Tag: love

Similarities Between Dating and Gardening (Also so for the ladies)

Published on by Velvet2 Comments

We’ve all heard the expression

“the right place at the right time”

and it turns out that

there’s simply nothing simple about it.

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all flower pics were taken in my neighborhood!

God created nature to have order, and order means timing and placement matter.

Timing is everything. This post is about the importance of timing when it comes to gardening and dating. Believe it or not, they have a lot in common.

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Planting the Seed

It’s spring time in April, which means it’s time to plant. Seeds and dating relationships. Starting the process of germinating and planting can’t be done too early or too late, but has to coincide with the season at its’ proper time.

In order to germinate a seed, the proper amount of light, warmth, time and saturation is needed. With too much or too little of these things, it will not germinate.

Dating is one in the same.

When a seed is germinating it takes anywhere from 24 hours to several days for the seed to sprout. Once the sprouted seed is planted, some seeds may grow into plants, and some seeds will not grow at all. Some plants will bear fruit, and others will not.

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fresh parsley from the garden 😀

Dating relationships and seeds have a lot in common. Without time and patience at the beginnings of a relationship, nothing will become of it. Just like you can’t force a seed to sprout, you can’t force a relationship to sprout.

Application: Wait patiently for the seed to sprout before planting. Timing is everything. If it doesn’t sprout, don’t plant it (in the ground or in your heart

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ermegerd this leaf is kinda heart-shaped :-}

The Growing Season

Once the seed/relationship has sprouted into something alive,

the right soil (…where you spend time)

water (…what feeds your relationship)

and sunlight (…energy sources/motivations) become very important. Without the perfect balance of these things, nothing might become of the seed/relationship. Some things will take longer to grow, and some will not grow at all.

Some plants are like the asparagus; slow to start. Did you know that a baby asparagus takes three years to start producing edible stalks?!

If I was in a relationship with asparagus, it would be hard to patiently wait for that fruit. 😉 <3

We never know what kind of relationship we may enter into. Prepare your heart for any kind; even if it takes years to cultivate.

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I have creative neighbors.

🙂

<3

🙂

Some plants are quickly abundant & massively fruit-bearing. All ya gotta do is toss some seeds at the soil and BAM you’ve got fruit. So if you don’t want melons in your garden this year, think twice about where you compost your melon seeds 😉
Or take potatoes. Stick a piece of potato in the ground and leave it alone. Wait a couple of months and you’ve got tens of pounds of potatoes! (Unless you also happen to have ground moles, in which case you had tens of pounds of potatoes 😛 )

🙂

Watering and Pruning

Other plants require much more work & TLC to grow.

As the saying goes, you reap what you sow.

Take kale. This plant requires more pruning than others, and if you don’t stay on top of pruning it, the plants will stop producing fruit to focus on producing flowers. Say bye-bye delicious garden vegetable, and hello to weeeeeeds.

Have you ever felt like you were wasting where you were putting your precious energy? Ever feel like you were pouring time, money, and energy into aesthetics (like kale flowers) that look all pretty and nice from afar but don’t reap any real benefits?

When plants aren’t pruned, they become lawn decorations rather than produce, kinda like this kale.
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^ I had to dodge the sprinkler several times to get this shot. Funny for my roommates and neighbors to watch. 😛 But the flowers sure are pretty, aren’t they?? 🙂

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Relationships are the same way. Some people click right off the bat and have great fun together; like potatoes. Buds spring up and grow rapidly. Life seems to have been barren one day and bountiful the next. <3

😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀

Other relationships are immense amounts of work and require constant pruning, like kale. “Didn’t I just prune that off yesterday?” Translation: “I thought we just went over this. Must we deal with this again?”

If left un-addressed, the weeds overtake every good part of the relationship and suffocate it. What was once a beautiful bed of flowers and life becomes unrecognizable & useless.

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Application: If you want a plant or relationship, be prepared for pruning. Pay attention to the weeds when they spring up, and prune back those bad parts to save the plant.

