Tag: love

Relief

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

Oh my goodness. What a relief it is to know you Lord.

You’re IT. You’re what gives me purpose. You’re the missing link. The missing piece.

You answer the “why” that I’m looking for.

Why am I here?

Why am I alive?

What’s the point?

How do I live in this jacked up world?

How do I survive?

How do I forgive people?

How do I take care of myself well?

How do I say “no” to doing and saying things that hurt me and others?

How?

 

You kept me awake all night the other night. I kept waking up, lurching forward out of a dream. A nightmare. I was in the passenger seat of a car and we were driving too fast. There wasn’t enough time to brake.

I kept waking up out of this dream and lurching forward to almost sitting straight up.

I know what You were trying to tell me. Hit the brakes. HARD. Turn around. Better yet,

get.

out.

of.

the.

car.

I’m in the wrong place, with the wrong person, heading in the wrong direction. And if I don’t hit the brakes, we’re both going to crash.

I knew that was You speaking to me through a dream. And people say You don’t speak through dreams. Ha

People say a lot of things

people say

people say

“people say”

it doesn’t matter what people say. It’s just words. But YOU, Your Word. When YOU speak…. we MUST pay attention.

 

Lord… 

Thank you that you know my heart and you love me the same. Thank you for the gift of conviction and the gift of knowing You and hearing from You. Thank you for calling my name and speaking to me. Thank you for redirecting me. Thank you for capturing my attention. Thank you for not leaving me alone to make bad decisions that I’ll later regret. Thank you for wanting me to look more like Christ and less like me. Thank you for properly posturing my heart to desire You. To love You. To not just modify my behavior on the outside for PEOPLE but to earnestly seek to love you with every cell in my body. 

Help me trust You with every detail. Help me not settle for the wrong car, for the wrong person, for the wrong trip, for the wrong direction. For the wrong motives. For the wrong outcomes. For selfishness. For personal gains. For thrill seeking. Lord I thank you that every thing you created is good… but it isn’t always the right time or place to enjoy Your creation. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy so much of my every day life. You didn’t have to do that. From the time I wake up in the morning to the time I go to bed; I love my life. 

I love my life.

I love this life.

There are parts I want to change.

I am actively working on changing those parts.

There are parts that can’t change right now or maybe never.

I am actively working on accepting those parts. Even if that means giving them up again and again on the daily.

All we can do is the next right thing.

We must focus on the next right thing. We mustn’t focus on what’s lacking.

For the Lord is my shepherd, and I shall. not. want.

xxx

<3

V

Stillness

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

I’ve thought about you about 1,000,000 times.

About about.

What are we going on about?

I feel like a shout.

Shouting.

No, actually, no. I don’t.

I’ll remain quiet over here.

Though I wonder if I’ll hear your voice today.

I wonder if you actually expected me yesterday or if you were just …

being polite.

Actually, no. I don’t think you were. I trust that you wanted me around. But maybe you didn’t think it through.

Because after I had arrived… you didn’t seem to notice whether I was there or not.

I’m not good at those sorts of things, you know.

Walking into situations where I’m not totally comfortable or not totally secure by myself.

Going with the flow. I want someone to paint me a picture of the flow. I would like a hand-painted copy of the flow-chart of whatever situation I’m entering into so that I know exactly what I need to do or say with every happenstance. I want to be prepared and equipped. I want to feel safe and secure.

There’s so much newness here. So much newness.

Not much of a foundation.

The flow has been going but seemingly in 1,000 different directions. It’s like a fire hydrant that’s erupting water every which way. I feel like a loner with a bucket who’s contemplating collecting some of the water but it seems easier to stand a ways away and not make a move.

Aways away.

What are we doing anyways?

You are like an ant building a kingdom; picking up piece after piece of dirt and carrying it from one place to the next to construct the work of art that you painted in your head. I’m wondering if I have a place there. I’m wondering if I should partake in that. You’ve invited me in, yes. But do I want to come in?

