I’m in love with the idea of you

Yes that’s it, the idea of you. Red hair, ribbons and Russian roulette

I must be in love with the idea of you; smokestack cologne I’m not soon to forget

I think I’m in love with the idea of you, cute face, boy crazed I watch your eyes

The idea of you smells-strong-tastes-sweet like rain beneath the silver skies

The idea of you sits beside me in my room and on the couch at night

The idea of you speaks flattery into the ear on my left and right

The idea of you is the ideal you and idealized men lie to my heart

You come when I want you to and leave when I want you to and say words that cater to every demand

But I can only call on the idea of you and don’t receive any calls

The idea of you screams and shouts affirmation and gives me kisses and applause

What’s wrong with this idea of you; or perhaps I should ask what could be right?

Part of me wishes the idea of you would challenge me to a verbal fight

So I bury the idea of you under muffintops and indigestion

Minor abrasions and adult discretion

A short walk towards God with only minor progression

I’m sorry Lord for the ideas of him

I’m afraid the idol has taken a stand

I’ve raised my head and my two open hands

I’ve memorized the future and potential plans

All according to the idea of him where wit and whim and whimsy thrive

Where thrice times two plus one is You alone and only forevermore

Lord I just didn’t want to be alone where dark and dim is my mood and heart

Lord I promise I do trust You and nothing can keep your love apart

Why would I worship the idea of him when I have a lover of my soul

A half that makes my own half whole

And I never have to feel alone

Alone is sometimes emptiness and sometimes busy wired trouble

Alone speaks lies and taunts my eyes

And makes me question if I’m seeing double

Alone I’m not, with me you are and ideal him doesn’t seem close

But the idea of him keeps tempting me and sparking interest where it intrigues me most

Misty air when clouds pass over

Dim my senses til October

Summer’s here but I wish it over

What’s the point if I’m alone

The lies pour in like rain pours out

And leaves me drenched in pools of doubt

Though on my solid Rock I stand

And I open up my lonely hands

While friends will bear their wedding bands

Where friends relate to me their demands

While the idea of you is love to me

Though I know that I’m where I should be

Yes the idea of you is pleasantry

But apart from you I know I’m free

Thank you Lord for protecting me

And making me the woman I’m supposed to be

Thank you Lord for directing me

Pursuing me & collecting me

For teaching me that love is only

Demonstrated perfectly

Through you alone, through you today

Today I beckon, today I praise.

Similarities Between Dating and Gardening (Also so for the ladies)

We’ve all heard the expression

“the right place at the right time”

and it turns out that

there’s simplyΒ nothing simple about it.

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all flower pics were taken in my neighborhood!

God created nature to have order, and order means timing and placement matter.

Timing is everything. This post is about the importance of timing when it comes to gardening and dating. Believe it or not, they have a lot in common.

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Planting the Seed

It’s spring time in April, which means it’s time to plant. Seeds and dating relationships. Starting the process of germinating and planting can’t be done too early or too late, but has to coincide with the season at its’ proper time.

In order to germinate a seed, the proper amount of light, warmth, time and saturation is needed. With too much or too little of these things, it will not germinate.

Dating is one in the same.

When a seed is germinating it takes anywhere from 24 hours to several days for the seed to sprout. Once the sprouted seed is planted, some seeds may grow into plants, and some seeds will not grow at all. Some plants will bear fruit, and others will not.

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fresh parsley from the garden πŸ˜€

Dating relationships and seeds have a lot in common. Without time and patience at the beginnings of a relationship, nothing will become of it. Just like you can’t force a seed to sprout, you can’t force a relationship to sprout.

Application: Wait patiently for the seed to sprout before planting. Timing is everything. If it doesn’t sprout, don’t plant it (in the ground or in your heart

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ermegerd this leaf is kinda heart-shaped :-}

The Growing Season

Once the seed/relationship has sprouted into something alive,

the right soil (…where you spend time)

water (…what feeds your relationship)

and sunlight (…energy sources/motivations) become very important. Without the perfect balance of these things, nothing might become of the seed/relationship. Some things will take longer to grow, and some will not grow at all.

Some plants are like the asparagus; slow to start. Did you know that a baby asparagus takes three years to start producing edible stalks?!

If I was in a relationship with asparagus, it would be hard to patiently wait for that fruit. πŸ˜‰ <3

We never know what kind of relationship we may enter into. Prepare your heart for any kind; even if it takes years to cultivate.

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I have creative neighbors.

