Heeey readahz

V here.

About to head out for bible study. Picking up a friend on the way there. First, planning meeting at 6:30pm, then food and whatnot, and study starts at 7:30pm. I mean, we really start with announcements, prayer requests followed by prayer, and then worship before we actually delve into the study.

It’s a really good book we’re doing right now. It’s called “Awe” by Paul David Tripp. The book is all about how humans have a natural tendency to place ourselves at the center of the universe. Tripp attributes all of our problems to having a wrong view of God. If we REALLY believed that God is all that He says He is (all powerful, GOOD, LOVING, ALL-KNOWING, PURE, HOLY, IMPARTIAL, MERCIFUL, GRACIOUS etc. etc.) then why would we be trippin’ all the time??? No pun on Tripp’s name intended. 🙂

OK snap I gotta go now. haha dang my friend was texting me and took my 6 minutes that I had to write.

FOR NOW!

ttys <3

xxx

V

to all!

It’s Sunday and the sun has risen. It’s consistency is quite respectable, I must say. It rises every morning and shines brightly. It’s rays touched the blender that’s been leaning against my back wall for the last 7 months ever since I brought it home from my mom’s house at Christmas-time. I haven’t used it once. Maybe I should make a smoothie. Thanks, Sunny!

Lol okay I’ve thought about making smoothies other days and times besides this morning when a tall ray of sun was grasping at it. Maybe this time I’ll act.

Things I should do:

1. Make a smoothie. Though I don’t have a lot of space to set up the blender. I realize it doesn’t take much, but this has honestly been a mental block for me. I’ve just decided I’m going to clear off a place on my pantry-like shelf so I can use the blender. BOOM
2. Set up my music recording stuff. The reason why I haven’t done this yet is because I don’t have a sturdy table, and I definitely don’t wanna put a bunch of expensive equipment on a flimsy card table. I’ve just decided I’m going to stop being non-con-fron-tat-ion-al and ask my roomie/landlord if I can borrow his SUPER STURDY TABLE THAT’S LITERALLY IN THE HALL 10 FEET AWAY.
   1. Here’s the thing guys; it was in this room with me before, but he took it out because he wants to protect it and he knows I’ve had some parties. Whoa whoa WHOA not “those” kinda parties. But, y’know parties. With beverages and snacks and things. And hey, life happens. I get it. However, there is no reason for me not to ask if I could use the table if he and I take measures to make sure it stays protected. It’ll just be for electronics after all.
   2. I think that what has stopped me has been… fear of rejection. Which is absurd. It’s just a table. Also, I like to be as little of a nuisance/inconvenience as possible. Also, if something happened to his table while I was using it I would feel really bad and definitely would not want to pay for whatever it would cost to fix the dang thing. So that is another fear I suppose.
   3. Fear no more. If he says “no” I’m going to the Alley Cat and buying an additional table. It’s a thrift shop people. Although the name definitely suggests otherwise.
3. Take some solid pictures of the crystal dish set I have stacked in boxes against the wall so I can sell it. I also have been thinking I need a better table to do this too. Also I have better things to do than pull all those dishes out the box and photograph them. Also, I am lazy. Yes, I believe it comes down to the last point on this one. Lay-Zee

Welp. That was a pretty boring to-do list. Apologies for putting you through reading that. I really never have any idea what’s going to come out when I’m writing on here. I honestly just start reading and see what happens usually… Hahha 🙂

It’s almost 7:30am and I’m going to leave for church in a few. On the way I’ma stop and get a coffee cuz I RAN OUT this morning. Okay, yesterday morning. So at least it wasn’t a shock when I went to go make a cup and got my little aeropress alllllllll set up and there was only 1/3 the amount of coffee needed. Yeah, no. Outta coffee but it’s okay, I got options. One of the reasons I love living in an area where stores are close by. It’s convenient to swing through a drive-thru and get some Joe on days like today.

Okay I think I need to take a shower after using the word “Joe” to describe my coffee. Not only was that the name of my ex, but there’s also something about it that makes me want to punch myself in the face.

Hahahah umm I think I have a little too much energy from being cooked (kook’d?) up the last couple days with my bum knee. Hahahah 😀 I’m dying. Side note I also think it’s really funny that so many people are saying “I’m dead” when they think a joke is really funny nowadays.

