Tag: faith

Dancing

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I’m so looking forward to dancing more.

Dance dance dance dance dance

My right knee has been hurting a leeeeeeeeeetle beet but I’m still gonna go dancing. My left ankle was also sUPEr tight this morning when I woke up so I elevated it for a while, massaged it, and then slathered it in olive oil and peppermint oil right before putting on my croc-like sandles. This last part was not such a great idea because my foot was sliding all around inside the sandal and almost coming off my foot. I should have put a dorky sock on to avoid sliding or maybe chosen a different pair of shoes. But it was 90 degrees today and “felt like 99” so I knew I wanted to wear sandals buuuut most of them are rubber. And my sandals that aren’t rubber aren’t shoes that I want to slather in oil hahah. The struggle

Anyway, ankle feels a lot better tonight. Right knee is a little funk but I think I will put some peppermint oil on it tonight after I finish typing this post and before turning out my bedroom light.

I have work tomorrow and want to be well. After work I am dancing and definitely want to be well for that too…

My heart leaps for dancing and fills me up.

I’ve also decided to stop drinking alcohol for the summer. Or even longer, I don’t know. Not that I drank very much before; 2 beers, 2 gin and tonics, 2 glasses of wine. Whatever. A margarita. I’ve thought about stopping drinking totally on and off and did stop drinking two summers ago for the summer and it blessed me incredibly. I felt the nudge again so I’ma commit. It won’t be hard to not drink, but I will miss the alcohol a tad bit when I’m hanging out with certain people or at certain places. But I’m excited y’all!

Tomorrow is the summer solstice. Very exciting! The weather looks pretty good too. Not too high humidity and not too hot. For Virginia anyway. Mid 80s. I’ve changed y’all. I’ve turned a new leaf with this heat thing. I still loathe humidity and avoid it at all costs but I can handle the heat a lot better than I used to. I still have to be careful and only stay out for ~an hourish to avoid passing out hahah but hey.

Other things coming up: a prayer and worship night. A ladies night. A concert….

A spontaneous trip to New England possibly?

Lots of reading <3

Videos to be posted <3

Time to be spent with awesome peeps <3

Dancing <3

2019 summer, here we come! 🙂

Lord, I’m grateful for the fullness that you’ve given me in your son, Jesus. He came to bring life, and life to the full, and I experience this as I walk by your Spirit and in your ways. Thank you for teaching me to value the invaluable: Truth and righteousness. Thank you for taking care of me and taking the time to communicate with me. Jehovah Nissi…. the Lord my banner; I love thee <3

xxx

V

the union of marriage

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I am grieving the loss of a relationship. One that I really wanted to work out. And now I’m sad.

Sad that he didn’t make me feel like the only one.

Disappointed that I hoped so much that that would change.

Sad that I won’t be hearing from him regularly anymore.

Disappointed that I didn’t stop it before it got to this point.

Sad that my own disobedience is what got me here.

Sad that I’ve dated so many people in the past that I have expectations of what I’m looking for in a man and how I want to be treated. Ignorance is bliss, but I’m not ignorant to this.

But on the same hand, he isn’t ready. He never was ready to commit to one person. One woman. One wife. He wasn’t ready to become one with another person.

That’s what marriage is all about. Becoming one. The union of marriage is two people coming together and choosing one another over everyone else. Marrying one person is saying I will love you and serve you and choose you everyday for the rest of my life.

It’s not being enticed by other people. It’s recognizing that every person is made in the image of God and has ups and downs, pros and cons, flaws. Every person has a beautiful soul and mind given to them by God.

Choosing to love just one person means wanting to know them from the inside out. It’s getting to know their heart. It’s focusing on only them. It’s not putting your eggs in several different baskets in case it doesn’t work out. It’s putting your heart on the line and trusting and believing that the person you’re giving your heart to will love you back.

