According to plan…

lol things definitely have not gone according to the plan. But there’s something very fun and freeing about living in the unknown. I have to admit, I enjoy not being in charge. Well, let’s put it this way, I enjoy God being in charge.

I enjoy and can rest in the Fact that God drives the car and I’m in the passenger seat. He carries my load. I don’t have to. He does give me a plate though; with the following items on the plate:

(I’m going to keep this very vague):

Take care of the people that I put on your path, daughter. And do enjoy them 🙂

.

..

..

.

It’s very simple, actually. Do what God has called you to do. Even when it’s hard. We all have desires of our hearts and we have aspirations etc. but we have to simply do what God has called us to do. Go where God has called us to go. Sometimes I wonder what it is that God would have me to do but it is so so soooo easy to find out what that is. This is how you do it:

Sunday Selfie 😛
  1. Stop what I’m doing (or when I’ve just finished what I had been doing, stop for a moment) and:
  2. Acknowledge God’s presence. Say “hello” and breathe, and thank God for this moment and this day, and:
  3. Ask for His direction.
  4. Ask for strength to complete whatever it is that I am called to do.
I’m spoiled.

Sometimes this means giving up what I had originally planned. But what is means most of the time is that God enables me to do whatever it is that He puts on my heart to do. He is our Father, and He answers our prayers when we asks. Yes, this includes long-term prayers and big prayers, but it also means simple every day prayers that God answers to help us re-focus and be re-charged.

God’s plan is the only plan I want to follow. And He will continually lead us to follow His plan as we enter His presence, seek His face, listen to His voice and obey.

Lord, wow. Just, wow. I trust you. I trust you. I trust your promises. I believe you. I think I’m finally starting to actually believe your promises. Your promises that you actually do take care of me. That you actually do provide ALL that I need. ALL!!! Everything!!!!!!!!! Peace, rest, provision, fun, celebrations, joy, family, friends…. rest…. Life. Life to the full. Thank you Lord for sharing this full life with me <3 Te amo <3 And thank you for helping me trust in Your plans and be willing to be flexible. I just LOVE how you surprise me with SO many good things each and every day. You know what I like and you know what I love and I trust you!!! With all my heart <3 And I am learning to choose to trust you each and every day. Thank you for your great and wonderful ongoing plan!

xxx

V

Stopping and Starting

I think we’re all a little bit guilty of going through the motions and not doing what makes us feel alive. We get stuck in defeating behaviors and just try to make it through the days. Things can seem hopeless when we yearn for change and don’t see it. But God gave us a brain for a reason: to use and to discern and to conquer. To choose what we think about and take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.

The following list has been created to help you discover freedom in being who you really are and doing what you really want to do. (Down below will be the “Start” list!)

Here we go:

Stop doing these things:

Doing and saying things to please other people and gain affection, attention, approval, validation.

Agreeing with somebody when you actually disagree with what they’re saying or doing.

Encouraging somebody to do something that you believe is wrong.

Saying you’re going to do something and not doing anything towards doing it.

Letting negative thoughts take reign over your emotions.

Staying sedentary when you know it feels good to move.

Settling for less than you deserve.

Choosing hopelessness, despair, depression.

Feasting on anxiety, worry, doubt. You’re not God. You don’t know what the future holds.

Start doing these things:

Plan a trip to the beach. You can get a really fabulous Air B&B these days for less than $100/night. The cheapest I’ve ever stayed in one was at $18/night in Orlando, Florida. 😉

Get hungry and cook something new. (f you’re like me, the hunger part might not be that difficult) But find a great recipe and try it out with friends. And then feast on it 🙂

Be honest; always…

Stand up for yourself.

Look in the mirror and tell yourself how beautiful you are, and thank God for making you that way!

Accept the circumstances you’re in currently and work with what you have.

Look around the room and list off all of the things you’re grateful for. Here’s mine:

-cellphone

-smart watch

-blue light glasses

-healthy body

-cute shoes

-cute sweatshirt

-sunny day

-opportunity to write

-opportunity to take pictures

-coffee <3

-bible

-being able to read my bible today

-being able to pray today, and journal

-just got back from a great walk

-the quiet <3

-actually, the subtle city sounds

-knowing the truth about God’s provision. He will a l w a y s take care of me and give me all that I need

-laptop!

