Category: existing

You Reap What You Sow

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You sow carrot seeds, you’re not going to get cucumbers.

You sow cucumber seeds, you’re not going to get peppers.

You sow pepper seeds, you’re not going to get lettuce.

Does this make sense?

Clear. It’s very, very clear. Yet I am still surprised at the fruit in my life sometimes. When you pour your time and energy into something, it grows. Whether it’s something productive or not. When you pour your time and energy into something… it grows.

Worry? yep.

Fear? Yep.

Procrastination? Yep.

Laziness? Yep.

Doubts? Yep.

And now onto the positive.

Hard work

Physical fitness

Eating right

Relationships

Hobbies

.

..

…

..

.

The more time I spent on something, the more it grows. The more time I spend with someone, the more I think about them. The more I do, the more it do. Hahahah I dunno about you, but I’m fond of that last sentence. 😊

That being said, consider this.

Time is not infinite. Each day only has so many minutes and hours. Every day is the same length of time. So how shall we spend it? I repeat, how shall we spend our days?

It’s an easy answer. We should spend our days by doing what we ought to do. That looks different for everyone. Spending time with God, working, taking care of our body, stoking relationships, praying, enjoying, giving thanks. Worshiping, working, waiting.

There is always something to be done, and we are always doing something. Resting and sleeping are activities too. And so are worrying and grumbling, Complaining, comparing, putting others down, being divisive.

Also, inciting cohesiveness, encouragement, inspiration and motivation are ways of being.

I believe that God has gone before me and laid out every step, if I will only look to Him to see which way I ought to go. I’m constantly battling doing the next right thing or the best thing versus doing the first thing that comes to mind. Prioritizing is important. And we shouldn’t just do any old gold thing on a whim. Not every good thing is a God thing.

Lord, show me the way. Show me where I should invest my time. Thank you for your faithfulness to cleaning me up from the inside out and making me a servant better fit for your service. I love you and want to serve you in any way capacity that will bear fruit for you kingdom. Lord, help me to not sow seeds that will bear fruit for death, or won’t bear fruit at all. Help me sow seeds that will produce fruit that many will enjoy the benefits of. I love thee. xoxoxo <3

V

clock obsessed

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hahaaa so there’s a clock in the kitchen and my roomie took it off the wall. But did I stop checking the time every two minutes on the clock that wasn’t there? Niiiiiiiiiip

Checked it. Invisi-clock surprised me, angered me, confused me.

Clock- 53

Me- ZERO

I even said something about it to roomsmates and he said “yeah I never noticed how often I checked the clock until it was missing”

“and dooooon’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know whatcha got til its’ gone……”

lol

at least I had the stove clock because I’m a WOMAN (jk) and my phone clock

but it just wasn’t the same. If only I had some extra AA batteries. Hhahaah that’s all it takes. But neither of us had any. Sad

So what’s the lesson here? Keep AA’s around. Don’t check the time so much. Or how about this:

Make sure the things you put on your wall are worth looking at. If you gonna be filling your head looking at them day in and day out, they may as well be making a difference in your mind and heart. This can and should be applied to other things we fill our minds with: books, movies, television shows, music, podcasts. Friends. 😉

The things we put into our minds are the things we think about. My dad told me that once. It’s good hard truth right there! Seems pretty straight forward, because it is. But applying it can be hard.

Considering how what we watch and listen to affects our thoughts, actions, ideas. Idk about you, but I want to be better. I want to get better. I want to improve. I want to be successful. I want to be loving and kind and compassionate. And goofy! And laid back.

So tonight I choose to fill my mind with things that will make me better. 😀 😀 😀

Also, I’m really going to try not looking at the clock so daggone much. It should be easier now that I’m outta work 😉

that is all

xxx

V

Why can’t we be friends?

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This isn’t the lyrics to the infamous Smash Mouth song from 1997.

I’m talking about being friends with guys. Is it possible?

Hmmm

I haven’t thought so for years. Rewind to high school: sophomore year. My honors english teacher told us that every relationship is built on some level of attraction. He said that guys and girls, that are friends, must be attracted to each other on some level. I took that to heart.

Fast forward to about four years ago when I read C. S. Lewis’s “The Four Loves”. In the friendship section Lewis writes that men and women have no business being friends. He says that friendships between men and women will end in one of two ways: romantic love between the two people, or one person falling for the other romantically, and the other not reciprocating.

I have ALWAYS had this experience with the opposite sex. Which is why I take the liberty of not keeping in contact with guys who seem to have a crush on me.

I always thought I was quoting Gandalf from Lord of the Rings when I say “do not shed light where there is no hope” in reference to my decision to not talk to guys I’m not interested in romantically. Though I just googled that quote and it doesn’t seem to exist. I swear it’s somewhere in the LOTR or possibly the Hobbit. Oh well!

Point is, what business do I have talking to fellows one on one, building relationships, pouring in time and energy, if they seem to be interested in me, but I have no interest in them? Hmmmm

That’s what it is you know: energy. We only have so much energy to give out day to day. We only have so much time to put forth in our relationships. We can only juggle so many relationships as it is outside of working and sleeping, socializing, hobbying, family and friends. Especially when it comes to the opposite gender.

