Tag: writing

Expectations

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

Wow.

It really is all about expectations. Like ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

As Christians, our expectations shouldn’t change. We should be (based on scripture) ever-growing in joy, peace, love, faithfulness, gentleness, kindness, goodness, patience, and self control. We should be counting our sufferings as joy, turning the other cheek, living without fear or worry. These are the things the bible says.

If only it were that easy. To trust and believe these things and live them out. It takes discipline. It takes being in a constant posture of prayer and humility. A posture of receiving from the Lord. The knowledge that we can’t do anything apart from Him (John 15:5) but with him, all things are possible (Matt. 19:26).

If we lived this way, I dare to say that we wouldn’t be disappointed. Or at least we wouldn’t live in a state of disappointed. We wouldn’t be surprised at the world and at broken people. We wouldn’t take it personally or remain shocked that a person could be so vengeful. We wouldn’t gossip to our friends and family about how so-and-so offended us.

We would communicate clearly and directly what we want, what we expect from people. We wouldn’t fear people or their outcomes. We would say what we mean and mean what we say. We wouldn’t wait until we’re ready to explode to communicate our thoughts and desires.

We wouldn’t beat around the bush, get stuck inside our heads, constantly overthink everything, justify ourselves constantly when we wrong someone. We wouldn’t be quick to point out other’s mistakes and slow to admit our own… if we really believed what the bible says.

The only way to know what the bible says is to read it. To listen to it. To meditate on it day and night and not let it depart from our lips (Joshua 1:8).

The more we study the scriptures the better people we will become. Because the journey of being a christian is to become like Jesus more and more everyday. That happens slowly over time and only with the power of God living inside us. “Don’t you know you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst?” 1 Corinthians 3:16.

The bible helps us set expectations. The bible helps us meet other’s expectations.

The bible helps us communicate directly and not use empty words.

Words words words.

Wordy words.

But what about the Word?

The Word of God is not a book of nonsensical ramblings. It’s the way, the truth and the life. And it’s ours, for free.

Whatever you’re going through right now, whether it’s in your job or with your partner or with a friend or someone you serve with at church or at a volunteer organization, know this:

We are to speak the Truth in love. And we aren’t always going to get it right. We’re going to fall short a lot. We are going to wish we had set an expectation with someone that we did not, and now we’re suffering for it. We’re going to learn what we expect from people as they let us down and only then do we realize how much somethings bothers us. We’re going to try and fail to keep someone’s set expectations. We’re going to get disappointed sometimes, frustrated sometimes, and hindsight is quickly going to become 20/20.

And the good news is, we can move forward. We can move on. We can re-state our expectations, explain what needs to be done or not done or changed in order to meet them. We can confess and apologize and move forward when we let someone else down. We can learn to formulate our thoughts and feelings into words in order to communicate our desires to others.

Move forward.

Move on.

Communicate clearly.

Be patient with people. Think of how long-suffering God is with us as we learn so so slowly how to abide by his word.

Forgive people. Remember, we forgive because God first forgave us. What other reason do we have? We know it’s the right thing to do because he tells us so.

View others with lenses of compassion, not condemnation. Not without forgiveness. Not despicably. Everyone starts somewhere. And we can’t expect others to know what we know. We can’t.

Do you have a good story of expectations and disappointments?

xxx

<3

V

 

10:29

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

annnnd I’m about to turn out the light. I will get almost 8 hours of sleep if I turn it off right now and immediately fall asleep. And stop typing. hahaha

But I’ll take just a couple minutes to reflect over this God-given day. It was a good day. I felt a lot better (physically) when I woke up this morning… still couldn’t eat as much today and was craving very light foods. But energy level was high, and spirits were higher.

I love when God’s awesome glory captivates me. It seems to come in flickers and I’ll just stop for a moment and feel like crying. It happened to me today as I was pulling out of the plaza where I’d gone grocery shopping. I was just overwhelmed with God’s goodness and provision. His grandeur and omnipresence, even in the minute details of my day.

He’s so big.

And His love is so deep.

Tonight my bible study group had a worship night on the sand. The weather was brilliant. I feel British when I use that adjective. But it really was, brilliant! The sky was beautiful as it changed from orange to purple to pink as the sun was setting over the water. The water looked like someone had spilled pink paint onto the surface that created rippling streaks as the tide slowly ebbed and flowed.