~

<3

~

When to Harvest the Bounty

So what you’ve been growing looks mighty fine. And you’re seriously considering picking off some of its’ fruit. I will take it upon myself to warn you my friend; although the fruit looks good and tasty, it may not be ready to pick.

If picked too early, fruit tastes bland, crunchy and tangy.

Think back to a time you picked an apple or another fruit that wasn’t quite ripe. You couldn’t wait to eat it and dug your teeth into it’s semi-tough skin. Hardly any juice came out of it and your tongue was left feeling dry with a sour taste. The fruit was bland, chalky and hardly had any flavor.

You were so hungry and just couldn’t wait. The fruit satisfied your temporary hunger to an extent but you were left with the overarching feeling of disappointment, dissatisfaction, and a slight stomach ache. The rest of the bitten fruit suddenly wasn’t very appealing anymore.

You should have waited until it was ripe.

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my phone takes good pictures

The same is true of physical intimacy in a dating relationship. Sex before marriage. There are many who don’t know what good sex (or fruit!) is because they only know it recreationally; outside the covenant of marriage; AKA when both individuals are “unripe” for sex.

Sex outside of the covenant of marriage versus sex inside the covenant is like the concept of having a perfectly okay knife for slicing tomatoes and then realizing how incredibly dull said-knife is upon the introduction of an excellent knife.

You can’t believe you settled for the knife you had before for so long without knowing what else was out there.

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This is a good knife for chopping onions. Yes those are goggles for swimming. And they prevent onion-tears too! 😀

Don’t rush into physical intimacy in a dating relationship. The fruit is desirable, of course, but if you bite it too quickly it won’t satisfy you long-term. Trust me. It will be a much duller version of what it is when ripe; under the covenant of marriage; where commitment is a promise. Only under this context can you explore the depths of sex as it was meant to be created. Wholly, fully; a unity. This is the difference between recreation and something real.

Application: Wait to pick the fruit until it is is ripe.

I think Solomon sums it up pretty well in Ecclesiastes 3. Christian or non-Christian, this message of Truth will give you confidence and trust in times of waiting.

“There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

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  a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,

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     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,

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a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,

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a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,

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     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

<3

<3

Gardening, dating, whatever the case may be,

timing is everything, as you can surely see.

Don’t jump the gun or haste & waste, or live your life for today

But live with an eternal lens and trust it’ll be okay.

Oh how I long for the flowers to bloom and the full sun to shine on my face

Oh how I long to be one with Him and never again feel pain.

Oh how I long for the joys of life and ache o’er all the sufferings

But thanks be to God for another day to learn Truth in spite of our wondering.

<3

I hope you learned something here! Happy planting everyone!

xoxo V

Comparing Ourselves to Others

Published on by Velvet3 Comments

I’ve done some pretty society-deemed-cool things in my life.

Been to some cool parties. Traveled to a few places. Met some cool folks. Seen a ton of concerts.

Hiked some mountains in California and other places.

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But contrary to what society and the world says, what I have done does not define who I am.

If it were that easy, I should be happy being a mountain-climber or a college graduate or the top of my class.

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But those things will never be enough.

If our identity

is rooted in

what we have seen

or done,

or what we have,

we are easily shaken.

We forget the things we have done and the places we have been and what is most important to us when we compare ourselves to others who society deems more successful or better-off than us.

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We’ve all done it. We’ve all compared ourselves to someone else and felt like we didn’t measure up. In middle school it was with whoever had the best clothes or coolest gadgets.

In high school it was who had the nicest car, cutest boyfriend or girlfriend, or who got the best grades.

In college it was who got invited to the best parties or went on the most interesting trips.

After college it’s who has the most success in finances, employment, or marriage.

———-> As soon as we compare ourselves to others who have more or have done more, what we had before feels like it doesn’t measure up. It’s a human and societal tendency.

I’m here to tell you it’s not fair or right to compare ourselves to people who are just as flawed as we are, and who have walked a completely different walk than us.

How could comparing ourselves to a 100% unique brother or sister do any good? !

How can we expect ourselves to be like somebody else? We are ourselves! We are who we are.

You have probably told yourself that. But you still compare yourself to others.

