is it too early for bed?

okay, it’s 8:02 and I’m legit ready to hit the hay.

I’m glad I have a bed that isn’t hay btw

My scrumptious, delectable firm feathery pillow is VUNDABAH!

It probably costs $100. I did not pay for it btw

But I’ll have to buy myself one!

Weird though, to think of someone else using my pillow after me… like after I drooled through the pillow case into the actual pillow for years.


Hopefully nobody will want to sleep on it after me. I should has it for myself


SO what are you guys doin’ tonight? Maybe something more exciting than me? I ate some ground turkey bolognese type thang for dinner. Then did some reading and writing. PSYCH there isn’t anything more exciting than that. Food & good books. Yip

Well, ice cream and cuddling is nice too. Let’s just say they make the list. 🙂

Tomorrow I’m going to the beach! Hoorah! It should be fun. I’m going with some folks from my church/bible study. It’s supposed to be PERFECT weather tomorrow. I just hope I don’t tire of the beach after an hour and turn into a crispy lobster and want to get za heck outta there. Cuz uhhh I’m carpooling with 2 people. 🙁 So I won’t have a choice. But there’s something about riding on group energy yknowmsayn?

Lord help me.

Pray for me guys. For once I’m not working on a Saturday but I’m locked into traveling to the beach for like, all day. And then there’s a birthday party afterwards. AHhhgghhh.

it’ll be fun. it’ll be fun. it’ll be fun. That’s what I’m telling myself. heheh 😛


On a different note, I was feeling down for a few seconds earlier tonight when I got outta work. This is because a nurse chick showed up and made me feel bad about my lack of credz. It’s because I’m trying to be a writer guys. OKAY?????? Sum1 please throw me a pity party

Naw, I’m jk. I might be a starving artist, but I’M OKAY

No, jk fo rull. Life is good. And God’s timing is impeccable! I’m really not arguing with the way things have turned out. I’m taking small steps towards my future every day and I’m trusting and believing that God will bless my next steps.

Satan was just tryna get me down with a bunch of hooey lies. And I dint believe him heheh NOT TADAY SATAYNE!

Why am I like this. *facepalm*

Anyway, whenever you start to feel depressed about something, push back with praise. I’m not trying to undermine how serious clinical depression is. I just know that Satan tries to get control of our minds, and if we aren’t protected against his efforts, if we aren’t expecting him to attack, and if we haven’t figured out our defense techniques, he’ll get into our heads and change our perspective from joy to hopelessness. Don’t let him have the satisfaction.

So that’s what I did earlier. I took that thought captive and prayed over it, rebuked it, praised the Lord, and moved on with my evening. Boom.

God’s Word is power. Hide it in your hearts folks. When you hide it in your heart, the Truth is the thing that will rise to the surface when you need to think on your feet. <3

8:15pm. Still a bit too earlies for beds. Hmmm

Oh, I guess I could pack for the beach tomorrow. Oh, and think about when ze heck I have to leave here. 7:50am. I have to leave at 7:50. Okay, now that that’s done.


make a salad. I could do that I guess. Don’t feel like. Uhhh

Btw if I go to bed at 8:45 I’ma be up at 4:45. That’s entirely okay with me though; I’ll get good reading and writing done. Hmmm.

Okay quick list for tomorrow:

bathing suit, towel. blanket? sunscreen? crumb I don’t have any.


Guys last time I brought this thing to the beach I barely even used it myself. I ended up tugging my friend around on it in the water. I definitely thought about capsizing him but the water was freezing and I was feeling kind. Hehe 😉

Though I *DID* take a nap on it in the sand. Anyway, should be a fun thing to have around tomorrow! Everyone loves it <3 Hopefully I don’t get a hernia from blowing it up though… (don’t even know what that is, but my dad said it one time when he was blowing up balloons when I was like 7 and I started saying it in front of adults to make them laugh… still don’t know what it is)

…Okay so I just googled “hernia” and wish I hadn’t. A hernia is: “a bulging of an organ or tissue through an abnormal opening”. I refuse to look at any images. Again, NOT TODAY SATAN


I’m going to go pray before going to bed.

