Tag: random

Relief

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

Oh my goodness. What a relief it is to know you Lord.

You’re IT. You’re what gives me purpose. You’re the missing link. The missing piece.

You answer the “why” that I’m looking for.

Why am I here?

Why am I alive?

What’s the point?

How do I live in this jacked up world?

How do I survive?

How do I forgive people?

How do I take care of myself well?

How do I say “no” to doing and saying things that hurt me and others?

How?

 

You kept me awake all night the other night. I kept waking up, lurching forward out of a dream. A nightmare. I was in the passenger seat of a car and we were driving too fast. There wasn’t enough time to brake.

I kept waking up out of this dream and lurching forward to almost sitting straight up.

I know what You were trying to tell me. Hit the brakes. HARD. Turn around. Better yet,

get.

out.

of.

the.

car.

I’m in the wrong place, with the wrong person, heading in the wrong direction. And if I don’t hit the brakes, we’re both going to crash.

I knew that was You speaking to me through a dream. And people say You don’t speak through dreams. Ha

People say a lot of things

people say

people say

“people say”

it doesn’t matter what people say. It’s just words. But YOU, Your Word. When YOU speak…. we MUST pay attention.

 

Lord… 

Thank you that you know my heart and you love me the same. Thank you for the gift of conviction and the gift of knowing You and hearing from You. Thank you for calling my name and speaking to me. Thank you for redirecting me. Thank you for capturing my attention. Thank you for not leaving me alone to make bad decisions that I’ll later regret. Thank you for wanting me to look more like Christ and less like me. Thank you for properly posturing my heart to desire You. To love You. To not just modify my behavior on the outside for PEOPLE but to earnestly seek to love you with every cell in my body. 

Help me trust You with every detail. Help me not settle for the wrong car, for the wrong person, for the wrong trip, for the wrong direction. For the wrong motives. For the wrong outcomes. For selfishness. For personal gains. For thrill seeking. Lord I thank you that every thing you created is good… but it isn’t always the right time or place to enjoy Your creation. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy so much of my every day life. You didn’t have to do that. From the time I wake up in the morning to the time I go to bed; I love my life. 

I love my life.

I love this life.

There are parts I want to change.

I am actively working on changing those parts.

There are parts that can’t change right now or maybe never.

I am actively working on accepting those parts. Even if that means giving them up again and again on the daily.

All we can do is the next right thing.

We must focus on the next right thing. We mustn’t focus on what’s lacking.

For the Lord is my shepherd, and I shall. not. want.

xxx

<3

V

The most unlikely folks

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

Lord

You use the most unlikely folks

It’s hilarious to me

I write them off in my mind

First thought, “Nahhhhh”

They are the ones that perform

They are the ones that come forth

They are the ones that stand firm

They are the ones

I’m learning to trust You!

I’m learning to lift up each of these, the least of these, up to You

Thank you for giving me clarity and showing me Your ways

Your high, high ways

Not highways

Though if your ways were a highway it would have endless lanes and there would be no accidents. There would be loops and underpasses and overpasses and bridges. There would be no speed limit, but many would drive very, very, very slow. They wouldn’t be an inconvenience though, because they have their own lane. Maybe that’s what the highway of Your mind is like, Oh God. A lane for each of your children on a humongous highway. With 7 billion lanes. Or is it 9? 7.53 billion according to Google.

I think that’s more accurate. But maybe not. This is me thinking out loud here. I know You definitely have me waiting behind others a lot. And also looking back to make sure others are still following me. You also have people very close to me in my car. Sometimes for a month or six or a year or two.

I won’t try to construct the highway of Your mind anymore. Though I do know this: every speck of every inch of every mile on Your highway is intentionally the way it is; per Your design. It has purpose. It gives life to us. I think of tiny organisms growing and being shaped and stretched and challenged in their own little life.

Your purpose in the details is often despised. Only later do you graciously pull back the curtain of Your purpose.

Thank you Father for giving me purpose. 

This call to action in my life has been SO exciting.

The momentum building has been SO motivating.

And I want to help other people.

I want to change their lives.

I want others to catch the vision I’ve caught.

Purpose. I have purpose. A greater purpose.

He has prepared me for this. He always does.

Have you found your purpose?

xxx

<3

V

Changes

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

Exciting changes.

