Dear Reader,

I commence with this advice: this post is fully-packed, and is not cut out for everyone. Some concepts will soar over people’s heads. Some comments will hasten people to click the back or close-browser button and wish there was a “dislike” or even “loathe” option. Some truths will lure you in and leave you thirsty for more truth. The truth in some phrases will cause you to utterly and completely deny having any idea what I am talking about. You may close this browser half-way and decide that I am crazy and alone in what I’m saying. Others will read it over twice or three times to really try to grasp the ideas behind it. After all, these words may be perfectly clear to some people, where others may need more time to decipher.

That being said, I wish you the best read and hope you will find out a little more about love, why we should strive to be more loving, and where we can learn how to love perfectly. There is joy and peace in these words for those who are seeking these things~

After all, deep down, everybody wants the same thing. Everybody wants to love and be loved.

Even introverts. I would know, since I am one. My friends often laugh at me when I tell them I’m shy at first because they already know me and know that I’m not afraid to laugh loudly in a crowded restaurant if I think a joke is really funny; or wear bright, loud clothing in interesting combinations without a care in the world. Me? Shy? Yeah right. I’m not afraid of people! Who cares what others think of me?

Fact is, I do care sometimes.

though gaining the approval of people will never be enough.

 

I used to be super afraid that people would think I was weird or dumb or annoying for doing and saying certain things. Probably because I thought those same things about other people at times. I admit it, I’m human, and not always perfectly forgiving and accepting. I can’t see people’s hearts or begin to understand why they act the way they do. Nobody can. And nobody is perfect.

imperfect people (aka everyone) will always let each other down, and tear each other down.

When I struggled with binge eating disorder and bulimia a few years back, I had good days and bad days. Some days I felt on top of the world and like I could tackle anything — during these good times I believed my outward appearance to be most favourable. Other days I felt bloated and miserable and as though nobody in the world could possibly love me. Sometimes I loved and chose to seek others’ company more; sometimes I separated myself from giving love and being with others.

I used to think the answer to happiness was gained through my outward appearance; that if I could dupe anybody into believing I was enough by how beautiful I appeared, and how successful and smart and untouchable I tried to portray myself as, then I would truly be happy and life would be easier.

Keywords: “dupe, believing, appeared, tried-to-portray”

Years ago, my eating habits were inconveniencing everyone around me, whether I admitted it at the time or not. I would skip out on fun gatherings to go to the gym and work out extra hard so people would love me more. I would skip classes and meetings if I was feeling ugly or bloated because I had to keep up with my appearance of having a stable weight; which was yoyo-ing all the time since I would eat hardly anything for days, and then binge out on everything I could get my hands on.

I stole food from the girls I lived with and wasn’t always quick to replace it before they noticed. They usually did notice, and I had to guiltily apologize and promise to replenish their supplies. I was stuck in a rut of eating problems that were centered around gaining approval.

I didn’t tell anyone how I was feeling because I wanted to be perfect. I couldn’t let anyone know that I wasn’t. I was trying to do it all myself.

Sometimes we avoid being honest to avoid the pain of being judged or rejected.

The last thing I wanted was to be judged. That would hurt too much. These people didn’t know all of the effort I went through to look nice for them. My understanding of life, time and morals were twisted. Achieving what I believed to be a perfect image was my idol. I was a fraud.

We all want to be desired, enjoyed, and loved. And here I was, seeking love from others, and not giving love to others. I hated girls who were thinner than me. I made up stories in my head about their true motives and meanings behind their actions and words. I conjured up stories that they must be anorexic or work out too much if they were more petite. I believed they judged me and disliked me and tried to make me miserable. I was deceived.

But I pretended to love them because I wanted them to love me. I encouraged them to do things that I didn’t agree with, because I wanted them to love me. Instead of standing up for morals or trying to save others from painful situations, I didn’t. I jumped on the bandwagon. Because I wanted their love. I was living on lies. Dying on lies. Thriving on lies. Barely.

I needed help.

And then among the midst of crazy, a light came on and shined brightly into my eyes. A path revealed itself before me bearing a significant truth:

there is only one love that will ever be enough.