The reflections of the sky on the water, and the awareness that God knows the number of each grain of sand, as well as each hair on my head was awe-inspiring. And He still takes the time to lead me every step of the way through my day.

“You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.” Psalm 139:5

Lord

I feel so safe with you

I know you’ve gone before me 

I know you’re behind me also

You’ve hemmed me in 

There is no move that I can make that you don’t yet know

You know my motives and my desires

You know my aspirations

You know my weaknesses and my failures

Yet you still care for me

You still work everything for my good

You still teach me and comfort me 

I thank thee Lord for your love that wilt not let me go

It won’t let me go

You pursue me to the depths and water my frame

You mold me into the perfect design that you thought of before time 

I thank thee for your control

I’m lost without you! Yet I’ll never be lost, for you are always with me

You are Faithful; Faithful is your name

<3

xxx

V

holic

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

choco-holic

you’d think someone would’ve told me I shouldn’t eat a piece of death-by-chocolate cake late at night. I guess I didn’t think 8:30pm would be late enough to keep me awake. But alas, it’s midnight and here we are. Or perhaps it was accompaniment of the caramel pie that sent me into the gear-turning, wide-eyed reality that I’m currently experiencing.

It’s okay though. I feel a heckuva lot better than I did when I woke up this morning. I woke up feeling on the cusp of getting sick. I took arnica capsules when I first woke up and ate only a small amount of fruit with my coffee so I wouldn’t get too jittery. Then I proceeded to fast for the entire day until 8:30PM drinking only water and taking vitamin C and “airborne”. Airborne is awesome btw. If you’re feeling like you’re coming down with something, take Airborne. I highly recommend it. It’s stopped what have seemed like many-a-cold in their tracks for me. Good stuff. <3

I was busy all day today. I woke up, drank coffee and read bible. Then went to Sunday school, church, ran errands, stopped by a friend’s house, and then went to a birthday party. I was at the party from ~3:00 until 9:00pm. It was a good day! Supah fun. Good weather. Good people. I was happy to be in the company of friends today. God really kept me and sustained me.

I was trying to avoid sugar because I wanted to take care of my body. Which is funny because then I ended up eating a bunch of it. hahaha it honestly could have been worse (amount-wise, for what I did end up eating) and then I followed the cake and pie with some chicken 🙂 then I ate some pimento cheese and crackers, and a piece of bread and butter. Oh! And a little bit of cottage cheese. Sugar and cheese. lol *shrug*

Tomorrow’s another day. But I praise God that I’m feeling better! Now I’m praying that I’ll be able to go to sleep after posting this. Which I am pretty confident that I will be able to.

Tomorrow I can sleep in (AKA I won’t set an alarm and will realistically wake up around 7:00/7:30 …) and will coffee/bible and head to work around 8:30am? Which isn’t too bad. I’m excited about tomorrow… and this week. There are a couple fun dancing events that I’m going to this week!!! WOOOT!!! And my knees are BOTH feeling good PRAISE GOD <3

Honestly this past week has been really rough and my world has been crashing down around me a little bit, but God is still good. And I still trust Him and stand on Him, my solid rock. He is still providing, caring for me, encouraging me, and I know He is bringing me to the places I need to go; physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I know the One who will bring tomorrow. And I’m grateful. So very grateful. My work here is not yet done. And it’s His work, really. But I’m a vessel, and I’m ready to go wherever He’ll send me. Even if it’s to an uncomfortable place. To face an uncomfortable situation.

“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” Isaiah 6:8

Here I am Lord.

Send me!

And now send me to bed plz. Death by chocolate, please don’t keep me up. I love you, but please, let me rest. 😛

Goodnight <3

xxx

V

order

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

I love order.

I think that’s the nice way for a control freak to sound less controlling.

Haha only joking. Order and control do coincide with each other I suppose. When something is orderly, it is controlled in a sense. But trying to control something doesn’t guarantee order. So perhaps we have one without the other.

I would rather things be ordered than to grasp onto the notion that I actually have control over anything.

Debatable, some may say. I control what I eat or don’t eat, where I go or don’t go, what I wear or don’t wear etc.

But only to an extent. See, I only have access to the food that I eat, the places that I go and the clothes that I wear by the grace of God.

Life changes constantly. I may go to my favorite grocery store thinking I’m going to buy my favorite protein bars and they may have ran out. I might plan on going to an even one night but don’t feel well leading up to it and have to cancel. Or my car could break down.