“I have died” No you didn’t, you liar. Because ghosts can’t talk or type. I’m dying is at least a little bit more believable.

Umm okay, now I’m going to church so I can cleanse my soul from all this ridiculousness that I’m pouring out on here. Pray for me, I need it. <3

And I’ll pray for you too! For realsies, God is good, it’s a beautiful day, and I’m happy to be alive! Plus, my knee(s) are feeling much better thankfully. Having two legs to walk on normally is a huge blessing. If you’ve ever had a broken leg or crutches or whatever I just had you’ll agree. Or maybe you’ve never had two working legs, or you weren’t able to recover from a leg injury. If that’s the case, I pray for you especially, and empathize with you. Just having to limp around and prop up my leg for the last couple days has been annoying and discouraging and I’m truly thankful it’s pretty much over.

Mmmk on that note

xxx

<3

V

It’s been a while! I miss writing. I’ve been trying to sit down and write a post for a minute but haven’t had a whole lot of opportunities to do so! But here we are ^_^

Happy Sunday everyone. With only 40 minutes left of the day, perhaps I should say happy Monday to all you early risin’ readers. I personally won’t be waking up til… 7ish tomorrow. Going to work at 8ish. Then the store, then studying books, swimming… bible study, work.

Days and weeks are packed, but life is good. And God still gives me time to rest. He has taught me how to rest better. He taught me why I need rest and how to set proper boundaries for rest. He taught me that resting isn’t always sitting around doing nothing or reading, but sometimes it’s walking outside, or singing, writing, or having fellowship with good people.

Yes, God is good, rest is good, and I have learned a lot. I have so much left to learn, but I depend on and trust in the Lord’s wisdom to guide my steps!

This week I’m excited for Tuesday because it’s dress-like-a-cow-and-get-free-chick-fil-a. Yep. Definitely know what I’m having for dinner on Tuesday night! Then my chicken experience will be followed by salsa dancing, and possibly a trip to the beach.

It’s crazy how the weeks fly by. But God is doing big things and working in big ways. I’m so thankful to Him and the work that He has done in my heart and the gifts that he showers me with everyday in life; despite my mistakes and failures.

It’s so interesting how He answers prayers too…. He knows the desires of my heart but is choosing to answer them in unexpected ways.  I will expand on this when there’s more information and confirmation to be put out there. 😉 <3

My laptop is about to die and I’m too lazy to walk into the next room and get my charger; and I should also go to bed. So.

That concludes tonight’s mini-update. More later folks.

xxx

<3

V

Guys y’all don’t even know, I super want to go to bed rn.

I am so freakin’ tired. But I’m sitting here with my client and she is taking her sweet time. I didn’t tell her that I wanted to go to bed early but I did say that I need to get more rest and go to bed earlier in general. However, she really prefers starting to get ready for bed at 11:00PM. See, if it was 10PM I could go to bed a little after 11. Since it’s 11, I don’t get to bed til after 12/12:30PM. Sigh.

Is this a conversation I need to have? I guess so, if I want it to change. I just hate conversations that inconvenience people. I want to be sooooo go-with-the-flow and never a burden, but I end up getting upset and frustrated that things aren’t going the way that I want them to go. I could sink into this couch and close my eyes and go to SLEEP. That’s what I really want to do. Hmm. When I stay up so late I feel stretched thin. Especially after having such a full day. I have full days.

Work, Sunday school, church, lunch with a friend, CVS, nap, eating, biking, shower, work….

I am getting paid to sit here and write this at least. Ha.

But I’d rather be sleeping :/

I guess I should approach this topic in the morning. It’s too late to approach it now. Instead of beating around the dang bush like I’m used to doing. Golly.

Instead of saying “I would love to finish by 11:30 instead of 12:30, would you be willing to work with me?”

I just hate dealing with people’s expressions. Their irritated/bothered/”Awwwwwww man” looks.

So in order to avoid that discomfort, I don’t say anything at all. And instead I get frustrated myself. And overtired. And emotional. And it makes me want to cry.

This is something that I’m working on. Speaking up about what’s bothering me. Usually it’s after the thing has been bothering me for a bit because at first I go with it and hope it will no longer bother me. I am very quick to say “it’s all good, no problem, that’s fine”. And quickly avoid any reason to experience tension.