And I started to understand this love that would never let me down, and never let me go. This love that cannot be separated from me, even in death. This love was promised long ago, and endures forever. I was being rescued.

And I felt it. Me, a broken person, with anxieties, troubles, deception, and family issues. I’m an imperfect friend, a slow learner, troubled, tormented. And I have the greatest, most powerful love known to man. Thanks to Jesus.

Bear with me.

I reached a point where I thought I would die every time I forced myself to throw up, and I told myself I did not care. I could die right now. This could be it. I would think. Well, so be it, there is nothing left. I would think.

But the lamp of Jesus shined upon me and gave me hope. Gradually he lifted me up and placed me among people and situations that began to heal me. I started attending church again and searching for bright people. He rescued me and revealed his love for me. I began to understand the greatest love story of all time.

You’ve heard the story. Maybe you haven’t. Well here it is again. Jesus was a real man. Who came to save us from ourselves, our sin. He performed miracles, prophesied. He was crucified and  died on the cross.  Jesus is the one son of the creator of this universe that we live in. He died so that we would understand the best way to live our lives on this Earth. God wrote Jesus into the story of our lives so we could know the truth and point of life. So that we would understand real hope. So that we would stop trying to do it all alone. Keyword try. Try and fail miserably.

Now.

If you’re still with me, thanks for reading. If you’re a Christian already, thanks for listening to my testimony, and hope you enjoy the rest of what I have to share and gain some insight that can further you along in your spiritual walk with the Lord. If you’re not a Christian, but are a literate human, there are only a few more paragraphs to read, and I hope they interest you and motivate you to find out more about God.

🙂

If you don’t know anything about the Bible, there are a few things you should know:

1. The point of the Bible is for humans to read it, and gain understanding on how to live our lives through it. It’s a timeless treasure that people all over the world literally die to read, every single day. It’s a window of truth that helps us understand the world we’re living in clearly and in truth.
2. It’s not a children’s story. Children can learn from it, but it’s not a fluffy, lovey story. It’s a history book with factual accounts of the most important time for human beings. My generation (the millenials) has been deprived of the Bible. It was removed from mandatory public school education in 1963.
3. It’s non-fiction, despite what people say about historical content being lost in translation. By people, I mean those who have heard someone commit a terrible act and then call themselves a Christian; and then associate all Christians and anything relative to the bible with hypocrisy.
   

   In case you didn’t know, everyone’s a hypocrite. Not just Christians. Also, Christians aren’t perfect, and perfection isn’t the goal. Read on.

4. Context is very important. What was said in the old testament isn’t often relevant to the new testament. That’s why it’s called the new testament. Because it replaces the old one. After the resurrection, a lot about the world changed.
5. The bible has a clear beginning, middle, and ending. The entire bible is intricately designed and requires copious amounts of time dedicated to better understand it. The point is not to read it all in a week and be done. In order for the holy spirit to work in our lives, we need fresh advice every day. And nothing crazy, a few minutes every day adds up.
6. If you’ve never read the bible, and haven’t tried living a godly life, you don’t yet understand how life becomes so much more meaningful, and quality of life increases. Find out how God works in our lives for yourself, not based on someone else’s experience.
7. If you’re lucky enough to get your hands on a bible, accompany it with a study guide or join a bible study group to help you interpret what’s going on and what you’re actually reading. Again, context is very important.

 

What we’ve learned:

1. The point of this post is love.

2. Human love fails us.

3. We need God’s love.

4. Only God’s love is perfect

 

<3

Why should we desire perfect love?

My closest people let me down all the time. In my family there is dysfunction, disappointment, despair, denial, and death. And I tried to deal with it all alone. Here’s what I tried:

-Wearing the most expensive clothes and make up and highlighting my hair. I dressed to the nines to impress people. The people that mattered saw right through me… It didn’t work. I was still judged, still let down, and it wasn’t worth the extra work.

-Smoking pot and doing other drugs to mask my feelings and fill the void. I swore I did it because it was fun! But it really just caused me to avoid real life; and ended up creating more problems and more voids in my life. Broken relationships, health problems, separation from family and real friends.