Yes, some may say, but that’s a stretch. Surely we have some control. And yes, surely, we do.

Order precedes control to an extent. When my life has more order, I do feel more in control. Because my brain is functioning better, I’m getting enough rest, eating the right foods, taking the proper measures to take care of myself… yes. When I have taking care of my temple (my body) a priority, I do feel more in control. I feel better all around.

Discipline. It partially comes down to discipline. Saying yes to things, people and activities that bring life, and no to ones that bring death. If you aren’t a christian, you don’t know what I mean. Things that bring death are sin. Things outside the will of God. Not just drunkenness, sex before marriage, murder. Sin for an individual could come down to saying something you shouldn’t have said, not saying something you should have said, going somewhere you shouldn’t have gone, doing something with the wrong motive. God sees the heart. He knows our motives and intentions.

The question I always have to ask when I am faced with a choice is: am I bringing glory to God in this moment or am I bringing glory to myself? Am I building my kingdom or His?

Selfish ambition often leads us to waste so much daggone time. So much time that could have been spent in a fruitful way. Like tonight, I could go out, get a drink, and go dancing. And a big part of me really wants to do that. But I’m not going to. As I wrote that sentence I almost wrote “unless I finish everything I want to do”. But that’s not true. It wouldn’t be good for me if I went out tonight. Instead this is what I’ma do:

  1. Film 4 videos
  2. Read
  3. Shower
  4. Go to bed early
  5. Possibly buy some tequila

That’s it. It’s been a long week and I need to go to bed early. I am tired. Tomorrow is also going to be a long day. I probably will save #5 for tomorrow even though the ABC liquor store is one mile away from my house. Praise God that I don’t have a drinking problem. Truly. Oh, I just remembered that I’m supposed to call my oldest brother. I might do that too. But we always talk for ~1.5 hours. Maybe after I film I will call him and go for a walk. Or I may call him tomorrow instead. Sigh

So. Order. This post is about order. I’m going to take my orderly, disciplined self and film these videos. Batch filming is the way to go. I’m excited about these topics too! Here they are:

  1. Solitude verses isolation
  2. 5 Reasons to Join a Church/Small Group
  3. Why You Should Rest More
  4. 5 Ways to Be Disciplined About Bible Time

Check out my channel below and be sure to subscribe!!!

https://www.youtube.com/user/skizarefun09 

 

mmmk. One last thought (I say this a lot right before relaying numerous thoughts FYI), I don’t want to be in control. God’s got that, and it’s going well 😉 However, I do want order. And the only way to attain order is to live life according to God’s design. When my life lines up with scripture in the will of God, everything is a whole lot better.

That doesn’t mean that it’s going to stay consistently better forever. No, things change. New challenges rise up. The wisest thing we can do is seek God’s face in these times. I’m preaching to myself here 😛

It helps prepare a person to already be living an orderly life (or as close as we can get to orderly) when the storms come. When you build your house on the Rock, your house will be able to weather the storm.

Lord Jesus, thank you being my Rock. Thank you for giving me order. Thank you for teaching me the best way to live… the way of the straight and narrow path. Lord, I thank you for providing so well for me. You give me everything that I need and you promise that you always will. Thank you for giving me the faith to believe your promises. You always keep your promises and never go back on your word. Thank you for sharing Truth with me. I would be lost without you. Absolutely lost. Thank you for forgiving me for the times I still get lost when I take my eyes off of you. I trust you and love you. Amen.

<3

xxx

V

friday

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

hey fam

hope your week has been going well! I’ve been itching to blog for a few days but haven’t had the opportunity. So here we are.

This morning I was reading in 1 Corinthians about Jesus being the “firstfruits of all others who believe in Him” (15:20). Apparently this is an old testament image of the first installment of a crop which anticipates and guarantees the entire crop. AKA, Jesus came, died, and rose again. We died with Christ and were raised to life in Him. He is perfect, pure, blameless, sinless. And 1 John 3:2 says “when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is”.

We shall be like him. Like Christ. He guaranteed that for us when he died on the cross for our sins and was raised to life. He gave us the gift of eternal life and the process of sanctification and conformation began. We are being conformed to his image more and more each day. And one day, we shall be totally like him. Perfected.

“The good work he has begun in me will be perfected” Phil. 1:6.

It’s a promise. And God is a promise-keeper.