Oh wait, the list:

swimsuit, towel, pizza, salad for lunch, baseball cap… book (which I won’t read lol), phone charger… birthday card for my frand? wallet… comb… toiletries? oh dear. I don’t know if I’ll be showering after the beach. uggh. I haven’t been without-car for soo long. lol #thestruggleisreal

The rest I will think about tomorrow. OH! Cereal for my other friend. A low carb cereal I want him to try. Ummm

K it’s 8:28, I’m over dis. TTyL fam




My job is very interesting at times. Like yesterday and today for example. I got to go for test drives in two expensive cars.

Yesterday was a Mercedes SL. Today was a Tesla S2.

The Mercedes was 10 years old and had ~70k miles on it. The Tesla was 2 years old and I’m not sure how many miles were on it but not many.

I’m a private in-home caregiver and take care of three different ladies one-on-one in their homes. I live with the man that invited me out to test drives each of these cars the last two days and take care of his wife two days a week.

There are some perks to being a caregiver ;D Going on random adventures with the people you’re helping out is one of them! (And getting paid for it! 😛 XD)

IMG_20190615_125508225IMG_20190615_125609996TESLACheck out the screen inside the Tesla! My goodness. It’s like the size of my laptop screen turned on its’ side. Beautiful, clean and can go 0-60mph in 3.8 seconds.

Apparently the new Tesla S3 can go 0-60 in 2.6 seconds.

And the Roadster (supposedly coming out next year) can go 0-60 in 1.8 seconds!!!!!!!!!

Can you imagine?!

The Tesla is all-electric too, which means it doesn’t have an engine. Doesn’t require gas. Imagine never having to pump gas again!

It also has an auto-pilot option…. a little creepy but pretty amazing technology!

Anyway, that was a fun way to break up the day. I had butterflies in my stomach when my neighbor punched the gas like he did! At a moment I wasn’t really expecting hahah

Hope y’all have an exciting rest of your day! Time to go back to work ;P

Ps. I think I want a Tesla now…. gotta start saving my pennies 😀




dancing and kissing

first off, I want to praise God that I wasn’t robbed tonight. When I got to my car, the driver’s side door was not closed all the way. That makes me think that someone was trying to rob me, and thank God that they didn’t becauseee my laptop and guitar were in my car, as well as a decent bike rack, and some other stuff. My wallet, cash… yeahhh. When I got to my car and saw that the driver door wasn’t all the way shut I was like ummm. But the door was still locked. And everything inside was untouched! God is good!

Next time I’m going to make sure I park close-ish to the building just to be safe. And maybe hide my stuff a little better.

Honestly, my car looks ghetto anyway because I’m practically a gypsy. I slept at a client’s house last night, am at my cousin’s house tonight, and will be home tomorrow night. Thursday night I’ll sleep at my client’s again. Maybe Friday night as well? My plans for Saturday officially changed because I was supposed to go to some worship thingy for learning about the New Testament in the bible in depth, buuuuuuut apparently it wasn’t a workshop at all… it’s more like a college class, and I should’ve been doing work all month to prepare for it. But ALAS I did not know that until today soo my Saturday definitely just freed up! So I might do this salsa crash course. Thought it costs $38. I know that isn’t a lot of money buuuut that doesn’t include the gas for coming down here. Though there is also a zouk event this Saturday that I could go to as well sooo. We shall see.

ANYWHO back to dancing and kissing.

Last night was Tuesday night, which means — as of late– dancing! Latin dance social. Annnnnd I’m soooooo glad that I went! I have been feeling under the weather for days, but I think part of that reason is because I have eaten too many carbs and haven’t worked out. Hahah anywayyyy I’m so so glad I went dancing tonight. I definitely came out of my shell a lot more and had a TON of fun dancing salsa. I even asked a couple of the good salsa dancers to dance with me and they did! It was a blast.

The best advice I got all night was “smile and have a good time”. Hahaha sounds silly maybe, but I have been focusing waaaaaay too much about my footwork and looking “correct” that I haven’t been having fun. You can’t make that up. Going with the flow of the song is soo important. Once I did that and let myself loosen up enough to move my hips I had a blast and was dancing wayyy better! There’s still a ton of moves that I have to learn that can only happen over time, but I’m feeling much more confident in my salsa in general and want to try to dance with more dancers.

As for the kissing part; as a christian, boundaries need to be established in dancing. Not dancing super pressed-up against someone is one boundary. Another is, being mindful of other sensual moves and knowing how to steer clear of them. And yet another is, when you look deeply into someone’s eyes, it can invoke passion and a desire to kiss them.

