Tag: random

The storms of life

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

roll in and stay for a while…,

disappear for a while.

There’s no telling when they’ll come, or when they’ll go. All can look totally calm when a sudden storm occurs. Sure, our weathermen can predict. The arrival and departure, the severity. The impact.

But it’s all guesswork. It’s all a prediction. It’s a projection. It’s uncertain. Though one thing is certain:

God either sent the storm, or God allowed the storm. For He is sovereign.

Sovereign means: the Big Boss. Sovereign means in charge of everything. Sovereign means in total control. This is not to say that God is the great puppeteer and that we don’t have a say in anything that happens; no. The bible says that God is sovereign, AND we have free will.

What this means is this: God created me and gave me a mind, a will of my own, desires, tendencies, instincts. I’m a free agent, and may choose to do whatever I will.

However, God knows all of my thoughts before I think them. He knows all the words I will ever say before I speak them. He knows where I’ve been, where I am, and where I’m going. His Word says that He has written all the days of my life before I was born.

This fact boggles me. God wrote all the days of my life before I was born. Dang. Even the boring ones. Even the ones when I was sick. This afternoon I wasn’t feeling super great– I think it’s because I ran hard yesterday and didn’t do something properly afterwards. Not enough water, stretching, maybe an ice bath was needed? I dunno. Also, I may have simply done too much. I biked after I ran too… and then it got chilly outside so maybe subjecting my body to the elements was where I went wrong.

ANYWAY.

God knew that I would take a nap this afternoon.

Followed by an Epsom salt bath.

God knew I would be actively listening to His voice, and what conclusions I would come to.

Entrepreneurship is difficult. I want someone to tell me what to do. I want to have deadlines and pressure that keeps me accountable for getting work done.

I sat there wishing I had a boss. Then God reminded me that HE is my boss. He’s me Overseer. He’s my Counselor. He’s my Father. I report to HIM. For He says in His word:

“Whatever you do, whether you eat or drink, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31

Whatever I do.

Whether I sit or stand, speak or am silent. Run or walk, or am still. Whether I read or write or send messages or make phone calls or pray or weep or laugh; I should do it all for the glory of God.

I repeat, entrepreneurship is difficult. It requires a lot of research on my own to come up with business plans that actually work, time management that’s actually realistic, and goal setting that I can stick to. Sometimes I feel as though I’m juggling forty things at once and am not sure if I should give equal time to each one or really sit on one for a longer period of time.

To all you business owners out there, heed this advice: have some grace for yourself, especially if you’re a newbie like me. I shouldn’t expect myself to nail down an amazing business model and have a huge business after only a couple of months. I can’t help comparing myself to other people and see how they have advanced in a short time which gets me down sometimes. But it’s important to remember that those people are the anomalies.

Success requires small steps over time. Success requires many failures. Success requires consistency and being disciplined and picking the next right task and doing it. Success requires not attaching emotion to any outcome, and being okay with people expecting you to fail.

NF really did have it down in his song “Remember This”:

“These people gon’ tell you that you will never make it
Then when you do, they gon’ say they knew you were goin’ places
That’s just how it works, next thing you know you’ll be overrated
Hearing people say they miss the “old you, ” it’s crazy, ain’t it?
And perfect people don’t exist, so don’t pretend to be one
I don’t need pats on the back from people for my achievements
When I die I wanna know that I lived for a reason
Anyone can take your life, but not what you believe in, no”

Actually, the whole song is fire for entrepreneurs… it’s all about going and getting what you want out of life.

On that note, I’m going to go do what fills me up now.

Who’s with me?!?!

xxx

<3

V

“I hope you’re still writing”

Published on by Velvet2 Comments

She said to me.

 

“I am” was my response.

It’s people like her that encourage me to go on, and I do.

 

But Lord, I’m waiting on your move. I’m waiting on your time. I’m waiting on your green light. I’m waiting on your sign.

I’m waiting on your guidelines, I’m waiting on your words; I’m waiting for you to tell me when to back up or go forth.

You’ve handed me the tools. You’ve handed me the script. You tell me not to worry, you say you have a grip

Over my life

Over my pain

Over my future

Over my gains

My losses

My wins

My friendships

My heart

You’ve told me you’ve set me apart.