Exciting opportunities!

Wanna be a market partner with me for Monat?? Ask me how and I’ll send you my link!

Network marketing is the way the world is moving… direct sales from the company to YOU… Through someone like me (an influencer!).

I’m super hyped about this experience. There was nothing to lose by signing up. I got a bunch of products that I already love and stand behind 100% and now my job is to tell the world about them so y’all can experience what I’ve been experiencing!

Great hair. Healthy hair. Hair care. The natural root. Vegan. Cruelty-free. Patented. Proven to restore and regenerate hair.

Yuuuuuup.

I’m a little bit scared to have signed up as a market partner, but I have a really good feeling about it.

Have you ever decided to take a leap of faith and sign up for something without knowing what the outcome will be?

Thank you Lord for leading me. Help me to always do things to your glory and for your glory. I love you!

xxx

<3

V

“You were just what I needed”

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

He said as he continued laughing.

Then he said “God bless you.” before stepping on the gas and turning right on red.

My cheeks hurt from laughing as I closed the styrofoam cajita leftover from my friend’s dinner. Rice, beans and steak.

I didn’t have a fork so I was eating it out of the container like a pig at the trough. hahaahah

And cute Mr. Mystery pulled up beside at just the right moment to see me in all of my piggish glory as I lapped at the rice and beans. A piece of steak hung from my mouth as I glanced over to my right side; only to see him bust out laughing at the sight.

He started to open his window and I reached for mine.

“Thank you. You were just what I needed tonight. God bless you!”

🙂

Glad I could make your night, oh random strange man with the twinkle in your eyes. I’m glad my gluttonous habits could be used for your good.

Well, perhaps not gluttonous. Quirky, yes.

Be yourself.

Learn to laugh at yourself.

Live. Life is short. Live.

Good night my friends.

xxx

<3

V

ZzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZzzzzzZ

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

guys.

I’m tired.
Man.

Physically (I think I’m hongry).

Plus I’ve had a headache since ~1.

Maybe it’s because I ate a donut for breakfast.

Gahhhh sugar.

Lol

But it was a hot donut. Freshly made this morning. Right before I picked it up. My new boss had me pick up a dozen of fresh, warm, homemade donuts from a lil donut shop up the road. Eeeeeyup!

‘Twas delicious!

But yeah then there’s this headache. Which might be from the donut. But I dunno.

Anyway. Here I am. At home. With …. 30 minutes to spare before going to bible study. I’m leading tonight’s discussion. Lord help me.

I think I’m going to take a 20 minute nap. I think that will help me tremendously. I should have gone to bed earlier last night. I think THAT would have helped me even more. lol

Tomorrow is Tuesday. My favorite night of the week. Because……….