Lord Jesus, I am so sorry and sad that I disobeyed you and tried to make my own way with this individual. You didn’t want me to go that day because you knew he wasn’t right for me. I injected myself into his life and tried to change him and save him and make him fit for me and it didn’t work. And now I am so, so sad. Your Holy Spirit is a rescuer. You rescued me and challenged me to obey you this weekend. And so last night I did. I broke it off with him. It was time. Oh Lord. Thank you for rescuing me. For caring for me. For showing me the way in which I should go.

Lord I pray for clarity. I ask you to give me clarity in Jesus’ name. To help me see you in this situation. Reveal anything to me that I need to work on, confess for, repent of, and work towards. I am your vessel and recognize that I am not my own. Help me to serve you better and seek Your kingdom and Your righteousness first and foremost. 

Amen.

xxx

<3

V

fresh emotions

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too raw not to share. The real stuff is always worth reading.

I broke up with him y’all. I had to. I didn’t want to, but I had to.

The Holy Spirit led me to.

“But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.” John 16:13

 

And He told me what to do. And I had to obey. I couldn’t ignore it. I couldn’t snuff it. I couldn’t push it down. I knew what I had to do and what I had to say. And so I did it.

I sent the message. I said the four words that everyone hates hearing

“we need to talk”

and I know that he knew. We had a similar conversation last Sunday too. I was hoping the feelings would go away. The peace-less-ness. Lol not a word but aye.

They lingered. The lack of peace lingered.

Oh Lord Jesus. I hate break-ups. I hate hurting people. I hate brokenness. I hate heartbreak. Oh Lord it’s so sad when it doesn’t work out. I really wanted it to work. I tried to see past flaws. I tried to focus on positives. I tried to forgive him. I tried to see You in it all. But I didn’t have peace. I knew I had to break it off. I knew. And so I did. And now I’m sad.

Sad.

We talked for two hours. About our relationship and how fun it was. How he learned a lot. How we could’ve done things better. How it was going to be hard to be long-distance anyway. How God has been working. And I prayed for him. I held his hand while I prayed for him and I just about cried doing it. I had to pause for about 15 seconds before I could start the prayer because I was fighting back tears.

And we made jokes…. we wished each other well. He said “I hope you find what you’re looking for”. And I said “I don’t know what I’m looking for. I think I know what I need but God shows me what I actually need”.

I have to believe that God has something better out there for the both of us. A better relationship. A better fit. Two better people, a man and a woman, for me and for him. Two people that will better meet each of our needs.

Oh Lord it’s hard. Especially when he walked me to my car and said “so I guess this is it?” and we hugged. And I cried. I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. And he said “I’m going to miss you.” And I wanted to kiss him, but I knew that would’ve confused things. And I wanted to say “I should go before I kiss you” but I knew that we would’ve kissed if I said that. So I kept it to myself, and cried, and trusted you O Lord. 

He asked if he could stop in on Saturday morning at my house and say a final goodbye. I said yes. I’ll be working where I live that morning, and hopefully he comes at a proper time where I can have a few minutes with him.

See I really enjoy his company. We can just be together. He’s sweet and fun and funny. He’s kind and gentle. There are many qualities that he possesses that I love.

But the peace wasn’t there. I knew it wasn’t right. Our relationship seemed superficial.

Superficial. Surface deep. Looks pretty on the outside. But I didn’t feel that connection with him. That deep connection. I need that deepness. I need those deep talks.

Oh Lord, I must go to sleep now. I feel as though I may take ill if I don’t. Thank you for watching over me, my kind shepherd. I love thee with all my heart, soul and mind. 

xxx

<3

V

Trusting Him

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Do I trust Him

Do I trust His Holy Spirit

Do I trust His message that He lays on my heart?

Will I be obedient even if it’s uncomfortable. Even if it’s painful. Even if it means hurting someone that I care about? Even if it means telling the truth when the truth could hurt?

Even if it means tough love?

Yet He comforts me and says “I am with you and will never leave you or forsake you.”