“He’ll be busy, you know” a friend told me. A wise friend who’s been around the track a few times.

It’s funny (I guess) how relationships bring out all sorts of insecurities. Vulnerabilities. Weaknesses. Issues you may not have known you had. They all float up to the surface. Though I know without a SHADOW OF A DOUBT that timing is everything.

Time.

I wish I didn’t have a clock right now. I’m glad I don’t have one of the ones that tick every second. I feel as though I already hear a ticking clock in the background of my mind.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

60. That makes up one minute. I admit, I didn’t type all of those out. I typed out the first 12 and then copied and pasted the last 48. Hahha

A lot can happen in 60 seconds.

An uncomfortable conversation that makes or breaks a relationship.

Many people talk about “split-second decisions”. I’m not good at those. I’m cautious. I think I’m the steady one. I’m the overthinker. I’m the one that contemplates things from all angles. I’m the one who researches products for months before purchasing them.

Meanwhile, you’re over here living in the moment. Living by the moment.

I want to do this too but I’m scared. Good thing is…

DRUM ROLL PLEASE

I’m not alone.

I trust God.

I trust His leading.

I trust His guiding.

I trust His outline.

I trust His Word.

I trust His timing.

I trust His will.

I trust His ways.

I trust His thoughts.

I trust Him.

I know God’s got me. He’s my anchor. My rock. My solid ground. My sword. My shield.

Nothing formed against me shall stand. No weapon.

🙂

So as I sit. As I wait. As I idly anticipate.

As my mind races, whatever I face

I’m warm in His embrace.

His Spirit leaves no trace

of doubt, of fear; it disappears

I’m complete. I’m full. I’m whole. I’m here.

He’s near. I’m free. I’m exactly who He created me to be.

Velvet.

Just Velvet.

I’m going to just be… Velvet.

There’s only one of me.

And I’m free…

I’m free.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~

Did you know that you’re free too?

xxx

<3

V

I Want to Encourage You

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

Hey brothers and sisters.

I just wanna take a minute to encourage you.

Whatever you’re going through is going to come to an end eventually. You might have to fight long and hard for a while, but you’re going to get through it.

Maybe you won’t have to fight hard the whole time, but you may have to fight for a long time.

People might be hating, and they might not want you to get by. They might want to crush you with their actions and their words. They might want to exclude you. They might spread lies about you and try to turn others against you.

You’ve got to focus on the Truth about who you are.

You are a child of God.

You were created in God’s image.

You were created with a purpose.

There is only one of you and only you are equipped to do what God has equipped YOU to do.

You were not created by mistake.

There are NO flaws in your design.

You have strengths.

And yes, you have weaknesses.

Know them. Know and understand your strengths and weaknesses so that you know where and when to seek help. Know your weaknesses so you don’t keep getting discouraged over and over again.

Give yourself time to grow.

Be patient with yourself.

And in turn, be patient with others.

Be patient, even with those that are out to get you. Be patient with the ones that think seeing you fall would benefit them or elevate them in some way.

These are all lies from the evil one. He is out to divide, kill and destroy.

Don’t let him.

When we control our thought lives, we are finally free. When we take every thought captive to Christ, we can see God.

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they see God”.

When those impure thoughts come in, when those lies start pouring in-whether it be from your own mind or the poisonous minds of those toxic individuals in your life- take those thoughts captive:

as in, put those thoughts in CHAINS and present them to the Living God.

Ask God: Lord, give me eyes to see any Truth in this thought. If it is not of you, cast it away. Rid my mind of it. Demolish it. Burn it, shatter it, crush it, and take it. Lift if off of my mind.

But Lord, if there IS any Truth in it, help me embrace it. Help me change. Help me repent of any way that isn’t of you.

Let’s always humble ourselves and be ready to receive from others. Nobody has it all figured out. God uses His people to sharpen other people.

“As iron sharpens iron, one man sharpens another”.