-my hair 😀

-friends, family

-job opportunity

-being able to sing out loud and give thanks


SOoooo I could probably go on. There’s something about making a list of all the things I’m grateful for that makes me feel the weight of my blessing. I am extremely blessed and truly lack nothing. Nothing. I don’t need anything. Truly. Some aspects of my life are “up in the air” I guess, but that doesn’t bother me. “Worrying” is on the stop list. Stop worrying. God will take care of His children.

Do you know if you’re a child of God? Not all people are. Only those who confess and believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God and is Lord of all. Do you want to have peace with God and be sure that you will always be provided for? Do you want to rest in the hands of Jesus forever?

I would love to walk you through what it means to put your faith and trust in Jesus Christ to be your Provider, Father, Friend, Brother and source of life and satisfaction. He gave me actual life and I would love to tell you how. Jump on my email list and I would love to talk to you personally about inheriting the peace of God 🙂

Xxx

Love you all,

V

Shine a light on it

God speaks in funny little ways sometimes.

So I just got home from work. I brought home a little container of ice cream that I had left in the freezer where I work for the past couple of days. I had a spoon in my glove box and decided to try a bite of the chocolate, chocolate chip ice cream right there in the car. Why didn’t I wait until I got into the house? Good question.

Maybe so God could show me what He showed me.

I only wanted to eat a tad of the ice cream.
I love eating the soft, melty ice cream around the edges when you’re eating out of a container (no shame. besides, this was just a single-serve-sized container, so no judgment. But even if it were a pint of a quart, no shame 😀 as long as you aren’t sharing during COVID season 😉 )

Because I was eating the ice cream in the dark, I couldn’t maneuver the melty parts onto my spoon that well. I decide to abort the mission and take that party inside.

I resume in the kitchen and breathed a minor sigh of relief.

Shining a light on something changes everything.

I could finally see.

*

*

*

A song that’s been on my heart lately is “Who You Really Are”. Here are a couple of lines from the song:

Who you really are, God and King

Who you really are, Lord of everything

Who you really are, teach me to see You as you really are

Who you really are, Risen and Living

Who you really are, Just and yet Forgiving

Who you really are, teach me to see You as You really are.

 

I want to see you God. And I want to see you as you REALLY are. Not just the fluffy parts. I thank you for being loving, and I THANK you for being just. I thank you for being patient, and I THANK you for being jealous. I THANK YOU for being Peace, Shalom, and I THANK you that you are a sword. 

Thank you Lord, for dividing families. Thank you for permitting sickness and disease. Thank you for your judgment. You are so merciful, so gracious… but you are NOT a rug. You will NOT be walked over. You will NOT be mocked.

 

“Do not be deceived, God canNOT be mocked. A man reaps what he sows”.

Galatians 6:7

A man reaps what he sows.

reap what I sow.

Be it seeds of anger, discord, mockery, scorn, hate, judgment, irritability, impatience, DECEIT, jealousy….

…or seeds of love, trust, truthfulness, honesty, integrity, patience, kindness, all for the glory of God.

Lord God, THANK YOU that YOU. CANNOT. BE. MOCKED. You see ME as I really am, and choose to lavish love and grace on me. And at the same time, you convict me of sin, let me experience the consequences of my sin, and teach me in my heart that You REALLY ARE TRUSTWORTHY. You really are FOR me. You really are FIGHTING for me. You really are CARING for me. You really are LOVING me when you discipline. When you prevent. When you protect. When you prohibit. When you prolong. When you provide. When you withhold. When you act. When you stay silent. When you seem distant. 

You are consistent. Thank you for making me more like you.

*

*

*

So, so back to the ice cream. When we look at God and see Him as He really is, we can ask God to help us become more like Him and less like us.

I looked at my spoon and thought about how God continually shines His light into the dark places in my life and reveals what I need to work on:

*being more patient with other people

*being more forgiving of other people

*not trusting God’s timing enough in any given situation

*not walking in the Spirit

*not actively seeking out God’s voice in the midst of the world’s voices

*not really believing in all of His promises in scripture
If I really did believe, would I not obey His commands fully? 2 Corinthians 12:9 assures us that God’s grace is sufficient enough to set us FREE from sin.

