to have ground moles, in which case you had tens of pounds of potatoes 😛 )
Watering and Pruning
Other plants require much more work & TLC to grow.
As the saying goes, you reap what you sow.
Take kale. This plant requires more pruning than others, and if you don’t stay on top of pruning it, the plants will stop producing fruit to focus on producing flowers. Say bye-bye delicious garden vegetable, and hello to weeeeeeds.
Have you ever felt like you were wasting where you were putting your precious energy? Ever feel like you were pouring time, money, and energy into aesthetics (like kale flowers) that look all pretty and nice from afar but don’t reap any real benefits?
When plants aren’t pruned, they become lawn decorations rather than produce, kinda like this kale.
^ I had to dodge the sprinkler several times to get this shot. Funny for my roommates and neighbors to watch. 😛 But the flowers sure are pretty, aren’t they?? 🙂
Relationships are the same way. Some people click right off the bat and have great fun together; like potatoes. Buds spring up and grow rapidly. Life seems to have been barren one day and bountiful the next. <3
😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀
Other relationships are immense amounts of work and require constant pruning, like kale. “Didn’t I just prune that off yesterday?” Translation: “I thought we just went over this. Must we deal with this again?”
If left un-addressed, the weeds overtake every good part of the relationship and suffocate it. What was once a beautiful bed of flowers and life becomes unrecognizable & useless.
Application: If you want a plant or relationship, be prepared for pruning. Pay attention to the weeds when they spring up, and prune back those bad parts to save the plant.
When to Harvest the Bounty
So what you’ve been growing looks mighty fine. And you’re seriously considering picking off some of its’ fruit. I will take it upon myself to warn you my friend; although the fruit looks good and tasty, it may not be ready to pick.
If picked too early, fruit tastes bland, crunchy and tangy.
Think back to a time you picked an apple or another fruit that wasn’t quite ripe. You couldn’t wait to eat it and dug your teeth into it’s semi-tough skin. Hardly any juice came out of it and your tongue was left feeling dry with a sour taste. The fruit was bland, chalky and hardly had any flavor.
You were so hungry and just couldn’t wait. The fruit satisfied your temporary hunger to an extent but you were left with the overarching feeling of disappointment, dissatisfaction, and a slight stomach ache. The rest of the bitten fruit suddenly wasn’t very appealing anymore.
You should have waited until it was ripe.
my phone takes good pictures
The same is true of physical intimacy in a dating relationship. Sex before marriage. There are many who don’t know what good sex (or fruit!) is because they only know it recreationally; outside the covenant of marriage; AKA when both individuals are “unripe” for sex.
Sex outside of the covenant of marriage versus sex inside the covenant is like the concept of having a perfectly okay knife for slicing tomatoes and then realizing how incredibly dull said-knife is upon the introduction of an excellent knife.
You can’t believe you settled for the knife you had before for so long without knowing what else was out there.
This is a good knife for chopping onions. Yes those are goggles for swimming. And they prevent onion-tears too! 😀
Don’t rush into physical intimacy in a dating relationship. The fruit is desirable, of course, but if you bite it too quickly it won’t satisfy you long-term. Trust me. It will be a much duller version of what it is when ripe; under the covenant of marriage; where commitment is a promise. Only under this context can you explore the depths of sex as it was meant to be created. Wholly, fully; a unity. This is the difference between recreation and something real.
Application: Wait to pick the fruit until it is is ripe.
I think Solomon sums it up pretty well in Ecclesiastes 3. Christian or non-Christian, this message of Truth will give you confidence and trust in times of waiting.
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.”
Gardening, dating, whatever the case may be,
timing is everything, as you can surely see.
Don’t jump the gun or haste & waste, or live your life for today
But live with an eternal lens and trust it’ll be okay.
Oh how I long for the flowers to bloom and the full sun to shine on my face
Oh how I long to be one with Him and never again feel pain.
Oh how I long for the joys of life and ache o’er all the sufferings
But thanks be to God for another day to learn Truth in spite of our wondering.
I hope you learned something here! Happy planting everyone!