With words. So I’m back here again, for the second time today.
It’s just one of those days where I am trying to deal. All I can think about is food and all I want to do is eat and cry. I love being a woman. Haha NOT
But this is all part of the life that God ordained me for! He knew I would be feeling this way! And He has offered some ways out.
Prayer. So Lord, I pray to you right now.
His Word. I should crack open the bible right now too.
Other people. Perhaps I should serve somebody else right now instead of freakin’ wallowing in my self-pity.
Creation. It’s too hot to go outside. But God created authors and filmmakers and designers for a reason. There’s gotta be something in His creation to focus my energy on.
It’s funny because I say I will write books and play music and make videos if I had time. And here I am, with time. And I’m not doing the things that I say I would be doing. I am chained to the house where I work and have nothing but time. And then Satan freakin’ tries to distract me all day from doing those things. And he has kinda succeeded today. I did do some writing earlier which is good, and did play a little music actually. Okay, never mind, I do do the things that I say I will. But not as much as I think I will. My attention span lasts between 30 and 45 minutes and then I tire of whatever I’m doing, so there’s that.
I’m going to work on my songs soon. I should type them up and make chord and lyric sheets. And print them out and put them in a binder. And practice them, memorize them, and record them.
Yes. I should. Okay. I’m going to try to do that now. Not letting Satan distract me anymore.
Not going to sit here and be angry and depressed anymore. I’m a woman that God created and I choose to use the gifts that He gave me for His kingdom. To serve and glorify Him and spread His message of love!
Today I choose to not believe lies. That’s right. No lies today, Satan. No lies.
Today has been a long day. To say the least. I’ve been up since 6:00am. Got to church at 7. Played music at 8. Went to Starbucks at 8:30. Til 10. Then putzed around until church at 11. Then walked in the woods for a while, which was nice. The sun was out today, which was also nice. And I listened to a good sermon on what Jesus has done for me and how I owe him my whole life and nothing less.
I am rather deadpan today. As opposed to alivepan. Just kidding, that’s silly, and doesn’t make much sense. I think I’ll go to the store now and get some Halo Top.
So I just got back from the store. Took 20 minutes. Not bad, considering I sat in the car and listened to about half of “Stars” by Skillet
SO that was good and uplifting. Reminds me that God’s got it in the bag. When I’m having a hard day, He’s GOT it…! I just need to ask for help.
In the store, my cashier was super cute. Not in the traditional sense though. She had a boyish haircut and was pretty overweight, and normally probably wouldn’t have been confident or talkative. I’ve actually had her as my cashier before and she acted like she wasn’t sure if I was going to judge her or not, as she clearly judged herself. This is a way that I’ve changed since re-committing my life to Jesus: I no longer dominate other women with my eyes and attitude and behaviors to get an ego boost. I would try to dominate so I could feel powerful and good about myself. Praise God that now I desire to lift up other women and show them love and affection and empathy and compassion!!!!!
Anyway, she was confident tonight because her frand or boo-thang, or half-boo-whatever-flirt-crush walked by her and she made a comment to him like “it creeps me out when you slip behind me like that”; even though he simply walked by. Though I understand what it’s like to have a crush. You do or say whatever to get their attention onto YOU. You do whatever you can to get noticed. Louder. Flirtier. It was cute. And made me smile. I’m glad I went to the store. For multiple reasons. Including my pint of S’mores HaloTop ice cream which I’m about to eat….!!!!!
Another song I heard on the way home was “Tell Your Heart to Beat Again” by Danny Gokey. Here is the chorus:
Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday’s a closing door
You don’t live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you’ve been
And tell your heart to beat again
So I did. I told my heart to beat again. Words do have the power to bring life or death.
Proverbs 18:21 says “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
So I am going to speak good words to myself. Life-filled words. I am going to listen to life-giving music, messages. I am going to spend my time with life-giving people. And I am going to read the ultimate life-giving resource: the bible. Praise God for giving us this amazing book of truth to govern our lives and know Him personally.
He keeps no secrets from us about how to live a fulfilling life. Starting with surrendering your life to Jesus and admitting you need help. You can’t do it on your own. You don’t have the control you thought you had. You can’t make people and things do what you want and happen the way you want them to. But it’s okay. Because God is available to you and wants to help you. Hear you.
Today I was feeling rather dark. Tired. Sleepy. Sleep-deprivation causes depression for sure. But even through that, the Lord has picked me up. Helped me up. Given me the time and the tools I needed to be restored. He is my well-spring of energy. Christians are not supposed to work and live on their own strength. We have the Holy Spirit and ought to let Him do the work. So I call on God.
Praise God for helping me get through this day… and for giving me so many blessings along the way. For sleep. For church. For music. Guitar. Talent. Coffee. Friends. Singing. Praising. Prayer. The Bible. Truth. Sunshine. Walks in the woods. My phone. My car. Time. Safety. Energy. My house. My job. Rest. My computer. The internet. Videos. Ice cream. Money. People. Inspiration. Wine. Pretzel chips. Hope.
Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. Lamentations 3:23
So now I’m going to go eat my halo top and revel in my blessings. <3