So. In the last 10 days, I have had three guys try to kiss me. One was drunk and I want to disregard him more or less, but we did dance together, and it was right after.

The second guy was very cute and a good dancer.

The third, the same.

But guys, I don’t even know them! Kissing people you don’t know is dumb. It makes it recreational and meaningless. It takes away how special kissing can be when it’s with someone you love. It shouldn’t be done with just anyone at anytime. And the second two guys knew that probably before they tried kissing me. I said “I can’t” when they tried. One guy responded “what do you mean ‘you can’t‘?” and I said that I didn’t kiss guys I don’t know. I said I couldn’t to the other guy too, and he said “right, because we don’t know each other”. It’s like… people know. Let’s do each other a favor and have respect for others enough to not try to kiss them two hours after you met them. Or, in the case of the first guy, like 10 minutes. sorry not sorry

Dancing is very passionate. Can be very sensual/sexual. Doesn’t have to be, but can be. Can invoke a sense of closeness with your partner because of the movements. That’s why those boundaries are very important.

One of my girlfriends told me she thought about stopping dancing bachata in general. Because it tends to be more sensual. I don’t want to stop because there are soo many moves one can do that don’t have to be sensual. But the songs often slow down to a point where it seems natural to do more body rolls and isolated movements. Which CAN be done with space in between the dancers. And they can be done well. But if you don’t know who you’re dancing with, and don’t clarify that you don’t dance close up front, you may be disappointed when someone tries to get all close with you.

And it’s hard guys, because it’s nice to be close to people. It’s nice. That physical touch. And non-Christians don’t think about the proximity too much. Don’t question it, because they don’t see the clear line between right and wrong, and don’t have the help of the Holy Spirit saying “more space! It’s for your own good!”. When physical intimacy and closeness is shared between people that aren’t married, things get real confusing. You feel this bond and connection with the person, but only on a physical level. So next time you get lonely, you might think of that person and the proximity and how nice it felt.

But do not be deceived. Plus, setting boundaries is a great way to witness! And as much as I love physical touch, my Jesus is worth WAY more to me than temporary satisfaction. I live because of my God, and I live to please Him. And that means trusting that He’s got something better for me than settling for appeasing my emotions and experiencing “satisfaction” in the meantime. Which, by the way, isn’t real satisfaction because it leads only to confusing results anyway!

So, dancing and kissing. Watch out friends! Don’t be afraid to say no. Know why you’re saying no. Set boundaries. And enJOY! Dancing is wonderful and beautiful and amazing. Dancing itself is not the issue. But don’t let your partner take advantage of your body and skin for their own pleasure. And don’t use other people’s bodies for your own pleasure.

“Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that His Spirit dwells in your midst?” 1 Corinthians 3:16 

xxx <3



before & after dancing

I’m starting to write a post now, at 7:14 because I wanna get hyped for bachata & salsa!!!!!! Not that I really need help, since this is THE highlight of my week…. besides maybe more dancing on Saturday night?!?! And maybe Thursday night?!?!?


But uhh yeahhhhh I bought two new dresses today… Not sure which one I should WEAR! Probably the blue one. I might even post a picture if I take a cute one hehe

So I’m about to get ready and then I’ma drive down to go dance. It’s 45 minutes away. Not bad. I’m used to living in the woods where everything is far away so 45 minutes really aint bad!

I almost wasn’t going to go dancing about 2 hours ago because I was feeling rather ill. But I think the main reason I was feeling illish was because I’ve been eating too many carbs lately and not doing enough exercising!!! So dancing is DEFINITELY what I need! Plus, I didn’t go on Saturday night specifically so I would be well enough to go tonight!

Ba-da-BOOM! Now I pray the Lord guides my steps and keeps me from bumbling too much. I’ve been rather butter-fingerish the last couple of days… hahahaha 😀

kk I’ll update later 😉

So here we are. It’s 12:18am… I’m to the place I’m staying a bit earlier tonight. Probably for da best since I gots to get up and go to bible study in the a.m.! Ahhhhh

it was so fun guys. Like, SO fun. I’m just feeling the love of God. He is so good to give me dancing! It’s such a beautiful gift to me. And I’m not going to abuse it like I’ve done with every other exercise. Once a week has been wonderful. Who knows, maybe I’ll go to the one this Thursday. Definitely the one on Saturday night if I’m up for it.