~

~~

~~~

~~~~

~~~~~

~~~~

~~~

~~

~

I’m going salsa dancing!!!!

😀

Lol remember those email chains that had you scroll for a million years and it promised to reveal whether or not your crush would fall in love with you or something?? HAHAHAH I forgot about those til rn.

😛 😛 😛 😛 😛

So anyway.

My new job is going interestingly. I still have it, so that’s good. I survived day four today. Okay, I’m being a leeeeeeetle melodramatic. But the work environment is a little difficult for me.

Structure. I need structure. I crave structure.
I’m a list maker.
A note-taker.
Task-oriented.
Tell me what you expect from me, and I’ll follow through. I’ll do a great job.

But not this job. I didn’t have an orientation. I didn’t shadow anyone. There is no manual to teach me what to do or say or how to respond appropriately or if I should respond at all.

It’s on-the-job training.

Learning each day that I show up. It’s been difficult. Especially because one of the people I work for is very impatient. I have experienced how very short the fuse is a couple times already. Which, by the way, I hate.

Confrontation. Being uncomfortable. Walking on eggshells. Though I guess nobody is making me do that last one. So this is a place for me to learn how to not do that anymore. Not walk on eggshells. Not tiptoe around. Not be afraid of cracking a few shells every once in a while. They’re eggs after all. And walking on them are eventually going to crack a few. That’s JUST what’s going to happen. And it’s not the end of the world.

Life is tough. It’s emotional.

So why is everybody so afraid of emotion? Why is everybody so afraid of confrontation? Why is everybody so afraid of dealing with feelings?

Why is everybody constantly trying to pretend like everything is okay all the time?

Or maybe it’s just me. I can only speak for me after all.

And I know I do this. I want things to be good. All. The. Time.

Who doesn’t? Who doesn’t want to be comfortable and good? To avoid conflict?

I look forward to the day when there is no more pain, no more suffering, no more death. When I’m reigning over the new earth with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

But in the meantime, I’m stuck living in this broken world.

Though you know… it ain’t all bad.

There’s a lot to be thankful for. I’ma list a few things that come to mind right meow:

coffee

hot donuts

working car

money

sunset

sleep

healthy body

laptop

clothes

water bottle

water

chocolate covered espresso beans

guitar

music

hymns

singing

worshipping

church

my Lord

my family

friends

hope

dancing

light

darkness

stars

rest

peace

stillness

quiet

Jesus

books

pens

keyboard

BSF

sisters

sisterhood

prayer

lunch dates

coffee dates

excitement

joy

oxygen.

lol

but I mean, I’m thankful for it. I’m glad it doesn’t hurt every time I take a breath.

Alllllllllllright guys. I’m gonna sit quiet for a new now. I have 10 minutes before I have to go.

LOVE Y’ALL <3

Keep grinding fam. 🙂

XXX

V

guys

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

hello

hi

hai

I’m feeling quite removed from the world of WordPress. Definitely have not been writing lately. Looking back over the last month I’ve been pretty busy.

A trip to Boston

A trip to Nag’s Head

My BFF visiting for 5 days.

Went indoor sky diving!

Started a new job.

Yep. That’s where I’ve been. Away and busy!

And it’s nice to be home. It’s nice to have a space to write and relax in.

Whilst wearing a reindeer onesie.

And drinking a VA Beer Co. IPA.

And contemplating the single life.

lol

SO I’m super pumped because I’ve been working on music recording! I have Ableton Live Lite 10 which came with my interface and I’ve been learning how to use it. Cool story; I didn’t know how to use it at all and basically didn’t touch it for over a year.  I’ve been praying that God would help me figure it out.

Recently I was reading and hanging at home. And I had a sudden urge to sing and record.

So I set everything up and literally started to use the program.

WAIT don’t leave. Keep reading.

That was it.

I started using it.

Just like that.

I know it was God who enabled me. And this is when you’re like “ight imma head out”.

But God is a god of the impossible. He is more than able to equip us to do the work He has set up for us.

He’s given me a desire in my heart to write and record songs. I’ve had the equipment and the will to do it. And now He’s enabled me to start up.

I’m excited. It’s fun experimenting. Making sounds. Singing and harmonizing and laying down tracks.

I have a friend who made a rap album. It took him 7 years to perfect everything. When I first heard that I questioned him. I questioned his motivation, his methods, his abilities.

Not anymore. Sound engineering is HARD. Especially when starting from scratch.

So.

I’m excited about this new adventure. 🙂

Besides that. Thanksgiving tomorrow.

I’m going to a FRIENDSGIVING. It’s gonna be cute 🙂

My friend is cooking a four-course meal which sounds amazing. Complete with wine pairings from the wine he brought back from France over the weekend.

Yep.

<3

Life is good. Can’t complain. Went dancing last night and had a BLAST. I also prayed for that too. God is good and Faithful. His name is faithful.