And that’s because you want to grow. You want to be better. You want to improve. Us humans do that. We desire to be better. To go further. To live bigger.

And that’s cool. That’s great, even. Without a goal in sight, a prize to aim for,  a direction to go in, life seems a lot less meaningful.

So lemme tellya a secret.

For the purpose of giving yourself direction, you can compare yourself to somebody.

You can compare yourself to this person for the sake of getting better.

The purpose of this comparison is to become a better person.

So here goes.

There is one and only one person

we should ever compare ourselves to

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Purple Majesty in Yorktown (not the actual name of the flower lol)

and it’s not yourself, so don’t get all excited. You and I both know you have plenty of growing to do. 😛

 

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Pretty in Pink in Yorktown (I make the names up :D)

First, I’ll tell you what this person didn’t have.

What this person (the one you should compare yourself to) didn’t have:

This person didn’t have the most money.

He didn’t have the latest hiking gear.

He didn’t have the most successful dating relationships.

He was hated by most people.

He was loved at first and then treated like a loser, by some of the people closest to him.

People were nice to him so he could do things for them and get them free stuff but he loved them anyway. Unconditionally.

 

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<3

Now for what he did have.

What he did have:

And while you are reading, be comparing this man to yourself, and see how you measure up. It may take a while.

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A tiny flower by the James River

He had a heart of love, not darkness <3

<3

He was grateful for all he had, knowing each breath is a gift

<3

He trusted that the outcome of a storm would always be a rainbow or provide more growth.

<3

He never dwelt on what he could not change … I love the word dwelt. Isn’t it great??!

<3

He was able to look past people’s facades and images of success and happiness, knowing what every person craved and needed in their heart, and his desire was to help people meet that need: of love.

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York River

joy

His words brought life, joy, and clarity.

He spread joy to others wherever he went.

His joy brought out the best in others.

Instead of tearing people down,

he built people up

always

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York River

He was so incredibly calming.

Whenever somebody needed a shoulder to cry on, a place to take refuge, or a listening ear, he would be that person. He didn’t complain or lash out or shrug people off.

He was always approachable.

In fact, he was magnetic. People were drawn to him wherever he went. And he had the power to fill whoever came to him with incredible peace.

<3 🙂 <3

He didn’t force anybody to do anything, but gently and lovingly approached all people and situations.

~

~

~

He spoke truth to his brothers and friends when they were in trouble and helped them overcome their struggles.

He never enabled anyone to do something that was harmful to themselves or others. He was never thinking about getting ahead or beating somebody at something. He was seeking love and unity.

He never held onto bitterness or resentment towards people that hurt him, but forgave them fully and immediately. Immediately.

~~~~~~~

<3

~~~~~~~

The only person

we should ever compare ourselves to

is

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Sunset over the York River

J e s u s

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He was the perfect human.

He is the only one who has ever, can ever and will ever set the standard for how we should live our lives.

Lovingly teaching others.

Keeping short accounts of what people have done wrong to us, and forgiving others for their faults, well aware that we are so faulty ourselves.

He wasn’t taken by surprise when people fell short; he loved them anyway.

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If you don’t know Jesus, believe me when I say this:

I’ve been getting to know him for almost two years now, and the truth is, learning about Jesus and trying to become more like him is the most noteworthy thing I have ever done. It’s way cooler than any mountain I’ve climbed, trip I’ve gone on, or experience I’ve experienced.

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Jesus is the ultimate role model

& the more I find out about him, the more I realize how important it is to know him.

The more you know about Jesus,

the more you want to become like him.

Jesus is the only one worth comparing ourselves to. He is perfect. None of y’alls brothers, sisters, bosses, coworkers, friends, girlfriends or boyfriends are perfect. They are all human; AKA heavily flawed. They may go on some cool trips or have some fancy possessions or beautiful significant others, but they are trying to figure out how to navigate this journey of life the same as your are.

Raise your standard.

Raise the bar.

Compare yourself to the Risen King.

If you don’t know about Jesus, I recommend getting to know him.