Free.

Totally, completely, 100% free. We can choose to say NO to petty, hateful behavior; selfish, angry thoughts, motives and intentions. We can truly lavish love and healing onto other people for the sake of God’s glory alone, and we no longer have to carry the weight of our shame and sin.

This is the power of Christ in us.

Do I really believe this?

Is that what God is saying to me? Is that what God is saying to US right now?

Be still? and KNOW? that He is God?

Do I really KNOW it?

Is it head knowledge, or is it heart knowledge also.

The truth is revealed in actions towards others.

 

 

 

Time is short brothers and sisters. Shine a light on your life… on all different areas. And ask God to show you what to work on. He is Faithful to do so, in Jesus’s name and for Christ’s sake. Amen

xxx

<3

V

A Letter to the King

Lord, 

I love your proximity to me. I love how I can talk to you and how you listen. I love how you comfort me in your word. I love how you comfort me with your heavenly peace when I ask for it. Lord, I love how you gift us with imagination. I was imagining earlier today that I was in the mountains. I miss walking in the quiet trees and seeing the sunlight twinkle through the branches and hit different plants and flowers and leaves on the forest floor. I miss the smell of the earth with all of its’ mushrooms and twigs and beetles and birds and rocks. Lord I miss planting myself in your outdoor creation and reveling in the majesty of it. Will I go on a trip soon? I hope and pray so. 🙂 

Lord I thank you for all you’re doing in my life. The world would find that I’m strangely content in all areas of my life. I am at peace. I am overwhelmed by gratitude and love and a gentle sense of Your presence with me. I clutch onto this moment and hold it close to my heart. I ask you Lord, please keep me near to you. Help me draw nearer to you day by day and not be enticed by the world and its’ revelry. I thank thee for revealing to me where true life and freedom is. Thank you for freeing my mind to choose your ways… 

Lord, thank you for showing me where I have been actively rebelling against you. Where I choose to blatantly ignore the Holy Spirit as He kindly guides me and suggests the next steps to me. Steps that I have prayed for and asked for… but when I receive the instruction, I deny it outright. Foolish. I have been so foolish. I recognize this illumination as a gift. I just want to tell you, Lord, that I accept it. I want to be healthy. I want to prosper. I want to stand apart and lead others to your kingdom. I want to boast in your abilities and give you all of the glory for the work that you’ve done and the work that you’re doing in my life. 

These words are for you. Your word tells me that they are from you and by you and through you too. Your word tells me that you hold all things together. Thank you sovereign God…. for holding my little life together. I could write you a list a mile long of all the things that I’m thankful for in this moment, but instead I will praise you. 

Great Counselor. Almighty Savior. My Deliverer. Friend. The Christ. My Hope. My Peace. My King. My Father. Dad. The Truth. The Way. Life. Love. 

Oh, what love is like this? Your everlasting love that pursues and provides despite my rebellion. Despite my mistrust and mistakes, doubts and destruction. What love is this, that you wrote my name into your book of life. My name. You wrote my name. You knew me already. You knew what I would look like. You equipped me, before I was born. You aligned the stars and the seasons and the details of everything it took to bring me to the very chair that I’m sitting in today; knowing that I would write this very letter. You already knew that I would do this. You knew that my love for you would grow over time. That I would begin to piece together who you really are.

Yet that’s just it. My knowledge of you barely scrapes the surface. Not even barely. Hardly. The only thing I know how to do is surrender. Give you everything. Please Lord, please take everything. All I have. Take me, and every facet of my life and have your way!

“This is the covenant I will make with the people of Israel after that time,” declares the Lord.

“I will put my law in their minds
    and write it on their hearts.

I will be their God,
    and they will be my people.

 

No longer will they teach their neighbor,
    or say to one another, ‘Know the Lord,’

because they will all know me,
    from the least of them to the greatest,”
declares the Lord.

“For I will forgive their wickedness
    and will remember their sins no more.”