Ooh dang, my hip is definitely talking to me. And my lower back. Lots of spins and twists tonight. Hmm. One guy accidentally hit my hand on the wall. That was pretty funny. He said he would buy me a drink next week. And then he said the guy next to me would buy it. Then he said he’d buy me a soda. I dunno guys, I have a feeling he wasn’t telling the truth 😉

I danced with some patient gentlemen tonight. They were doing the salsa basic with me and said I was pretty good. I really gots to get on the taking-classes-wagon. Perhaps this Sunday? I found a private instructor who teaches on da weekends. We shall see. If I am not too sore/alive after possibly going dancing Saturday night (it goes from 10-2!) then I will see about taking a class Sunday afternoon. Though I should probably call the guy and see if he has any openings and if it’s by appointment only or a walk-in.

Yuppppp fun fun fun it was fun.

Back to the exercise thingy. Words cannot describe my gratitude and awe of my amazing God, the One True King. He had been nudging me to stop working out and trust Him for months and months. I would go a while and then start working out again. I couldn’t see that He would take care of me. So I stopped working out. Started trusting God. And within a few weeks, He gave me an opportunity to dance. After I prayed that He would give me an. opportunity. to. dance. I actually wrote a song called “Father Daughter Dance” which I’ll upload to YouTube eventually ( The song is about the dance of life, and dancing with God by following His lead. <3 <3 <3

But uhhhh yeah dancing is such a wonderful workout, but it’s way more than that. It’s life giving, heart-filling. Satisfy. Rich. Exhilarating. Expressive. Personal. Stylish.

I love dancing with so many different types of folks. I can’t even tell you how many dudes I danced with this evening. And each of them had such different styles! I’m learninggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3


K I should go to sleep now! I gots to get up at …. 7:30 I guess. It’s now 12:43 cuz I got side-tracked on facebook. #CLASSIC

Yeah I get up at 7:30, leave at 8:00. Go to WaWa to get coffee. Prepare the music time when I arrive at da church. I guess. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay life is good.

God is better.

<3 Buenas noches <3


low thrill threshold

my new client uses the phrase “low thrill threshold” when she gets excited about something seemingly mediocre. I lovee this. with two e’s

because it’s soo joyful! There are too many things to find joy in day to day that we choose to overlook because we focus on what’s wrong or worry about what we have yet to do. I am SO thankful that my new lady is joyful. Especially given her circumstances. She is disabled, doesn’t really leave the house, and her husband of 39 years just passed away in August… hmmm

Writing all that down and then reading it makes me feel pretty good about my life and my situation. When I start to feel down or depressed or hopeless it’s a good reminder to look on the bright side and acknowledge it could always be worse.

Back to the low thrill threshold. The littlest things excite me lately. My friend told me yesterday that I seemed “lighter”, and I want to attribute it to dancing. I am very passionate about it and it brings me SO MUCH JOY. It’s so fun. Like soOoOoOOoo funnnn!!! I’ve been missing it in my life for too long!

I danced ballet when I was like 6-10. Then I did some ballet in 8th grade… it was a summer camp. So I was like 13.

Theeeeen I did break dancing my senior year of high school…. and freshman and sophomore years of college. I loved that and got super strong, which was awesome.

So it’s been quite a while since I have danced. Besides dancing around the house when nobody is around! 😀 😉 <3 🙂

Plus, dancing with another person is a whole nother animal. Following the dude while he leads makes me look like a way better dancer than I feel like I am. I know it takes some #skillz to follow well, buhh likkke I know we be lookin like Dancing with the Stars a little bit and I don’t feel like I can take credit for that 😀

Anyway, dancing has brought sooo much joy to meeeeeeee and it’s seeping into all other parts of my life! Contagiously! Like a smile or a yawn! I guess more like a yawn, because a smile doesn’t always spur grumpy tired people to smile back.

Now I’m not trying to say that dancing qualifies for a low thrill threshold. It’s quite exhilarating, actually. But the overflow of joy that it continues to bring whenever I think about it in between days that I dance is crazy. All I can say is … Why does God give me such good gifts?!









I mean, ay I’m not complaining. Thanks and praises to my King all da way! He is good and deserves to be praised. That’s all I can say!

SO my fine feathered friends, look for the joy. I pray that God blesses each of you with something that brings you overflowing amounts of joy! He is good and worthy of our praise!!!!!