I love when people keep their promises. When people follow through on their words. It’s hard to follow through sometimes; impossible sometimes. People promise things all the time that never come to pass, because we aren’t in control. Even if we have the best of intentions, God’s hand still has to move to either allow something to happen or to make it happen.

God keeps his promises. His word doesn’t change. He doesn’t go back on his word and doesn’t forget his promises. When he said in his word that Christ IS the firstfruits of ALL who believe in him, he promised us that one day we would be like Christ.

We have the capacity to bear Christ’s image now with the Holy Spirit. We have daily opportunities to bear witness to the truth of scripture, love people that are hard to love, forgive people, see past human tendencies and the flesh, and set our eyes on heavenly things and store up our treasures there instead of becoming enthralled with the world.

Lord Jesus, thank you for breaking my schemes of earthly joy and teaching me to find my all in You. I thank you for not simply modifying my behavior, but for rooting out from within me the tendencies I have to try to satisfy myself apart from your love, grace and will. Lord I thank you for revealing yourself to me and teaching me how you shepherd me and provide all that I need. I thank you that I don’t have to be in want because you are my shepherd. Thank you for knowing my name. Thank you for tuning my ears to the sound of your voice. Thank you for showing me the one way which brings true life. Lord, help me to give myself fully to your work, because I know that my labor in your is not in vain (1 Corinthians 15:58). Amen.

Today is going to be a good day. I know this because (1) the Lord made it and (2) gave it to me. I wonder what all He’ll have me do today. 🙂

Fam- rest in the promise that Jesus died so we could be like Him. Look to Christ’s life for the example of how we ought to live. It’s crystal clear and never lets us down. Pray and ask God for the power to rest in Christ’s leading.

xxx

<3

V

thursday

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

A little bit of indigestion

Is what I’m currently experiencing

Because I was so hungry

And the chicken thighs were so delectable

 

Along with that cruciferous broccoli

And now I’m going to be sorry 

But nothing a little Tums can’t cure 

That chicken left me wanting more

I thought of a child licking her plate clean

When it had cake and ice cream on it

As I stood licking my plate clean

To make sure none of the confit’ed poulet ever saw its’ demise

 

Hee hee 

That’s why I love chicken thighs

The fattiness is where the $$ is 

Take the breast away at once

Gimme them thighs

 

Haha goodness. I’m a foodie, what can I say?!?!

I love being able to appreciate food and all the different flavors … to enjoy it and give thanks for it. God truly outdid Himself when he thought of So. Many. Amazing. Foods for us to enjoy. 

Wow.

I’m so thankful that God gives us the pleasure of enjoying food. Another aspect of His amazing creation we get to enjoy. Praise God! And Lord help me not to forget to praise and thank you each time I partake in another meal. <3

 

He didn’t have to give us pleasure at all. But He wants us to enjoy Him. I love the BSF children’s song “What is the Purpose of My Life”. The lyrics are:

 

“What is the purpose of my life?

To know God, love Him, enjoy Him, and glorify Him.” x2

 

That’s the short version of the song anyway. But uhhh that’s some solid TRUTH right thurr! If only I had understood that years ago. Like, from my birth.

 

Hahaha 🙂

 

Now I’m on my way to work. And by work I mean a Downton Abbey marathon. Lol one of my clients and I have been watching Downton together for the last few months and gotta pick up the pace because …. Drum roll plz… there’s a MOVIE coming out in September! That’s right people. It’s purty exciting. So tonight we’re gonna watch three episodes. I hopefully will be done with work by 11pm. Which is definitely late. Haa but it’s cool because I took a nap today. Not to mention I went to bed at 9:15 last night. Not to say that going to bed early one night is enough sleep for two nights. The nap helped. I promise! 😛 

 

I’m sleeping at a client’s house this week which is kinda weird cuz she kinda roams around in the middle of the night?!?! And the house is WAY too warm at night. I prefer keeping the AC at 70 degrees. This chick (she’s 82) has her thermostat at 76 degrees. :O The lats two nights I’ve tolerated sleeping at 73 degrees. But really y’all, it’s been a little rough. I just don’t wanna freeze her out yknowmsaynnn

 

It’s only til Monday though. I can do dis. I gave up my bedroom because the people I live with have family in town this week and needed my room. It’s all good! Livin’ that gypsy life haha. I’m so excited though because I’ll be moving soon!!!! Hoorayyy!! Don’t ask me where I’m moving to though. That’s TBD. I’m trusting and believing that God will provide the perfect place <3 

 

7 minutes until I have to leave for work. 

