Tag: freedom

Dancing

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

I’m so looking forward to dancing more.

Dance dance dance dance dance

My right knee has been hurting a leeeeeeeeeetle beet but I’m still gonna go dancing. My left ankle was also sUPEr tight this morning when I woke up so I elevated it for a while, massaged it, and then slathered it in olive oil and peppermint oil right before putting on my croc-like sandles. This last part was not such a great idea because my foot was sliding all around inside the sandal and almost coming off my foot. I should have put a dorky sock on to avoid sliding or maybe chosen a different pair of shoes. But it was 90 degrees today and “felt like 99” so I knew I wanted to wear sandals buuuut most of them are rubber. And my sandals that aren’t rubber aren’t shoes that I want to slather in oil hahah. The struggle

Anyway, ankle feels a lot better tonight. Right knee is a little funk but I think I will put some peppermint oil on it tonight after I finish typing this post and before turning out my bedroom light.

I have work tomorrow and want to be well. After work I am dancing and definitely want to be well for that too…

My heart leaps for dancing and fills me up.

I’ve also decided to stop drinking alcohol for the summer. Or even longer, I don’t know. Not that I drank very much before; 2 beers, 2 gin and tonics, 2 glasses of wine. Whatever. A margarita. I’ve thought about stopping drinking totally on and off and did stop drinking two summers ago for the summer and it blessed me incredibly. I felt the nudge again so I’ma commit. It won’t be hard to not drink, but I will miss the alcohol a tad bit when I’m hanging out with certain people or at certain places. But I’m excited y’all!

Tomorrow is the summer solstice. Very exciting! The weather looks pretty good too. Not too high humidity and not too hot. For Virginia anyway. Mid 80s. I’ve changed y’all. I’ve turned a new leaf with this heat thing. I still loathe humidity and avoid it at all costs but I can handle the heat a lot better than I used to. I still have to be careful and only stay out for ~an hourish to avoid passing out hahah but hey.

Other things coming up: a prayer and worship night. A ladies night. A concert….

A spontaneous trip to New England possibly?

Lots of reading <3

Videos to be posted <3

Time to be spent with awesome peeps <3

Dancing <3

2019 summer, here we come! 🙂

Lord, I’m grateful for the fullness that you’ve given me in your son, Jesus. He came to bring life, and life to the full, and I experience this as I walk by your Spirit and in your ways. Thank you for teaching me to value the invaluable: Truth and righteousness. Thank you for taking care of me and taking the time to communicate with me. Jehovah Nissi…. the Lord my banner; I love thee <3

xxx

V

I’m free! & Dear Food <3

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

Oh my goodness. I’m out. I am finally out……..

It seems surreal. Hard to believe. Almost impossible. Could it be true? My God. I’m out.

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I’m living in freedom.

My chains are broken!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😀

Chains of surfeit.

Excess. Overeating. Binging. Comfort eating. Stuffing down my emotions, my anxieties, my fears, worries, feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, regret, low self-esteem, failure.

Overeating to numb myself. To comfort myself. To hide myself. To hide and remain hidden underneath the weight of what I ate. The extra weight. The excess.

Yes, I’ve always eaten a little too much. To cope. To deal. Too much food, the wrong kinds of food, junk. Sugar. There’s a great book called “Food: the Good Girl’s Drug” by Sunny Sea Gold. It’s about having an actual addiction to food. Check it out using the link below:

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I’ve done this for years. For way too freakin’ long. First time I remember binging out was probably Halloween candy when I was like 6 or 7. Well actually, I ate some cookies when I was 4 when my mom was outside… I remember doing it to spite her. And of course, because cookies. 🙂

But those days are behind me. So I’m going to write a note to food real quick:

 

Dear Food,

You are so good. What you do for the human body is amazing. You keep me going. You give me energy and strength when I indulge the proper amount. But I have abused you. I have abused you for most of my life. I have taken advantage of you. I have hidden behind you. I have masked myself in you. I have hated you. I have tried to shun you. I have avoided you. I have come crying back to you countless times. And you’re always there. I can’t avoid or escape you. So instead, I have learned how to love you and how to treat you.

