12:49 am

and I should be sleeping right now. For the past 9 months this has been the story of my life. Ever since I started salsa dancing and staying out way too late, and also the beginning of one of my jobs caregiving for a night owl. So I go to bed late often. Usually it’s my own choice though. I have nobody else to blame but myself. Especially on nights that I go dancing and choose to either (A) stay in the parking lot talking and hanging out for hours on end or (B) stay at whatever event or club til ~2 in the morning and then hang out after til 3, 4, 5, or even 6:00AM.

Crazy talk.

9 months of crazy.

That’s the amount of time it takes for the human body to grow a baby.

So if these past 9 months of my life was growing a baby, that baby would be:

sleep deprivation, lack of clarity, stress, distraction, nap-time, procrastination, not being dependable, not performing at the top of my game, missing things because I was too tired to do them.

A trusted friend and mentor told me the other day that they were concerned for me. I asked why and she said “you don’t seem as level headed as you used to”.

I know she’s right.

That’s what not getting enough rest does to a person.

It makes a 26-year-old adult into a crying baby. A 9-month old, just-born, crybaby. That’s how I feel often.

Can’t get muh crap together. Am hasty/impulsive with my decision-making. Experiencing some anger. Selfish.


When she said that to me it was a wake-up call. Even though I don’t need to be woken up, I need to go to sleep. Ba-dum-CHHHHHHHHHHHH 😀 😉

For realsies though, I don’t want to be this way anymore. I want to get more rest. I want to be more dependable.  I want to perform well in all that I do.

So I am going to stick to my boundaries. And if I can’t do it, I’m going to ask somebody to keep me accountable for going to bed earlier. I am adamant about changing. I want to be more productive. I want to have more clarity. I want to rest in the Lord more. I want to be used by Him in all the ways possible. I have to do my part and take care of myself. I have to take care of this temple, my body, that He made me into when He gave me new life.

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20



So I prayed to God and asked Him to help me get more rest. And today I found out that one of my clients doesn’t need me to do her Wednesday night shift anymore. PRAISE GOD!!!! Now I will get good sleep on Wednesday nights and won’t be exhausted all day Thursday anymore! Praise the Lord!!!!!! I love quick answers to prayer.

Also I am going to chill at home Friday nights for the most part. Or be home by … 1:00AM if I do go out since I have work on Saturdays. I will give this more thought.


Okay, more later.


Goodnight y’all.





friday nights

so my friday nights are pretty low-key. I work Fridays and Saturdays from 9-6 and am usually pretty tired Friday night. And anticipating the next long day. It didn’t help that last night I went salsa dancing and then to work afterwards… so I didn’t go to bed until 2am.

I was tired today. Also, I walked/ran 4.5 miles yesterday. It was mostly walking tbh… I haven’t ran in a LONG time. I had lots of extra energy yesterday because I binge ate a bunch of granola hahaaaaaaa shameful but true. SO I walked and talked on the phone with several people I love! One after the other, not a conference or three-way call lol

So it’s 8:46pm and I’m almost ready for bed. I wish I had more energy so I could go salsa dancing later tonight (at 1030pm lol). I contemplated taking a nap and then getting dressed up and going. But my right leg is sore around my knee from all the activity yesterday so I’m gonna take a rain check. It’s for the best.

But as I was sitting here in my house, after doing a face and hair mask and showering. And doing dishes/ boiling eggs for future meals, I contemplated the silence.






I had dinner with a friend yesterday and told her about my dreams and goals. To write, to produce music, to make videos. She said ” are you too busy or are you just distracted?”.


Well. I am a pretty busy gal.

But she has a point.

Part of my busyness is a distraction.

And then there’s the whole not-making-good-use-of-my-free-time.

Though I must have grace for myself becAUSE years ago I couldn’t do all the things I am doing now consistently because I was getting sick all the time. That was thanks to my eating disorder. Praise God for delivering me from the horrific relationship I had with food back then!

The only thing left to learn is portion control/not overeating. I’m getting there 😉

It’s taken a long time, but I’ve come a LONG way. Praising God!!!!!!!!

Anyway. I am a very hasty individual sometimes. I want to be the BEST. NOW! I run into things and then give up when it gets hard or falls apart.

When I’ve moved too quickly I throw in the towel because haste had made waste yet again.

But God is long-suffering. And He’s slowly transforming me to be more and more like Him every day. It’s a slow process. I mess up a lot and then cry out and ask “how come I’m still like this?”

But I’m not still like this. Like that. He’s made me a new creation. So before, I was stuck in a rut. But I’ve been moving forward for years. And comparing the Velvet the world sees now to the Velvet from years ago… is truly amazing. He’s turning me into a gem. 🙂 <3

It’s like at the end of Joshua when God makes a list of all of the battles that He helped Joshua win. There was a list of over 30 wars that they won with God on their side. Upon opening the bible and reading the list, one might think “why is this list included? Is it important?” And the fact is… YES it’s sooo important! It’s a long reminder of everything God did for Joshua and the Israelites. It’s proof that He was with them. It’s proof that He is for them.

Sometimes we forget what God has done and focus on what He hasn’t done yet. 

But when I look back on everything He HAS done it’s simply amazing.




Permission to rest. I’m giving myself permission. I don’t need to do anything tonight. I’m allowed to go to bed early when I’m tired. Or even if I’m not that tired. 🙂

As far as my dreams and goals and visions go: God is preparing me for those things. It’s all about timing.

So now it’s time for bed. 9:07pm. Lol

I wonder how long I’ll be able to sleep for……. 9 hours would be amazing!!!!!!!!!!! Make up for some of that lost sleep from last night.

Enjoy your night everyone.