LOVE to all xxx <3


bachata ain’t grinding

Here we are again. In the wee hours. Well, actually I tend to think of 3am as the wee hours. 2 is just a late night. It’s weird cuz for the last few years I’ve been going to bed earlies. Lately I’ve been going to bed much later.

Lessons I’ve learned today and tonight: a repetition of what I continue to learn day after day: my worth comes from God. A job does not define my worth. My body does not define my worth. A relationship does not define my worth. And my drive and my prize should be my Lord, Jesus Christ. He is who I live for. Nothing and nobody else.

Especially not myself. So when I dance bachata, I won’t settle for sensual dancing. I won’t settle for getting too close with guys. I will raise the bar from the beginning of the dance and let them know that I dance with space between my partner and myself so as to respect each other. Let’s put it like this: if I were married, I wouldn’t want my husband to dance that way with another woman. So I shouldn’t dance that way with a man who isn’t my husband! It’s also confusing to get all touchy-feely with someone on the dance floor like that and not develop some sort of feeling for them. Or they might develop some feeling for you.

It’s not the best. It is not God’s best for me. AND it doesn’t glorify God. 1 Corinthians 10:31 says “Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God”. I can’t honestly stand behind sensual bachata as bringing glory to God. I can’t. If it were with my husband, that form of sexual expression would be pleasing to Him as an act of love for my husband. But gettin’ all sexual up on the dance floor with non-husbands isn’t good for my christian testimony.

Mm. So that’s where I’m at. Many parts of bachata just is sensual. It’s a romantic dance. It’s very expressive and beautiful and free-flowing. But rubbing all up on each other is unnecessary, and definitely isn’t how bachata dancing has always been. That form has trickled in from selfish human hearts wanting to seek pleasure on the dance floor. It’s kindof like the judaizers in the bible times. They had to add all sorts of man-made rules to salvation. Sensual bachata is adding aspects to the dance that were never intended to be parts of the dance. Hmmm

That one may be a stretch, but the point is, bachata in itself is a wonderful dance, expression, way to spend time. The sensual aspect doesn’t feel right because it wasn’t intended to be bachata. Grinding is not bachata. Let’s keep it that way.

To all you new dancers out there, set your bar high! Be aware of the sensual aspect of bachata, and know that you don’t have to settle for it. There are some amazing moves that can be done in bachata, and the sensual stuff is so easy… Challenge yourself. Raise the bar to be classy, clean and make it clear to your partner that you came to dance not grind. You came to dance.

2:35am. Time for bed? I can’t keep up with freakin’ not sleeping. I’m not a vampire!

Thoughts are welcome!

xxx <3


bachata, salsa, and weak ankles

I am writing this post so as to have accountability with you folks on the internet. Even if I don’t have someone specifically reaching out to me and making sure I’m not doing too much too fast, at least I put this out there; even if it’s just for my own benefit. I’m writing this to make known that I, Velvet, am aware that I often do too much too fast. I rush into things and end up ruining them.

Prime example: dehydrating banana chips in the oven. My roommate was doing it and asked me to keep a watch. I didn’t understand the dehydration process at the time and didn’t bother to ask her questions about it: I just turned up the heat of the oven on my watch. The chips were burned and ruined. I felt awful! Haste makes waste.

With working out, and in this case, dancing, I am a beginner. I took ballet when I was a child but it’s been 15 years. So here we are in a new season, and I want to learn bachata. And I want to master it. But. These things take time. SO I’m putting it out there on the interwebs that I want to do this right. My right ankle is already talking to me from all the dancing I did on Tuesday evening, and then again at home on Wednesday. I didn’t do anything yesterday and I will try not to practice at home today either because I don’t want to give myself an injury early on.

I’m really good at being a machine and pushing through, and getting stuff done — no matter what it takes. I wonder what profession I should be in that wouldn’t be detrimental to myself, my health or others?

In this case, low and slow is the way to go!

It’s going to be hard though, since (1) it’s so much fun and (2) it’s a great workout. Great way to boost endorphins. But uhhhhhhhs


Anyway, that’s that. Just making it known that I want to take this journey slow so I don’t get burnt out.

