and I’m excited.

Hhahhahaha

I remember staying up til 2 or 3 in the morning every night chatting with people on AOL instant messenger (AIM). AIM was the bomb. Soooo much fun. It was fun because people were on it. It wouldn’t have been fun if nobody used it. All my friends would go home, log in and we’d talk to each other. Hahha sounds kinda sad. But it was the way of things.

My Monday night group is really fun too. And it’s because people are coming. And we’re laughing. And learning. Growing. We’re in a healthy place… and I’m thankful.

Laughing hard… I love laughing hard. So hard that your face hurts! I wish I kept track of how many times this has happened in my life in a little book that I could go back and read when I’m feeling down. Certain times and memories pop up every now & again which is always sweet. I love how certain words or phrases spark memories that make me bust out laughing. Is it bust or burst? I actually like both. 🙂

Each day is a gift. Today was a really good day. I was really productive and feel good about my accomplishments. I worked on organizing my music room today which was fulfilling. I put all my art supplies into a three-drawer organizer that I bought. <3 I also bought some LED rope lighting that I’ma hang up . I started to hanging it using those Command wall hooks but it looks harrrrrrrrible. lol I wanna line where the ceiling meets the wall…. I think that would look cool. I’m gonna YouTube how to do it myself and make it look clean. 🙂

Rope lights smell really weird btw. It’s not exactly a bad smell, but it isn’t a good one either. After I was working with those lights I had to wash my hands twice hahah

Projects come about randomly for me. This isn’t random because I just moved to a new place so organizing and decorating are things that come with the territory. But I KNOW that because I’m taking the time to set up this space, I’m going to use it more often. I’m building a foundation for the room to have lots of practical use. And I’m excited!

Some things happen slowly over time, and other things happen all at once. Tonight in my singles group we prepared a couple parables in Luke for next week’s study. One of them was about building a tower. The parable essentially says don’t take on the task of building a tower unless you know beforehand that you’re going to be able to finish it. The parable warned that if you don’t finish it, you’ll look like a fool. Jesus ends up saying at the end of the parable that to become a disciple of his means being willing to give up all we have.

Setting up camp in my new house seems like tower-building to me. I feel as though I’m preparing to really live here. Live and thrive. I’m setting up with some permanence. I didn’t feel like I could express myself like that in the last place I was in. This place feels much more like my own…. it’s hard to explain, but I am at peace. And so SO thankful!

I also am willing to take on Jesus’s challenge of giving up all that I have and all that I am for His kingdom work. I know there’s a lot of work to be done and I know that He’s already gone before me and has prepared me to do it. I know that His plans are better than my plans and His promises are always kept. I know that he has given my heart desires to do certain things and I believe that he WILL bring those things to fruition. So I’m waiting. Trusting and waiting.

Just realized the time. 10:38. Time for me to go to bed. I hope y’all sleep well. I hope y’all dream big dreams and entrust those dreams to God.

OH I’m trying out a new pillow tonight. It’s a bamboo memory foam pillow. I got it on sale at a store that gets random shipments from random places. I was SO surprised to see the bamboo memory foam pillows there because I’ve been looking to get one. Or at least try one. There’s a hoity-toityer (sp?) pillow I was thinking about buying but I might not have to now. We shall see!

God bless

xxx

Love you all! <3

V

Something that I’ve been learning lately is that God doesn’t need my help.

He doesn’t need me! He wants me though, and He chooses to use me and His other children to do His work here. The keyword is “His”. His work is not my work. His kingdom is not my kingdom.

God alone knows the motives of my heart and the intentions I have with doing the things I choose to do. He chooses to bless me and use me and teach me day by day.

But guys

I don’t want to run ahead of God. If we’re on this journey together, which I know that we are, I want to walk WITH Him. I want to walk beside Him and let Him determine the speed. The direction. I want to be with Him during the challenging parts of the journey. I don’t want to be by myself forcing things to happen or trying to tackle something on my own strength. What’s the point in that? When we can abide in the power the Vine? De Vine. Divine hehe 🙂

Jesus is the vine and we are the branches. John 15:5

The other night I was mountain biking with three friends. We stopped by a beautiful bay and waded into the water. We stayed a bit too long and underestimated the amount of time it would take to get back. I take the blame! I was time-keeping that night, and didn’t factor in how much darker it would be in the woods on the trail as the sun was going down. Long story short, we ended up biking in the dark for ~30 minutes.