Love you all!

xoV

<3

Dear Ex Who Never Was

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment

Dear Ex Who Never Was,
I’m sorry I can’t be what you need. I see how lost you are and I know you love my energy. I know you want somebody to share your life with. I want that too. But you’d drain me. You’d hate me. You’d kill me if you could. In fact, you already kill me just thinking about how we are so wrong for eachother. 

I want to cry at the prospect of you, hoping you might be him; my love, my strength. My other half. But God hasn’t led me to him yet. The Lord’s building me up and making me stronger every day. But He’s also humbling me and breaking me; showing me how much more I need Him. 

I’m sorry I’m not the her you are looking for. I want so badly to be that her


…so I can have a him. But I must wait for Him before meeting him. 

I pray we both shine brighter every hour, and make each other smile like brothers and sisters building sand castles on the beach, and watching as the tide takes them away~

XoV 

How to Be Patient

Published on by Velvet2 Comments

There’s no point in fighting about whether or not the traffic light is going to turn red. You can pray to God “Please Stay Green. Please Stay Green.” and it will still turn red depending on the order and timing of the light. The light turns red not because God is a cruel God or doesn’t want you to get to your appointment on time, but because that is the natural Order of things.

learning to be      c o n t e n t       with the red light

Though I have always been one of those people who races through the orange light (and maybe part of the red) when the color has already turned. I am that person who bounds across the street when there is a “don’t walk” sign because the coast seems clear. If you’re from the Northeast like me, you understand. We got places to be 😉

But I gotta ask myself honestly… When has it ever been worth it to rush through that light and risk getting into an accident or getting a ticket because of it? Life continues to show me how unpredictable it really is every single day, and how we can never know what’s around the bend.

Like this random
Virginia snow storm
for ten minutes 🙂
Like this random Virginia snow storm for 10 minutes 🙂

What thing in your life are you just trying to

be through so you can make it to your destination more quickly?

An awkward conversation, perhaps

Or achieving a weight loss goal.

A job interview.

The beginning steps of a relationship.

The hard parts of a project.

or waiting for something that’s out of our control.

This last one is the hardest, and most like the traffic light; we know the light is going to turn green, orange or red, but we can’t control when (trust me, I’ve tried!). **Oh, unless you’re Whoopie Goldberg from Corrina Corrina, who can turn any light green. 🙂

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**This movie’s supah cute

 

Knowing A) we can’t control the lights and B) when we rush through we could get in trouble or get hurt indicates C) we should live carefully and abide by the rules of the road. After all, rules are put in place for our safety and everybody else’s well being. Right? Right??!

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There are exceptions to every rule.

 

Also,

the last time I checked “haste” was not a fruit of the spirit. Maybe it used to be the 10th fruit but couldn’t wait to be picked so it jumped off the tree. 😀

hehe

If you’re unfamiliar with the fruits of the spirit, there are nine of them listed below:

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These 9 characteristics listed above are what Christians strive to become like. More loving, joyful, peaceful, patience, kind, good, faithful, gentle and able to control ourselves.

 

The Bible doesn’t encourage us to rush into things or to rush around. That would be the hasty, which is not a fruit we want to bear.

Being in a hurry is not from God

The Bible is all about the importance of paying attention to God’s timing. And he tells us to be content in whatever situation; even if that means being late to where you are going.

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<3

 

“A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse;

from his roots a Branch will bear fruit.

The Spirit of the Lord will rest on him —

the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding,

the Spirit of counsel and of might,

the Spirit of the knowledge and fear of the Lord —

and he will delight in the fear of the Lord.”

Isaiah 11:1-3

So let’s give up rushing

Let’s give up being frustrated

Let’s grow more in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control

Let’s quit rushing around today and just do the next right thing. Pay attention to the next set of lights, and when they turn orange, slow down, STOP! and enjoy the time to think and reflect and observe what’s going on around you! Be thankful for the red light.

Be thankful for the red light

🙂

A prayer for the day:

“Lord thank you for counseling me in the midst of the morning fog. I was but a lifeless stump who couldn’t grow when your spirit came upon me and breathed life into me. And now I am growing in Your orchard among similar trees who bear all different sorts of fruit. Some shiny, some crisp, some juicy, some tangy, some sweet as honey, some with flowers, some tall, some short, some wide, some with deep roots, some that need more water than others.