Let us be open to constructive criticism, sanctification, and growth.

Let us always be striving to be Christlike. Let us be flexible and prepared to change. Let us be willing to change and sacrifice things, and give up our own preferences or desires for the preferences and desires of others.

We’re all on this journey together to know God and love Him and enjoy Him. Let’s remember that every person that God created should be able to do these things too. Other people aren’t the real enemy. Satan is the real enemy.

Don’t get me wrong, there are hard-hearted people. There are EVIL people. There are hateful people. But let’s remember to put on the lenses of the bible to help us see past the humanness and into the spiritual. Nobody is too far past God’s grace and the free gift of salvation. And while there is breath, there is hope.

So I challenge you:

when they start tearing you down

when they start leaving you out

when they start talkin smack

when they start hatin

when they start beratin

when they start inflatin themselves

humble yourself

acknowledge the grace that God gave you that enables you to see the truth

that enables you to see Him in all of His glory

that enables you to choose God’s way and live a life free of guilt and condemnation

and pray

rise above your selfishness and self-centeredness and taking-things-personally-ness and pray for them

they are the ones that need the prayers

we all need the prayers, don’t get me wrong

but they especially need the prayers

because once you know God

you know love

because God is love

and real love is not out to divide and destroy and push others out the way so you can get to the top

real love lays down one’s life for one’s friends

real love goes last, and lets others go first

real love patiently waits for others in hopes that they will catch up and spiritually see eye to eye

real love

God is real love

GOD BLESS Y’ALL

xxx

<3

V

“Hard-to-love” people

Published on by Velvet1 Comment

Some people are hard to love.

Some people do whatever they can so that you won’t try to love them anymore.

Some people… hate you and mock you and persecute you and treat you illy.

People you’ve known for years.

Some people expect you to fail and are rooting for that; to build themselves up.

Some people are so dissatisfied with themselves and their lives that they don’t know how to celebrate with others.

Some people are jealous.

Some people proclaim to live one way and live a completely different way.

Some people’s social media accounts reflect one personality, while in person another person is seen.

I love beautiful autumn!

So what shall we do about these people in our lives?

The people we see week after week; sometimes multiple times in a week.

The people we can’t help but be involved in one some level.

Jesus says to love them. Bear with me here.

Let’s talk about what real love looks like.

 

Real loves says…

 

I will never leave you nor forsake you.

 

Nothing you can do will separate you from my love.

 

While you were still a sinner, I loved you.

 

I will lay down my life for you.

 

I forgive you for wanting me dead and gone.

 

I count you as worthy because you are a human being created in God’s image.

 

Worthy of time, attention, being heard.

 

Worthy of my help.

 

Real love bears burdens and pushes forward.

 

Real love doesn’t keep records of the wrong things people have done against me.

 

Real love chooses to forgive.

 

To know God is to know love, because God is love.

God helps believers to love others through the power of His Holy Spirit.

I think all of us have at least one person in our lives that is hard to love. A family member, friend, perhaps your spouse or child. We must learn to love them. We must give them the time and attention that we would want to be given. We must forgive their shortcomings and pray for God’s grace in their life to continue to change them into Christlikeness. And while we’re at it, pray for ourselves that God would complete the good work that He has begun in US. Ask God to show you in what ways YOU need to change.

Dear Lord, thankyou that you are over all things, in all things and through all things. Thank you that you have gone before me and laid down all of my steps. Thank you that you know the thoughts in my head before I think them and that you love me the same. Lord I thank you that You love others through me. Please give me the patience and the grace of Jesus as I walk through places with people that are so hard to love. Lord I thank you that you didn’t give up on us. That you continue to love your people despite our shortcomings and straight up rebellion towards you. Change the attitude of our hearts to love you wholeheartedly and to bring all things under your reign. Father I thank you that your way is the only way to life and life to the full. Thank you for sharing this truth with me. I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now please help me love people. 😛 Amen.

xxx

<3

V

“I refuse to check my fbook one more time”

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

She says adamantly. While contemplating the hypothetical relationship she invented in her head.