Jeremiah 31:33-34

 

You are Faithful, Sovereign King. You are putting your law in my mind and writing it on my heart day after day. I can’t help but turn to you. 

What love is this… that I should know the One who gives me sight and sound

What love is this… that He who sees my faults doesn’t cease to have me around 

What love is this… that reaches every corner of every frown and promises joy. 

I choose to rejoice, O Abba my KING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

xoxoxo

<3

<3

<3

V

facebook live

I just went live for the first time. It was a little scary. You can watch my video here: https://www.facebook.com/skizarefun09/videos/515989049163821/

 

I’ve been meaning to use facebook live for a while so I just decided to go ahead and do it today! It’s so easy to record the video right there and not worry about edits or anything. It’s the raw version. Soooo much easier. I like it. I wanna start doing it more. Also, singing helped me get out of my own head. I’ve been kinda stuck in my head space for a while on and off this afternoon. But no longer!

And in just a few minutes I’ma head out to bible study. Well, pre-planning meeting and then the actual study. Should be fun :~)

😀

Hope y’all are having an awesome Monday. Check out my other social medias and follow! I make posts on christian living, videos, vlogs, songs… <3

Follow me!
https://www.youtube.com/user/skizarefun09

https://www.instagram.com/velvetmeryoung/
https://www.velvetyoung.wordpress.com
https://www.facebook.com/skizarefun09

xxx

<3

V

Dancing

I’m so looking forward to dancing more.

Dance dance dance dance dance

My right knee has been hurting a leeeeeeeeeetle beet but I’m still gonna go dancing. My left ankle was also sUPEr tight this morning when I woke up so I elevated it for a while, massaged it, and then slathered it in olive oil and peppermint oil right before putting on my croc-like sandles. This last part was not such a great idea because my foot was sliding all around inside the sandal and almost coming off my foot. I should have put a dorky sock on to avoid sliding or maybe chosen a different pair of shoes. But it was 90 degrees today and “felt like 99” so I knew I wanted to wear sandals buuuut most of them are rubber. And my sandals that aren’t rubber aren’t shoes that I want to slather in oil hahah. The struggle

Anyway, ankle feels a lot better tonight. Right knee is a little funk but I think I will put some peppermint oil on it tonight after I finish typing this post and before turning out my bedroom light.

I have work tomorrow and want to be well. After work I am dancing and definitely want to be well for that too…

My heart leaps for dancing and fills me up.

I’ve also decided to stop drinking alcohol for the summer. Or even longer, I don’t know. Not that I drank very much before; 2 beers, 2 gin and tonics, 2 glasses of wine. Whatever. A margarita. I’ve thought about stopping drinking totally on and off and did stop drinking two summers ago for the summer and it blessed me incredibly. I felt the nudge again so I’ma commit. It won’t be hard to not drink, but I will miss the alcohol a tad bit when I’m hanging out with certain people or at certain places. But I’m excited y’all!

Tomorrow is the summer solstice. Very exciting! The weather looks pretty good too. Not too high humidity and not too hot. For Virginia anyway. Mid 80s. I’ve changed y’all. I’ve turned a new leaf with this heat thing. I still loathe humidity and avoid it at all costs but I can handle the heat a lot better than I used to. I still have to be careful and only stay out for ~an hourish to avoid passing out hahah but hey.

Other things coming up: a prayer and worship night. A ladies night. A concert….

A spontaneous trip to New England possibly?

Lots of reading <3

Videos to be posted <3

Time to be spent with awesome peeps <3

Dancing <3

2019 summer, here we come! 🙂

Lord, I’m grateful for the fullness that you’ve given me in your son, Jesus. He came to bring life, and life to the full, and I experience this as I walk by your Spirit and in your ways. Thank you for teaching me to value the invaluable: Truth and righteousness. Thank you for taking care of me and taking the time to communicate with me. Jehovah Nissi…. the Lord my banner; I love thee <3

xxx

V

Trusting Him

Do I trust Him

Do I trust His Holy Spirit

Do I trust His message that He lays on my heart?

Will I be obedient even if it’s uncomfortable. Even if it’s painful. Even if it means hurting someone that I care about? Even if it means telling the truth when the truth could hurt?