Think about it: why cultivate a relationship with someone that you KNOW is interested in you but you have little to no interest in them? I think where some people go wrong here is that they enjoy the flattery. It is flattering to be liked. To be wanted. To be admired. It’s nice when someone thinks we are cool and pretty and fun. So when they’re giving us attention that we want to get from somebody but there isn’t anybody else giving it, it’s natural and easy to accept the attention and roll with the conversations.

It can be hard to be direct with people about feelings though, even though we all have direct access to each other almost 24-7 with cellular phones. But communicating real feelings is a whole nother topic. And people don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings these days either. Not saying that we should set out to hurt other people, but there is such a thing as letting someone down easy.

So here’s the challenge: is someone hitting you up that you know you don’t want to entertain the possibility of a relationship with? Release them. If you feel as if you aren’t leading them on and are genuinely enjoying your relationship with this person and feel as if the relationship is beneficial and healthy to both parties, then great. Carry on. Continue.

Before you do anything, pray about the relationship. Ask God to show you whether or not it is profitable to be in contact with the individual. God cares about our relationships with others. After all, our most important relationship should be with Him, first and foremost!

Nuff words for the night. Thoughts on relationships? Can guys and girls be friends?

xxx <3

V

PhD

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PhD’s bleed respect

They signify time, money and commitment

Dedication

Persistence

Determination

Depth

Passion

Perseverance

Pursuit

I don’t have one and don’t know if I ever will. Currently I am working to pay off my Bachelor’s degree in Psychology. At this rate I will be debt free by the end of 2019! Budgeting has been super fun and rewarding and I’m excited to have the goal in sight.

Once I’m debt free I can think about what’s next on my plate. Missions? More schooling? Master’s in biblical counseling? Writing degree? So many different options. Marriage? Ha I can’t choose that one though 😉

Well I sort of can, but it’s not something I want to rush into or do for the sake of doing it. That sounds pointless to even type, but so many people do rush into marriage and are unpleasantly surprised with the results. They expect it to be something different. They expect it to fill them and be their end-all.

I haven’t been married, but I know there’s only one end-all: Jesus Christ. He is the one and only being that can truly satisfy me. And it starts now. He satisfies NOW.

I am full because he makes me whole. I am full because I am victorious in him. I am full because I have peace with God. I am full because I know He is with me and will never leave me. He’s a promise keeper!

😀 😀 😀

kk off to go make $$$$$$$$ hava blessed Monday y’all~

 

xx <3 V

 

insomnia

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haha it is 3:12am and here I am. Which is funny since a few hours? ago I wrote a post called “tired” and expressed how TIRED I was. Since I haven’t gotten a lot of SLEEP this week. HINT

Yet… I haven’t been able to fall asleep! Like, I tried to sleep at 11pm. And it is now 3am. That is FOUR HOURS of not being able to sleep. I finally said fugghedaboudit I’m getting up.

So I just prepared my children’s lesson for this week’s bible study with Bible Study Fellowship. And now I’m on here writing about insomnia. Definitely just got distracted by facebook for the last 12 minutes. Now deciding whether or not I should eat something. Humm

I was trying to get caught up on sleep tonight and instead I’m getting even more behind! There might be two reasons though. Lol there are always reasons.

Chocolate is one of them. Like dang, I really shouldn’t eat chocolate at night. Apparently I can’t handle it hahaha that caffeine content is stronger than I give it credit for. Does that sentence make sense there? Ehh I’ma keep it anyway

Another reason I will share with you tomorrow. As in Monday. Hahah kinda weird and vague and I’m sure sOooOoooOo many people are in suspense right now hahaha cuz I have suuuuuuuch a huge blog following 😀 lol but freal I will share the second reason on Monday. It’s kinda silly

SO 3:29 hmm I just looked up some C.S. Lewis quotes on sleep cuz I swore he had a good one about just getting up and reading or occupying your mind in some way when you can’t sleep but I couldn’t find it. I did find a quote by him that is: haha what! I can’t find it now. Guys I’m not fit for being an insomniac. Or perhaps I’m the perfect insomniac. Well whatever, the quote was something like “you can’t love well or sleep well if you haven’t dined well”. Dude I was about to adopt that as my new life quote cuz #ilovefood #foodie

Okay so I just googled the quote without Lewis’s name and it’s by freakin’ Virginia Woolf! Ha no wonder I couldn’t find it before. But someone misquoted Lewis before…. hhaaha or there’s also the possibility that the quote was in a list of quotes and the first name was on the google article and I didn’t click the article, but saw Lewis’s name and the quote below and ASSumed it was him

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah it had to be that. I’m not afraid to admit it.

Alright go to bed you whackos! I’m hungry! Or is that tired… or both… I simply cannot tell anymore!

One does not simply feel hungry every time they are tired.

One does not simply feel tired every time they are hungry.

One does not simply try to catch up on rest by staying up all night.

Good ones right? I should start my own quote business.

hahahaahahah yikes I’m going to go read now and try to fill my head with intelligent things

GOOD NITE/MORNING! xxx

<3 V

Saturday nights are overrated

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So.