I was praying for my friends the entire ride back. I was praying that nobody would fly off the trail and hit a tree. That they wouldn’t hit a root and pull a muscle somewhere. That no tires would go flat. That no animals (or people!) would be standing stationary on the trail in the dark and one of us would plow into them. It was a hairy situation. We were in the dark and didn’t have a light.

I prayed, and everything was okay. God was looking out for us.

I was leading the pack though, and urging my friends to challenge themselves and bike a bit faster so it wouldn’t be completely dark before we got to the car. Well it was way too late for that hope because it was that dark after about 1/4 of the way back. I found myself biking at my natural speed and getting further and further from my friends. I had to slow down several times and stop three times long enough to hear their voices before I pressed on again.

When I slowed down it was because I couldn’t hear them anymore and was worried that something may have happened to one of them and they were stopped dealing with it in the dark. I thought about backtracking once but I was never that far from them so I didn’t. In theory, anyway. Since I couldn’t hear them, anything could have happened.

All of us were okay, and the evening ended relatively well; minus our on-ramp to the interstate being closed resulting in us having to drive an extra 25 minutes out of the way to get home 🙁

I learned a few things that night:

I learned to PUT MY DANG BIKE LIGHT BACK ON MY BIKE. It was in my car the whole time too *eye roll*

That reminds me, I told my friend I would order us both some bike lights. I gotta go do that.

Don’t rush ahead of the pack. A good leader stays with the pack; doesn’t get out of earshot. I guess I was thinking that I was motivating them to go faster, but instead it caused me slight grief as I questioned the state of their well-being.

Don’t rush ahead of God. This picture is an example of what I’ve been doing in my walk with Him. Rushing ahead hoping He will hurry up and meet me at the end of the road. Trying to get there faster. If I wait for God, we can journey together.

That night I was impatient, tired, suffering from slight indigestion, and disappointed in myself for not doing a better job of keeping the time.

I often feel disappointed in myself for not making better use of my time. But I also try to take on an unrealistic amount of things to do. Besides working, participating in church activities, preparing and leading bible studies, exercising and taking care of myself, and hanging out with friends or dancing… or resting… I have also been trying to produce multiple creative projects. I have been feeling bad that I haven’t completed them yet, and have attributed not finishing them to not being disciplined with my time; being too distracted, not being disciplined enough in other areas of my life like eating well, resting and sleeping enough, and spending time with the Lord enough. The reality is, I can’t always be doing doing doing going going going. I need to rest. And often. I need to take time to write and reflect and read, and sometimes stare outside my window and listen to the birds chirp.

I bought a scripture verse wall sticker for my new house that says:

“That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
    which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
    whatever they do prospers.” Psalm 1:3

In the translation on my wall it was supposed to say “you will yield your fruit in season” but when I was transferring it the “y”, “o” and half of the “u” stuck to something else and wouldn’t come off. So now it says:

“I will yield your fruit in season”.

I. As in God.

God will yield my fruit in season.

After all, He is the vine…… I am but a branch. Without the vine, the branch would not exist. The branch would dry up and become kindling for someone’s fireplace.

Resting in the knowledge that God must be the one that yields my fruit gives me hope and peace.

I don’t have to strive. I don’t have to and I won’t.

REST in God. Ask Him for guidance and direction on when to move. And He’ll let you know. But don’t run ahead. You might miss something important! Or tire yourself out. And why walk (or bike) it alone when you could be with Him?!

Hope this blesses you!

xxx

<3

V

Psalm 119:103 “How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!”

Lord, your words are sweeter than honey. This is what I was just thinking as I sat down in my plushy leather armchair stationed by my two windows. My feet are elevated on its’ accompanying ottoman and my waist down to my shins is covered by a bohemian print fleece blanket. The sky is overcast, but still bright.