Even if it means tough love?

Yet He comforts me and says “I am with you and will never leave you or forsake you.”

And I feel that He is with me and I thank Him for sticking with me even during times of suffering the consequences of my own sin. He is with me even when I am experiencing the repercussions of my own bad choices. And He has my hand in His hand and He says walk this way my child, walk with Me. Come and drink of the living water, which is the only water that satisfies. And He leads me, and He carries me, and He comforts me, and His love for me is stronger with each step that we take.

Lord Jesus… I trust You. I thank you that you have given me a spirit not of fear, but of power, love and self-control. Thank you for being with me and for leading me along the paths of righteous for Your name’s sake. Thank you for using me as your vessel. Thank you for teaching me to move forward in faith. Amen.

xx <3

V

“By This Time Tomorrow…”

Hey guys.

It’s a little after midnight and I just worked for 17 hours straight. But believe it or not, I’m OK with that. You know, life was easier when I didn’t worry so much. I remember when I was a young teenager (13/14?) I had a moment when I realized I was happy, and had been happy for ~3 years. Isn’t that wonderful? I know it had to do with my church at the time. My youth group. My friends. I honestly didn’t make that connection until now, but I’m sure that’s why I had such a blessed time.

On a side note:

Tomorrow I’m going salsa dancing. 

I. Can’t. Wait.

I’m still in love with dancing. I started almost 28 weeks ago. That’s 7 months. Salsa, Bachata y yo have been in a relationship for almost 7 months. I should take myself out. To dinner. At chick-fil-A. Okay, I admit it; I was going to do that anyway. Go to Chick-Fil-A I mean; not take myself out. Though I suppose whenever someone goes to a fast food joint alone they’re technically “taking themselves out”.

Sigh. Tired. 17 hour work-day will do that to ya I guess! But for reals guys, I’m really not phased??!!

It’s because life is good, and God is good. He has given me energy, positivity, and great faith. All things that were much needed for today. Now yesterday, to all you technical folks — hey, I’m one of them, I can say that.  😀

This post is for encouragement purposes.

 

“The LORD said to Joshua,

“Do not be afraid of them,

because by this time tomorrow

I will hand all of them, slain,

over to Israel.

Joshua 11:6

 

Can we just ponder this verse for a second. Yes, I did chop off the part about killing the horses and burning the chariots. That wasn’t the focus I was going for. The focus is this:

The Lord tells Joshua

“do not be afraid”

because “by this time tomorrow”

I will

hand all of them over to Israel

slain.

So let’s break this verse down, so we can see how encouraging it really is.

  1. “The Lord tells Joshua” is encouraging because we have a God who speaks directly to us. He is a personal God.  He is omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent… yet He speaks one-on-one to each of His children….
  2. “do not be afraid” is encouraging because our God knows when we are afraid, and He seeks to console us. He is the Lord who comforts, and He is gentle and kind. He is reassuring and understanding of our fears and doubts and trials, and wants us to know that we are safe.
  3. because by this time tomorrow” is encouraging because God knows the future. He alone sees all of our days and knows exactly what’s going to happen. He goes before us and paves the way. He promises to protect us and keep us from harm’s way if we abide in Him. No battle or trial will last forever, and God helps us keep perspective on getting through the trial by telling us it will all be over soon.
  4. I will” is encouraging because it tells us that it’s the Lord God’s will to help His children. He is our Father, and He takes care of us. He is looking out for Joshua and His children and is reassuring them that He, God Himself, will act, by “this time tomorrow”.
  5. hand all of them over to Israel” is encouraging because the enemies of Joshua and the Israelites aren’t so big and bad that they can take on the holy God of the universe. Nope. They don’t stand a chance against our God. Enemies of God and His children can never win. Never.
  6. slain” is encouraging because we know that God is the one who slays our enemies. Not us. Not by our hand. Not by our power. GOD slays our enemies. GOD does the hard, dirty work for us. GOD and God alone chooses to fight for His people.

 

Let’s recap: God speaks to us. He speaks to us and prays for us personally. He is comforting and understanding. He alone has the eternal vision. It is His will to help His children. It is His will to help His children. He slays the enemy and enemies.