Lord please protect me from myself! Protect me from my tendency to rush into things and go all-in or all-out and do too much. Lord show me how to be slow, and trust the process. And enJOY the process! Thank you for always taking care of me and for providing for me exactly what I need when I need it. Not when I THINK I need it. I don’t need to be a salsa-master over night 😉 Thank you for making me more consistent; like You. You are the same yesterday, today and forever… thank you for that! Thank you that you don’t get burnt out and just give up or end up failing. You are perfect in all of your ways. Guide me! Lead me!






is good for the soul. I dreamt about it last night. I am still on cloud9 from dancing bachata and salsa the other night. Bachata can get a little sensual, which I could presume, but have to be careful of next time I go.

Salsa is a whole new world to me. I mean, bachata is too, but it is very easy to pick up. The beat to salsa is on an 8-count, not a 4, like most popular music. The beats that you emphasize with your feet are different depending on whether you’re dancing on salsa1 or salsa2.

I want to take some classes and learn the techniques! Here’s my problem:

I want to learn fast. But I don’t want to screw up my ankle. If I dance too hard too fast, I will definitely hoyt myself. I’m notorious for this, unfortunately. This is how I screwed up my elbow, I think. Overuse. A few summers ago I was a kayak instructor and was kayaking for like 6 hours a day. I hardly kayaked before that summer btw. So I went from doing little to no kayaking to kayaking for 6 hours a day 6 days a week. For 6 weeks straight…. You know what? I really don’t like all these 6’s! Seeing an evil trend here! Get behind me Satan!


Towards the end of that summer I experienced some elbow pain that I’d never experienced before. There are a few other factors that could’ve played into the pain though. Like the fact that I started using a pulaski to cut thru large roots in the ground that we were trying to pull to make way for laying down steps. It was hefty trail work, and I probs shouldn’t have attempted it. It’s strange, when you’re young and fearless and seemingly unstoppable. And then you try something that never leaves you the same way.

Between the kayaking and pulaskiing. And probably the veganism. I was vegan for several months at that point and had already been dealing with bruising all over my legs from nutrient deficiency I assume. Not my proudest summer. But actually, that summer was freakin’ great and made me feel on top of the world. I soo loved being a counselor/trip leader. Tons of funs. And everyone loved me too! Which tends to help things. Except the 14 year old who wanted to have a “boyfriend” and hold hands and God knows what else. My co-leader and I shut that down (or tried to) much to her dismay and embarassment, and seeming hatred towards me after that.


Back to dance. I’m not going to screw it up this time. I definitely want to work on some ankle-strengthening exercises…

And I won’t go dancing every night or anything. Though I am attempted because (1) it’s SO much fun and (2) it’s freakin’ contagious! (3) I want to master it.

I truly want to get good at salsa dancing. It’s thrilling. Dancing with men is thrilling. It seems like men who know how to dance will make good husbands. Okay, maybe that is an overstatement… But following a male leader in dance is very sexy and attractive. The man is supposed to lead. The lady is supposed to follow.

Plus, dancing releases mad endorphins since it’s like a workout. Except WAY more fun than a workout. Like, why force myself to do endless cardio when I can go dance………….

Dancing is such a healthy expression of life… I usually reserve dancing for when I’m home alone and can dance throughout the house when nobody is watching me. That is also when I sing loudly. Though lately I have been doing much more of both dancing and singing. Getting used to doing them in front of others is a journey in itself. But just doing the things is a journey for me. Soooo healthy.







I’m looking forward to the next time I get to dance! Thanks God! For creating dance, music, rhythm… for giving me the opportunity to partake in these things!


God is good, all the time! <3



swimming exercise

I went to the pool this morning. I got in the water at 7:06, and out at 8:06. And in that hour I was invigorated.

Yes, exercise is life-giving. It seems strange in a way, if you’re tired before exercising, and then moving your body and exerting energy actually wakes you up and gives you more energy instead of leaving you feeling more tired than when you began.

Though it’s important to note that overdoing it will make you tired. And probably will make you not want to return to the exercise that you did to get tired in the first place. Which has definitely been the story of my life since high school.











But thankfully, I’m becoming more consistent. Praise God. Though I admit, recently I believed that the Lord didn’t want me to exercise at all. So I stopped. But then I kept getting depressed and antsy so I would exercise. But it’s as if when I finally did exercise, I couldn’t get enough endorphins fast enough so I would go hard and then hurt myself. So uhhhm yeah there’s that all-or-nothing mindset again. It definitely keeps things fun and exciting at times, but it hinders my reliability and dependability in terms of serving others.