πŸ™‚

<3

πŸ™‚

Some plants are quickly abundant & massively fruit-bearing. All ya gotta do is toss some seeds at the soil and BAM you’ve got fruit. So if you don’t want melons in your garden this year, think twice about where you compost your melon seeds πŸ˜‰
Or take potatoes. Stick a piece of potato in the ground and leave it alone. Wait a couple of months and you’ve got tens of pounds of potatoes! (Unless you also happen to have ground moles, in which case you had tens of pounds of potatoes πŸ˜› )

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Watering and Pruning

Other plants require much more work & TLC to grow.

As the saying goes, you reap what you sow.

Take kale. This plant requires more pruning than others, and if you don’t stay on top of pruning it, the plants will stop producing fruit to focus on producing flowers. Say bye-bye delicious garden vegetable, and hello to weeeeeeds.

Have you ever felt like you were wasting where you were putting your precious energy? Ever feel like you were pouring time, money, and energy into aesthetics (like kale flowers) that look all pretty and nice from afar but don’t reap any real benefits?

When plants aren’t pruned, they become lawn decorations rather than produce, kinda like this kale.
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^ I had to dodge the sprinkler several times to get this shot. Funny for my roommates and neighbors to watch. πŸ˜› But the flowers sure are pretty, aren’t they?? πŸ™‚

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Relationships are the same way. Some people click right off the bat and have great fun together; like potatoes. Buds spring up and grow rapidly. Life seems to have been barren one day and bountiful the next. <3

πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

Other relationships are immense amounts of work and require constant pruning, like kale. “Didn’t I just prune that off yesterday?” Translation: “I thought we just went over this. Must we deal with this again?”

If left un-addressed, the weeds overtake every good part of the relationship and suffocate it. What was once a beautiful bed of flowers and life becomes unrecognizable & useless.

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Application: If you want a plant or relationship, be prepared for pruning. Pay attention to the weeds when they spring up, and prune back those bad parts to save the plant.

~

<3

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When to Harvest the Bounty

So what you’ve been growing looks mighty fine. And you’re seriously considering picking off some of its’ fruit. I will take it upon myself to warn you my friend; although the fruit looks good and tasty, it may not be ready to pick.

If picked too early, fruit tastes bland, crunchy and tangy.

Think back to a time you picked an apple or another fruit that wasn’t quite ripe. You couldn’t wait to eat it and dug your teeth into it’s semi-tough skin. Hardly any juice came out of it and your tongue was left feeling dry with a sour taste. The fruit was bland, chalky and hardly had any flavor.

You were so hungry and just couldn’t wait. The fruit satisfied your temporary hunger to an extent but you were left with the overarching feeling of disappointment, dissatisfaction, and a slight stomach ache. The rest of the bitten fruit suddenly wasn’t very appealing anymore.

You should have waited until it was ripe.

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my phone takes good pictures

The same is true of physical intimacy in a dating relationship. Sex before marriage. There are many who don’t know what good sex (or fruit!) is because they only know it recreationally; outside the covenant of marriage; AKA when both individuals are “unripe” for sex.

Sex outside of the covenant of marriage versus sex inside the covenant is like the concept of having a perfectly okay knife for slicing tomatoes and then realizing how incredibly dull said-knife is upon the introduction of an excellent knife.

You can’t believe you settled for the knife you had before for so long without knowing what else was out there.

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This is a good knife for chopping onions. Yes those are goggles for swimming. And they prevent onion-tears too! πŸ˜€

Don’t rush into physical intimacy in a dating relationship. The fruit is desirable, of course, but if you bite it too quickly it won’t satisfy you long-term. Trust me. It will be a much duller version of what it is when ripe; under the covenant of marriage; where commitment is a promise. Only under this context can you explore the depths of sex as it was meant to be created. Wholly, fully; a unity. This is the difference between recreation and something real.

Application: Wait to pick the fruit until it is is ripe.

I think Solomon sums it up pretty well in Ecclesiastes 3. Christian or non-Christian, this message of Truth will give you confidence and trust in times of waiting.

“There is a time for everything,
Β Β Β Β and a season for every activity under the heavens:

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Β Β 

Β  a time to be born and a time to die,
Β Β Β Β a time to plant and a time to uproot,

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Β Β Β Β  a time to kill and a time to heal,
Β Β Β Β a time to tear down and a time to build,

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Β Β Β Β 

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
Β Β Β Β a time to mourn and a time to dance,

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Β Β Β Β 

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
Β Β Β Β a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
Β Β Β Β  a time to search and a time to give up,
Β Β Β Β a time to keep and a time to throw away,

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Β Β Β Β  a time to tear and a time to mend,
Β Β Β Β a time to be silent and a time to speak,
Β Β Β Β  a time to love and a time to hate,
Β Β Β Β a time for war and a time for peace.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

<3

<3

Gardening, dating, whatever the case may be,

timing is everything, as you can surely see.