 

I started this post last night but fell asleep before I finished it. So real quick, the ending I want to tack on ties the whole post together.

Yesterday I worked for 17 hours.

I was worried about how it was going to go.

I was worried about the traveling I would do with my client and her husband and definitely asked a lot of people for prayer.

And God came through.

And He reminded me of the above verse before the day arrived.

By this time tomorrow…..” gave me such peace. The entire verse gives me such hope. I need never fear for my God is with me. He goes before me and behind me, and hems me in. He makes a way for me and is a lamp unto my feet. He equips me for the task with energy and stamina. He encourages me throughout each day with His sweet Spirit. He fights my battles for me and makes me victorious.

It’s a promise, folks. In the end, we are victorious. Victorious living is one victorious day at a time. And we have victory in Jesus, our Savior, forever.

Oh victory in Jesus (victory in Jesus),

my Savior (my Savior) forever (forever)

He sought me and He bought me

with His redeeming blood (bought me with His blood)

He loved me ‘ere I knew Him

and all my love is due Him

He plunged me to victory

beneath the cleansing flood

 

The day went so smoothly yesterday. He reminded me that it would before it arrived, He encouraged me throughout the very day, and I was able to rejoice before, during, and after, knowing my God was with me.

<3 <3 <3

V

This is the day

that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!

And I will be productive! And do lots of writing. And singing. And praying. And reading! All things that I can do while I’m at work! Huzzah! Perhaps one day I will get paid to those things and won’t need to have a job as a caregiver. But God knows that I’ve needed the caregiving job! To make me less selfish. Golly. I’m so good at being selfish!

Slowly but surely, I pray and give up my will and ask the Lord to take away my selfishness. Less of me and more of He. Yep

So it’s Thursday. I’m a little worried that it’s going to go like how Tuesday went. I was going a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle bit crazy on Tuesday because of present company. But today, so far so good. He is tired which makes my life easier. He’s not jumping off the walls and talking up a storm like a freakin’ broken record. Praise God. Truly. I praise you Lord.

So today. As my friend shared with me recently, today I choose to not be a miserable cow. I will be a happy cow!

Current revelation: There’s more to life than weight loss!

Also, on my way to work today, the reason why I want to be thin finally dawned on me: I want people to worship me.

Ha ha ha.

I am so doggone selfish. It’s taaaaaaaayrrible.

But yeah if I’m being real with myself, that’s the honest truth! Haha

My definition of beauty: thin thin thin

So I want to attain this beauty

So people will look at me and not be able to look away

They’ll treat me so kindly

And won’t be able to get mad at me because I’m so pretty

I’ll be revered by all and loved by all.

So. Now that I’m aware of these thoughts I will captivate them and kill them.

#1 they aren’t true.

#2 I don’t want to waste my precious time believing lies anymore

Don’t waste your time believing lies.

Today, I choose not to waste my time believing lies.

Satan, you lose. Don’t you know that? Haha I win. God picked me for his team. I’m on da winning team!

This is what winner’s do: focus on the prize.

So what does the prize look like for me?

  1. Serving Jesus in whatever ways He calls me to
  2. Using my gifts to bring glory to him
  3. Focusing on the Truth about who God is and who I am
  4. Practicing the choice of rejoicing

Today I choose to be joyful! In all of the things that God has given me!

And continue to capture and kill any lies that come my way. Tempting lies to glorify myself. Tempting lies that put me on a pedestal and distract me from the only legitimate prize.

I don’t want to be the god of my own life. That never goes over well and it doesn’t bring me any true satisfaction. Living to serve God and others it the only thing that brings true joy. Praise God for showing me this! Praise God for doing a work within me that takes me off the pedestal and puts Him in his rightful place as Lord over my life!

I live to serve you Jesus!

xoxoxo

<3 V

It’s Not You, It’s Me

So it’s been one of those days that I can’t.

I’m just mad about everything. Have a short fuse. Perhaps it’s due to my being a lady and whatnot. But I can’t handle the norm today. I’ve been crying out loud all day. For cryin’ out loud.

 

My bad puns disgust me.