Thank you Lord for counseling me to care for my tree as you would. With more love, more joy, more peace, more patience, more kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.

Thank you Lord for every gift I have. I acknowledge them as an outpouring from and of You. I am a little Christ, mirroring the Everlasting Father and Giver of Life so the world may taste His goodness on a human level. Thank you Lord for using me, an unworthy servant, made worthy by your blood.”

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Go and have a calm day.

Love,

xo V <3

 

The Easy Thing To Do

Published on by Velvet5 Comments
The message of this post is that it’s easy to hate others and it’s easy to hate ourselves.

I’m not here to judge you.

I’m here to love you.

It’s not always the easy thing to do, is it?

As brothers and sisters on this planet, it is our job to keep each other accountable. Some of us have different ways of doing that. For some, judging and mocking and feeling proud when we are ahead of others is how we spur one another on in “love”. I know I have cackled maniacally when people around me stumbled, and I was a bit smug that I wasn’t the one stumbling. Though it’s funny how God has a way of reminding us that we are no more important than anyone else on this planet. Sometimes His ways are more uncomfortable than others.

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But the point is this: we are here to intercede on our brothers and sisters behalf; not criticize.

When someone is doing something wrong, or clearly needs help growing in a certain area, and we happen to have a better way of doing it, we should teach them.

“God never gives us discernment in order that we may criticize, but that we may intercede”

-Oswald Chambers-

The easy thing to do is hate. To judge, sneer, mock, laugh, be proud, be self-absorbed.

That is too doggone easy.

The easy thing is to compare ourselves to others and feel as though we are “winning” if we aren’t as clumsy, gluttonous, obsessive, non-confrontational, ballistic, attention-seeking or rude as the people around us.

The easy thing to do is to cut people off. To decide it’s easier to brush off hard conversations, “deal” with things later, stop talking to someone instead of working things out. Run away and burn the bridge. The easy thing to do is to just build a new bridge.

Hating others is easy

Why does it seem easier to run, hide, and hate? Keyword “seem” here. Since really, avoiding loving people in the first place makes things 10x harder in the end. It’s a hard lesson to learn and sadly, some people never learn it! I know people in their 80s who still can’t see the forest for the trees when it comes to looking past the offensive person or situation and seeing it as a test from God; an opportunity to grow and do the right thing. An opportunity to shed light in the darkness and grow something new.

When people offend us, criticize us, mock us, laugh at us, treat us badly, hurt us, hate us, and reject us, we should simply: respond in love. At first, it’s hard.

Forget hard. It’s ridiculous. It’s extremely difficult. Seemingly pointless. You may think “The other person doesn’t deserve it. They can keep screwing up and I’m not going to help them because they deserve to suffer.”

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Which, they just might deserve that. But that isn’t for you to decide. It is not our job to criticize.

C r i t i c i z i n g   i s   e a s y .

It’s a cop-out.

It’s the automatic, child-like desire of the human heart to hurt people back when they hurt us first.

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But it isn’t what Jesus intended for us. That’s why Jesus died for our sin; so we will be saved from our meager selves and be able to shine His divine light and live according to His Holy Spirit; not our own. Not our own sad, selfish, cackling, childish, hateful, struggling selves.

It’s not easy to look past others’ faults and love them.

And not because they first love us.

But because showing others love that isn’t from ourselves is a testimony to the love that God has for us.

<3

<3

<3

It’s also easy to hate ourselves.

Besides criticizing other people whether they are failing, we also criticize ourselves when people are doing better than us! When others are more successful in whatever area we are striving to be successful in, we let others successes, blessings, and happiness kill our joy.

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This is coming from Satan.

Isn’t it awful?

Shouldn’t we be able to celebrate others happiness’s and riches and not compare them to our own and wish we had it better?

Being dissatisfied with what we have is poison.

Comparing our worth to others is poison.

Judging and criticizing others is poison.

Yet it’s where our hearts naturally go. It’s the natural response.