“Let you light shine before others” is one of your commands. “Don’t hide your lamp under a basket, put it on a stand. Stand up for the whole room, for all the people to see. Shine brightly on the hillside, like a well-lit up city.”

Shine. Shine. Shine for Jesus. Mind. Mind your wants and needs. Be mine. Be mine you whisper to me.

You wrote it in a letter. You tell me to read it and remember. I forget from January til December. You’re always sending it back to me. I rip it up and it reappears in my mailbox. I crumple it and it reappears in a message on a screen or from the mouth of someone in passing.

“Are you listening? I said ‘I love you'”

I’m listening. You told me through her, and so many others.

“I hope you’re still writing.”

“I am” I said.

Does this count?

xxx

<3

V

Tired

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

9:44pm

Friday night.
About to go to work.
Work tomorrow.
And sabbath.
Easter Sunday.

It’s strange because normally I have things to look forward to.
Is this beautiful life not enough?

How about contentment.
I say that I am.
Sometimes I am.
Usually I am, I would say.

Though it’s hard during this time.
When we’re so limited.
Though I love the rest.
I love the routine.
I love the cooking.
I love the exercise.
I love… the bible study.

I love the intimacy with the Lord.

Yes. Sitting in His presence.
And He speaks.
And He answers prayers.
And He is so sweet.

Here. Omnipresent. Available. Counseling. Comforting. Alive.

Where have I been? You’ve been here all along. And I?? I miss your presence. Yes, You’ve reminded me of Your sweetness yet again.

I have started SO many drafts on this blog. I usually start them when I’m exhausted and half asleep. Like meow. Though I need to get up and go to work. Going to text my client now actually.

 

Texted her. On my laptop. What an amazing world we live in. God is so incredibly amazing to have given us the capability to come up with all that we have. Simple amazing. Indescribably so.

Lord God, I am so privileged. You have just reminded me of the revelation I had the other night when I was turning the key on my back door. I though, Lord THANK YOU that I have a back door and a key to turn into it. You provision is insane. And I recognize that I’m only here in this house because of your goodness and grace. I love it here.  It’s perfect for me. Thank you Jesus. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for teaching me discipline. Thank you for teaching me how to live on my own without resorting to escapist activities. You have brought me SO far. I love and rely on you completely. 

<3

xxx

V

One bite of mango

Published on by Velvet2 Comments

Nicaragua

You taste so sweet

I tasted you this morning

During breakfast

One bite of mango, and there you appeared

I remember how you felt each morning

The dew on the grass

The steam rising from the warm sun

The cows grazed in the field outside

The mangoes hung from the trees outside my window

The papayas littered the ground

I picked one up

It was ready to eat

The fruit of the ground, the fruit of the earth

Reminds me of a time when I was searching

I placed my hope in people

I lived to be liked

and was crippled when I wasn’t

Do you remember, Nicaragua?

How they used to laugh at my jokes

How I would say anything?

I pause to take a warm sip of coffee. My mouth is cold from the frozen mango and blueberries I just finished eating. The dichotomy resembles how I was then to how I am now: cold to hot.

It was all about me then. What I could get for me, at whatever expense. We were all so entitled. So entitled.

One bite of mango. All these thoughts rise up from one bite of mango.

The sense of taste has an amazing memory.

Today is another day

I hope it’s one to remember.

xxx

<3

V

 

Naivety

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

Naivety

Naive

I don’t always filter everything through so fine a sieve

as I ought to

I thought you

were telling the truth

like I do

but no.

You didn’t connect the dots

you never thought your false ideas

would take over my thoughts

until I researched them

I unearthed them

for what they really were

what they really are.

Sad.

So sad, to me

how you robbed me of my opinion of you just from a few untrue words you spewed

but you did.

I wish it weren’t true

Though at the same time

I’ve been praying for the right view of you

and this is it

I think I’ve just now encountered the truth

better late than never

better now than later

it’s not too late to turn around before really getting attached

really getting entwined

becoming of one mind

not with you.

You’re confused.

Half of the things you say are the first thoughts that enter your mind

and it’s usually entertaining to me.

It makes me laugh and smile so I haven’t cared to change anything.

Lots of time, we’ve spent

Talking about this and that

Talking about absolutely nothing

Mostly I was listening to you talk

75-25% ratio I would say

Maybe my view is incorrect because I, too, love having an audience.