I want to blame everyone else for my issues today. He is SO annoying! Is she serious?!?!?!? But it isn’t them. It’s me. My reactionary skills have digressed to that of a 15 year old. I’m acting with a sense of entitlement and a desire to self-destruct. Self-destructing sounds pretty good right now, actually.

 

I feel like going cray. Like going to a bar and drinking a little more than I should. Not going cray like losing my mind. Though I suppose they’re one in the same. Getting high/drunk and losing your mind. It’s all masking reality. Though one of them is a choice. Going actually crazy is not usually a choice. But if someone didn’t care enough, or didn’t have enough motivation to live and let themselves go, then it kindof is a choice to go crazy.

Though why some people have more motivation than others is a mystery to me. It doesn’t seem fair. I am a person who is extremely motivated, so I can say that. I get stuff done. I make lists and then I proceed to accomplish things on the list and get stuff done. But it does get rather mundane after a while. Or I lose sight of the reason why I’m here in the first place and get depressed.

So let’s touch on that for a mo.

This life ain’t about me. It’s never been about me. Well, it shouldn’t have been. But I spent most of my life making it about me and what I want. What I desire. What I think I need and deserve. Selfish living. Focused on myself. That’s what most people believe life is about. They might not outwardly say it to others and may choose not even to acknowledge it to themselves or they couldn’t go on living the way they did. And it’s no fun to change; seemingly.

However, I’m very appreciative of the knowledge of the truth that has set me apart from my previous ways of living. Now I live for God and others.

Side note. It’s not 100% my fault that I’m annoyed and want to run away and get drunk. The person I’ve been with all day is DEFINITELY contributing to my state of mind. (I write this after observing the sounds and noises he is making from the other room. Those of which he has been making ALL day long. God help me.)

For real, God help me. That’s been my cry all freakin’ day. And He has helped me. And that brings us back to living for God. God has me here and has taught me so much and stretched me so much during this time. But I don’t like to be stretched.

I don’t like to be challenged. I don’t like to suffer. I don’t like to change. I like to do things at my own speed. That’s the problem, see. My natural self is still focused around my own needs and desires. Every single day is a battle of trying to put down my old self and old ways, and clothe myself with Christ. Being a christian is not easy.

And selfishly and foolishly, I wish I wasn’t sometimes. Those times are the times that I lose sight of the bigger picture: the picture of eternity versus the now; this short lifetime.

It’s easy to do, oddly. My feeble mind gets distracted and frustrated by the everyday challenges and I lose sight of the fact that I’m a child of God, and will live eternally with Him in a place with no more pain, suffering or tears someday. But the days drag on in the meantime. It is difficult. The suffering is unwanted. Undesired. I don’t want it Lord; God help me.

And yet, that’s the point. To cry out to God and let Him work. He works things out in us, cuts off the parts of us that don’t benefit us, and perfects us. He perfects us. Through this trial that HE employed, He is setting me free from my Self.

Strange concept, really.

To put it into simpler terms:

I, Velvet, want bad things for myself. In short, pleasure, status, and essentially to be my own god of my own universe where I create the rules and rule as I please.

Unfortunately for me, God made me and the world that I live in and governs it by His established system. There is a right way to do things– this is God’s way– and a wrong way to do things: the way of my natural flesh.

But God showed me the truth about who I am. He revealed to me who He is, that He is in charge, and that I am His creation. I belong to Him and I need Him and I can’t choose the right way for myself. Time and again I chose wrong. And I still do.

But He calls me back. Woos me back; ever so gently. And he teaches me day in and day out to choose His ways and to call on His power through prayer.

So here we are:

It’s not you, _____________, it’s me. I’m frail. I’m weak. I can’t do anything for myself. I need God. I’m useless and hopeless without Him. I choose all the wrong things that lead to nothing good.

And God keeps me, holds me, cares for me, and never gives up on me.

Lord help me to love others like you do. Grow me in faith, hope and trust in You. Forgive me for my short-comings, failures and weaknesses. Thank you that your strength is made perfect in my weakness. Thank you that you don’t expect me to do this thing on my own. Ha! You know that I can’t. And I don’t have to. Thanks to you.

Thoughts?

 

<3 V