She takes another bite of her perfectly-ripe pear and chews slowly with slightly widened eyes.

I wonder if he added me yet. Or if he saw my message. Oh dear, I hope he accepted me! Why wouldn’t he accept me? Is it because I gave him the cold shoulder last night? Why am I so weird to people when I have a crush on them?

She got up and walked over to the mirror, looking at her own reflection. She saw her freckles and long, brown hair and bright blue eyes and smiled at herself. One of those school-picture smiles with no real emotion in it that one would give the photographer when he says “cheese!”. Essentially bearing ones’ teeth. Awkward.

Or maybe he hasn’t seen it yet. Maybe he’s one of those people that checks their social media once a day. Or once a week. Hmm. Even if he doesn’t accept my request, which he will, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. But then there’s the message I sent… 

All of the sudden she realized what she was doing. Living in the hypotheticals was something she promised herself she would stop doing. Living in fear or possible rejection was something she had declared she was “done” with. She had decided to live her life.

And right at that moment…

When she let go of the need to hear from this person…

He messaged her.

AYyyyyyyyyy

Okay. This story was about me, I admit it.

😀 😀 😀

TO BE CONTINUED!

xxx

<3

V

why is it hard to say i miss you

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

It shouldn’t be so hard.

But I guess you don’t miss me.

Though your actions suggest that you do.

Your words (mostly) suggest that you do.

You notice that I was “miss”-ing.

Though you couldn’t say the words

I miss you

Haste makes waste. I’m always saying this stinkin’ phrase. But then I want everything to happen within a certain time frame.

I do it to myself. HURRY UP HURRY UP

Oh God, why is this way in me?

I guess I’m conditioned to think that if at first you don’t express yourself the way that makes me feel loved, I fear you never will. But love grows

love grows

and we learn to love people properly.

“I’m just not a loving person” someone says.

We learn to love.

Not everyone feels loved the same way, so we must learn to love them the way they need to be loved.

Just like I shouldn’t expect someone to tell me the words that I want to hear. I want to hear that I was missed. I want to hear that it was you that missed me. I want you to be bold enough to say it.

But maybe you aren’t ready. And I can’t force you to say it. I don’t WANT to force you to say it. I just can’t help comparing you to others in the past. The way they said exactly the right words. The way they loved and made me feel special. The way they knew how to love.

I am missing it. That’s why we aren’t supposed to awaken love until its’ proper time. But I thought those more recent times were the appropriate times to

 

I found this in my drafts. I read someone else’s blog post about a draft they found, so I thought I’d share this one. Cheers! <3 xoxo V

Young Love

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

is what he called the bunch of beautiful flowers that arrived on my doorstep yesterday afternoon

“Young love” were the only two words that came to his mouth when he saw the clear ovular glass vase overflowing with roses, irises, another tiny purple flower and greenery

Young love

The implications behind these two words are many. Perhaps these are a few

Young people

Short duration

Affection

Infatuation

Emotion

Excitement

Hope

Hope. Is that what I’m holding onto?

Maybe. Possibly. Is that so wrong?

I don’t think so. Real love is never wrong. Legitimate selfless, unconditional love.

But that’s the problem here. The love is young.

In fact, it’s SO young that it’s under condition.

No vows or proposals have been made.

In fact, the relationship is under construction. The site is closed off. There’s currently nothing really to see, and nothing to show. Walls are being knocked down. The floor has been ripped up. The doors are hanging off their hinges. The electricity is still hooked up but no appliances are on. Except one small light.

A small light is on and yesterday it grew brighter. Before yesterday it was a flickering bulb, but today the light is brighter. It’s not flickering anymore, and it’s revealing some of the work that’s being done on the site of the relationship.

Progress has been made. There’s still a lot of work to do, but progress has been made.