Don’t jump the gun or haste & waste, or live your life for today

But live with an eternal lens and trust it’ll be okay.

Oh how I long for the flowers to bloom and the full sun to shine on my face

Oh how I long to be one with Him and never again feel pain.

Oh how I long for the joys of life and ache o’er all the sufferings

But thanks be to God for another day to learn Truth in spite of our wondering.

<3

I hope you learned something here! Happy planting everyone!

xoxo V

Dear Ex Who Never Was

Dear Ex Who Never Was,
I’m sorry I can’t be what you need. I see how lost you are and I know you love my energy. I know you want somebody to share your life with. I want that too. But you’d drain me. You’d hate me. You’d kill me if you could. In fact, you already kill me just thinking about how we are so wrong for eachother. 

I want to cry at the prospect of you, hoping you might be him; my love, my strength. My other half. But God hasn’t led me to him yet. The Lord’s building me up and making me stronger every day. But He’s also humbling me and breaking me; showing me how much more I need Him. 

I’m sorry I’m not the her you are looking for. I want so badly to be that her


…so I can have a him. But I must wait for Him before meeting him. 

I pray we both shine brighter every hour, and make each other smile like brothers and sisters building sand castles on the beach, and watching as the tide takes them away~

XoV 

Similarities Between Dating and Cooking (for the ladies)

God designed us to live with a partner. We live the best quality of life with a partner. A partner-in-crime, a friend, a spouse. We are designed to desire marriage and unity. Though sometimes, finding this partner seems to take a little too long and we consider settling for the next Joe that comes round the block. But like cooking with haste, dating with haste means resulting in waste.

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Did you ever come across that perfect recipe that seems too good to be true? Only three ingredients, and hardly any work at all! For me, this was sprouted sourdough buckwheat bread.

Yeah, the name alone is a mouthful, I should have known!

But I reeeeeeeeeeeally wanted this easy-as-pie bread to be my next favorite recipe. Is pie really considered that easy?

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I went ahead and made the bread. Starting with soaking and and sprouting the buckwheat. Then processing it into flour. Adding salt and water. Letting it sit on the counter and ferment. Baking that bad boy.

All those steps were fine and dandy. Even fun and anticipatory. The measuring, the soaking, the mixing, the blending, the baking. Kinda like dating…… πŸ˜‰

But as for the eating……. drum roll……

drumrolldrumroll2…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

You guessed it.

It was the worst thing ever.

The bread tasted terrible.

The texture was terrible.

It smelled bad. It looked worse. I never made it again.

Okay I did actually try to make it again one time. And it STILL SUCKED. I would rather eat

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Maybe not.

So what went wrong?

Simple: the ingredients were wrong. There was no butter, oil or eggs in it. The flavor of buckwheat alone isn’t that great in my opinion. It was too bland, too dry. Too gross. The texture was off. I should have known all of this when I read the recipe.

But I really wanted it to be great. I really believed it was going to be awesome. I was psyched about it like bread is psyched about butter.

breadlovesbutter

But in dating and cooking alike, believing something will be great is different from something being great. If the ingredients are all wrong, the outcome will also be all wrong.

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Ladies, don’t settle for the bad ones

Don’t settle for someone that is less than your standards. If hottie #1 takes an interest in you but has some weird regimes, take it slow. You don’t have to try and compensate for his weird regimes as if he is the last man on earth that will ever be interested in you.

Odds are, he is FAR from the last. Like a recipe, give the relationship time and TLC, adding things slowly and with care, and seeing if it turns into anything worthwhile. If things get too funky, you don’t have to get involved.

Kitchen tips: When in doubt, keep the heat lower.

Also, tell your friends about him and get their opinions. It’s better to feed one bad cookie to one good friend than twelve bad cookies to twelve …

I forget how that saying goes.

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Hottie #2 is showing some real potential on paper, but he’s coming on pretty strong. Like a million miles an hour strong. He’s totally boiling over but you can’t control his output like you can with a steam-whale.

steamwhale

So what do you do to relieve the pressure?

