Naivety

Naive

I don’t always filter everything through so fine a sieve

as I ought to

I thought you

were telling the truth

like I do

but no.

You didn’t connect the dots

you never thought your false ideas

would take over my thoughts

until I researched them

I unearthed them

for what they really were

what they really are.

Sad.

So sad, to me

how you robbed me of my opinion of you just from a few untrue words you spewed

but you did.

I wish it weren’t true

Though at the same time

I’ve been praying for the right view of you

and this is it

I think I’ve just now encountered the truth

better late than never

better now than later

it’s not too late to turn around before really getting attached

really getting entwined

becoming of one mind

not with you.

You’re confused.

Half of the things you say are the first thoughts that enter your mind

and it’s usually entertaining to me.

It makes me laugh and smile so I haven’t cared to change anything.

Lots of time, we’ve spent

Talking about this and that

Talking about absolutely nothing

Mostly I was listening to you talk

75-25% ratio I would say

Maybe my view is incorrect because I, too, love having an audience.

No offense. That one’s on me.

Another thought I’ve known

Another thought that’s grown in the back of my mind, and sometimes at the front

but I push it back because I enjoy the attention

You’ve fed me too much bull and it’s time for an intervention.

Game’s over.

Time’s up.

I call your idiotic, not-thought-through bluff.

I can say that too, because it takes one to know one.

I know too well what it’s like to spit BS.

I think it’s time to put this relationship to rest.

But not totally. I don’t want you gone.

I just don’t want to draw close to you emotionally anymore.

We can’t talk as much.

We can’t talk about as much.

I don’t want to talk about as much.

I don’t want to talk as much.

I had reasons before now

but now I have a good reason.

They were all good reasons, actually. Now that I think about it.

Now that I really. Stop. to think about it.

I haven’t ceased for long enough. A week. Next time, I need a week.

I didn’t REALLY pray about this.

I didn’t REALLY fast about this.

I didn’t REALLY trust God in this. With this.

Or maybe I did. I just did. That’s what I did. I acted.

To “do”.

So I did. I went with the flow.

I took the steps.

And now I’m stopped up.

We’ve ceased.

Because of the knowledge that I now have.

Maybe it’s not even that big of a deal.

I know you’re surely going to play it off like it’s nothing.

Except the blatant lie part.

That part you can’t deny.

But the rest of it?

This is what you’ll say:

“It’s no big deal.”

Well it is to me.

And I ain’t about to get wrapped up in allah-dat!

No gracias.

Adios muchacho!

Can I get a margarita someone?!

Oh wait, I’m not drinking alcohol currently.

Well, around friends I can. Just for personal growth reasons. Not because I have a problem with alcohol.

I don’t drink often, maybe a glass of wine here or a beer there, but occasionally I make a conscious choice to lay off completely for a couple months, just to feel clean and together and clear-headed.

Clear-headed. Clarity.

Yeah. I need some clarity alright.

I want to see clearly.

Clear.

Like when you look at a lake and can see all the way to the bottom. And the rocks are glittering in the sunlight. And you pick one up and it’s jagged but beautiful. It could be painful if you stepped on it at a certain angle, but it would also make a really nice necklace. I even see the exact place where I could string a chain through.

Clarity.

I’ve known this for a while now, but now I have ceased. The whole world has ceased. And I am thankful. Praise God.

Thank you Lord.

Thank you Jesus.

Thank you.

xxx

V