The site is your heart and the light is my hope.

Though I realize that storms are unpredictable in this life. A storm could blow through at any time and take literally everything. All the work that has been accomplished could be destroyed. It could all be taken in an hour.

So I offer this young love up to God. And I ask Him:

Lord, I trust in You completely. I trust in your sovereign plan. Thank you for looking out for me. Thank you for giving me good gifts. Thank you that all good gifts come from you, because you are good. You turn my darkness into light. You reveal what I need to work on. You make me better. So now I ask you Lord, to guide my steps. I ask you to reveal to me the words I should say, the steps I should take, the choices I should make. Show me where I ought to spend my time; where I should invest my heart and emotions. Thank you Lord for working all things together for good for those who love you. I love you and am ever grateful for your mercy. Thank you for always working… and never tiring… thank you for your long suffering over my faults. Thank you for your grace and desire to communion with me. Thank you for teaching me how to love with a love that doesn’t fail or give up when things are hard. Thank you for not writing me off <3

xxx

V

minutes tick by

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

and I check to see if you have messaged me back.

Why should I?

Habit, I suppose. I’ve gotten used to hearing from you often. And now that I’m not hearing from you as much, I miss you.

I miss hearing your notification sound go off. I don’t think I ever told you, but you had your own sound. A special tone that told me who it was. It was you.

Though I don’t hear it often anymore. Yet I’ll admit, whenever I do, my heart does a little flip. I perk up a bit and get excited.

I read your messages and miss you more.

I’m holding onto hope, I realize. Could it work out between us in the future? Could there ever be a future for us? Romantically, of course. Dating-wise, of course. A high-functioning, partnering, Christ-like relationship.

I don’t know. All I know is that it isn’t now. Now was not right. The Holy Spirit was convicting me whenever we were apart, that that’s where we were to stay.

It was when we were together that I was confused. I liked what I saw and I liked what I felt, and I convinced myself that the Holy Spirit must have been lying. God must have been bending the truth.

I even believed that it wasn’t God at all who was speaking to me to end things. I convinced myself that it was hormones. It must’ve been my body that was all jacked up, and that is why I keep going back and forth about breaking up with you.

Lord Jesus… how come so much of your daily mercies go unnoticed, yet your mercy comes alive to me better when you allow me to go thru a trial such as this? I wish your sovereignty would have prevented me from ever dating this person. I wish your hand would’ve prevented me from getting close to him and starting to care about him. Though there’s no going back now. There’s only forward moving. Either forward moving, or staying in one place. I choose to go forward in faith. 

What now?

I’ll tell you where I can’t live. That’s in a place of doubt. In a place where I keep wondering if I did the right thing

Pause

Can you believe that I just checked my messages in the middle of typing this post?

And even backed up and read old message exchanges too?

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh wwwwwwwwwwwwwwell.

Ha :/

10:11. Believe it or NAWHT I’m going to bed right now.

Goodnight everyone. Turn off your phone and unplug for a while. It does the mind & body good <3

xxx

<3

V

the union of marriage

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

I am grieving the loss of a relationship. One that I really wanted to work out. And now I’m sad.

Sad that he didn’t make me feel like the only one.

Disappointed that I hoped so much that that would change.

Sad that I won’t be hearing from him regularly anymore.

Disappointed that I didn’t stop it before it got to this point.

Sad that my own disobedience is what got me here.

Sad that I’ve dated so many people in the past that I have expectations of what I’m looking for in a man and how I want to be treated. Ignorance is bliss, but I’m not ignorant to this.

But on the same hand, he isn’t ready. He never was ready to commit to one person. One woman. One wife. He wasn’t ready to become one with another person.

That’s what marriage is all about. Becoming one. The union of marriage is two people coming together and choosing one another over everyone else. Marrying one person is saying I will love you and serve you and choose you everyday for the rest of my life.