-Seeking love through boys who didn’t wish for the best for me, and only wanted to fulfill selfish desires — and guess what– it didn’t work, and left me feeling lonely and broken.

-Eating my feelings — I was overweight and unhappy. I had health problems. I swung towards anorexia, consistently yo-yoed with BED and settled with bulimia. None of it worked. In fact, things were getting worse off all the time. I was close to death.

-Running away by busying myself. I ran around a-fool and gave myself no time to think about my problems. Unfortunately, they still existed, and became harder to resolve the longer I avoided them.

… … …

At the time, I claimed God and the church didn’t work for me. I said I didn’t think there was a God. I made big statements and figured everyone was full of it when they said they believed in God. Truth was, I was ignorant. I, once again, pretended I was something on the outside, where I had no truth, spirit, or love on the inside.

I needed Jesus.

As I read the Bible and found out more about God, I found out that He is the perfect Father. He is the perfect friend. His love is incomparable. The more I know about God, the more I want to please Him and obey His word (the bible!). But He’s a man in the sky? What are we talking about here?

Who is God?

Imagine a person you love immensely. The person you love the most. Why do you love that person? Because he or she gives you things? Recognizes you for your efforts? Compliments you on your talents? Spends quality time with you? Hugs you and gives you affection? A combination?

We love people that love us because they make us feel important. But sometimes, they let us down or insult us, mock or ridicule us, hurt us or ignore us.

God never does.

This perfect love that exists, is soon seen, heard and multiplied the longer we spend with God. When we praise Him, love and serve others, and keep our lives in check, the blessings start pouring in. I assure you, the blessings just start POURING in.

God is the favourite memory you have of you and your dad hiking a mountain together and enjoying the view at the top. God is the woman who invited you to sit with her because she knew you didn’t know anyone. God is all the green lights that magically turned for you when you were running late. God is the perfect amount of flour left to make that chocolate cake you’ve been dying for. God is the perfectly timed phone call that came in right when you were available.

God loves me when I’m broken.

He loves me when I’m tattered.

He loves me when I’m selfish.

He loves me when I judge others.

He loves me when I’m not loving to others.

He loves me when I feel unloved by others.

Now you try:

He loves you when you’re broken.

He loves you when you’re tattered.

He loves you when you’re selfish.

He loves you when you judge others.

He loves you when you’re not loving to others.

He loves you when you feel unloved by others.

<3

The more I seek Him, the greater my life becomes. Seeds planted, plant sprouting, flower growing, pollen travels, more flowers, great smells, beauty enjoyed, joy brought. More seeds, more plants, flower fields, Spring harvest.

 

TAKEAWAY POINTS

*Just because someone says they’re a Christian doesn’t mean they’re perfect.*

*The point of being Christian isn’t being perfect. It’s being perfected by God more and more each day.*

Only way to do that:

• believe the Bible is the Truth (do some unbiased research! Compare notes! Seek advice!)
• Get to know God by reading His word (the bible)
• and constantly pray to God for guidance (to say the right things, make the right decisions, be a better person etc.
• realize that your life could be 10x better than what it is. Don’t settle for less. God will always exceed all of the expectations that you can imagine.
• Spend time reading God’s word (the bible).(“All scripture is God-breathed, and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.” 2 Tim. 3:16).
• Try being like Him. If you’re unsure of who He is, read the bible and get to know Him. Do what he says to do in the bible. Find out what true love is. Experience it. It’s a free gift. His story of sending his son, Jesus Christ, is the most beautiful love story of all time.
• Don’t just want to, need to. Admit that you aren’t perfect and need help. Tell yourself that it’s okay that you need help. Now read the bible, seek out a Christian community and try applying Godly principles to your life. Then, watch the blessings pour in.
• Though we are weak, He is strong. And we aren’t supposed to do it all alone. His love will carry us on a higher hope than the feeble one our human hearts and minds can muster.

This is the good news. We are loved without condition. No matter how many times or how badly we screw up.

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Dear reader, I Love You!!!! 🙂 <3 🙂 <3 🙂 <3

And Jesus loves you also. Jesus says you are enough, in Him. And His love for you is everything. <3 Doesn’t that make you want to love and BeLoved?

V