Thank you for always being there. Thank you for not disappearing. Thank you for all of the comfort you can’t help but give.

I used to hate you and what you did to me. I thought of so many ways to avoid you. Vegetarian, vegan, sugar free, carb free, atkins, athleticism, “not hungry”, “already ate a big meal”, binge & restrict. Not eat at all. Eat and throw it all up. What a broken relationship I had with you. How flawed. How devastating. How stressful.

And to think that now… I love you…  and know I am beyond blessed to have you. To have a healthy relationship with you is something I never dreamed possible. But here we are. I look forward to seeing you and enjoying you multiple times a day. I think of reasons to go out with you with friends and enjoy life and eating together.

Food, our relationship has been on a downward spiral, emotional roller coaster, and has always included a large elephant blocking us from properly understanding each other. But it’s gone. The elephant is gone and I can see you properly.

I need you. I want you. I’m thankful for you.

…But I’m not going to come over in the middle of the night anymore. I’m not going to hide you from my loved ones; my family and friends. I’m not going to be ashamed of you. I’m not going to blame you anymore. I don’t feel ashamed for being with you. In fact, I brag about you.

I don’t know where we’re going to go from here, but I know it’s a beautiful direction. I know you never meant to have me in chains, but I have been in them. You never meant to bind me or drug me or cloud my vision. I have taken it upon myself all of these years so I didn’t have to think. So I didn’t have to move. So I didn’t have to feel.

Now that I’m free and have all of this energy I can finally live. I wasn’t living to the full in chains. Who could? I’m no longer a slave to you; in my body or in my mind. I’m going to tell the world now. About our story. About healing. About the place I’ve come from and the place I’m at. With you, in general.

And there’s so much life to live! I know you won’t be running through my mind all the time like you used to. But I think you’ll understand. I won’t need to count calories anymore. I won’t need to go to work out to compensate for indulging in too much of you anymore. I won’t spend too much time indulging or any time at all feeling sorry about it. About the consequences or the guilt. All of those things no longer haunt me because I’m free.

It feels weird to be free. Maybe like how inmates feel after getting released from prison after being in there their whole lives. I’m learning how to act and be and live for maybe the first time. True living. True, unchained, life-giving, grateful, healthy, God-centered living.

So food, thank you. I’m so glad to have you in my life. I thank God for you. Oh, how I thank God.

Love & xxx

<3 V

Have you met the Bondage Breaker?

Published on by Velvet3 Comments

I just finished reading another awesome book by Neil Anderson, author, pastor, professor of theology among many other things.

“The Bondage Breaker” offers a Christian explanation as to why we think and behave the way we do. It discusses how spiritual warfare interferes with our everyday lives, and what we can do to address these issues and free ourselves from the spiritual bondage we are in.

>>>Check out my other book review on Neil’s Book “Victory Over the Darkness”! <<<

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Anderson’s writing is clear and communicable, as well as easy to relate to. He gives real life examples of people under most every type of possible bondage that we struggle with; addiction to drugs/alcohol, pornography, eating disorders, abortion, suicide, homosexuality and others. Anderson helps the reader understand how and when the bondage may have been formed, and gives direction on how to break free and find truth in Jesus Christ.

The main stress of this book is that as believers, we are children of God and God’s love and forgiveness can never be taken away from us. If we learn how to become strong in our identity in Christ by depending on Him and choosing Him, we can let go of our bondage and be set free by the gospel.

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Do you or someone you know have behaviors and/or thought patterns that you can’t seem to get out of/break away from? This book is for you.

Do you often feel worthless, unworthy or that there’s no real point to living? This book is for you.

Do you find yourself doing the exact thing that you promised yourself you would not do and then feeling remorse? This book is for you.

Read Neil Anderson’s “The Bondage Breaker” today!

Thanks for stopping by! I hope you enjoyed this post. Make sure to return again for more posts on God, existentialism, love, food, adventure and more!

<3 V