It’s not being enticed by other people. It’s recognizing that every person is made in the image of God and has ups and downs, pros and cons, flaws. Every person has a beautiful soul and mind given to them by God.

Choosing to love just one person means wanting to know them from the inside out. It’s getting to know their heart. It’s focusing on only them. It’s not putting your eggs in several different baskets in case it doesn’t work out. It’s putting your heart on the line and trusting and believing that the person you’re giving your heart to will love you back.

Lord Jesus, I am so sorry and sad that I disobeyed you and tried to make my own way with this individual. You didn’t want me to go that day because you knew he wasn’t right for me. I injected myself into his life and tried to change him and save him and make him fit for me and it didn’t work. And now I am so, so sad. Your Holy Spirit is a rescuer. You rescued me and challenged me to obey you this weekend. And so last night I did. I broke it off with him. It was time. Oh Lord. Thank you for rescuing me. For caring for me. For showing me the way in which I should go.

Lord I pray for clarity. I ask you to give me clarity in Jesus’ name. To help me see you in this situation. Reveal anything to me that I need to work on, confess for, repent of, and work towards. I am your vessel and recognize that I am not my own. Help me to serve you better and seek Your kingdom and Your righteousness first and foremost. 

Amen.

xxx

<3

V

dear somebody

Published on by Velvet2 Comments

my weakness

is physical touch

so i can’t be around you in certain settings

because I refuse to fall trap to

my weakness

is not as strong as it used to be

but my humanity

has yet to disappear completely

until Jesus returns

I still must guard myself against

my weakness

is to have the unobtainable

to chase the forbidden

is to obsess over the hypothetical

and it eats me

it devours me

when i let the

anxiety

fester and multiply

but i didn’t try to let it

i prayed and waited

i cried out and stated

my desire for peace

my desire to move on

i asked the Lord to give me a new song

a new song

a song of waiting

a song of praise and thanksgiving

a  song of trust and forgiving

a song of truly, fully living

not being shackled by chains of “what ifs”

not being halted by what could or couldn’t be

not dwelling on things I can’t control

but it’s my default mindset to want to know

it’s the in-between, the season of uncertainty

that blurs my vision and traps me in inefficiency

my gears stop turning and i’m fixed on some reality

that only operates in the realm of a hopeful fallacy

but hey

it might not be fallacy

that’s the hope for a control freak like me

there’s always the “could be” that I struggle with waiting for

as I’m constantly checking my phone even though i swore

i wouldn’t for 2 hours but it’s only been minutes

because i convince myself i missed it

shoot i know i must have

and then the other side of me says

naww i think i was wrong

it was never the way i thought it was all along

so i go back to singing a new song

and think if i had been different so would my circumstance

if only i’d _____________________

then you’d have given me a chance

lies i can’t begin to figure out even if i tried

but i do, and i fail

because God only knows

why you would or wouldn’t reach out

since it’s all in His timing

and He’s got somebody lined up for me

and i hope it’s you

everytime

i believe it is

is that a crime

?

i love taken the broken and making it beautiful

believing in things that don’t deserve a second glance

because while there is breath there is hope

and all things can be made new

and the effort is worth it

always, always

even if for a moment’s satisfaction

a flicker of beauty

a spark of joy

.

so the open door beckons

and i go to it and step out

and i think i see you up ahead

i think i hear you call my name

as i get closer it might be a game

as i get closer it might be for naught

but there’s hope

a chance

and if nothing else

we danced a dance

of communication

and feeling out

each person looking

each person wondering

each person hoping

each person waiting

<3

so Lord help me wait. Help me improve on the waiting. Help me not halt my life while I wait. Help me work while I wait. Help me worship while I wait. Help me worship and work. While I wait. Make me consistently faithful and dedicated. Not conditionally dedicated under certain circumstances of feeling loved or wanted. Thank you that You always love me and always want me. <3 

Mi maestro

Mi amigo mejor

Mi Padre eternal

xxx

V