ahh

I’ve missed being here. But I’ve been purposefully avoiding writing so I didn’t say the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Timing is everything

Timing

Time

Clocking hours at work. The more time I spend here, the more $$$ I get.

But time is so precious. There’s only so much free time… And I like to use it carefully. But I don’t always. Lots of times I squander my time

And then wonder where it went.

“Where did the time go?!” I like saying that when I am overloaded with unaccomplished tasks.

Or perhaps when something is sooooooo fun and I don’t want it to end.

Like dancing. I never want dancing to end! And the time just goes! Just flies by. I never look at the clock when I’m dancing. Unlike when I’m working. Or when I used to be in school and the time would drip slowly by like a slow-forming droplet on a leaky faucet

drip

.

.

.

drip

.

.

.

drip

.

.

.

Time used to drag on by a lot. Not now though. Time seems to fly by. Days and weeks cascade down the waterfall of my life with rushing force; while the pool of my dreams and desires overflows over the riverbanks and spills over into smaller pools nearby. When will I get to all of the things I want to accomplish.

“I don’t have time” I told my cousin today when she asked me how the book was coming along.

My pastor asked me the same thing the other day to which I replied “it seems that maybe God doesn’t want me to focus on the book right now because my plate is full… I just can’t find the time”.

I don’t think I’ve ever gone on looking for time like I’ve looked for my phone charger. If only it were a tangible item that I could stack up and keep in boxes or on shelves and access the store whenever I was running low or running out. Then I could trade it with other people for other things if they were desperate. Though I’m not sure what I would want to trade it for. Maybe love

Aren’t those the most important things. Time and love.

Time to have to spend with those you love, or to spend doing the things you love doing.

Though love would not be an easy trade, even if someone really needed the time. But what would that love look like anyway. Trading love.

I could think of a few unbecoming ways but wouldn’t actually trade time for that kind of love.

Real love is what I say I want but I’m not sure that’s what my heart actually wants.

Because real love waits until the proper time to be accessed. Selfish, self-centered, self-seeking “love” is not real love at all.

Real love trusts God, and is given by God.

Real love doesn’t pressure.

Real love forgives and doesn’t hold grudges.

Real love is flexible and willing to change.

Real love is dynamic. Like dancing.

Dancing is dynamic. Dancing is alive.

Real love is alive too.

Real love sacrifices.

Real love considers the other person higher than themselves.

Real love serves.

I say I want real love … but my heart tells a different story.

A story of wanting to be loved. But maybe not to really love.

Time and love.

If that’s what it’s all about, then real love must be worth waiting for. Love with the right person.

Don’t settle for just anyone. Some people are so ready to hurry up and get married that they don’t care who it’s with. Not I. I care. I know that much. Though I wish it were soon or I wish it was known that I would find it or that it would find me.

How much time do I spend thinking about love.

How much time do I spend thinking about me?

I would like to focus my energies and efforts elsewhere.

Lord, please stretch my time and focus my heart on the tasks that you’ve set before me. Help me perform well at whatever “post” you set me at. Help me fulfill my duties and help me not be distracted by the schemes of the evil one. Help me resist temptation and remember why you placed me in the places that you placed me in. Help me remember that it was You that placed me because you know better where I need to be and how I ought to be using my gifts. Help me not squander my gifts; and in asking that, I ask you to help me not squander my time that I could be using towards making use of the gifts you’ve given me. Amen.

Time for bed. 1:29. Gotta get some good sleep so I can have a great week.

Thank you Lord for rest and this bed and my laptop and so many opportunities coming up to enjoy this life and keep my eyes on the Lord as I worship, work and wait.

xoxoxo

<3

V