But wait

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Do you wish to break away from these responses and rise above yourself to a love and satisfaction that can only come from a source that’s bigger than you?

Do you wish to grow from a childlike response to a mature response?

Do you wish to be satisfied in who you are no matter who you stand among?

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He makes us anew and loves us just as we are.

Comment with questions, responses, stories.

<3

xoV

family

Published on by Velvet2 Comments

It was 7:00 am and the sun hadn’t risen from behind the trees yet. The air felt damp and as if  a cloud had recently departed. My feet took one step after the other as my legs, arms, shoulders, back and lungs started to wake up. I breathed in deeply and said hello to the man walking his dog on the opposite side of the road. I’d see him again one block and three hundred ideas later and we might gather a little more about who we each are from a distance. Only if we were in the same vicinity day after day would we really see the depths of who we each are, what makes us tick, and what our eating habits are.

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That’s what families do. You wake up every day and see the same faces and bodies dance around in similar patterns. In and out of the kitchen boiling water and frying eggs and swiffering the floor. You see a sister through a window out in the yard picking the dead off of pants, gathering tomatoes and searchingly looking up at the sky as a book lay gently open on her lap. You see a brother on the opposite side of the counter-top, eating an impromptu luncheon at 2:00 in the afternoon with his fingers, and licking the crumbs off of his thumbs. A mother drops a glass jar on the kitchen floor and smiles matter-of-factly as she hunts for the broom.

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We do things out of love for each other. We give each other time to think through what we’re saying and don’t rush each other. We talk openly about plans, meetings, dates, gatherings, aspirations and try to do what we can to please and help each other. When trouble faces us we are not quick to blame each other, but we graciously inquire as to what happened, how it happened and how better we can do things next time.

We teach each other and learn from each other at all ages. Some of the smallest children can be some of the best teachers. Lord knows we need faith like a child. And that kids say the darnedest things! Combine these two qualities and you’ve got a young, wise comedian in your midst. A five year old thinker who innocently challenges what you think you know; who sucks in any and all information around him/her like a starving sponge and plays it back like a recorder at any later time or date. So don’t go getting angry at your child for repeating things you’ve blasphemed in their presence! They heard it from you, after all.

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And my, oh my, this applies to all family members; not just cute children. We are all mirrors of each other. Mirrors and teachers. And like a mirror, all qualities are revealed in the looking glass. We must always be careful to emit our most fruitful qualities so we aren’t unpleasantly surprised by our own bad karmas; which we all have!

Humans are not perfect: we will all wrong each other at times. And when we do, uncomfortable conversations will follow. Or feelings of avoidance. Or actual avoidance. And when this is the case, all operations must cease until the bad feelings are ironed out. That’s what families do. They stay on the same page. They communicate. They collaborate. And when a family binds together, their force is so strong that nothing could break them.

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Moms, dads, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, cousins, grandparents and the like are such gifts to us. Such intimate relationships we are born with are often taken for granted but we must NOT take them for granted. Knowing the ins and outs of our family members’ lives is such a unique and peculiar insight to another human being. We keep each other accountable. We empathize and sympathize with each other. We know how to help each other. We know how to gift each other. We can reach out to one another when we need help. We can spend time with each other and enjoy it. We understand each other and don’t have a choice. We know each other.

Family is such a complex concept. People we love without condition; no matter if they hurt us, wrong us, frustrate us, shock us, offend us, walk on us. These are people we protect and stand up for and tell the hard truths to. People whose actions we keep accountable. People we know and love and feel a pang in our hearts for when they hurt. People we think about, love and miss from afar and can pick up right where we leave off.

Family says:

I love you as you are, and nothing you can do will keep me from that <3

I miss you, and my doors are open for you whenever you return <3

Family is:

Not confined to blood relatives <3

Always somewhat broken <3

<3

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Call your family and tell them how much you love them. Even if it’s hard. Even if there’s hurt. Even when it seems easier to distance yourself. Your family will always be yours… always

xoV

Learning how to love

Published on by VelvetLeave a comment
The word “love” is mentioned 38 times in this post.