I just finished eating a “carb conscious” Elevation chocolate caramel peanut nougat bar (only 2 grams net carbs!) and drinking vanilla almond milk sweetened with stevia. Both sweet treats but not bad for me. haha! I gotta satisfy my sweet teeth, after all.

I look out the windows and see the leaves turning yellow and slightly orange and burnt orange. Autumn is just around the corner and I am excited. Today the weather is only a high of 78 degrees… a major improvement in my opinion, being from the Northeast 🙂

I am thankful for having this short window of quiet. About an hour and a half of quiet before I go back to work for a bit, then work on a writing project, then help my friend move. Oh how I want to go dancing tonight! But I probably won’t make it. Too much all at once.

A bird just flew by and reminded me of how my thoughts are so quick to stray away. I was thinking about dancing and how I might be able to make it work after helping my friend move. No, I think not. I’ll need more rest after today’s long day to prepare me for tomorrow’s long day. Yes, I’ll rest. And then dance soon <3

Psalm 119:109, 112 “Though I constantly take my life in my hands, I will not forget your law… My heart is set on keeping your decrees to the very end.”

These verses are too perfect. I have been talking about and praying about this phenomenon all week. Trying to force something, take it into my own hands, accomplish it on my own time instead of waiting on God’s timing.

I know I’m not the only one. Just yesterday a friend of mine posted on facebook that he is his own worst enemy when it comes to getting stuff done. I totally understand. He’s self-employed and doesn’t have anyone to keep him accountable. As an up and coming writer, video creator and blogger, I totally get it. Thankfully, it doesn’t take much effort at all for me to blog. I love it. It comes naturally to me. I have so many words that I don’t know what to do with them. Hence this random outpouring of thoughts called my blog. Welcome. Welcome & beware hahaah 😛

1 Peter 2:3 “Now that you have tasted that the Lord is good”

I HAVE tasted that the Lord is good. All of His ways. Yes. His way is THE way. To live and to be truly free. I love talking about my freedom in Him as I choose to live for Christ day to day. I had a long, raw conversation about freedom in Christ last night. I was explaining to a friend that there is true freedom when we are living our life God’s way. It’s not freeing to choose our own way because we don’t know what’s best for us. && it’s extremely difficult to choose God’s way, but it’s His power residing within us that gives us the freedom to choose His way. Before belonging to God and being His child, I couldn’t choose His way; I was a slave to sin.

All glory, honor and praise to King Jesus for rescuing me from my prison that I was once living.

Lord I was stumbling around in the dark and didn’t know where the exit was. I was fraternizing with the wrong crowd and didn’t know how bad things had gotten. When your light flooded my life I realized what I was “living” in. You pointed out the exit and said “you’re free to go, anytime”.

“My chains fell off, my heart was free

I rose, went forth, and followed thee!

Amazing love, how can it be 

that thou my God wouldst die for me!”‘

Amazing Love How Can it Be? lyrics

The Lord is good. The Lord is sweet. There is nothing sweeter than life with Him.

Hope y’all are having a great Tuesday! Take a break from what you’re doing and enjoy His creation today 🙂

xxx

<3

V

to a small degree, anyway.

A small part of me. But I’ve known that it’s been coming, and I know it’s for the best. Sometimes a person doesn’t want to put an end to something that is “OK”, you know? Like it’s okay, it’s fine. It’s good. It’s cool.

But it’s not great. It’s not perfect. It’s not correct, or appropriate or necessary or right.

So it’s time to put things to rest. And here we are. The opportunity lays before me. I could ignore it and postpone things until tomorrow or next week. Or I could respond and have the chat that needs to be had. What shall I do?

On a different note. It’s Saturday night. The moon is full, and it’s a Harvest Moon. I could be at a party right now, eating and drinking and dancing the night away. Instead I’m at home. And I’m glad that I am. It’s too easy to get into trouble and fuel my desires and be tempted to waste time. I don’t always want to be busy though. I don’t always want to feel super scheduled and like I have to be productive all the time. I want to be able to chill more. I also don’t want to justify not working to the wrong people. Or any person at all, if what I’m supposed to be doing is working when God tells me to work. It’s my own fault if I am squandering time and not being a good steward of it in general. Only God knows my heart and my motives and my intentions. Only He knows what choices I will make, and only He is able to empower me to complete the work that He has begun in me.