Why? You might ask. How? I humbly answer with: if my brain relies on endorphins from exercising to keep my joyfulness at a constant, when I don’t exercise I’ll naturally feel depressed. Therefore, I must maintain a certain level of activity in order to stay on my A-game. 

Another factor is, when I don’t feel my best or my most confident, I won’t be as fun, energetic, willing to serve, willing to listen, hopeful, optimistic or fun to be around. Therefore, I must maintain a certain level of activity in order to stay on my A-game. 

Which leads to….

*drum roll plz*


My swim this morning. It was wonderful. Better than yesterday. Yesterday I was exhausted. Couldn’t swim very hard or very long. But today I was fellin‘ it. That’s right. Not feeling. Not feelin’. Fellin’ it.













Each word popped into my head as I danced through the water, barely under the surface, and made small waves from one end of the pool to the other. Each word focused me on the task at hand and connected me to my body. Connected me to my purpose. Words connect us to our purpose. Words communicate purpose.


I don’t like to take a gaping breath when I pass by the lifeguard’s chair. It’s so shallow, no pun intended, but I care about looking like a fool. I think the guard had a crush on me. I know it’s his job to watch me, but I don’t think he was watching anyone else. Then, when I went to leave the pool after my swim he said “have a good evening”. And I said “don’t you mean morning?” with a confused look on my face. And then he shrugged, smiled, and walked away.

It was 8 am but he almost convinced me it was 8pm. (I had not had coffee yet btw)

I think he was only about 18. Haha.

Ahh yes. Swimming. Wonderful, marvelous swimming. <3 🙂





I dance while I swim

Wow. Here I am, inside Aroma’s coffee shoppe. I just went swimming at the Community Center on Jefferson Avenue. As I was swimming the sky opened up and the sun shone through the many windows on the West wall filling the entire pool room with light. And I thought about the scripture “put on the armor of light” which comes from the book of Romans. I felt as though I was wearing an armor of light in that moment and a wide grin spread across my face just like the light spread across the bottom of the pool below me as I swam down the lane, just before touching the wall.

And I started mentally putting on the armor of Christ. First, the belt of truth. Then the breastplate of righteousness. Followed by the shoes of peace. Then the helmet of salvation. And then I picked up the sword of the spirit, which is the Word of God. And I lifted up the shield of faith. And nothing could touch me. And I knew it. I know it. Nothing can touch me as long as the armor of God is on me. And I don’t have to consciously put on the armor every day, as in going through the prayer in my mind. I have the armor on already because I am in Christ. I have been in Christ for almost three years. I confessed that Jesus was my Lord and Savior when I was about 7 or 8 years old but I didn’t understand what that really meant until almost three years ago. Three years in June. A child of God. A child of light. For God is light. And we are called to be like Him. And we are being conformed to His image a little more each day.

I am the light in the room. I am the light in the pool that floods the space and brightens my face and the faces of others. I cannot be ignored. I am set apart. I am not of the world. I am holy, because Christ makes me holy. I am righteous, because Christ has made me righteous.

And so I swam. And I… danced. I danced. I smiled and danced. Each time I took a breath I wonder if the lifeguard off to my left side saw my smiling face as I gulped for air.

I hope he did.

And I hope he wondered why I was filled with joy. I like to think that I would have been filled with that same joy even if the sun hadn’t come through the windows. I know I could never have this joy if the Son hadn’t come through the window of my life and woken me up almost three years ago. I was swimming in an especially dark place then and wasn’t even aware of how dead I was. How much I needed Him. But when the light came in, when the Son shone in, it brightened everything. I saw everything so much more clearly. My life. My position. My priorities. My aspirations. My dedications. My value. My worth. All of these things rooted in the wrong things. Because if God is not first and foremost; if God is not at the center of my life and my thoughts and all that I do, I am swimming aimlessly. I’m swimming all over the pool and never getting anywhere. I’m swimming slowly and with so much effort and never accomplishing any goals. But when that light shone in, when the light shines in, I have order. I can see clearly now the rain is gone. Just kidding, I can see clearly how much tile is preceding the wall before I have to turn. I can see rays glittering through the water casting curvy, artistic shadows on the pool floor. I am reminded of light, the Father of light. Jesus, the light of the world. I am reminded that I am that same light, because He bought me and made me so. I am His. And He is mine.

And I swim. And I dance.