No offense. That one’s on me.

Another thought I’ve known

Another thought that’s grown in the back of my mind, and sometimes at the front

but I push it back because I enjoy the attention

You’ve fed me too much bull and it’s time for an intervention.

Game’s over.

Time’s up.

I call your idiotic, not-thought-through bluff.

I can say that too, because it takes one to know one.

I know too well what it’s like to spit BS.

I think it’s time to put this relationship to rest.

But not totally. I don’t want you gone.

I just don’t want to draw close to you emotionally anymore.

We can’t talk as much.

We can’t talk about as much.

I don’t want to talk about as much.

I don’t want to talk as much.

I had reasons before now

but now I have a good reason.

They were all good reasons, actually. Now that I think about it.

Now that I really. Stop. to think about it.

I haven’t ceased for long enough. A week. Next time, I need a week.

I didn’t REALLY pray about this.

I didn’t REALLY fast about this.

I didn’t REALLY trust God in this. With this.

Or maybe I did. I just did. That’s what I did. I acted.

To “do”.

So I did. I went with the flow.

I took the steps.

And now I’m stopped up.

We’ve ceased.

Because of the knowledge that I now have.

Maybe it’s not even that big of a deal.

I know you’re surely going to play it off like it’s nothing.

Except the blatant lie part.

That part you can’t deny.

But the rest of it?

This is what you’ll say:

“It’s no big deal.”

Well it is to me.

And I ain’t about to get wrapped up in allah-dat!

No gracias.

Adios muchacho!

Can I get a margarita someone?!

Oh wait, I’m not drinking alcohol currently.

Well, around friends I can. Just for personal growth reasons. Not because I have a problem with alcohol.

I don’t drink often, maybe a glass of wine here or a beer there, but occasionally I make a conscious choice to lay off completely for a couple months, just to feel clean and together and clear-headed.

Clear-headed. Clarity.

Yeah. I need some clarity alright.

I want to see clearly.

Clear.

Like when you look at a lake and can see all the way to the bottom. And the rocks are glittering in the sunlight. And you pick one up and it’s jagged but beautiful. It could be painful if you stepped on it at a certain angle, but it would also make a really nice necklace. I even see the exact place where I could string a chain through.

Clarity.

I’ve known this for a while now, but now I have ceased. The whole world has ceased. And I am thankful. Praise God.

Thank you Lord.

Thank you Jesus.

Thank you.

xxx

V

Life is too short

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

To not do what doesn’t bring you joy!!!!!!

Please find a job that fills you up!

Please don’t say “yes” to everything

Please don’t settle

Please bail out of something if you know that it isn’t right for you, or if it isn’t right for you right now.

Nobody is making you stay.

Nobody except you.

I don’t know about you but I’m done getting in my own way.

It’s time to act.

action: a thing done

Actions are things that we do.

I have a running to-do list in my mind and on my heart that always has boxes that I haven’t checked off yet. I think it’s time to address those boxes.

Boxes, look out. I’ma check you.

I can’t wait to make the satisfying check mark in each box. And then go over it a second time to embolden it.

I can’t wait to plant lots of seeds, and then water them.

I can’t wait to water them again, and again.

And watch little buds pop up through the soil.

I can’t wait for the plants to grow up and start producing fruit, and for the fruit to grow. And then for the fruit to be ready to harvest.

All because I decided to act. To complete an action.

To check off a box.

And if I don’t do it, who will? Who will check off my boxes?

Only I know the answer to that question.

Nobody will.

Because only I  can. God designed these items for me specifically.

He designed items for you specifically as well. There are things that only you can do.

I’m so serious when I say these next few words:

There is no one like you.

You are unique.

You see the world in a way that nobody else sees the world.

I bet you have check boxes that are left unchecked too.

Go check one off, I dare you 😉

Let’s do this. Let’s get stuff DONE!

CHEERS TO ACTING!!!!!!!

xxx

 

What’s holding you back??

 

V

 

Shalom

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

Imagine yourself sitting by the water.

It’s sparkling in the sun.

A slight breeze is moving it towards lush, green banks covered in grass. 