Turn the heat WAY down

Give him some space and just keep an eye on the situation. See if you both are a good match once the initial excitement has worn off. If he makes you feel the same irksome, uncomfortable way each time, cut off the heat completely, turn on the fan, and pour the mixture down the drain! Once it’s cool enough, that is.Β  πŸ™‚

πŸ˜‰

πŸ™‚

πŸ˜‰

<3

πŸ™‚

<3

πŸ˜‰

πŸ™‚

And then there’s hottie #3. He’s a slow-and-steady-wins-the-race kinda guy, but seems unsure of what he wants. Sometimes he gives you a little sugar. Sometimes he gives you a little spice. Keep this one on the back-burner on a low simmah and be careful not to add too much sugar or salt since you aren’t sure how it’s going to turn out. Sometimes recipes turn out unexpectedly good. <3

Or not!

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The fact is, we’ve all wondered about the outcome when beginning to talk to a new potential dating candidate. We create scenario after scenario in our heads from what the first date will be like, all the way to what the wedding day will be like. And it is very tempting to try to expect people to fit the person we are picturing in our heads. But alas, esa no es la vida. We cannot force a man to be the man we need any better than we can force an egg to be the sugar we need.

eggs don’t equal sugar

At the end of the day, the right man will present himself who has just the right amount of sweetness, is the perfect texture that we oh-so-adore, and leaves you feeling more satisfied than a winter stew.

But like cooking, we need to input good ingredients to get good outcomes. We need to stay true to our values, not be swayed and bend to someone else’s moral compass, and definitely not settle for less than what we love and deserve.

If you are craving a recipe with chocolate, don’t settle for one with cinnamon, or you won’t be satisfied.

We need to be patient and not turn up the high heat: every chef knows this will burn, char, scar and ruin dishes. Don’t rush into a relationship just because you want to make it happen so badly. Good things take long amounts of time to turn into better and beautiful things.

And above all, remember that dating, like cooking, is an art. The outcome of dating should be to find a suitable life-long partner that will bring you great joy and satisfy your human desires for community, intimacy and trust.

Like cooking, whatever you put into the relationship will change the outcome. Especially the amount of time. Fine wines and cheeses are best when aged. Flavors soak in over time and become richer and more decadent.

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Which recipe will you cook next?!

xo

V

Learning how to love

The word “love” is mentioned 38 times in this post.

Do you know how to love? Really think about it. How many healthy, positive, relationships do you have in your life? Are most, some or any of them thriving? Do you feel like you are receiving as much love as you are giving in your relationships? Maybe you are married or dating someone who you wish would do or say things differently. Maybe you feel like your friendship with somebody is one-sided and you’re tired of trying so hard.

It’s hard to love some people. Personally, it’s hard to love my family sometimes.

But since I value having quality relationships with them, I’m learning how to practice unconditional love. It’s been a few years of healing that are far from over.

helping-hand

I know I’m not the only one that struggles to ask “how can I make your life easier?” or “what can I do to help you?” to people that can be ungrateful, unpleasant or unappreciative.

I’m not the only one who is quick to give advice when maybe all the other person wanted was a listening ear, or a heartfelt hug.

I’m not the only one to withdraw my love when I’ve felt like somebody else has withdrawn theirs. Or to withdraw my self instead of communicating my feelings with whoever is causing me or someone else pain.

lovelanguage

This isn’t just a book review, I swear.

Gary Chapman originally wrote “The Five Love Languages for Married Couples” to help sustain marriages. He got such an incredible response that he decided to write a book with the same concepts for singles. This book focuses on a whole lot more than just romantic relationships. The methods outlined in the book can be applied to any relationship in your life.

Chapman theorizes that there are five different ways that humans show love to others, and five ways that humans crave to feel loved.

  1. Verbally: complimenting and praising others

  2. Spending time: one-on-one time, focusing on them

  3. Acts of service: doing the laundry, raking the leaves, running errands

  4. Gifts: giving thoughtful gifts at any time for no apparent reason

  5. Physical Touch: hugs, kisses, a press on the arm, a squeeze on the shoulder

 

serveothers

 

Often times we find ourselves frustrated with our relationship with another person.

We might be mad at a family member for habitually tracking sand up the stairwell after coming in from outside.

We might be upset with our SO or spouse because they never say “thank you” enough after cooking them a nice meal.

We could resent our aunt for forgetting to send a birthday card two years in a row.

The love that I crave is different than the love my sister craves. I need to spend quality time with people to fill my love tank. She needs to give and receive hugs and touch to fill her love tank.