And I feel that He is with me and I thank Him for sticking with me even during times of suffering the consequences of my own sin. He is with me even when I am experiencing the repercussions of my own bad choices. And He has my hand in His hand and He says walk this way my child, walk with Me. Come and drink of the living water, which is the only water that satisfies. And He leads me, and He carries me, and He comforts me, and His love for me is stronger with each step that we take.

Lord Jesus… I trust You. I thank you that you have given me a spirit not of fear, but of power, love and self-control. Thank you for being with me and for leading me along the paths of righteous for Your name’s sake. Thank you for using me as your vessel. Thank you for teaching me to move forward in faith. Amen.

xx <3

V

“By This Time Tomorrow…”

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Hey guys.

It’s a little after midnight and I just worked for 17 hours straight. But believe it or not, I’m OK with that. You know, life was easier when I didn’t worry so much. I remember when I was a young teenager (13/14?) I had a moment when I realized I was happy, and had been happy for ~3 years. Isn’t that wonderful? I know it had to do with my church at the time. My youth group. My friends. I honestly didn’t make that connection until now, but I’m sure that’s why I had such a blessed time.

On a side note:

Tomorrow I’m going salsa dancing. 

I. Can’t. Wait.

I’m still in love with dancing. I started almost 28 weeks ago. That’s 7 months. Salsa, Bachata y yo have been in a relationship for almost 7 months. I should take myself out. To dinner. At chick-fil-A. Okay, I admit it; I was going to do that anyway. Go to Chick-Fil-A I mean; not take myself out. Though I suppose whenever someone goes to a fast food joint alone they’re technically “taking themselves out”.

Sigh. Tired. 17 hour work-day will do that to ya I guess! But for reals guys, I’m really not phased??!!

It’s because life is good, and God is good. He has given me energy, positivity, and great faith. All things that were much needed for today. Now yesterday, to all you technical folks — hey, I’m one of them, I can say that.  😀

This post is for encouragement purposes.

 

“The LORD said to Joshua,

“Do not be afraid of them,

because by this time tomorrow

I will hand all of them, slain,

over to Israel. “

Joshua 11:6

 

Can we just ponder this verse for a second. Yes, I did chop off the part about killing the horses and burning the chariots. That wasn’t the focus I was going for. The focus is this:

The Lord tells Joshua

“do not be afraid”

because “by this time tomorrow”

I will

hand all of them over to Israel

slain.

So let’s break this verse down, so we can see how encouraging it really is.

  1. “The Lord tells Joshua” is encouraging because we have a God who speaks directly to us. He is a personal God.  He is omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent… yet He speaks one-on-one to each of His children….
  2. “do not be afraid” is encouraging because our God knows when we are afraid, and He seeks to console us. He is the Lord who comforts, and He is gentle and kind. He is reassuring and understanding of our fears and doubts and trials, and wants us to know that we are safe.
  3. “because by this time tomorrow” is encouraging because God knows the future. He alone sees all of our days and knows exactly what’s going to happen. He goes before us and paves the way. He promises to protect us and keep us from harm’s way if we abide in Him. No battle or trial will last forever, and God helps us keep perspective on getting through the trial by telling us it will all be over soon.
  4. “I will” is encouraging because it tells us that it’s the Lord God’s will to help His children. He is our Father, and He takes care of us. He is looking out for Joshua and His children and is reassuring them that He, God Himself, will act, by “this time tomorrow”.
  5. “hand all of them over to Israel” is encouraging because the enemies of Joshua and the Israelites aren’t so big and bad that they can take on the holy God of the universe. Nope. They don’t stand a chance against our God. Enemies of God and His children can never win. Never.
  6. “slain” is encouraging because we know that God is the one who slays our enemies. Not us. Not by our hand. Not by our power. GOD slays our enemies. GOD does the hard, dirty work for us. GOD and God alone chooses to fight for His people.

 

Let’s recap: God speaks to us. He speaks to us and prays for us personally. He is comforting and understanding. He alone has the eternal vision. It is His will to help His children. It is His will to help His children. He slays the enemy and enemies.