And all around you is a sense of…

*

**

***

**

*

peace

*

**

***

**

*

unbrokenness

*

**

***

**

*

wholeness

*

**

***

**

*

rest

*

**

***

**

*

at rest

*

**

***

**

*

stillness

*

**

***

**

*

completeness

*

**

***

**

*

complete

*

**

***

**

*

ease

*

**

***

**

*

smile

*

**

***

**

*

calm

*

**

***

**

*

breathe

*

**

***

**

*

sleep

*

**

***

**

*

close your eyes

*

**

***

**

*

goodnight <3

*

**

***

**

*

a good night it is 🙂

 

Peace be to you!

xxx

V

 

Daydreaming

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

I used to rest in the shadows of maple trees

I used to lay in the grass and listen to the buzzing of flies and bees

I used to chew on tall pieces of grass

and collect scattered chestnuts from the tree down the road

I remember passing your house and wondering if you had a good life. I wondered if your parents spoiled you and if they even really cared

I used to sit by the radiator in my bedroom and listen

I used to sit on my bed and sing

What days those were, where I had all the time in the world

To sit

To be

To have no schedule

To roam through the fields that connected one person’s yard to the next.

To take off my shoes and wade the stream, looking out for sharp rocks

.

..

…

..

.

I miss going on bike rides

I miss hiking in the mountains

I miss just being out there without a goal in my mind, except to go further than I had ever gone before

Disconnected

Quiet

It’s out there

Nature is right out my window

I hear bird songs and see lots of trees

I must find out

I must seek the quiet

It’s there

Whatever you seek, you will find.

.

..

.

I hope this day finds you fantastically well!

xxx

<3

V

Joy

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

The difference between happiness and joy is this: happiness is fleeting and joy is a state of being.

By the power of the Holy Spirit I can remain joyful throughout any situation. No matter how many fiery darts are flying in my direction; darts of disappointment, discouragement, disdain, detestation (wow, this is a word… I like it!!! even though it means “intense dislike” hhahah 🙂 )

As the darts roll in, I can let them roll off. My back, that is.

How?

Because of the knowledge of the Truth that I am in Christ Jesus and was bought by His blood when He died on the cross 2k years ago. I trust Him with my life, and know that I stand victorious with Him against any schemes that the enemy might conjure up.

So. That being said.

I’m at an interesting time in my life. I am still working as a private, in-home caregiver. I also just started a new endeavor doing direct sales. Direct sales can be discouraging if I choose to focus on the outcome of my reach-outs. What I mean by this is simple: rejection.

Nobody likes to be rejected… but if you are working in direct sales, you have GOT to get used to rejection. Not everyone is going to like the products, want the products. Some people may even get nasty. But I know this to be true: the war is not against the flesh and blood, but in the spiritual realm. So when people take out their negativity and hatred on me, I must choose to look past it and believe that (1) it ain’t about me (2) it certainly ain’t about vegan, chemical-free, anti-aging shampoo and skincare (this is what my company offers! <3 ) and (3) I have a real opportunity to shine the light of Christ to each individual through my response to people.

Notice I said “response” and not “reaction”.

A person’s emotional intelligence (EI) can be observed through the way they deal with certain situations. When someone is being difficult, I could mirror back their pettiness and anger to them (as they might expect me to do), or I could treat them with love, compassion, and forgiveness and choose to focus on listening to them and helping them in whatever capacity. This is not to say that we should be rugs.

Don’t be a rug. Repeat: do not be a rug. I don’t want anyone to enable anyone. We are not to be enablers of bad or rude behavior.

But loving? Yes. We should all always be loving. I will listen to you. Even if you come at me from a horrible angle. Because I KNOW that it isn’t about me. Whatever work the Lord has me doing is for my sanctification, His glory, and for the sharpening of other people; be it shedding light in a dark place, encouraging others when they feel alone, enhancing somebody’s life by simply entering into their life.

Being a child of God is a big responsibility! But God didn’t leave us to do it alone. We are empowered by His Holy Spirit.

One of my favorite prayers is this: “Lord, please redirect me if I need to be redirected. Thankyou for always leading me down your path of righteousness. Lord, please line up my will with yours, and kill my desire for anything that isn’t in your will for my life. I want to live according to your design. I want to live life to the full, through the lens of grace.”

Something like that.

