Guys y’all don’t even know, I super want to go to bed rn.

I am so freakin’ tired. But I’m sitting here with my client and she is taking her sweet time. I didn’t tell her that I wanted to go to bed early but I did say that I need to get more rest and go to bed earlier in general. However, she really prefers starting to get ready for bed at 11:00PM. See, if it was 10PM I could go to bed a little after 11. Since it’s 11, I don’t get to bed til after 12/12:30PM. Sigh.

Is this a conversation I need to have? I guess so, if I want it to change. I just hate conversations that inconvenience people. I want to be sooooo go-with-the-flow and never a burden, but I end up getting upset and frustrated that things aren’t going the way that I want them to go. I could sink into this couch and close my eyes and go to SLEEP. That’s what I really want to do. Hmm. When I stay up so late I feel stretched thin. Especially after having such a full day. I have full days.

Work, Sunday school, church, lunch with a friend, CVS, nap, eating, biking, shower, work….

I am getting paid to sit here and write this at least. Ha.

But I’d rather be sleeping :/

I guess I should approach this topic in the morning. It’s too late to approach it now. Instead of beating around the dang bush like I’m used to doing. Golly.

Instead of saying “I would love to finish by 11:30 instead of 12:30, would you be willing to work with me?”

I just hate dealing with people’s expressions. Their irritated/bothered/”Awwwwwww man” looks.

So in order to avoid that discomfort, I don’t say anything at all. And instead I get frustrated myself. And overtired. And emotional. And it makes me want to cry.

This is something that I’m working on. Speaking up about what’s bothering me. Usually it’s after the thing has been bothering me for a bit because at first I go with it and hope it will no longer bother me. I am very quick to say “it’s all good, no problem, that’s fine”. And quickly avoid any reason to experience tension.

Growing pains. For me, for others. Dealing with conflict instead of running away. Hahahhaahaha wow. I’m laughing because of something I just realized. I posted a meme the other day that said something about “we need to learn how to deal with conflicts instead of ending every relationship because you feel like someone doesn’t deserve you”. Sometimes I align with that and wish that people would consider meeeeeeeeee more often. But everyone is so selfish and if I don’t speak up, I can’t expect someone else to know what I want. Hahahaha

Don’t expect others to read your mind. I should make a video on this.

Okay y’all, I’m gonna get up and do some stuff. Keep moving around so I don’t freakin’ fall asleep. Also, my lady just said “I’m also done and then I’ll get moving cuz I know you’re a tired girl”.

She knows.

And yet, it’s 11:08 and we’re no closer to being done than we were 34 minutes ago. 🙁

I even just tried to help expedite the process of the evening but it didn’t work. I have to accept my fate that I probably won’t be in bed until 12:30AM.

That does mean more money. But I can’t go shopping when I’m DEAD.

Okay I’m done. I’m going to go research cell phones now; since my phone is literally about to crap the bed. Hahahhah it’s been like that for a while now. I’m just torn as to whether or not I should get the exact same phone that I have had for the past 3.5 years (for free) or buy a new phone (@ $25ish/month)…  the new phone would have a much better camera and more storage space which are two big draws. But I might be able to get a Droid Turbo 2 with more storage space built in, and the brand new camera could be better than my camera which could have gotten a bit old.


I’ll be back




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