 

I started this post last night but fell asleep before I finished it. So real quick, the ending I want to tack on ties the whole post together.

Yesterday I worked for 17 hours.

I was worried about how it was going to go.

I was worried about the traveling I would do with my client and her husband and definitely asked a lot of people for prayer.

And God came through.

And He reminded me of the above verse before the day arrived.

“By this time tomorrow…..” gave me such peace. The entire verse gives me such hope. I need never fear for my God is with me. He goes before me and behind me, and hems me in. He makes a way for me and is a lamp unto my feet. He equips me for the task with energy and stamina. He encourages me throughout each day with His sweet Spirit. He fights my battles for me and makes me victorious.

It’s a promise, folks. In the end, we are victorious. Victorious living is one victorious day at a time. And we have victory in Jesus, our Savior, forever.

Oh victory in Jesus (victory in Jesus),

my Savior (my Savior) forever (forever)

He sought me and He bought me

with His redeeming blood (bought me with His blood)

He loved me ‘ere I knew Him

and all my love is due Him

He plunged me to victory

beneath the cleansing flood

 

The day went so smoothly yesterday. He reminded me that it would before it arrived, He encouraged me throughout the very day, and I was able to rejoice before, during, and after, knowing my God was with me.

<3 <3 <3

V

the cost of light

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light is costly. light is risky. light reveals dark things in dark places.

casting a light on things and people and situations and elephants in rooms.

light overcomes darkness.

light is always better than darkness.

king Solomon wrote this in Ecclesiastes.

 

“I saw that wisdom is better than folly, just as light is better than darkness.”

Ecclesiastes 2:13 

light is better than darkness.

in Heaven there will be no more darkness. no more night

there will only be light, and glory, and magnificence. and Jesus.

God is the Father or light, and there is no darkness in Him.

There is no shadow of turning with Him. AKA if God were spherical, like a planet, there would be no shadow when He turned. Because He is 100% light. There is nothing dark about Him. There is nothing hidden from us. He is light.

And we are called to shine our light before others. And not hide it, but display it for the whole room to see!

Light is better than darkness.

I used to believe operating in the dark was safer. It was okay for me. Because I had things to hide. I was hiding myself sometimes. Things were hidden from me sometimes too, because I was constantly operating in the dark.

I didn’t like it when someone turned on the light because then:

A) they would see what I was doing

B) my deeds would be exposed, however dark, dirty, embarrassing, unworthy, lacking

C) I would be known, and probably not fully loved

But darkness can’t beat the light. Darkness can’t win. When light enters the scene, the darkness disappears.

Since God is light, when God enters the scene, darkness trembles.

Since God made His children light, when we enter the scene, darkness can’t stand against us.

Thank you Jesus. Thank you for setting me apart as light. Thank you for teaching me that light is better than darkness. Thank you for exposing the sin in me to myself and working it out of me. Thank you for using me to expose the sin in others! Thank you for using your people as your hands and your feet to do your work and help refine others and conform them to the image of Christ. Thank you for using us to glorify yourself. 

Thank you Jesus, that you don’t leave your children in the darkness. You don’t let us scrounge around, trying to figure out how to live on our own. You know we can’t.  <3 

And Lord, the truth and the light is your GIFT. Not leaving us alone to fight the darkness is your gift to us. Not leaving us alone in our darkness and sin is your gift.

Your accountability and guiding of the Holy Spirit, the convictions you enable us to have… this and these are gifts to us. Because Lord, we wage war against the flesh and blood constantly. The war waging inside of us that fights for righteousness and that fights for sin and self is in full-throttle. The warriors that scream “I’m doing the very thing I don’t want to do, and I’m saying the very thing I don’t want to say… God help me”.

 

ROMANS 7:15-25

“I do not understand what I do.

For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.

As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.

For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.

For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 

For I do not do the good I want to do,

but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 

Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it,

but it is sin living in me that does it.

 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me.  