 

Dearest Lord and King… thank you for your constant provision. Thank you for a quiet space. Thank you for caring for me. Thank you for giving me rest. Thank you for giving me focus while I work. Thank you for phone calls from old friends and a place to prepare healthy food. Thank you for my jobs, working car, working phone…. Thank you Lord for preparing me in every way to complete every task you put before me. Including praying to you when I’m anxious and unfocused. You are the ultimate caregiver. Thank you for making me like You one moment at a time. I love you <3 Amen.

 

What’s one thing from God that you’re thankful for?

 

Xxx

 

<3 

 

V

 

Bachata

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

So. I danced bachata on Sunday night. Or technically Monday morning. Starting at …. 2am? It was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fun. The most fun I’ve had in a while! It helped that I had an attractive teacher. Who was also very fun and patient. And a great leader/dancer! 😀

It was the first time I’ve *actually* danced with a man. I mean there was one time in college that I took a ballroom dancing class…. but I didn’t like my partner very much. He was much too feminine and told me that I was swaying my hips too much. I was, by the way. I was swaying my hips obnoxiously. By accident at first, and then on purpose just to piss him off.

Haha HEY come on now I only did it on purpose for a second. And I was really only half-conscious that I was doing it purposely. I also took a mo to process whether or not I was actually swaying too much. Once I became fully aware that I was I tried to stop, and did. I wanted to do the dance correctly. I wanted to be a good partner. And it was fun! I’m not sure why I didn’t go back to that club…

…..And here we are five years later, and I can finally say I’ve danced bachata! And it was fun. Did I mention that it was fun?! haha I feel like a child! My heart is so full of joy! ^_^

And what’s REALLY cool is that last week I was prayer journalling and told God that I wanted to dance! Haha! And He gave me an opportunity to dance for real! I love when prayers are answered quickly 😛

Interruption: I just got some sad news in the middle of writing this. I won’t go into it, but I will just mention that we must remember the goodness in our lives. We MUST count our blessings. We MUST trust that God is good, no matter the circumstance. We MUST learn to be content in whatever situation. We must count suffering as pure joy, knowing that God is using it to grow us into the image of Christ.

And while there is still sorrow in my life, and disappointments, God shows me how much He cares about me and loves me in so many different ways every day. Especially when I’m down or feeling ill. He fills me up with joy and calls me back to His presence.

And that’s what this bachata dancing did. It was fluid, it was effortless, it was full of joy. He has always been faithful.

So I look for opportunities to dance with Him. A father-daughter dance.

Father, I loved dancing. I loved expressing myself. I loved following the lead of someone who knew how to dance. That’s what it’s like following Jesus. You call my name and say “follow me” and I follow, I listen. Lord call to me, speak to me, and pacify my heart during this hard time.

This is a draft from September 4, 2018. I am not as infatuated with bachata as I was when I wrote this, but I still do love it. I just like salsa more. 😀 Enjoy~!

today was created for you

Published on by Velvet2 Comments

Day to day when I wake up, either naturally or with an alarm (or usually one minute before my alarm *shrug*). My first thoughts are always intriguing.

Am I still tired? Did I get enough sleep? What time is it. Where do I have to be right now.

Haha it was weird waking up in my own bed this morning because usually I am already at the job where I’m supposed to be. I usually sleep there Sunday night and roll on outta bed into the kitchen to make coffee Monday mornings. This morning I questioned what day it was because I was at home. 😛 😉

Gypsy life can be pretty disorienting. That, my friends, is why I require caffeination. (Should be a word if it’s not already). 🙂

This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!

Psalm 118:24

<3

Disorientation and coffee aside, this is a good day. I’m alive, healthy, all my limbs seem to be working… hey don’t make fun. It was NO FUN having a bum knee the other week. Well, it was fun in the manner that I had lots & lots of time to read and write! Fo reals I was like waaaaitaminute. Is this really what needs to become of me to force myself to work on my writing?!?! hahaah my extroverted/introvertedness really takes a toll on my writing dreams since I love being with people. BUT

Gotta make time for dem goalz 😉

So today…. I’m about to go to work. Then grocery shopping. Then I’ll come home, clean, meal prep…. and…

WRITE! I have two sections that I’ma tackle this afternoon. And if I tackle them in time, I may even swim before bible study tonight.