Sooooooo

After that short update I must get to work. Lol

Though my client’s surely happy that I’m late 😛

Guys. Take a breather.

Take a breath right now. A deep inhale. And exhale.

Now think about one thing that you enjoyed about today.

Maybe it was your morning cup of coffee.

Maybe it was the sunshine illuminating the autumn leaves.

Maybe it was your running, reliable vehicle.

Maybe it was the thought of the someone who makes your smile.

Maybe it was the hope you were promised that the best is yet to come.

Think about that thing. Thank God for it. He’s the giver of all good gifts.

🙂

Remember that among the crazy thanksgiving shenanz. Especially if things get weird with family. Or friends.

LOVE YALL

xxx

<3

V

 

Good morning :)

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

Hey everyone.

Just wanted to pop on here and say a few words of gratitude to posture my heart for the day!

I am so thankful for a good night of sleep last night! I love going to bed early enough that I don’t need an alarm to rudely shake me out of my much-needed deep sleep ynawmean.

I’m thankful for my lil orange mug from my college dining hall days– I may have stolen this 😬 but I was a different person then. Hahah I just remember when the dining hall staff had to make an announcement that people ought to stop stealing mugs OR ELSE since so many were disappearing. #FACEPALM. I’m totally not glorifying stealing now though. But I do love this mug!

Not to mention my “CARPE CAFFEINE” mug. Gosh. Is it silly to love someone small like that? I guess it’s a tiny representation of my love for my morning ritual. Make coffee into mug. Enjoy warm mug of coffee while doing bible study/devotionals etc. It’s the best way to wake up.

Water. I am SO thankful for water. Lately I’ve been realizing how much more water I need to be drinking. Part of my increased thirst (which I do believe I have!) might be due to changing seasons/having turned on the heating unit in the house?! Also, since I’m regularly exercising now my H2o intake has increased.

So as I was typing about water I realized that everything I’m grateful for this morning comes out of cups. This may be because I am staring at these three cups currently…. ish. (My water is in a water bottle, w/e)… or maybe… my cups overfloweth. Hahhaha

Or I suppose I would be overflowing WITH cups. haha 😉

Anyways, I’m going to go read my bible now! Got about 45 minutes before I leave for work. Today will be a long day… two clients back to back followed by a meeting and a dinner! The latter part of the day will be fun though 🙂

I hope all of you lovely people have a lovely day <3

TGIF

xxx

<3

V

mmk

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

So I wanted to write again today. Here we are.

Sunday night. 6:49.  I have work at 9. I think I’ll take a walk soon. I have some adrenaline because of hiking and dancing last night. I think walking will help clear my head. It’s nice living in this neighborhood with lots of streetlights … and it’s only one way in and one way out so it feels safe. Not to mention its’ general ritziness. Or is it ritzyness… haha oh well

 

Yeah walking didn’t happen. It’s now 11:17pm and I got home from work a couple minutes ago. I’m not sad about walking though because I ended up playing guitar and singing and working on writing a song instead. <3 So that was lovely <3

Ears are still ringing from this morning. So it’s been almost 24 hours of tinnitus. Hmmmm hopefully this isn’t anything to be concerned about. I do know one thing though. I refuse to Google my condition. hahah

Mmmmkay going to bed now. Can’t think of anything to write or focus. Ha

xxx

<3

V

tinnitus & hiking

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

wondering when the tinnitus will go away!

It kinda sounds like a mini fire alarm is going off in both my ears on a low level. That’s what happens when you go to night clubs

lol

Last night I went to a friend’s birthday party and we all met at a spot and DANCED. It was a good time 😀 I saw many faces I knew and quite a few that I didn’t know. Got to dance with many fun dancers that I see around often, and also danced with some new people which is always a blast!

At one point I saw my most recent dance crush across the room and smiled and waved when he smiled at me. I danced several songs in a row with friends (songs that aren’t partner dances) and then my friend came up to me and expressed his desire to head out soon (we had carpooled). I told him I really wanted to dance with ***** (dance crush).

At that moment, my crush walked across the room through the crowd and asked me to dance salsa. <3 <3 <3

aaaaaaaaaaahhh just wanna take a moment to say how much I love coffee. <3 SO GOOD. In the morning. Sitting by the window. Writing to y’all. Bout to do some bible study as well. Yup, life is good 🙂

So. Back to the dance crush.

He’s a very talented salsero. In fact, he came to this area not too long ago and is very involved with the salsa community teaching classes and leading dance teams. I was hoping to have a really satisfying salsa dancing experience with him but realistically it was too crowded. We ended up dancing sortof…. mini salsa hahah. But it was still fun! And I was flattered that he came across the room and asked me 😀