For in my inner being I delight in God’s law;  

but I see another law at work in me,

waging war against the law of my mind

and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 

What a wretched man I am!

Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 

Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, 

but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.”

 

A “slave to God’s law” and a “slave” to the “law” of sin. If you are a believer bought by the blood of the lamb, you are no longer a slave to sin. You are a child of God, and have the power to put sin to death every day. You have the power to choose God and choose morality and choose justice and choose faith and choose righteousness.

Choose righteousness … for it always brings peace.

Choose light…. because it is ALWAYS better than darkness.

So call out the thing you need to call out. Shine a light on it. Call it for what it is.

Stand up for what’s good and right and true. Shine light. Be light. Live in the light. Know your power. Know who you are, and whose you are.

xxx

V

faith is

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stepping out on a limb

stepping out onto the water

falling forward

leaping into the water

free-falling

trust-falling

letting go

confessing

admitting

……

knowing and believing what you say is true

focusing on what is true and not feelings

trusting your word and not my emotions

believing in your ways, and not my ways

knowing you are God and i am not

giving up things

not holding tightly onto anything

acknowledging every is yours, and is a gift to us

moving forward

doing the next right thing

being quick to forgive

being quick to love

in things not seen

hoping and trusting in God

knowing you hold all things in your hand

knowing you are all powerful

knowing you are the only wise king

…

putting certain things on hold

fulling diving into other things

accepting that my way is not the best way

realizing who God is

…

Lord, I thank you for teaching me to wait on You. Thank you for teaching me to act. Thank you for teaching me how to better trust You. Thank you for teaching me to rely on you wholly. Lord help me seek Your will and Your ways and Your plans and not my own. I need you in every area, O God. Every hour, I need you. Father thank you for growing me closer to you in faith. Thank you for giving me opportunities to hear your word so I can know you better, and better understand your plans for my life. <3

xxx

V

The Meditations of My Heart

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As you walk around the neighborhood

As you sit at your desk at work during your lunch break

When you’re driving in your car on the way to wherever

When you’re lying in your bed at night before you go to sleep

What are you meditating on?

Meditating means: contemplating, considering, thinking about, pondering.

The meditations of our hearts are what drives us.

What is your heart thinking about?

What is your heart longing  for?

What drives you.

What are your goals?

What direction are headed in?

In a surface-level conversation I would probably say: I want to be a writer. I want to write books. I want to record music. I want to make videos. I want to

I want to

I want to

I want to

But then my actions say otherwise.

They say: I want to dance. I want to exercise. I want to spend time with friends and those who I love. I want to eat. I want to sleep. I want to rest. I want to do nothing. I want to turn off my brain.

 

“May these words of my mouth

and this meditation of my heart

be pleasing in your sight, LORD,

my Rock and my Redeemer.” Psalm 19:4

 

Pleasing to God. Lots of my thoughts definitely aren’t pleasing to Him. I know this because they’re all about me. They’re all about glorifying myself. How can I get better, look better, be more well-liked. Be more successful.

Don’t get me wrong: success is good. Caring for yourself is good. But not all good goals and things are goals and things I should be pursuing at this time.

God has a post for each of us where he sets us at. He wants us to stay at that post and watch. He wants us to perform the necessary duties at the post. He doesn’t want us to be distracted by whatever the enemy wants to dangle in front of us.

So often we forget about our post and leave it behind, and instead pursue our desires, our temptations. We begin meditating on ourselves and what we want and what we desire and we forgot Who knows better what we need.

God knows that I need to focus on the gifts He’s given me and focus on pouring them out to other people. He also knows that I am easily distracted. He knows what I’m distracted by. He knows my weaknesses. He sees my heart and knows my deepest desires that drive my actions and thoughts and ideas. And He still loves me.

But He gives us a way out: He changes us. He asks us to cry out to Him and ask Him for guidance, direction and help. He is our shepherd, and he calls us by name. He doesn’t want us to get eaten by wolves. He doesn’t want us to fall off a cliff. He doesn’t want us to wander and get lost.