Do you know how to love? Really think about it. How many healthy, positive, relationships do you have in your life? Are most, some or any of them thriving? Do you feel like you are receiving as much love as you are giving in your relationships? Maybe you are married or dating someone who you wish would do or say things differently. Maybe you feel like your friendship with somebody is one-sided and you’re tired of trying so hard.

It’s hard to love some people. Personally, it’s hard to love my family sometimes.

But since I value having quality relationships with them, I’m learning how to practice unconditional love. It’s been a few years of healing that are far from over.

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I know I’m not the only one that struggles to ask “how can I make your life easier?” or “what can I do to help you?” to people that can be ungrateful, unpleasant or unappreciative.

I’m not the only one who is quick to give advice when maybe all the other person wanted was a listening ear, or a heartfelt hug.

I’m not the only one to withdraw my love when I’ve felt like somebody else has withdrawn theirs. Or to withdraw my self instead of communicating my feelings with whoever is causing me or someone else pain.

lovelanguage

This isn’t just a book review, I swear.

Gary Chapman originally wrote “The Five Love Languages for Married Couples” to help sustain marriages. He got such an incredible response that he decided to write a book with the same concepts for singles. This book focuses on a whole lot more than just romantic relationships. The methods outlined in the book can be applied to any relationship in your life.

Chapman theorizes that there are five different ways that humans show love to others, and five ways that humans crave to feel loved.

  1. Verbally: complimenting and praising others

  2. Spending time: one-on-one time, focusing on them

  3. Acts of service: doing the laundry, raking the leaves, running errands

  4. Gifts: giving thoughtful gifts at any time for no apparent reason

  5. Physical Touch: hugs, kisses, a press on the arm, a squeeze on the shoulder

 

serveothers

 

Often times we find ourselves frustrated with our relationship with another person.

We might be mad at a family member for habitually tracking sand up the stairwell after coming in from outside.

We might be upset with our SO or spouse because they never say “thank you” enough after cooking them a nice meal.

We could resent our aunt for forgetting to send a birthday card two years in a row.

The love that I crave is different than the love my sister craves. I need to spend quality time with people to fill my love tank. She needs to give and receive hugs and touch to fill her love tank.

The love I give and crave is different than the love my stepmom gives and craves. I give her a basket of yarn to show my love for her, when what she craved was for somebody to wash the kitchen floors for once. She prepares food and vacuums to show her love for me when I craved to be invited to watch a show with her in the living room.

gift-giving

If we don’t understand the kind of love a person is showing, we don’t feel loved. When we don’t give the kind of love a person is seeking, they don’t feel loved. It’s important to understand what kind of love people crave, and how we give it.

Gary Chapman gives lots of real-life examples of people overcoming tough times in their relationships with others after effectively learning to love them. Learning how to love enhances relationships.

One of my favorite quotes from the book The Five Love Languages for Singles, found on page 148 is:

“Our differences are numerous, but our basic needs are the same. If we are to serve people, which is life’s highest calling, then we must know them — male and female.”

This book has helped me tremendously and I’ve been raving about it to most everyone in my life. Cuz lets be honest, we ALLLLL got problems with other people in our lives. By reading this book, you can learn what kinds of love make you most fulfilled, which ways you tend to express love to others, and figure out which way other people in your life need to be loved and how you can practice loving them.

It’s worth it, I promise.

Love you all <3

Come again!
V

What if it’s not about WHO you marry, but WHY?

Published on by Velvet6 Comments

Love, relationships, dating, marriage. Why do we do these things?

Because we love Love. We all seek to be loved; to be understood. To be desired, chased. We need love and closeness. We need avenues for us to be vulnerable. To be romantic.

Some people seek love for support. For help in everyday life. To have an extra set of physical or emotional hands to get us through the days. Tit for tat.

Some people seek lust. We all desire beauty. It’s human nature to look at pretty things. For most people, love is defined by lust. Especially for men. Oxytocin is a hormone released in our bodies after experiencing moments of bonding; kissing, hugging, cuddling, etc. that produces the feeling of being “in love”. This is one reason why lust and love can be so confusing.

lovebook

Isn’t this adorable? Love and words and books. What else is there?! <3

For Christmas this year, my aunt and uncle gave me a copy of Gary Thomas’s The Sacred Search. I read it in all of three days. Three busy days, mind you.

