Why can’t we be friends?

This isn’t the lyrics to the infamous Smash Mouth song from 1997.

I’m talking about being friends with guys. Is it possible?


I haven’t thought so for years. Rewind to high school: sophomore year. My honors english teacher told us that every relationship is built on some level of attraction. He said that guys and girls, that are friends, must be attracted to each other on some level. I took that to heart.

Fast forward to about four years ago when I read C. S. Lewis’s “The Four Loves”. In the friendship section Lewis writes that men and women have no business being friends. He says that friendships between men and women will end in one of two ways: romantic love between the two people, or one person falling for the other romantically, and the other not reciprocating.

I have ALWAYS had this experience with the opposite sex. Which is why I take the liberty of not keeping in contact with guys who seem to have a crush on me.

I always thought I was quoting Gandalf from Lord of the Rings when I say “do not shed light where there is no hope” in reference to my decision to not talk to guys I’m not interested in romantically. Though I just googled that quote and it doesn’t seem to exist. I swear it’s somewhere in the LOTR or possibly the Hobbit. Oh well!

Point is, what business do I have talking to fellows one on one, building relationships, pouring in time and energy, if they seem to be interested in me, but I have no interest in them? Hmmmm

That’s what it is you know: energy. We only have so much energy to give out day to day. We only have so much time to put forth in our relationships. We can only juggle so many relationships as it is outside of working and sleeping, socializing, hobbying, family and friends. Especially when it comes to the opposite gender.

Think about it: why cultivate a relationship with someone that you KNOW is interested in you but you have little to no interest in them? I think where some people go wrong here is that they enjoy the flattery. It is flattering to be liked. To be wanted. To be admired. It’s nice when someone thinks we are cool and pretty and fun. So when they’re giving us attention that we want to get from somebody but there isn’t anybody else giving it, it’s natural and easy to accept the attention and roll with the conversations.

It can be hard to be direct with people about feelings though, even though we all have direct access to each other almost 24-7 with cellular phones. But communicating real feelings is a whole nother topic. And people don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings these days either. Not saying that we should set out to hurt other people, but there is such a thing as letting someone down easy.

So here’s the challenge: is someone hitting you up that you know you don’t want to entertain the possibility of a relationship with? Release them. If you feel as if you aren’t leading them on and are genuinely enjoying your relationship with this person and feel as if the relationship is beneficial and healthy to both parties, then great. Carry on. Continue.

Before you do anything, pray about the relationship. Ask God to show you whether or not it is profitable to be in contact with the individual. God cares about our relationships with others. After all, our most important relationship should be with Him, first and foremost!

Nuff words for the night. Thoughts on relationships? Can guys and girls be friends?

xxx <3


2 thoughts on “Why can’t we be friends?

  1. I have female friends, but they are also friends with my wife. One should not have a friend of the opposite sex and then exclude their spouse. I have no problems talking with women because my wife is my only true love and my desire is for her alone. Unfortunately this isn’t so for many men, even Christian men.

    1. This is a solid point. I’m not married, but I definitely wouldn’t have relationships with the opposite gender without involving my husband. That’s where trouble begins!

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