<3

No two prayers are ever the same. None of that ritualistic stuff. I talk to God like I talk to any other person. Openly, honestly, with transparency, authentically. For God knows the words we’re going to speak before we even think them. Isn’t that amazing? Psalm 139 says “even before a word is on my tongue, you know it altogether”.

Lord, you knew that I was going to write this post this morning. You knew that I wanted to go to the early service but then I got held up … and this is the result of that. Lord, I pray that this post and these words blesses somebody. I pray that these words were exactly what somebody needed to hear today. Lord, I thank you for your presence with me right now. Thank you for the opportunity to do laundry this morning. I thank you for my car. I pray that you help me travel safely. Thank you for being able to worship today. Thank you for my lunch meeting. Thank you for the afternoon meeting. Lord help me make good use of my time later. Thank you for my sabbath this weekend. Thank you for restoring me. Your presence is so sweet. Thank you for teaching me how to choose you. Thank you for instilling within me the desire to seek you. I need you. I NEED YOU. Not only do I need you, but I WANT YOU. Do I believe you when you tell me that you’re the lover of my soul? That you love me with an everlasting love? When love is in the air, I just want to HEAR from the person. I can’t wait to SEE the person. I can’t wait to COMMUNE with the person. I VALUE and RESPECT the person. I want this with you. 

I want to hear from you.

I want to see you.

I want to commune with you. 

I value you. I respect you. I trust you. 

<3

<3

<3

Whatever your vessel is that God has given you to work in, lead in, be a part of, perform in it for His glory. For HIS glory. For God sees the heart. He knows our motives. Do you trust Him?

<3

xxx

V

confession

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

is freeing.

Bringing things to light.

Shining a light on darkness.

Bringing things to the surface.

I remember being underwater in the pool as a child. My friends and I would have “tea parties” where we would exhale all the way in order to plunge ourselves down to the bottom of the pool and then we would sit indian-style or lounge on the pool floor and pretend to drink tea. With our pinkies up, of course. 🙂

The tea parties didn’t last very long because we didn’t have gills. 🙁

hehe

so after about…. well, I was going to write a minute but I think in reality it was only like 10 seconds hahah…

so after about 10 seconds… we would shoot up to the surface and breathe deeply. Ahhhhh oxygen. Satisfying oxygen.

Go ahead, take a deep breath right now.

It’s wonderful, isn’t it? That God gave us O2. Thank God. Though sometimes we feel like we can’t breathe because we need to surface. We’ve spent time on the floor of a deep pool for too long.

That’s what confessing feels like.

I did that earlier today. So freeing. Like I can breathe again.

.

..

…

..

.

If my friends and I didn’t resurface we would have drowned. That is a little dramatic, but it’s true. We can’t breathe under water. We can only hold our breath for so long, and then we would pass out and drown.

I think a similar thing happens when we don’t confess. We drown. We’re meant to confess.

James 5:16 says:

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

 

The reason James gives for confessing your sins is “so that you may be healed”.

Makes perfect sense if we think of being stuck in our sin as drowning at the bottom of a pool. We gotta surface and breath and live.

When we bring our darkness to the surface, others can be our oxygen. They can breathe life into us with prayer and encouragement and help keep us accountable. Not that they have to even necessarily say or do anything further after the confession. Just knowing that other people know is great accountability. We’re all on this journey together and we all are going to find ourselves underneath the surface at one point or another. I promise you, surfacing is the best decision you will ever make. I know it was for me today. And that was literally a few hours ago.

Fact is, I don’t want to drown. I don’t want to struggle with my breathing. I don’t want to struggle. I don’t want to entertain struggling. If I choose to go to the “tea party” I want to make sure I bring my diving gear.

For the christian, that means the spiritual armor. Read Ephesians 6:10-18 in your bible. Or google it.

Each part of the armor is equally as important. We must protect ourselves in whatever environment we’re in so that we don’t struggle.

The word says that those in Christ are free. And that we are new creations. I am healed. I am restored. I was made new.

So now I must walk in that truth. And if ever I find myself drowning at the bottom of the pool, push off the floor and surface immediately. Breathe in life-giving breath. Confess any sin. Pray and ask for prayer. And be more prepared next time.

That’s all for now.

xxx

<3

LOVE Y’ALL
V