It’s about love and commitment, desire and satisfaction. It explains most all of the different reasons why people marry; and discusses what happens as a result.

Is it because you’re “in love”? What does that really mean?

Is it because you’ve “invested  a lot of time” and feel it’s too late?

Is it because you “don’t want to hurt” your significant other (SO)?

Is it because you’ve “already told everyone” and feel you can’t back up?

Are you “comfortable” and unwilling to change?

Do you believe marriage is hopeless and that all marriages fail, so why bother?

womanchasingman manchasingwoman

Gary Thomas explains infatuation in typical relationships and what usually ends up happening. He explains the reality of the physical bond created between people as a result of physical intimacy and how blinding it is. Thomas explains the importance of making sure you’re marrying the right person and why it’s OK to postpone the wedding if you feel you’re in too deep.

pursueGodfirst

Gary lays down easy-to-read “how-to” steps in seeking marriage and a loving relationship. He advises the reader on what to look for in an individual, but also what to look for in one’s self.

In chapter 11, Thomas lists some key traits that every SO should have in order to be a sustainable partner for 50-60 years.

“This person:

is humble

is forgiving

resolves conflict in a healthy way

knows how to communicate

prays

is skilled in the art of friendship” (Thomas p. 143).

Thomas highlights the importance of not hastily jumping into marriage, but taking slow measures to cultivate a relationship that will flourish well beyond any human years on this planet. By setting ourselves up for an eternal relationship, with God at the center, we will find success.

sacredsearch

If you are in a relationship and are thinking about getting married this book is for you.

If you are single and thinking about getting married this book is for you.

If you are in an unsatisfactory marriage and seeking tips on how to strengthen your relationship this book is for you.

If you are in a satisfactory marriage and seeking tips on how to strengthen your relationship this book is for you.

Not all marriages fail. In life, we reap what we sow, and haste makes waste. Check out Gary Thomas’s The Sacred Search to learn how to cultivate a lasting relationship, with time and careful consideration.

Hope you enjoyed this post! “Like” to see more posts like this one!

Love you all! 🙂

<3 V

It’s Not What You Think book review

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Jefferson Bethke’s second book It’s Not What You Think has been on my wish list for months. I finally splurged and bought it for myself in the beginning of December, as an early Christmas present. I also bought my best friend, Alex, a copy (which she has yet to receive)– it’s comin’ girl!!

It was definitely worth waiting for. Jeff’s style is very simple. He’s on the money when he speaks and writes. To the point. And he’s totally himself. He’s true and authentic, doesn’t beat around the bush, and is very relatable; as a fellow 20something in this day in age.

itsnotwhatyouthink

He has a refreshing way of looking at traditional beliefs that make them interesting again. Chapter 5 is all about the Sabbath and how important it is to celebrate it. He also discusses what the Sabbath is actually intended for, and how the design of the week makes sense. Sabbath is for resting, but it’s also for playing, celebrating, worshipping, praising, being with family and friends and enjoying good food, drink and conversation.

Chapter 6 is about worship, and which god people are worshipping. Everyone has a god, whether it’s love, money, sex, exercise, science, power. Bethke makes you question who’s on the pedestal, and whether or not that god is fulfilling you or keeping your life empty and average.

In Chapter 8, he talks about scars, and how every scar tells a story of healing. How we must embrace our scars and be glad that they’re no longer open wounds. They’re healed, we learned something from them, and they make us who we are:  a real human with a real history, who suffered real pain.

Are you someone who’s unsure which god you’re worshipping? Check dis out

Are you wondering why so many people believe in Jesus Christ or would want an identity in Him? Dis is for you

Are you unfulfilled and trying to find a satisfying lifestyle? Read it!

Check out Jeff’s first book:

jesus-is-greater-than-religion-dvd-member-book

and his 4-minute YouTube video that goes along with the book:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

Thanks for watching! Love you all~

<3 V