Ahh, living the good life. Single & thrivin’. Gettin’ goals, gettin’ gold.

Make time to meet your goals. And during that time you set aside, stay focused.

Dearest Lord, thank you soo much for all that you do for me. Thank you for your constant provision. Thank you for giving me hope, peace, joy…. thank you for enabling me to do the work you created me for. Thank you for all the ways you’ve prepared me for THIS day. Your wisdom and your ways are amazing. I’m in awe of you! I entrust every detail of my day to you sweet Lord. Amen.

Now go get ’em tigahz ;P

xxx

<3

V

draft yo

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

Some people are more fortunate than others and have stronger family foundations that make striving for grace, wisdom and being loving clear foundational life goals. Other people are less fortunate and don’t have any hope or desire to become better citizens because they don’t believe everyone should be treated as if we’re on the same plane, especially if they don’t treat us in the same regard!

I will now explain to you, my friend, why I love Jesus. Read on.

Translation of above paragraph: I was a mess on the inside. And some days, a mess on the outside because of what I was doing to my body. I still feel like a mess sometimes now, but that’s usually because I’ve worn the same black sweats for five days and am yet to wash my hair — if you don’t know what I mean, you’re trying too hard. 😉

I don’t have to worry about whether or not people accept me because I already have the most amazing love that’s been handed to me for free. I have been intertwined with this love and wrapped up in it. I could not be shaken even if I wanted to. I tried to break free but my attempts were weak compared to the strength of my rock, my foundation.

He has a hold on me.

I started this post by telling you how broken I was, and how I was trying to be perfect. With Jesus, I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to work to please anybody, as long as I’m pleasing the Lord. Yes, the Lord’s standards are high, but it’s better to shoot for the moon and land among the stars than shoot for the stars and get stuck in the stratosphere, amirite?

😛

 

 

Of course this is easier said than done. And friends are armour in awkward situations. Being alone is a different story.

 

One of my favorite quotes is: “I stopped playing for the stands when I started playing for the Coach”. The game being played is life. Humans are the stands. Jesus is the coach.

If He tells me to listen, I will listen.

If the Coach tells me to run, I will run.

If the Coach tells me to stay, I will stay.

If the crowd’s gonna boooooooo, so be it. The Coach won’t be impressed if I run as fast as I can to impress the stands. He’ll be impressed when I listen to, respect and love him. Because He’s the Coach, and he knows better. He’s been doing this a long time and has seen every play that can be had.

 

Do you ever notice how whenever we want to avoid something or someone, that very thing or person seems to appear everywhere? My friend Lisa told me that if she were in a room with 1,000 people, she was bound to find the one alcoholic in the room. Because there was always one that showed up. The very person she was trying to avoid would show up.

Alcoholic men gave her attention at first, but always disappointed her in the end. Though she always found herself going back. She dated alcoholic after alcoholic and expected things to turn out differently. Returning to the same places again and again is comforting, but doesn’t grow us, and we often waste time reminiscing in what once was instead of moving forward.

The Head and the Heart has an awesome song called “Down in the Valley” about hiding under the mask of alcohol. About how we do things “over and over and over again” and try to work back to where we started.

Everybody has a pedestal displaying the center of their life. For some, there is pride. For some, God, or love. For the alcoholic, alcohol is on their pedestal. They return to their valley of alcohol again and again.

“We may give our human loves the unconditional allegiance which we owe only to God. Then they become gods. Then they become demons. Then they will destroy us, and also destroy themselves. They are still called [loves], but can become … complicated forms of hatred.”

 

 

 

 

His job is to mold me. Always to become a better player. So when the stands see me, they’ll say “I want to be like her” and “how does she do it?”.

salt_light_shirts.jpg

Trust the Lord.

I am weak without Jesus. But with Him, I am unstoppable. His great love for me challenges me to become a better woman day in and day out. His great love for me never changes or fails or stops, or is based on whether or not I laugh loudly at the wrong time, or if my weight is fluctuating. He loves without condition and His will is for me to love Him the same.

 

Found this post in my drafts from 3 years ago. Cool. *Like* if you enjoyed!

xxx

<3

V

is it too early for bed?

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

okay, it’s 8:02 and I’m legit ready to hit the hay.

I’m glad I have a bed that isn’t hay btw

My scrumptious, delectable firm feathery pillow is VUNDABAH!

It probably costs $100. I did not pay for it btw

But I’ll have to buy myself one!