9:44pm

I’m tiyad. Definitely going to sleep soon. Definitely. Hmm

Want to right now. Don’t feel like conversing much. And that is A-okay. I just closed my eyes for a minute or less and now I’m convinced that I could fall asleep right now. So I’m going to.

Goodnight. Happy Saturday y’all.

xxx

<3

V

goofy

what an interesting word

I just looked up the etymology and several references say that it originated from the word “goff” which was used in the 1500s for “fool”. I guess I’ll still say I’m “goofy tired” even though “fool” tends to have a negative connotation. Though if you had just seen me you would surely call me a fool anyway.

Or a weirdo, at least 😀

Just that slap-happy laughing-too-hard-at-everything kinda tired. And then right before I left work I pulled my shirt up over my nose while my client was talking and she slowed down in her speech and said “uhhhhhh” and I busted out laughing and was like “on that note, I gots to go ahhaha”.

Crazy mon

Dis is why I’m in my bed right meow. 10:50pm, time to SLEEP. I’m excited to wake up tomorrow, drink coffee, eat sprouted bread and butter, and read the Acts of the Apostles. BSF just started up and I’m super excited to delve into the book of Acts. It’s gonna be a great year!

God is working.

Hope y’all have a super night. SuperNight. It’s supposed to be a fool moon soon I think? Hehe okay, full.

GUYS GUYS I JUST LOOKED UP THE FULL MOON SCHEDULE

IT’S GOING TO BE A FULL HARVEST MOON THIS SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 14TH!

I’m PUMPED. Yasss pleassseeee. I kinda want to camp at the beach. And go swimming. See the bio-luminescence <3 <3 <3

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

If you don’t know what that is, think Life of Pi: 

https://www.filmcomment.com/blog/life-of-pi-ang-lee/

I’m serious

The water lights up like this. It’s amazing. Simply amazing. Magical. Dreamy. It makes me want to cry. God is such an amazing creator!

Sigh.

I could go on and on, but I gots to sleep.

Have a great night everyone! Tomorrow’s Friday!

I’m usually not excited about Fridays because I’ve been working Saturdays for so long, but now I have Saturdays off…. EEEEEEKk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s gonna be interesting……..

Okay. Goodnight!

xooxoxoxoxo

<3

V

It’s 9:03am on Tuesday morning, September 3rd… and I am writing from the couch of my new home.

It’s a brick house with lots of space. To my left there’s a loft that overlooks the downstairs. To my right, a wall of cube-shaped shelves with different trinkets on them including a few of my own; games, a framed picture of my young adults group from a trip to Nag’s Head a couple years ago, some candles… including a “pink Velvet cupcake” candle 😉 never heard of “pink Velvet” myself … but when I woke up this morning for the second time my face was kinda pink. Maybe because I went back to sleep at 6:30a.m. and put on a sweater and striped light blue linen pants and bluish-greyish fuzzy socks. I also diffused some “peace and calming” … a Young Living blend that my friend R gave me. It’s the only YL essential oil that I have. I usually order from https://hopewelloils.com/ … friends of family and TOTALLY pure. <3

Anyways. I’m finishing up my derrissssshyyuz cawfee and then am gonna bike to work. A friend needed to borrow my car last night so I’m biking around a little bit this morning. Which is totally fine since I now live within 4 miles of all my favorite things besides salsa dancing: my church, clients, pool, grocery stores, restaurants, family & some friends. YES

I am so grateful to God for this place.

I will write more later, since I’m supposed to be at work in a few minutes and I’m still sitting here caffeinating myself. lol 🙂

work

errands/grocery shopping

organizing/unpacking/shower?

swim?

meet new client

dance? <3 <3 <3

life is good.

God is good. All the time!

xxx

V