~*~

And then there was the physics professor. We danced 2 salsa songs and 1 merengue back-to-back-to-back. I told him I had to go and he asked if he could get my number. I said “depends”. He said “on what?”. I said “if you love Jesus.”

Then we proceeded to have a chat on the dance floor about Jesus and agnosticism (he says he is agnostic) and he was trying to convince me that “science doesn’t line up with the bible” etc. etc. (all this was going on in the middle of the dance floor and then we had to move to the side to hear each other better 😂 😂 😂 ) . And then he said “I would really love to get coffee and talk about this some more with you. Let me give you my number.” And I said… and I’m still laughing btw “give me your email.”

hahahahaha

But he gave me his name and number in my contacts and told me to google his name and it would pop up since he’s a professor. Turns out he has a PhD in physics. lol

Anyways, I’m going to pray about whether or not I will send him an email (I probably will) and what I’ll send. 🙂 God is funny. Has a sense of humor for sure. But God knows I like to keep life interesting and so if He wants to use me in these small ways by witnessing to salseros on the dance floor, so be it. 😛

.

..

.

Anyway, I could sit here and write all day long (and I may write again later) but I gotta go read my bible & do my study and then go to church! And probably lunch with some peeps. Then CHILL at home. Yesterday was insane. I got up at 6am, friends came over at 7am, drove ~3 hours to the mountains… hiked…

went to a local brewery for lunch & got this hoppy pomegranate number 😛

Drove ~3 hours home, showered, changed, collaborated with friends

Left home at 9:45pm and drove to meet a friend

went to the club at 10:30pm

left club at 1:45am

Got home at 2:45 am

Slept 3-8.

Woke up like a boss (naturally)

Andddd 1 hour later and here we are!

Hahahaa so I imagine I’ll need a slight nap later. And for these ears to stop ringing please.

Happy Sunday everyone. I’ll definitely be typing more later.

xxx

<3

V

yielding

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

hey everyone.

It’s Friday night around 7:30pm and I’m getting ready to go to work. I just packed for my hiking trip tomorrow. Some friends and I are going to hike in the Virginian mountains.

This is probably the last mountain I hiked. One of of the last few peaks from the Long Trail in Vermont. I started this trail in 2015 and hiked 252 miles of it. Last summer I went back and did the last 20 with my best friend Alexandra. <3

Tomorrow morning I’m setting off with four lovely ladies to do a four-mile loop that is partly on the Appalachian Trail. Should be some great views tomorrow. And the temperature is a high of only 65 degrees! YESSS I’m so excited. 🙂

I’ve missed the mountains

I’ve missed the woods

I’ve missed the sound of twigs breaking under me

of leaves crunchy

of pine needles muffling my steps

I’ve missed the earthy smell of fresh morning dew that covers the rocks, as steam rises from the bright morning sun

and quiet whisper of the leaves in the trees as a gust billows by slowly and softly

the bubbling brook pours over stones of all different colors and a water bug lands on the surface creating small ripples

each ripple cascades towards the edges of the stream where sweaty hikers have taken off their shoes and socks and dipped their feet in the water to cool off

<3

So tomorrow it’ll be nice to go back out there again. Not that I’ve ever been there or here at all. It’s a first time experience. With a first time group coming together to scale a peak. Five women hiking in God’s beautiful creation. 😀

I’m bringing my tripod to take some legitimate pictures up top 😀 Maybe I’ll post some 😉

.

.

.

On another note. I’ve had some decisions to make regarding working and playing and resting/being responsible. I’m working tonight and REALLY wanted to go dancing last night and tonight but it ain’t gonna happen. Last night my plans fell through because my car broke down and I had to put it in the shop. Which was fine… Instead I got to spend time with cousins and friends which was really nice… and drive a fun rental car 😀 <3

Tonight I have work again and don’t wanna go to bed supah late because I’m hiking tomorrow. I should get up tomorrow at 6:00am because my friends are coming at 7:00am to leave for the trip. Then we’re driving 2.5 hours to get to the spot.

We won’t get home til …. 6pm I’m guessing. Crazy.

So naturally I wanna get home, take a shower, CHILL …. and then my friend has a bday party that I wanna go to.

However.

Someone needs to work tomorrow night for my client. I am praying that someone I will call “P” will do the shift. I am not supposed to. It’s supposed to fall on another lady… but she overbooked herself and made other plans in the evening. Which is crazy, but not my fault!

Anyway. I guess I could do the shift if I did it ….. from 8:30-9:30. It’s just lamesauce cuz the lady we’re helping doesn’t like to go to bed super early… but it isn’t my fault if there’s nobody there to help her and I have other plans?!

Lord, let your will be done.

ANYWAY

Y’all have a WONDERFUL Friday night and weekend. I’ma go head to work.

xxx <3 V