Weird though, to think of someone else using my pillow after me… like after I drooled through the pillow case into the actual pillow for years.

Eww

Hopefully nobody will want to sleep on it after me. I should has it for myself

hasssss

SO what are you guys doin’ tonight? Maybe something more exciting than me? I ate some ground turkey bolognese type thang for dinner. Then did some reading and writing. PSYCH there isn’t anything more exciting than that. Food & good books. Yip

Well, ice cream and cuddling is nice too. Let’s just say they make the list. 🙂

Tomorrow I’m going to the beach! Hoorah! It should be fun. I’m going with some folks from my church/bible study. It’s supposed to be PERFECT weather tomorrow. I just hope I don’t tire of the beach after an hour and turn into a crispy lobster and want to get za heck outta there. Cuz uhhh I’m carpooling with 2 people. 🙁 So I won’t have a choice. But there’s something about riding on group energy yknowmsayn?

Lord help me.

Pray for me guys. For once I’m not working on a Saturday but I’m locked into traveling to the beach for like, all day. And then there’s a birthday party afterwards. AHhhgghhh.

it’ll be fun. it’ll be fun. it’ll be fun. That’s what I’m telling myself. heheh 😛

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

On a different note, I was feeling down for a few seconds earlier tonight when I got outta work. This is because a nurse chick showed up and made me feel bad about my lack of credz. It’s because I’m trying to be a writer guys. OKAY?????? Sum1 please throw me a pity party

Naw, I’m jk. I might be a starving artist, but I’M OKAY

No, jk fo rull. Life is good. And God’s timing is impeccable! I’m really not arguing with the way things have turned out. I’m taking small steps towards my future every day and I’m trusting and believing that God will bless my next steps.

Satan was just tryna get me down with a bunch of hooey lies. And I dint believe him heheh NOT TADAY SATAYNE!

Why am I like this. *facepalm*

Anyway, whenever you start to feel depressed about something, push back with praise. I’m not trying to undermine how serious clinical depression is. I just know that Satan tries to get control of our minds, and if we aren’t protected against his efforts, if we aren’t expecting him to attack, and if we haven’t figured out our defense techniques, he’ll get into our heads and change our perspective from joy to hopelessness. Don’t let him have the satisfaction.

So that’s what I did earlier. I took that thought captive and prayed over it, rebuked it, praised the Lord, and moved on with my evening. Boom.

God’s Word is power. Hide it in your hearts folks. When you hide it in your heart, the Truth is the thing that will rise to the surface when you need to think on your feet. <3

8:15pm. Still a bit too earlies for beds. Hmmm

Oh, I guess I could pack for the beach tomorrow. Oh, and think about when ze heck I have to leave here. 7:50am. I have to leave at 7:50. Okay, now that that’s done.

Uhh

make a salad. I could do that I guess. Don’t feel like. Uhhh

Btw if I go to bed at 8:45 I’ma be up at 4:45. That’s entirely okay with me though; I’ll get good reading and writing done. Hmmm.

Okay quick list for tomorrow:

bathing suit, towel. blanket? sunscreen? crumb I don’t have any.

PIZZA FLOAT

Guys last time I brought this thing to the beach I barely even used it myself. I ended up tugging my friend around on it in the water. I definitely thought about capsizing him but the water was freezing and I was feeling kind. Hehe 😉

Though I *DID* take a nap on it in the sand. Anyway, should be a fun thing to have around tomorrow! Everyone loves it <3 Hopefully I don’t get a hernia from blowing it up though… (don’t even know what that is, but my dad said it one time when he was blowing up balloons when I was like 7 and I started saying it in front of adults to make them laugh… still don’t know what it is)

…Okay so I just googled “hernia” and wish I hadn’t. A hernia is: “a bulging of an organ or tissue through an abnormal opening”. I refuse to look at any images. Again, NOT TODAY SATAN

hehe

I’m going to go pray before going to bed.

Oh wait, the list:

swimsuit, towel, pizza, salad for lunch, baseball cap… book (which I won’t read lol), phone charger… birthday card for my frand? wallet… comb… toiletries? oh dear. I don’t know if I’ll be showering after the beach. uggh. I haven’t been without-car for soo long. lol #thestruggleisreal

The rest I will think about tomorrow. OH! Cereal for my other friend. A low carb cereal I want him to try. Ummm

K it’s 8:28, I’m over dis. TTyL fam

xxx

V