The love I give and crave is different than the love my stepmom gives and craves. I give her a basket of yarn to show my love for her, when what she craved was for somebody to wash the kitchen floors for once. She prepares food and vacuums to show her love for me when I craved to be invited to watch a show with her in the living room.

gift-giving

If we don’t understand the kind of love a person is showing, we don’t feel loved. When we don’t give the kind of love a person is seeking, they don’t feel loved. It’s important to understand what kind of love people crave, and how we give it.

Gary Chapman gives lots of real-life examples of people overcoming tough times in their relationships with others after effectively learning to love them. Learning how to love enhances relationships.

One of my favorite quotes from the book The Five Love Languages for Singles, found on page 148 is:

“Our differences are numerous, but our basic needs are the same. If we are to serve people, which is life’s highest calling, then we must know them — male and female.”

This book has helped me tremendously and I’ve been raving about it to most everyone in my life. Cuz lets be honest, we ALLLLL got problems with other people in our lives. By reading this book, you can learn what kinds of love make you most fulfilled, which ways you tend to express love to others, and figure out which way other people in your life need to be loved and how you can practice loving them.

It’s worth it, I promise.

Love you all <3

Come again!
V

What if it’s not about WHO you marry, but WHY?

Love, relationships, dating, marriage. Why do we do these things?

Because we love Love. We all seek to be loved; to be understood. To be desired, chased. We need love and closeness. We need avenues for us to be vulnerable. To be romantic.

Some people seek love for support. For help in everyday life. To have an extra set of physical or emotional hands to get us through the days. Tit for tat.

Some people seek lust. We all desire beauty. It’s human nature to look at pretty things. For most people, love is defined by lust. Especially for men. Oxytocin is a hormone released in our bodies after experiencing moments of bonding; kissing, hugging, cuddling, etc. that produces the feeling of being “in love”. This is one reason why lust and love can be so confusing.

lovebook

Isn’t this adorable? Love and words and books. What else is there?! <3

For Christmas this year, my aunt and uncle gave me a copy of Gary Thomas’s The Sacred Search. I read it in all of three days. Three busy days, mind you.

It’s about love and commitment, desire and satisfaction. It explains most all of the different reasons why people marry; and discusses what happens as a result.

Is it because you’re “in love”? What does that really mean?

Is it because you’ve “investedΒ  a lot of time” and feel it’s too late?

Is it because you “don’t want to hurt” your significant other (SO)?

Is it because you’ve “already told everyone” and feel you can’t back up?

Are you “comfortable” and unwilling to change?

Do you believe marriage is hopeless and that all marriages fail, so why bother?

womanchasingman manchasingwoman

Gary Thomas explains infatuation in typical relationships and what usually ends up happening. He explains the reality of the physical bond created between people as a result of physical intimacy and how blinding it is. Thomas explains the importance of making sure you’re marrying the right person and why it’s OK to postpone the wedding if you feel you’re in too deep.

pursueGodfirst

Gary lays down easy-to-read “how-to” steps in seeking marriage and a loving relationship. He advises the reader on what to look for in an individual, but also what to look for in one’s self.

In chapter 11, Thomas lists some key traits that every SO should have in order to be a sustainable partner for 50-60 years.

“This person:

is humble

is forgiving

resolves conflict in a healthy way

knows how to communicate

prays

is skilled in the art of friendship” (Thomas p. 143).

Thomas highlights the importance of not hastily jumping into marriage, but taking slow measures to cultivate a relationship that will flourish well beyond any human years on this planet. By setting ourselves up for an eternal relationship, with God at the center, we will find success.

sacredsearch

If you are in a relationship and are thinking about getting married this book is for you.

If you are single and thinking about getting married this book is for you.

If you are in an unsatisfactory marriage and seeking tips on how to strengthen your relationship this book is for you.

If you are in a satisfactory marriage and seeking tips on how to strengthen your relationship this book is for you.

Not all marriages fail. In life, we reap what we sow, and haste makes waste. Check out Gary Thomas’s The Sacred Search to learn how to cultivate a lasting relationship, with time and careful consideration.

Hope you enjoyed this post! “Like” to see more posts like this one!

Love you all! πŸ™‚

<3 V

break up

Recently one of my very best girlfriends, A, came back to the East coast from CA after working out there for a few months restoring trails in the desert. I was SO proud of her for going out there knowing how much it scared her to take a spontaneous chance and be away from her family, dog and quiet life. As well as her boyfriend.

The guy that was still around after three years and I don’t even know how. Or why. I was there when A was first seeing this guy. Days after she met him she told me that he was addicted to Percocets. A painkiller. That he abused. For no reason other than to mask his reality. His reality, which included Continue reading “break up” →