you were fifteen and i was 14 and we talked late into the night every night
i watched and waited for you to start typing a response
on AOL instant messenger
“A-I-M” or AIM
we talked back and forth every day. every night. for hours. a relationship.
i liked you
you like me
but you were dating someone else
but you were dating me
you were
and we met every day during 2nd block. i had first lunch and you had second lunch. but i skipped part of class most days to spend 2nd lunch walking with you
and you walked close to me
and you put your arm around me
and it felt so nice
but i knew you were with someone else
so there was always that longing
that desire
and we walked around town. and we played basketball. and you bit my arm. ha ha
i thought you were going to kiss me
but i didn’t know what i would have done if you did
but we carried on in this way
we started talking on the phone
and i said i was going to drive to your house
it was 1:00 in the morning.
i was going to get into my dad’s car
and drive it to your house
i thought about it
contemplated it
almost did it
you dared me
we went back and forth
you tempted me
i wanted to prove you wrong
i wanted to see you
thank God i never went.
but i wanted you to do the same for me
i wanted you to drive to me
but you didn’t.
you still had a girlfriend
boy was i thick
talking to a guy like you
who would talk to a girl behind his girlfriend’s back
some of the things you said to me
are burned into my memory
forever
i loved you
you were interested in me
you cared about me
you spent time with me
you complimented me
and i wanted to be with you
but thought it would never happen
until one day.
you wanted to hang out after school. so we walked around in the woods behind the school.
and sat down on a log
and you held my hand
and you said
“Velvet
…
should I break up with her?”
and
I
didn’t
say
“yes”
…
I couldn’t
say anything
except
“I can’t tell you what to do”
over and over
that’s all I could say
every time you asked me
I wanted you to know
I wanted you to be sure already
I didn’t want you to blame me in the future
if it didn’t work out
and you regretted leaving her
plus you wanted security
you wanted to know that I wanted you
you didn’t have faith
you didn’t trust that I would have you
you were trying to set up a relationship with me in advance
so you didn’t have to be alone
we stopped talking after that
the long conversations came to an end
the late nights were no more
sad
i was so sad
but the chase was my pursuit
i didn’t trust you either
i say these things in retrospect but if you had asked me to be your girlfriend that day, I would have said yes
funny thing is
12 years later
you are still with her
the same girl
now woman
and i am glad.
i’m so glad.
and if you’re reading this
I hope y’all get married
what sweet love has grown
with two young souls
so young
but God
I pray
you aren’t doing to her now
what you did to her back then
by sowing seeds
in the wrong soil
attention will never satisfy
the pursuit
the chase
will never satisfy
the longing
the desire
the hope
the dream
the thought
the idea
of you and i
is always more glamorous
than the reality
when the game is called “winning someone”
strange
the stories we remember
on days that the moon is full
xxx
<3
V