So my prayer for me and my prayer for you is this:

Ask the Lord to help your meditations be pleasing to Him. If you know what you’re contemplating doing or saying or not doing or not saying is not pleasing to Him, ask Him to deliver you from that way of thinking and renew a right spirit within you.

Trust that God is good all the time and only wants what is best for His children. Trust that His boundaries are good and that He wants to protect us from certain things until the right context, the right time. Trust that He’s preparing you for good works, and can and will accomplish within you more than you could ever ask, think or imagine.

Trust Him.

Ask Him to help you want to want Him. Want to need Him. Know that you need Him.

Ask Him to help you know that He satisfies. That He is more than enough.

He is more than enough.

Lord, change the meditations of my heart: get them off my myself. Help me be outwardly focused and not trapped in an inwardly-focused way of thinking.

xxx

<3

V

 

Navigating the dark

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I love it when I can navigate dark places without a light. The memory of where things usually are and the faith that there are no large blockades or objects unusually placed is required. or small Legos something of that sort on the floor. There are not many worse things to step on unexpectedly than a Lego, besides perhaps that nail that Murph? stepped on in Home Alone when he was climbing the tar-covered staircase from the basement to the first floor of the house.

It’s 6:20. I woke up at 5:55 to help a client this morning. She’s ocupado right now and I’m hanging nearby in case she needs help. So I went to the kitchen to get a cup of water. And it was dark. But I knew where the right cabinet was, and where my cup of choice stood waiting for me. And I picked it up and brought it to the fridge and placed it exactly under the water dispenser and proceeded to press upon it and fill up the cup.

That’s when I started thinking about God. He is light, and there is no darkness in Him. There is nowhere we can go to hide. He is with us always, and sees us, and knows us. He navigates our hearts and minds and knows where every part of us resides. He knows how it got there, and He knows how to clean it up if it shouldn’t be there. He is not surprised by the sharp, unfortunately placed Legos on the floor of our hearts, as He’s navigating the darkest places that need His light shined upon them desperately.

He sees all things, knows all things, and is surprised by nothing. And yet He still loves us.

When I was in the darkest of places, you saw me for what I was, and still lavished your love upon me.

Gratitude

<3 thank you Father that you are light

<3 thank you for making us your light here on Earth

<3 thank you for giving us eyes to see

<3 thank you for teaching us how to navigate a dark world

<3 thank you for leading us away from things that make us stumble

<3 thank you for having patience and grace for us as we still trip and fall

<3 thank you for giving us your grace to have for others as they still trip and fall, and sometimes bring us down with them

Lord, without your light and the truth of your word, I can do nothing. You word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. The path you reveal to me is the only one I want to walk. Forgive me for choosing wrong paths.

You are the light of the world and cannot be hidden! Let your light shine before others! Know the source of your light: what Christ has done for you on the cross. By His dying for our sins, He made us right-standing before God, and gives light to see to all who believe in Him through the Holy Spirit and the bible.

Life is bright with you Jesus 🙏🙌

Happy Thursday everyone!

XXX

V

Trust

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God, I trust you.

Though it’s hard

Though I want to go my own way

Though I don’t want to be alone

Though I want people to like me

Though I want the world to like me

Though I know you know best

I know you love me

I know you care for me

I know you know better than me

I know you protect and shield me

I know you go before me, and behind me, and hem me in

I want to trust you God.

So help me trust you, and help me see you, and help me choose you

And take away my fears of not being liked

And take away my fears of being alone.

For I am set apart

and I am victorious in you

and I have all that I need

and I am light

Thanks to you.

Thank you for including me in your family.

Thank you for wanting me around.

Thank you for patiently teaching me how to live the right way.

Thank you for being just, and for implementing consequences when I choose to turn my own way.

I need you, Lord. I need help choosing you.

Thank you for choosing me.

T R U S T    T   R   U   S   T   T R U S T    T   R   U   S   T   T R U S T

xxx <3

V