 

3 suicidal birds just flew at my window. Okay 4. Wow. Or it could be the same one four times. The latter is more likely I suppose. Anywho

 

Today was one of those days that freakin’ dragged on like an unconscious body that’s tied to the back of a wagon being dragged through the mud. Is it super weird that that’s the first analogy that I came up with? Haha I ask a lot of silly questions. I know it’s weird. Sigh. This is why I’m single.

 

JUST KIDDING

 

I’m single because God is preparing an AM-AZ-AZ-AZ-ing husband for me!

chachinggif

 

https://goo.gl/images/n48zkr

 

And he hasn’t come along yet. Simple.

Now back to my day. I checked my phone a lot. Have you ever checked your phone every five minutes to see if you have a message from someone and find yourself disappointed everytime your phone goes off and it’s not from the person you’re hoping? I did a little bit of that today. Which was a major improvement compared to yesterday when I got straight up pissed whenever the message didn’t arrive.

Here is the progression: check phone—> pissed —> sad —> hopeless mess —> DING!—> check phone —> even MORE pissed —> despair—> eats food —.> DING midway through chocolate bar; stops eating—> not the person —> CRIES AND WIPES TEARS AWAY WITH CHOCOLATE

 

Okay that dang bird needs to go away. Or maybe it’s a bat? Idk. Point is, it’s disturbing my PEACEFUL WRITING PROCESS ABOUT BEING PISSED OFF

 

Haha siiiiiiiiigh I love Saturday nights alone. Oh goodness, I sound like my mother. And for your information, I have not being alone until these very moments writing. I have been at Chick-fil-A with all the workers eating a solo, solemn, sandwich, and at Kohl’s picking up an online order so as to avoid picking things out in the store. And then to Trader Joes, where I always see somebody I know and doggonit, I did tonight too. Though my raging period hormones turned me into a strange version of Dr. Jeckle where I slurred all of my words and stood strangely with a canister of coffee in front of my chest like a Tyrannosaurus Rex might hold it with it’s tiny arms.

Yeah, another good reason to go home. Oh, and Wendy’s. That was the first stop that I made because 50cent frosty’s…. couldn’t resist. Ask me when the last time I had a frosty was. Fine, don’t ask. Probably 9 years ago when I gave up all fast food. And look at me now! I’ve come so far. Chick-fil-A and Wendy’s in the same evening! “Ohhh but Chick-fil-A isn’t fast food!” Come on, people. I get that you like how the chicken looks like chicken when you tear it open, but really. It’s fast. It’s food.

dont-lie-to-yourself-you-know-its-true.jpg

 

On a positive night. Note. I got to play a lot of guitar today. Which is pretty freakin’ wonderful. Though

 

My phone just dinged and guess who it wasn’t? Right.

 

Though, as I was SAYING! my right hand has numbness in my pinky and ring fingers up through my forearm. I believed it’s a result of a pinched? ulnar nerve which is up behind my right shoulder…. I tend to crush my right arm when I sleep at night HAH and then I wake up with a numb hand. Ha. Isn’t that great. Okay, I am so sorry. This is turning into a depressing post. Or actually it kinda started as one based on the title.

I’ve tried to train myself to sleep on my back, and I can even pretty much fall asleep on my back at first, but then I wake up with a numb hand and a crushed arm pretty much every night. I need one of those stretching machines from the Addam’s family where I can tie myself down and force my arms to be splayed out to either side so I won’t be able to crush them.

What do I have against my right arm anyway. This need to crush it is pure bullying. My arm can’t even fight back. I need to have a word with myself.

Aaaand there’s a sign that I’ve gone insane #pms #dyingalone #wordsarefunthough

Oh yeah, another reason why my hand might be numb is because I did a 15 minutes workout, DANGER DANGER watch out lazy people, a whoooooooooooooooooooole 15 minutes! aahahah

One of the exercises was “dolphin” pushups where you are on your forearms and then you push your butt into the air, kinda like an almost downward dog pose if you’re a yogi. If you aren’t your like what’s up with dolphins and dogs I thought I was gonna exercise

Look, idk who named these things, but my arm hurts, and I think it had something to do with that also, since I’ve suffered with elbow pain the last 3 years and have had to be very careful with doing ANY upper body stuff. AKA I haven’t really used my right arm. AKA I’ve got pancake arms. Luckily my arms don’t actually look like pancakes. That would be…. tastefully distasteful. hehe

9:29 probably should wrap this up. Tomorrow is Sunday and I’ve got Sunday school, welcome desk duty, church, then am getting coffee with a frand, then going to another more worshipful church, then a Luao cuz I know awesome people, theeeeen maybe a friends for the night.

Then to my cousin’s all day and night Monday! Then to work all day and night.

Then to a workshop on Wednesday… then maybe home for a few hours? Out to dinner…

Work all day and night. Work til 4, CAMPING NEXT WEEKEND!

So I’m about to be busy for the next week so I’m okay with doing nothing tonight. But I’m also kinda not okay with doing nothing. What’s wrong with meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

k no dings. I’m gonna read and go to bed.

Love to all! <3

 

V