Growing pains. For me, for others. Dealing with conflict instead of running away. Hahahhaahaha wow. I’m laughing because of something I just realized. I posted a meme the other day that said something about “we need to learn how to deal with conflicts instead of ending every relationship because you feel like someone doesn’t deserve you”. Sometimes I align with that and wish that people would consider meeeeeeeeee more often. But everyone is so selfish and if I don’t speak up, I can’t expect someone else to know what I want. Hahahaha

Don’t expect others to read your mind. I should make a video on this.

Okay y’all, I’m gonna get up and do some stuff. Keep moving around so I don’t freakin’ fall asleep. Also, my lady just said “I’m also done and then I’ll get moving cuz I know you’re a tired girl”.

She knows.

And yet, it’s 11:08 and we’re no closer to being done than we were 34 minutes ago. 🙁

I even just tried to help expedite the process of the evening but it didn’t work. I have to accept my fate that I probably won’t be in bed until 12:30AM.

That does mean more money. But I can’t go shopping when I’m DEAD.

Okay I’m done. I’m going to go research cell phones now; since my phone is literally about to crap the bed. Hahahhah it’s been like that for a while now. I’m just torn as to whether or not I should get the exact same phone that I have had for the past 3.5 years (for free) or buy a new phone (@ $25ish/month)…  the new phone would have a much better camera and more storage space which are two big draws. But I might be able to get a Droid Turbo 2 with more storage space built in, and the brand new camera could be better than my camera which could have gotten a bit old.

OK

I’ll be back

xxx

<3

V

and I’m about to fall asleep.

I was yawning all throughout the church service this morning (for a different reason than everybody else) .. (haha jk) since I got very little sleep last night. I did, however, dream that I went to a Latin social dancing event. And there are THREE different ones going on now and tonight that I’m sadly not going to attend because I need to rest.

Last night I slept at my client’s house and the thermometer was too high so I was too hot and couldn’t sleep. Tonight I’m sleeping there again and you bettah beLIEVE that I’m changing the thermostat to cooler than freakin’ 76 degrees. My b

Anyway, I’m tired and am about to take a nap. Right after the house tour that’s going on currently is over and done with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL my girlfriend’s family is here catching a tour because the house I live in is unique and her family was dropping her off something that she forgot at home. She is working today for one of the ladies that we both take care of (this is how we met and became friends) and her family just popped over to bring her the thing she forgot and now they’re getting a house tour. Which the homeowner loves to do: give house tours. He’s given one to me and many of my friends 😀

SO when the tour ends, I will be able to sleep. They haven’t come downstairs yet, which is where I reside, so I feel the need to remain dressed and ready to show my bedroom if necessary, or at least say “oh, hello! Don’t mind the mess in my living room area!”. I mean, it’s whatever, but y’know, kinda routine to comment on the state of things when they aren’t particularly dazzling.

Not justifying, by any means, but just uhhhh pointing out the state before they might point it out. I guess it makes me feel less judged, or makes me believe that I am less judged if I say “sorry” before their eyes say something to me.

Words are important. That little “Sorry” can really prevent a lot of pointless overthinking on my part. Communicating that I am “sorry” about the state of or the appearance of my living space suggests that if I had known they were coming over, I would’ve taken the time or made the effort to clean it up on their behalf. It shows them that I care. OH! Here they come!

Lol so uhh I literally just hovered by my door and didn’t open it at all and they toured my common space/living room and then walked by my bedroom and the homeowner said “we won’t go in Velvet’s room, but that’s where it is” and I was literally frozen like a deer-in-headlights the entire time. I am awkward.

Hhahaah but also I am wearing short shorts and a sweater with a hole in it so I didn’t want them to judge me for my outfit. So instead I will let them judge the uncleanliness of my living room (it’s really not that bad) and my social awkwardness since I just met them upstairs and then disappeared into my room. But also, at the same time, I live here and I was gone all day and I’m exhausted and don’t owe anyone anything; even politeness. Which, I was polite, by the way. This is just me overthinking again.

Overthinkers tend to think things through as they ………….. think about them. Hahaha okay nevermind. I guess I process things better when I write or type my thoughts out or bounce them off of other people in conversation. Not sure what this is. Just a random slew of happenings in my mind and hallway. Happy birthday, I know you wanted so badly for me to relay these happenings to you.

And now I sleep. More later

xxx

V